Chapter 48

Kendall

It was bad, really fucking bad.

“I should’ve been paying off that loan more aggressively.” Connor raked his hands through his hair before I reached over and stopped him. His fingers wrapped around mine as he stared at the computer screen.

“How much do we still owe?” Gage asked, crouching down beside me and rubbing a hand across my back.

“A lot. Like a whole lot,” Connor said.

“How much, Connor?” Van’s eyes widened. “How much?”

“Over a hundred thousand.”

“Fuck…” Van’s hiss was an echo of what we were all thinking.

“If we were just paying out Dad, we could take that hit, but…” Connor said.

They were also paying out my brother.

“I can talk to Finn—” I started to say.

“No.”

Each one of them said that about as firmly as they could without yelling. I blinked and shook my head.

“Even if we asked him to wait a bit for his payout…” But as soon as I said the words, I knew how stupid they were. He and Cheryl would be relying on that money as well. “Or maybe we don’t buy him out.” Connor’s eyes met mine, searching my face, and his frown deepened by the second. “I mean, fuck, the whole bakery apprenticeship thing is water under the bridge.”

“No, it’s not.” Connor turned around in his office chair and then pulled me down onto his lap. “It’s not. It was just one more thing in a long line of shitty behaviour and no one that loves you is going to be willing to subject you to that crap again.”

“You love me?” I rolled my eyes up to meet his, catching the moment when the thin line of his lips quirked up to an almost smile.

“You know I do,” he replied, trying to refocus on the screen, but I tilted his chin back my way.

“No, you love me.”

He paused then and the mood changed instantly, becoming less fraught and somehow fragile. I was gazing up at him and he was staring at me like we were the last people on Earth, but we weren’t. Gage and Van clustered closer, their hands taking mine, which shifted my focus. I couldn’t stop staring at each one of them, as if they were about to be snatched away. Perhaps that was what I was afraid of. We’d had a few golden days, where it felt like everything was falling into place and somehow sharing that with our bloody families threatened the peace we’d found. Well, not without a fight.

“Which is good, because I…” I’d never said this to another man ever, so I felt my vocal chords seize. “I love each one of you, and I’m not prepared to let us go down without a fight.”

“Say that again.” Gage’s tone had me staring at him. “Say it again, Kendall.”

“I’m not prepared for us to go down—”

“Not that bit,” he growled. “The other bit.” His eyes felt like they bored into mine. “The best bit.”

“I love you?”

I couldn’t even say that as a statement. All the excitement of tonight was nothing compared to this. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a precipice, the urge to just step off pushing me hard, but my muscles quivered, trying to keep me safe on land. Probably because there was a strange kind of surrender that came from just running up to that edge and jumping over, trusting that when I fell, someone would be there to catch me. So I straightened up and stared Gage in the eyes.

“I love you, Gage. Not as long as you guys say you did me, but… I wanted to. You were always so big and strong.” Van shifted restlessly by his side, then flushed when my focus shifted to him. “And I love you, Van. You were always golden and perfect.”

“She said I was perfect,” Van muttered. “I want that written down somewhere.”

“Was perfect,” Gage said, elbowing him. “Past tense, mate.”

“And I love you, Connor.” I felt him stiffen underneath me, but his grip tightened. “You were always so cool and smart and seemed to have everything together.”

Which seemed to be the wrong thing to say. He flopped back against his chair and let out a sigh.

“But then you looked behind the curtain and saw what a fuck up I am.” He raked his spare hand across his face. “Jesus, this must be such a letdown.”

“No.” I pulled his hand away, pressing my lips against the knuckles and just letting the warmth there bleed into me. “In some ways, it’s reassuring. I let a stupid prank stop me from doing something I loved for nearly ten years. People aren’t defined by the dumb shit they do, just how they find a way forward. You guys have bent over backwards to make me feel safe and secure since I’ve moved in here, so maybe now it’s time we work together to make sure we all feel that way. I mean, if we’re gonna do this—”

“We’re gonna do this,” Gage assured me.

“Then let’s find a way to do that together.”

When Connor shook his head, I thought he was going to say no and try to take all of this on himself. Instead, he let out a harsh sigh then straightened up, swivelling away from his computer.

“The figures are all here. Maybe a fresh set of eyes would help.”

A fresh set of eyes…

I fished out my phone and tapped on the screen, bringing up Barbie’s contact and putting a call through before the others could stop me.

“Biiiitch,” she answered. “How was breaking the news to the fam? Terrible? It was terrible, wasn’t it? Don’t worry about those fuckers. If they can’t accept the beautiful thing that is the four of you, then that’s their loss. We’re your family now.”

“Barbie—”

“We’ll do orphan Christmases here, or maybe at your awesome house. Sitting by the pool as the guys grill the meat.”

“Barbie—”

“But whatever. Fuck them if they can’t accept who you are. Fuck them and fuck that.”

“Barbie, can you shut up for just a second?” Blessed silence followed. “I need your help.”

“Commiseration margaritas? I’ll be there in ten.”

“No, I mean I need Alan’s help.”

