2. Charon

2

CHARON

I should stop. It was never supposed to get this far. My feelings for this woman have been complicated since the first time I saw her, left sobbing and bloody on the wrong side of the River Styx, a lure Hades couldn’t resist. She was the weapon the last Zeus used, to start what could have become a war that claimed the people I care most about in this world. For that reason alone, I should have hated her.

Growing up in the lower city, you learn quickly that people from the upper city aren’t to be trusted. Their values are not our values, and the entire history of Olympus is proof that when push comes to shove, those in the lower city are the first to be offered up as collateral damage. At first glance, she was exactly like the rest of them, dressed to the nines and playing games that would get other people killed.

But all it took was one conversation for me to make my peace with the fact that no one could hate Eurydice. It’s not just that she’s beautiful, though she is. She’s tall and lean to the point of being delicate, with long wavy dark hair, big dark eyes, and smooth light-brown skin. But it’s more than that. Her beauty goes soul deep. I didn’t intend to set myself up as her personal protector, as her confidant, as her…friend. It just happened. I value her friendship.

How I’m touching her right now is not friendly in the least.

Even as I tell myself to let her go, to step back and put the careful distance between us that I always maintain, I…don’t. I can’t when her words are ricocheting around inside my skull.

Unless you plan on fucking me, get out of my way.

I haven’t stopped to think from the moment I got the text from Hypnos informing me that Eurydice had arrived at the club without me—a clear violation of our agreement. Even as I came down here, taking the route through the big house owned by Hades and Persephone, I had half convinced myself that she just wandered in out of curiosity. She’s a curious woman, and if she’s been more tentative expressing it in the past, it was a good thing that she was taking this step on her own without me as her security blanket. Even if I like being that security blanket.

Then I saw her with Thanatos.

Saw him kiss her. Saw him stroke her breast with the backs of his fingers. Saw the intention written in every line of their bodies.

That was my cue to turn around and leave. I might have become Eurydice’s unofficial protector, but she’s an adult, and like she said, she’s more than capable of choosing her own bedmates. When it comes to that sort of thing, Thanatos isn’t a bad candidate. He’s kind and thoughtful, and he loves to spoil his partners. He wouldn’t hurt her or scare her. He’s a solid choice to rebound from that mess with Orpheus.

I know that. But it was like some demon took over my body. I didn’t make a choice to interrupt them. Just like I didn’t make a choice to pin her against my chest like this. It just…happened.

Now is the time to retreat, to make our individual excuses and let this moment, pregnant with the possibility of changing things between us forever, go.

I don’t.

Instead, I wait for her answer.

Eurydice is so tense, she’s practically a statue in my arms. Just when reason has kicked in enough to tell me to release her, she relaxes against me. It feels so good to have her in my arms, to be holding her, that my brain actually shorts out. I can’t move. I can barely breathe. I want this and I don’t, and my shit is so twisted up that I don’t know what I’m doing.

“We can’t do this.” Her voice is barely loud enough to be heard above the music, but I’m so attuned to her right now, I’d bet she could whisper and I’d still pick up the words.

She’s right. It’s a mistake. I care about this woman too much to fuck this up, and releasing the permanent choke hold I keep on my desire will ruin things. She’s stronger than anyone gives her credit for, but that doesn’t mean I won’t crush her by accident. I’ve been very careful to keep myself leashed.

Until now.

“That’s your choice.” I barely speak loud enough to be heard over the throbbing music. “It’s always been your choice.”

She shudders out a breath. “I care about you, Charon. I don’t want things to change, but just because we are…friends…doesn’t mean you get to tell me what to do. Even if we were more, you still don’t get to make those choices for me.”

I know she’s right, but that doesn’t stop me going tense at her words. It doesn’t stop my response from ripping free. “If we were more, you wouldn’t be trying to ride someone else’s cock without talking to me first.”

She turns, and I loosen my hold on her just enough to allow it. I don’t release her though. I don’t think I’m capable of it right now.

Eurydice stares into my eyes. Her brows draw together. “That seems to imply you wouldn’t mind me fucking other people as long as we discussed it first.”

I’ve had plenty of nontraditional relationships in the past. I figure as long as everyone is on the same page and consenting, that’s all that matters. That looks a little different with each relationship.

With her?

I cup her hips. Part of me can barely believe I’m touching her like this. Talking about this. “Getting ahead of yourself. You haven’t fucked me yet, and you’re already talking about fucking others.”

Her gaze drops to my lips. “You’ve become one of my best friends, and I won’t pretend that I don’t want you. But…that’s all I can offer you. Sex. I don’t have it in me to give anything else.”

Gods, she has no idea how much I want her in my bed. If I cared about her any less, I wouldn’t hesitate. That’s the problem though. I’m trapped between what I want and what she needs. “I care about you too much. It would never just be sex with us.”

“I know.” She smiles, and the misery in the expression breaks my fucking heart. I need to release her right now, but I can’t quite make myself break this moment. Not when it’s looking like it will be both first and last. She presses her hands to my chest. “I care about you too. But…”

I don’t want to say his fucking name, don’t want to bring another person into this conversation, but the truth is that the shadow of him follows her around like some damned curse. “Orpheus.”

She nods, her dark eyes sad. “Orpheus. I know it’s pathetic and cliché, but the way things ended has prevented any kind of closure. I don’t particularly want to go to the upper city and force a conversation, because I don’t think that’s fair either, but my heart is more than bruised, Charon. You deserve someone whole and healthy.”

