Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Holiday

I was just coming down the stairs when Danny walked in, looking gorgeous. Her hair was up, but she’d used her prettiest clip and had a button-up that fit her extremely well. Her pants were also tailored perfectly and for a moment, she made me forget how to walk down the stairs.

Our eyes met and her mouth parted as she stared at me. I’d put on the blue velvet dress and had curled my hair, pulling half of it up. My bangs were behaving miraculously well and I’d thought I looked pretty good in the mirror. But it was nothing to how I felt when Danny looked at me.

Eventually I managed to get down the stairs without tripping while Christmas music classics played in the background and more people piled into the house. Mom flitted around with a tray of hors d’oeuvres that I’d helped assemble earlier. Each year the party got bigger and I told her to hire caterers, but she always waved me off and said that she could handle everything herself. She could, but it took everything out of her, and she was always completely exhausted until New Year.

“Hey,” I said to Danny as she took off her peacoat. “Gimme that.” She handed me the coat and I grabbed it, forgetting why I’d wanted it in the first place. Oh, right. I was going to put it on my bed so it didn’t get lost in the pile of other coats that were already in the guest room.

“Be right back,” I said, scampering up the stairs to my room. I came back, a little breathless, to find Danny and my dad talking.

“Holiday, my love, can you give me a hand?” Mom asked as she swept around, distributing napkins.

“Yeah, of course.” I gave Danny a smile and then went to the kitchen to do my duty as a daughter.

I didn’t actually get to talk to Danny until nearly an hour later. She was situated in a corner of the living room with a drink and a plate of food and seemed fine being on her own.

I opened my mouth to say something to her, but then the volume on the music went down and someone clinked silverware against a glass to get everyone’s attention. I turned around to find Mom and Dad standing on the stairs, ready to make their annual toast.

“Thank you all for coming to our little shindig,” Mom said, giggling. She was glowing in a sparkly gold dress, her arm around Dad. They really were adorable.

“Here’s to a Merry Christmas for all and to a Happy New Year. Santé!” Our ancestors on my mom’s side were French Canadian, so she used that word every year.

“Santé!” Everyone said, raising their glasses. I didn’t have one, so I just sort of raised my hand pretending I did.

“Share mine,” Danny said, leaning close to me. She motioned to her glass and I closed my fingers around hers. They were warm. The two of us raised the glass and then didn’t know what to do.

“Guess we should both drink?” I asked.

“You first.” Still both clasping the glass, we tilted it toward my mouth and I sipped, managing not to spill any before letting Danny take a drink as well.

“There. No bad luck,” Danny said, and I let go of her hand, my fingers zinging with the prolonged contact.

“I think we should probably tell my parents about us now. Since she made the toast and everything.” Unlike with Danny’s family, I wasn’t going to stand up on the stairs and address the whole room. We could share with my parents and then let the word spread organically.

Danny nodded. “Sure.” She didn’t sound enthusiastic, but I grabbed her hand and dragged her across the room where Mom was arranging cookies on one of the extra tables she kept around just for this party.

“Mom?” I asked, tapping her shoulder.

“Yes, what is it?” she turned, giving me a smile that was tight. It was easy to see the stress around her eyes, but she was in her element. Mom loved hosting this party even though it took so much out of her.

“Um, where’s Dad?” I looked around and found him laughing with one of his brothers. I caught his eye and motioned for him to come over. He excused himself and joined us, putting his arm around Mom and kissing her cheek.

“So, Danny and I just wanted to tell you that, um, we’re together.” I should have rehearsed a speech or something, but I hadn’t.

I’d kept her hand in mine when we’d walked over and now I held up our joined fingers as evidence.

“Oh, Holiday!” Mom clasped her hands together. Her eyes were a little misty as she hugged us both.

“Congratulations. This is wonderful news. We’re happy for you both. Daniella, you’ve always been part of our family,” Dad said, and his eyes were a little damp too. Dad really did adore Danny. They’d always had a connection that I’d teased her a few times about.

