3. Orpheus

3

ORPHEUS

The thing no one ever tells you about paying penance…

It’s impossible to do if those you hurt won’t talk to you.

“Let it go, Orpheus.” My brother sounds as exhausted as he looks. There are circles beneath his eyes, courtesy of too many sleepless nights trying to hold Olympus together. It’s not working. All anyone’s talking about these days are the power shifts and the attacks on the Thirteen. I’m not as plugged in as I used to be, but even I can’t miss how bad things have gotten. A lot of people think it started with the stranger from outside the city, Minos, becoming a citizen, or even with Helen Kasios winning the Ares title, but it’s not the truth.

Olympus has been bad for a really long time. I just never bothered to notice until it affected me. Another sin to lay at my feet. I’m trying to do better, but when everyone I’ve ever surrounded myself with values the same shit I used to, it’s hard to get perspective.

Everyone except my brother. He might be Apollo, one of the Thirteen, but he’s not like the rest. He’s a genuinely good person.

Concern lances through me. “Are you okay? Has anyone—”

“No.” He shakes his head sharply. “I’ve taken Ares upon her offer of added security, and her people have more than lived up to their reputation.”

That hasn’t stopped our mother from worrying, but then one of her favorite hobbies these days is to worry about her boys. It doesn’t matter that we’re both adults. We’ll always be her boys. It doesn’t help that I’ve given her plenty to worry about over the last year. It’s a fucked-up journey to go from being convinced I’m immortal and untouchable and as close to a god as walks the earth, to…

Whatever this torment is.

All the things that used to bring me joy make me want to throw something. I haven’t painted in nearly a year. The company of others grates on my nerves. Not that anyone is seeking my company these days. Once you stop being the life of the party, you find out who your real friends are. I have none.

But my brother doesn’t want to hear about my petty problems. I drag in a breath and try to set it aside. “Have you made any progress?”

“Orpheus, asking about someone other than himself? Will wonders never cease?” My brother’s girlfriend walks into the room. Cassandra is a plus-sized white woman with red hair that draws the eye. I hadn’t realized my brother had a thing for her when I hit on her all those months ago. I wish I could say it would have made a difference, but I was in a dark place at the time. I’d like to think I wouldn’t have done it though.

“Cassandra.” There isn’t much censor in Apollo’s voice. He knows my selfishness better than anyone. If it wasn’t for him stepping in and giving me a much-needed reality check, I don’t know where I’d be now.

“I only speak the truth.” She bends down to give him a kiss on his cheek and shoots me a look. “You look like shit.”

“Cassandra.” Apollo’s tone still isn’t sharp, but it’s not happy. “Please.”

“Sorry.” She doesn’t even try to sound like she means it, and against all reason it makes me like her better. This is a woman who always says what she means, and fuck anyone who expects anything else. I admire that about her. I wish I cared less. Something else I’m working on.

“Things are as bad as they seem on the news.” Apollo drags a hand over his face. “It doesn’t matter what angle we try to take—this situation is out of control and only getting worse. They haven’t managed to assassinate one of the Thirteen, but it’s only a matter of time.”

Worry slithers through me. My brother has always seemed so untouchable, but the reality is that he’s only human like the rest of us. He could die. “Maybe you should step down. If we lost you—”

“Olympus needs me.” He says the words with the air of someone who’s repeated them often. “And besides, even stepping down now wouldn’t help. The public isn’t paying attention to details. They’re just as likely to attempt to kill me regardless of whether I still hold the title. Triton wasn’t one of the Thirteen, and that didn’t save him.”

“I saw the news.” I should probably feel something about his death—it’s tragic in the way that all violent deaths are, but Triton was a bastard and a half. I feel bad for his daughters though. “Are the girls okay?”

“Poseidon sent his people to secure the house and keep them safe.”

I swallow the impulse to ask him again to step down. He won’t do it, and we’ll just end up fighting. He’s probably right anyway, but the thought of losing him makes me sick to my stomach. My brother and I haven’t always seen eye to eye; truth be told, growing up, we fought more than we spoke. That doesn’t change the fact that I love him. He’s family.

