Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Danny

What? Where did that come from? I had no idea what she was talking about. I stared at her for a second before someone honked and I made the turn into the grocery store parking lot.

It was chaos trying to find a spot, and I focused on that instead of what Holiday had said.

I turned off the car and faced her. “What are you talking about?”

She pulled at a thread hanging from one of her gloves.

“I just…things have been weird since last night. Since the kissing thing and I wondered if it’s because I was bad at it. You can tell me, you know. If it was bad. I mean. You can.”

She wouldn’t look at me.

It took me a moment to follow her logic. She’d thought that I’d pulled away because the kiss had been bad.

“No. It wasn’t bad, H. I told you it was fine.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s what everyone wants to hear. That they’re fine at kissing.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say! Do you want me to tell you it was amazing and life-altering?” That wasn’t true, but I’d say it if it would soothe her anxieties.

Holiday huffed out a breath. “Well now you’re just trying to placate me.”

“I don’t know what you want!” I yelled a little too loudly, but I couldn’t help it. This whole thing was frustrating.

“It’s fine, whatever. Let’s just go in.” She stared out the window with her jaw clenched.

“Will kissing you again prove to you that I don’t think you’re a bad kisser?” This was the second time I’d suggested kissing and the last time had been a mistake. Why did I keep doing this?

Holiday swiveled around to face me. “Do you mean that?”

“I mean whatever you need to convince you that I didn’t hate kissing you.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

This time I wasn’t going to just give her a peck. If she wanted more, I’d give her more.

I leaned over and didn’t wait for her to stop me. She’d asked for this. The console was kind of in the way, but I angled my body so I could join her mouth with mine. This time I didn’t pull away immediately. I kissed her, trying to make her believe that she wasn’t bad at this. That her mouth was plush and warm, and she smelled incredible. That all of my thoughts turned to static when we kissed and I forgot everything, including my own name.

Instead of keeping my mouth closed, I opened my lips and really kissed her. Tried to show her. Tried to tell her.

She let out a little gasp of surprise but didn’t stop me. Instead, she opened her mouth and kissed me back. Tentatively at first, but then we both sunk into it and then we were truly and honestly kissing.

Holiday was not a bad kisser. Not even a little bit. She met me with a sweet intensity that was overwhelming. There was also a sense of rightness about kissing her. As if I’d remembered something that I’d forgotten. As if we should have been kissing before now.

As soon as that thought crossed my fuzzy mind, I leaned back, forcing myself to let go. Forcing myself to stop, even though everything in me screamed at me to keep going. To find out what sounds I could get her to make. To see what her tongue would taste like.

So many wild and dangerous thoughts that I didn’t know what to do with.

Holiday blinked at me, her lips swollen and pink. I’d done that. I was responsible for the look on her face. It felt like a victory of some kind.

“Do you believe me now?” I asked, my voice hoarse.

“Yeah,” she said in a dreamy voice. “I believe you.”

Eventually we got out of the car and went into the store. Holiday was responsible for the cart while I went down the list and tossed what we needed in the cart. My mom’s handwriting had always been hard to read, and she’d scribbled it in a hurry so there was a little bit of translation required.

Holiday sang along to the songs in the grocery store while we filled the cart. It seemed impossible that Mom could need even more stuff, but here we were. We did this routine every year and I should be used to it.

The two of us went through the self-checkout and Holiday bagged everything up in my mom’s reusable bags before heading to the car.

Neither of us had said anything about the kiss and I wasn’t going to unless she brought it up. Part of me hoped she didn’t. Talking about the kiss was dangerous. It might lead to all kinds of thoughts that neither of us should be having. The kinds of thoughts that ruined friendships.

Holiday and I had had our disagreements and fights over the years like anyone, but I’d never doubted our friendship. Never worried that I wouldn’t have her in my life. We talked about having rooms next to each other in the nursing home and swapping each other’s fake teeth as a joke.

I wouldn’t let anything jeopardize that future. Not even new and unsettling feelings about her. No matter what, she couldn’t know what was going on in my mind. I’d have to hide it until those thoughts went away and we got back to normal. It was probably all the Christmas cheer or something giving me these ideas. It didn’t matter. It just had to stop sooner rather than later.

Thoughts were still muddled in my brain when I dropped Holiday off at her parents’ house again and waved. I’d see her in a few hours at her family party. I hoped she wore her blue dress.

Dad helped me unpack the groceries before I was commandeered by Mom to help with packing up the cookies. Some were going to relatives, some to neighbors, some to who knew where. Every year I wondered how we would get rid of so many cookies and every year there was an empty kitchen with just a few crumbs left after the holiday. Like magic.

I took a shower and dressed in a nice button-up and slacks for the party.

“Oh, you look nice,” Mom said, nudging Dad when I came out of my bedroom.

I rolled my eyes and hugged them both, telling them that I’d say hello to Holiday for them. I’d also brought a box of cookies with me as a contribution to the party.

I’d never been nervous to go to Holiday’s party before, but this year I was. and I knew why.

This was going to be a long night.