“We’re very happy,” I said. “Aren’t we, babe?” I asked Danny because she hadn’t said anything.

“We are,” she said, squeezing my hand.

“Oh, can we get a picture of you kissing under the mistletoe? Please?” Of course, Mom would want that. Just as I predicted.

“Sure,” I said, tugging Danny with me right to the arch where the mistletoe hung.

“Okay, give me a second,” Mom said, messing with the settings on her phone. I went ahead and let her position us before turning to Danny.

I tried to reassure her with my eyes since I couldn’t say anything without my parents hearing.

She nodded back at me and then on my mom’s command, we kissed like we were supposed to.

This time it was different than in the car. Not as uncomfortable, that was for sure. It was only natural to sink into this kiss. Did it count as our third? I didn’t know. But this time it felt only natural for me to kiss her with no inhibitions and for one of my feet to lift from the floor and curl up behind me in the perfect pose.

To her credit, Danny kissed me back with as much enthusiasm, her mouth relentless against mine, pressing hard like she was trying to crawl inside me. I wasn’t opposed to that at all. She could do whatever she wanted with me as long as she didn’t stop kissing me. I’d grabbed onto her shirt to anchor myself and I knew I was wrinkling it, but I didn’t care. She had her arms around my waist, her fingers digging into my skin just on the right side of too hard.

It wasn’t until Danny pulled away that I heard the cheers of people around us. Oops.

My intention with the kiss had been subdued but convincing and we’d swung all the way to intense and borderline inappropriate. I had no excuse except that I couldn’t help myself. Every time Danny’s lips touched mine for longer than a second, I lost my damn mind. Forgot every plan and rule I’d made for myself.

Danny stared down at me, her breath coming in little gasps as if she’d just run down the stairs. Her brown eyes were wide in her face and she looked a little stunned. Probably the same way I looked.

“Sorry,” I said, not really sure what I was apologizing for. She’d kissed me back just as recklessly.

“I…” she trailed off. She closed her eyes. “I think we need to talk.”

She opened her eyes and my heart dropped into my stomach. This couldn’t be good.

“Okay, um, let’s go to my room.” I gave my parents what I hoped was a normal smile and winked at them before heading for the stairs. They’d hopefully think that we were going upstairs to fool around. Gross, but necessary. My parents had never been weird about sex, even when I’d come out. They’d made sure I had all the information I needed and had taken me to the doctor for birth control if I decided I wanted it. In some ways they’d been a little too progressive and had swung over into embarrassing, but it was better than the alternative.

Danny shut my bedroom door behind us, and I clenched my hands behind my back.

She was going to break this off. Right after we’d made out under the mistletoe and told my parents we were “dating.” Fuck.

“Just say it.”

Danny had been staring at my bed and turned around slowly. “Say what?”

“You’re going to say that we should break up. Or fake break up since we aren’t actually dating. Whatever.” I hated this. Why had I come up with this idea in the first place? She’d been right. It was a bad one.

“I don’t… Fuck, Holiday.” Danny shook her head and started pacing around the room. “I don’t know what to do with this.”

“With what?” I was thoroughly confused now. “It’s fine if you want to call this off. Bad timing, but I can just tell my parents it was a joke.” They would not get the joke, but if Danny wanted out, I’d do whatever it took to make her happy. I would do anything for this woman. That had always been true, and it would always be true.

“That’s not… I don’t…” She ripped her hand through her hair and yanked the clip out, making me wince. That looked painful, but she was going through something right now.

I stepped closer to her. “What’s wrong? You can tell me.”

Danny stared at my face with a pained look.

“I’m scared, H.”

The devastation in her voice hit me right in the center of my chest. What was going on?

“What are you scared of, babe?” I asked. The last word just slipped out of my mouth without me even thinking about it. How did that happen? I put my hand on her arm and begged her with my eyes to tell me what was going on so I could fix it for her.

Danny finally broke. “I’m scared of the way I feel about you.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“And how do you feel about me?” I asked slowly. She was going to have to spell it out.