I can’t decide if I’m proud of her or want to put her over my knee. “You want a clear explanation of intentions? Very well.” I slide my hands down to cup her ass and pull her even tighter against me. “I’ve done right by you, Eurydice. I’ve given you space to figure your shit out and start to heal. I haven’t pressured you, and I’ve done my damnedest to keep my attraction to you hidden.”

She blinks. “But?”

“But you threw this gauntlet at my feet, and now you have a choice. You don’t get to decide what I deserve. I’m the only one who can do that. I’m not expecting you to be without scars, baby. No one is. But I’m offering you all of me. Heart. Body. Soul. You said you care about me. Let’s give this a shot.” I shouldn’t have let the pet name slip, but I’m laying it all out on the table right now. No reason to hold back.

She tenses. “Charon, that’s too much. That’s not fair. You’re asking for everything.”

“It’s doesn’t have to be everything.” It kills me to say it. I never thought she’d give me any indication that she might want me as much as I want her. Now, she’s done it and we’re teetering on the edge of ruin. Fuck that. If I have to smother every bit of my attraction to her in order to keep her in my life, I’ll do it. I take a deep breath and tell myself to let her go. I can’t quite make my hands obey. “If you don’t want me like that, then this won’t happen again. I’ll go back to being your safe friend.”

“My safe friend,” she echoes. “Just like that. You’ll stand back and let me fuck other people.”

It’ll kill me to do it. “If that’s what it takes.” I realize I still have my hands full of her ass, but I can’t quite make myself let go. This might be the last chance I get to touch her like this. “Take the leap with me, baby. We can figure things out on our way down. We already have a strong-as-shit foundation of caring and mutual respect. I love you.” I’m making a mistake. This is too much, too fast.

But I still don’t take the words back.

Eurydice opens her mouth but pauses. She takes a deep breath and releases my neck. It requires everything I have to let go of her. The small step she takes away from me feels like a part of my body being shredded.

I know what she’s going to say before she shakes her head slowly. “I’m sorry, Charon. I can’t.”

Loss threatens to take me out at the knees, but I somehow manage to stay standing. “I understand.”

“No, I don’t think you do. I love you too.” She lifts her hands like she’ll touch me again but stops before she makes contact. “But I can’t be with you like you need—like you deserve. I’m not capable of it.”

I don’t want to get what she’s saying. It would be so much simpler if I didn’t. But I know this woman. After a year, I won’t pretend she doesn’t have the capacity to surprise me—tonight is more than proof of that—but I understand her. There’s only one thing that would put that look on her face. Or, more accurately, one person. I curse. “Orpheus. Still.”

Her eyes shine in the low light of the club. “I’m sorry,” she says again. “I know it’s been long enough to be pathetic, but things still feel…unresolved. It’s not fair to move on to something serious with you with that still hanging over my head. If I still haven’t shaken it after nine months, I don’t know if I ever will.”

I don’t ask her what she needs for closure with her ex. I don’t ask her how long she needs. I don’t ask anything at all.

I’ve loved Eurydice for a long time now. I can admit that to myself even if I can’t speak it aloud to anyone else. I’ve waited this long. If I have to wait forever, then that’s what I’ll do. “Okay.”

She looks absolutely sick. “If I could just talk to him—”

“No.” I don’t mean to bark the word, but I also don’t take it back. “You are not crossing the River Styx. No one in the lower city is. Directive from Hades and Persephone.”

Her nostrils flare. “My sister and brother-in-law do not rule me.”

“You’re in the lower city, so that’s exactly what they do.” She still looks stubborn, so I allow myself to lean in and speak directly into her ear. I don’t touch her again, no matter how much I want to. “You know what’s going on over there. It’s not safe.”

It hasn’t been for weeks, ever since the citizens of Olympus learned of the little-known clause that says assassinating one of the Thirteen—the ruling body of Olympus—is a way to jump the line of succession.

Normally, those positions change once every few decades when the current person in power retires or dies. Nine times out of ten, their successor is pulled from one of the legacy families. Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades pass to their eldest child. Those in power stay in power and the rest of the city has no chance to change that.

Until now.

The chaos is only growing with each assassination attempt. There have been dozens in the last month, and their frequency only seems to be increasing. That’s a problem in and of itself, because instability in the city grows in direct proportion. People don’t care that they aren’t following the proper protocol to actually take the title of the person they’ve killed. It’s chaos.

Earlier today, someone sank a knife into Poseidon. He survived, but at the same time, someone broke into Triton’s house and murdered him. He doesn’t even hold a title. He might be nearly as rich as the members of the Thirteen, but that’s only because he’s Poseidon’s cousin and his bloodline allows him to ferry people back and forth across the boundary that surrounds the city. There was no gain to be had from his death. That didn’t stop someone from killing him in cold blood.

If family members aren’t safe, then Eurydice is in danger on multiple fronts.

Her mother is Demeter. Her eldest sister is Hera. Her other sister Persephone is married to Hades…

It’s entirely possible that some fool with more rage and ambition than sense will try to hurt her if she ventures into the upper city. At least our citizens in the lower city haven’t lost their damn minds. She’s safe here. “If you need to talk to him, he can come to the lower city.”

“Yeah, right. As if that would ever happen.” She turns and walks away.

I watch her go like the fool I am. I can’t take the feeling that I’m about to ruin things between us forever. If she needs to see Orpheus to get closure, then I’ll make that happen for her. Even if she still has feelings for Orpheus after all this time, even if seeing him again will surely reignite those feelings. Unfortunately, it’s clear that she can’t move on without seeing him, so that’s a risk we’re all going to have to take together.

I just hope it’s not a mistake.