I winced, knowing what was coming. Alan was intense when it came to finances. He’d offered to do an overhaul of my budget, sure he could find some slack that could be funnelled into investments or at least a term deposit account.

“Oh honey, I’m not sure what financial emergency you’ve found yourself in, but we’ll be there shortly. Alan!”

“What?” came a muffled reply.

“Kendall needs financial advice!”

“Of course she does. Are we going over or should I set up a Zoom call?”

“You are not talking to my bestie about her issues over Zoom. Grab your damn briefcase and let’s go!”

“Should we be bringing someone else in on this?” Gage asked as I ended the call.

“If anyone is able to get us out of a financial mess, it’s Alan. The guy is supposed to be a freaking genius,” I replied. “You wanted fresh eyes? Well, I’m bringing some in. Some that have knowledge about what’s legally possible.”

“We can talk to this Alan,” Van said. “It doesn’t cost us anything to listen.”

“What’re they doing?”Barbie whispered. She’d burst in, grabbing me in a big hug but Alan followed much more slowly. He looked the house over, an approving look in his eyes, right up until the point he spied the guys.

“So you’re Connor Woods,” Alan said, holding out a hand for my boyfriend to shake. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Haven’t heard anything about you at all, mate.” Connor reached over and shook Alan’s hand hard. “You are…?”

“Alan, Alan Rickards.” He flexed his fingers when Connor finally let go. “Barbie’s partner. Kendall has been a part of our lives for some time. She’s like a sister to me.”

“Ohh… I get it.” Barbie waved a finger through the air. “This is like when strange dogs meet each other at the dog park. They’re circling around each other, sniffing each other’s butt.”

“A real sister,” Alan continued. “One I care about deeply.”

Barbie and I looked at each other, our eyes going wide at that. Alan was always unfailingly patient with me, but I never expected this. He was doing the whole big brother thing.

“Not more than us, mate.” Van offered him his hand, staring pointedly at Alan as he shook it. “Not for as long. There’s nothing more important to us than making sure things are financially secure for Kendall.”

Apparently those were the magic words. All the stiffness left Alan’s body and he smiled sheepishly.

“Then we want the same things.”

“A beer?” Gage opened the fridge and handed them out, the four of them cracking the cans and then standing around as they took a sip, the mood now considerably warmer. “I’m Gage. So what do you think you can do for us?”

“That remains to be seen.” Alan slid his briefcase onto the kitchen counter. “I’m gonna need to see all of this year’s financials, if not the last few. Any loans…” He noted the way the three of them stiffened. “Maybe we should start with those?”

Connor went into his bedroom and retrieved his laptop and then they went to work.

“If you want to pay out both investors at the same time, then you’re gonna need to find some money from somewhere else,” Alan said.

“I know that.”

Connor’s arms crossed his chest, gripping tightly until I went and grabbed his hand.

“You could do that by saving on some of your overheads, like reducing your staff,” Alan suggested.

“There are blokes who’ve been with us since the moment we put people on,” Van protested. “Blokes who need that pay cheque to keep a roof over their heads.”

“Well, you could sell off some assets. There’s the tools, the vans—” Alan continued.

“All pretty essential to the business,” Gage said.

“Or there’s other assets.” Alan looked around at the house. “A four bedroom place in a nice neighbourhood with good schools near it. You’d be able to sell this for a nice chunk of change.”

“We built it in this area for exactly that reason.” Connor stared at Alan, willing him to understand. “So that if one day…” He looked my way and it felt like his eyes speared straight into me. “If one day we found Kendall, we’d have something to offer her.”

“Oh my god, bestie!” Barbie’s whisper became a little squeak. “They went Field of Dreams for you.”

But rather than grab her hand, I shook her grip off.

“You do,” I told him, proud of myself for keeping my voice even when I felt anything but. “You have a whole lot to offer, but that’s not this house.” I looked around it, seeing the kitchen, the living room, the pool beyond it and knew I’d miss it, but not as much as them. “I love this place. You’ve obviously put a lot of work into making it a great place to live, with the pool—”

“And the garden bed you were going to grow vegetables in,” Connor said. “A kitchen you were going to cook soup in. You started dreaming of a future here, one with us in it. I’m not letting that go, Kendall, I’m not.”

“We can sell the place, move into a rental, save a bit of money and buy another place at some point,” I told him, all confidence when I felt none. Renting was tough right now and house prices were skyrocketing. It was how I ended up here in the first place. “We don’t have to live here.”

“In someone else’s house, paying off their mortgage?” Connor shook his head. “No, not that. I’ll talk to Dad, see if I can reason with him—”

“There’s always a business loan,” Alan continued. “It won’t be interest free like the one you got from your father.”

“And how’s that going to affect our bottom line?” Gage asked, peering at the loan calculator on Alan’s laptop.

“Or I could connect you with some of the people I know,” Alan continued. “I know some investors who might be willing to come on board at a lower interest rate.”

“We shouldn’t have had yes day.” Where the hell had that come from? My mouth opened and words just came out. “We shouldn’t have gone shopping. You bought me not one set of cookware, but two.”