“When I kiss you…it doesn’t feel fake to me, Holiday. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t real, but it feels real to me. I’m so sorry.” She started to cry, and I gathered her into my arms, pushing her head against my shoulder.

“Shhh, it’s okay.” I was still processing her words and it took me a moment to put everything together.

“Are you saying that you liked kissing me?” I asked. I’d never gotten a decent answer about the kissing situation.

Danny let out a pained sound and lifted her head. “Yes. I’m sorry.”

Why was she sorry?

“Because I’m going to ruin everything.” I must have said those words out loud because she’d responded to my question.

“Why are you going to ruin everything?” I was playing catchup with everything going on in her head. One of my hands brushed up and down her back trying to soothe her.

“Because I don’t know how to go back to the way things were,” she said, blinking away tears and sniffing. I wanted to get her a tissue, but I didn’t want to leave her.

“Hold on, let’s sit down.” I guided her over to the bed, my heart racing in my chest. This felt like one of those moments when everything was about to change, and my body was flipping out about it. If she was saying what I hoped she was saying, then both of our lives were never going to be the same from this moment onward.

Danny sat heavily on the bed next to me and I reached for a tissue from the box on my nightstand, using it to blot her face and give myself a second to try and calm down.

I didn’t calm down, but Danny had a moment to blow her nose.

“Are you saying that you want to kiss me?” I asked, my voice squeaking.

Danny nodded. “Yes. Yes, I want to kiss you so much I can barely breathe.”

Well. That was as strong a statement as any.

“Oh,” I said, exhaling. “Then we’re on the same page.”

“What?” she asked, tearing another tissue apart with her fingers. “You want to kiss me?”

Her surprise was fucking adorable. “Yes, Daniella. I want to kiss you. I don’t know why we’re sitting here talking instead of kissing except that I didn’t know you wanted to kiss me back. I thought I was the one who’d have to suppress their feelings.” I’d been worrying about it all day. Wondering how the hell I was going to hide my surprising and growing attraction to her.

“What the hell is wrong with us?” Danny asked, shaking her head slowly.

“No idea,” I said, laughing. It wasn’t funny, but it kind of was. A giggle burst out of my mouth and then I couldn’t stop. Danny laughed with me and soon we were falling back on my bed and trying to catch our breaths.

“What the hell, Danny?” I asked, turning to face her. She was so close, and she looked beautiful with her hair all over the place. Danny had always been beautiful, but it was like it hit me differently now after we’d kissed. Her beauty had an edge to it now. An intensity that sometimes made it hard to think around her.

“You’re beautiful,” I blurted out, as if my tongue had taken a cue from my brain.

“So are you. I’ve always known it but…” she trailed off again. “It’s different now.” She stroked a few stray hairs out of my face.

“Yeah, it is.”

I really needed to kiss her, so I reached for her face and pulled her closer. Danny didn’t stop me as I sealed my mouth to hers. Oh, yes . Kissing Danny was exactly perfectly right.

It truly was astonishing that we hadn’t been kissing before this. So many years of not kissing her that I was going to have to make up for.

This was the strongest kiss. The most uninhibited. Danny didn’t hesitate to move until she was straddling me and kissing me so hard that I could barely breathe. The only thing that mattered was that she didn’t stop.

The kind of want that I had for her was all-consuming. It was too big to contemplate. Too much, but just enough. Just enough for me. I could handle it.

I whimpered into her mouth and she moaned back at me. Our tongues tasted each other for the first time, and I was lost and found at once.

Kissing Danny was everything .

“Oh my god, I want you so bad it hurts,” Danny gasped into my mouth. She’d grabbed me and had started driving her hips against mine and had turned the kiss from something sweetly desperate to something harder and more intense.

“Fuck, I want you too, Danny,” I said, rolling my hips against hers and making her moan. I didn’t want to talk anymore. I wanted action. Specifically her action on my action until we both came. I’d never needed anyone this much in my entire life.