I shouldn’t have brought my problems to him. Not when he’s dealing with so much shit right now. I clear my throat. “There’s a way out. You’ll find it. You’re too damned smart not to.”

“Maybe.”

“You will,” Cassandra says from where she’s pouring a large glass of wine in the kitchen. She eyes me. “But that means he doesn’t have time for your…whatever is happening right now. Let the grown-ups deal with grown-up things.”

Cassandra is as mean as a snake. Everyone in Olympus lies as easily as they breathe, but she’s turned the truth into a weapon to be wielded, and she does it with a viciousness that awes me. The only person who seems exempt from her cutting remarks is my brother. They’re two of the most practical people I know, and when they look at each other, they go all soft and sweet.

I’m jealous, if I’m going to be honest. I had a chance at happiness, and I fucked it all up. That doesn’t stop me from glaring at her. “I’m twenty-six. I’m not a child.”

“Then stop acting like one.”

I open my mouth to snap back, but…she’s right. I shouldn’t have come here asking Apollo for favors again. He has enough on his plate. Old habits die hard. I push to my feet. “Sorry to bother you.”

My brother sighs. “Orpheus, I know you want to make things right, but I meant what I said a few weeks ago. Sometimes making things right looks like letting things go. I delivered your message to Eurydice. If she hasn’t reached out by now, she’s likely decided not to.”

He’s right. I know he’s right. But the thought of letting Eurydice go…

It’s what I should do. I know it’s what I should do. I wronged her by more than simply breaking her heart. I put her in literal danger without realizing it. If I hadn’t been so focused on myself and my own ambitions and, fuck, my pretentious art, I would have realized exactly how fucked up it was that the last Zeus—a known killer—asked me to arrange for my girlfriend, the daughter of his enemy, to be in a certain place at a certain time.

Unforgivable.

I feel like I’m half a man lately. I realize that isn’t Eurydice’s problem, but…

Damn it, I’m doing it again.

I shake my head sharply. “Sorry. You’re both right. I shouldn’t have asked again.” I promised Apollo that I’d do better, and I’ve been working on it, but I’m starting to lose hope that I’ll actually become the man he wants me to be.

When he first cut me off, I was furious with him. I was a righteous and entitled little shit who I want to reach back through time and punch in the face. Since then, I’ve gotten a job that isn’t selling my art—mostly because I’m not capable of making art right now—and moved into a small, more affordable place. No matter what else I fucked up, I had managed to save up quite the little nest egg, so I don’t technically need to work to live for a bit. I still prefer to.

It keeps me busy.

“Orpheus.” Apollo meets my gaze directly. “Be careful going home tonight. The streets aren’t as safe as they used to be.”

“I will.” I nod to Cassandra. “Have a good rest of your night.”

Cassandra sighs. “You don’t have to run off. You can stay for dinner if you’d like.”

As much as part of me would love to do exactly that, staying means witnessing something that I’m starting to believe I’ll never have. My brother deserves to be happy, and I’m genuinely glad he found that with Cassandra. It doesn’t change the fact that being in their presence actively hurts. Maybe at some point in the future, I’ll be able to watch Apollo be in love without feeling like I’m choking on jealousy.

Maybe.

“I’m good. Thanks though.” I leave before they can offer again. It’s especially jarring that it’s Cassandra doing it. She doesn’t like me, but she pities me. That’s how pathetic I am these days.

I take the elevator down and hurry through the lobby to step out onto the street. The first bite of winter is in the air. It will be some time before it fully sinks its claws into Olympus, but it’s coming. I’m not overly superstitious, but considering how the last year has gone, I can’t help a shiver of foreboding.

The city has changed.

Evidence of it is there in the way the few people out on the street hurry past with their heads down. Apollo lives in the center of the upper city, and up until a month ago, it had a rich nightlife. Now, businesses are closing not too long after nightfall. There isn’t a citywide curfew, but there might as well be.

The threat of violence hangs heavy.

I duck my head and pick up my pace. There’s no one around to have their eyes on me, but I feel watched nonetheless. Hunted. I’m not even one of the Thirteen. No one benefits from killing me in a ritualistic assassination. Then again, no one benefitted from killing Triton either, and that didn’t save him.