“Kendall—” Gage started to say.

“No, you spent… thousands on me.” My heart started to pound. “And you—”

“Will do so again.” Gage pressed his forehead to mine. “The look on your face… I’d pay twice as much to see you looking that happy.”

“But now we’re in the shit, and you’re talking about selling the house—” I babbled.

“We’re not selling the house,” Van and Connor said at the same time, glancing at each other and then me. “This is our home.”

“Then what about selling up?” Alan asked. “You could sell the business and hope the new owners keep the staff on. You’ve built a successful company in a relatively short period of time. Seems like you’re capable of doing that again. If you get a good price for it, you could pay out both of your investors and have a chunk of money left over to reinvest in the new company. You might have to go back to the days of the three of you doing all the work, but it’s a possibility. It’d resolve your financial obligations and keep a roof over your head.”

But it would mean losing everything they’d worked so hard for.

“That’s probably our best bet right now,” Connor said, nodding slowly. “It’s definitely what the lawyers want.”

“Whaddya reckon, babe?” Van asked. “Will you think I’m sexy, coming home all hot and sweaty and covered in dirt?”

“It’d just give me an excuse to wash you off every afternoon.” I said that with a lighthearted smile, but my mind had started to race. What if there was another way?

“Are you going to be OK?” Barbie asked as we walked her and Alan to the door. Hours had gone by and we weren’t any closer to finding a solution that made all of us happy.

“We’ll be fine,” I told her. “They don’t like the idea of it, but we could do just as well in a rental out in the western suburbs for a while. We could even rent this place out and find somewhere cheaper to live in the meantime. At least if we end up living in someone’s shed, they’ve got the skills to make it habitable.”

“Kendall…”

I was trying to make light of the situation, but her blue eyes filled with concern.

“We’ll be OK. It’s just…” Connor, that was what I wanted to say. We were in problem-solving mode, but he was in… pain. A pain I knew all too well, when the people who’re supposed to love you most don’t. “We’ll find a way past this.”

“We…” Barbie nodded slowly, her smile spreading. “You’re part of a we, Kendall. They are completely gone on you, but you’re… You love them too.”

“I do.” I glanced back to where Alan was still chatting to the guys, handing out business cards. “I really do. I think I always did.”

“See, I—”

I slapped a hand over her mouth and shot her a dark look.

“There will be no ‘I told you so’ happening here.”

“I informed you as much?” She wrinkled her nose at that. “I made clear that this was the case? Nah. I communicated that this was an inevitable outcome.”

“You see, when you talk like this, people might actually mistake you for being smart,” I said. “They’d be wrong, but still.”

She just chuckled as she moved in to give me a hug.

“It’ll all work out in the end.”

That’s what I hoped. It felt like a tiny little flame flickering in my chest. The guys had stoked it back to life and it just wouldn’t go out now. I squeezed her back and then walked her out to her car, waving as Alan and Barbie got in and drove away.

“I really need a beer,” Van groaned, but Connor turned to go back into the house.

“You do that. I’m gonna run the numbers again.”

“No.”

All three of them turned to face me then, their faces a mixture of quizzical and stubborn.

“What’ve you got in mind?” Van shimmied on over to me. “Something in the bedroom?”

“Yes.”

“I… can’t.” It seemed to take something from Connor to admit that, the words forced out between his lips. “I’m not going to be able to sleep anyway so—”

“Get your arse in our bed, Woods.”

“Mm…” Just a small little grunt from Gage had him moving towards me, something devilish dancing in his eyes. “I think I like it when you get bossy.”

“Boss them around all you like, but I need to work out what the hell we’re going to do.”

That was supposed to be the end of that, according to Connor, but it wasn’t. I could see he was stretched thin, knowing that horrible weariness that hits you so hard you feel like you’re drowning in it, only for the next wave to smash into you.

But he was doing this all wrong.

I’d done the same myself, frantically sat up to all hours trying to find a way to survive, make it just one more day, but he had something I hadn’t. Not the damn house or the vans or anything material, but this.

Us.

“You need to get into that bed, Connor.” His lips moved to protest. “I need you in that bed.”

His throat worked, but no sound came out except a long-suffering sigh. He shook his head and then strode over, sinking his hand in my hair.

“Jesus, Kendall…” That kiss, one born from hard, demanding lips, was as angry as it was passionate, taking my mouth as his, rather than claiming it, but it went on and on until we were finally forced to step back and catch our breath.

“Bed, now.”

I pointed my finger at the door and then caught a wondrous sight: Connor Woods nodding slowly before turning to do exactly as I asked.

I hadn’t quite believed it possible, not until he disappeared from sight.

“You know what you’re doing?” Gage asked me.

“Nope.” I shot him a rueful smile. “I’ve never been in love with anyone else before so I’m just winging it.”

“Damn, baby…” Van’s smile was blinding as he moved closer.

“Three single blokes living in the same house,” I said. “One of you would have to have a bottle of massage or baby oil, right?”

“I got exactly what you need,” he told me.