Despite my unease, I make it back to my apartment without issue. That doesn’t stop me from throwing the deadbolt as soon as I’m through the door. I also can’t quite stop myself from doing a quick circuit of the small space.

It doesn’t take long. I downgraded from a large penthouse suite to a studio apartment. I look behind the couch and check the bathroom, finding nothing. Of course I find nothing. I can’t help feeling like a fool for even considering someone might be lying in wait, but that feeling of being watched is still riding me hard.

I scrub the back of my neck. “What the fuck?”

A knock on my door makes me curse and flinch. I stare at the door for a long moment, half-sure I imagined it. There’s no reason for anyone to be visiting me right now. I lost pretty much every “friend” I had when Apollo cut me off and I stopped being the life of the party.

The knock comes again, a quiet, forceful sound that makes my skin prickle. The foreboding that rode me so hard on my way here comes back with interest. I really, truly do not want to open that door. It doesn’t matter. They obviously aren’t going away until I answer. I walk to the door, take a fortifying breath, and open it.

Only to freeze. “What are you doing here?”

Charon Ariti stands there, his shoulders taking up the narrow hallway, his expression carefully blank. We’ve never met in an official capacity, but one of the side effects of Hades coming to light—and marrying society darling Persephone—was that MuseWatch turned their hungry gaze on those around him. They ran articles on all of his subordinates they could divine, and Charon was top of the list.

He’s a big white man with a handsome face that feels kind of timeless, like he might be found in the back alleys of the lower city, or perhaps bashing his shield into some guy’s face back in the Middle Ages. Dude has soldier basically tattooed on his forehead.

I step back instinctively, and he moves into my apartment without hesitation. He takes in the place with an unreadable look and waits for me to close the door.

I don’t move. “If you’re here to beat the shit out of me, just know I’m partial to my good looks and I’ll fold immediately.”

Charon exhales harshly. “If I was going to beat the shit out of you, I would have done it back in December.”

Back when Eurydice was hurt because of my selfishness.

I shut the door. “I deserve it.”

“I’m aware.” He looks around the room again. “Seems you’re paying penance all the same.”

What’s that supposed to mean? I laugh without any humor. “Yes, absolutely. Living in a nice apartment with a steady job is penance. Sure.”

He seems to be studying the paintings I’ve stacked haphazardly against the wall. I can’t bear to throw them away, but treating them with care feels like…too much. “So. She’s haunting you the same way you’re haunting her.”

Haunted. Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. My sins dog my steps, a shadow I can never escape. Guilt is a nettle cloak I can’t shrug out of. I’ve convinced myself that talking to Eurydice, apologizing to her, will be enough to bury my demons, but the longer this goes on, the less sure I am. “It doesn’t really matter who’s haunting who. If you haven’t come to beat the shit out of me…why are you here?”

Charon turns back to face me, his blue eyes cold. “I meant what I said about you haunting her. She can’t move on until she makes peace with you.”

“Move on?” I stare. Why the fuck does he care if she…? Oh. Oh. Pain lashes me, hot and furious. I want to be jealous, to be angry, but all I get is a crushing force that makes me weave on my feet. “She wants to move on with you.”

“If you really want what’s best for her, that wouldn’t bother you.” He holds my gaze. “You held her carelessly and shattered her. I won’t make the same mistake.”

I want to rail at him. To tell him to fuck right off and never return. I don’t move, don’t speak. He’s not saying anything I haven’t thought myself. Oh, I never imagined Eurydice moving on with someone like him, but eventually she had to move on, and it was never going to be with me. I had my chance with her, had the opportunity to treat her the way she deserved, and I fucked it up.

I take a breath that feels like knives in my lungs. “Let me apologize. I know it doesn’t mean much, but maybe it will put things to rest once and for all.”

“It’s not safe for her in the upper city. Find your way to the lower city and make it right. You owe her that much.” He turns toward the door.

My shock shatters. “Wait. There’s a barrier between the upper city and lower city. How am I supposed to get through it?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” He leaves my apartment, closing the door softly behind him.

I stare for a long moment and curse. “What the fuck was that?”