CHAPTER 8

ajay

Nick's and my evil plot was working a treat. Kira was in her element dancing to the music by the fire with Dee and a couple of local girls Nick had managed to rustle up while I cracked open my second beer of the night in peace.

Dane had been in a mood about the change of plans we had sprung on him last minute and I felt bad about that. I knew this type of thing was not his scene. I mean, Dane could identify and name at least ten different types of cheeses which fitted perfectly with his monthly subscription to some wine club back home. A party on the beach with cheap beer and crisps was about as far from Dane's comfort zone as it got. Even if he had still managed to bring a glass of red wine down to the sand.

But I honestly couldn't feel bad about it. This kind of thing was something I had really missed since leaving Tassie. I'd had a close knit group of friends like this that I had grown up with and we'd had lots of nights just like this, guitars and a bonfire and a couple of sneaky underage beverages.

The night was warm and humid, the waves providing a rhythmic soundtrack, the sky awash with stars the likes of which I had almost forgotten existed after two years living in Sydney. I was feeling pretty good.

My eyes tracked across the fire to where Nick was lounging on the sand, the golden pops of flames making his eyes spark with life. He was wearing a grey tank top that really showed off his shoulders and those incredible biceps of his. I'd been so blindsided by his abs that I hadn't actually noticed his arms.

I'd met his best friends earlier when they arrived to help set up for our impromptu beach party. Rob was as down to earth as Nick, another local boy with sand and salt in his veins who had apparently known Nick forever. The two of them still worked together as apprentice builders.

As for Mateo, well, Mateo was another matter altogether. He honestly looked like he'd stepped straight out of the pages of a high fashion magazine, all ashy hair with blonde tipped curls, dark, moody eyes, cut glass cheekbones and a jawline to weep over, accentuated by that smooth olive skin. I'd actually done a doubletake when I first saw him walking down the beach like it was a runway in Milan, a white linen shirt open to reveal his impeccable tanned chest, matched with a pair of beige chino shorts. He might actually have been the most perfect human being I had ever seen.

Mateo was standing across from me now alongside his equally beautiful girlfriend who I think was maybe called Tate. She was as stunning as him in a simple blue and white bikini and skirt combo. T-shirts seemed to be optional accessories down here on the coast so it had been a somewhat simple task to ascertain that Mateo's chest was cut like glass though not quite as ripped as Nick. Must have been something in the water out here.

Nick was leaning back on his elbows, his golden brown locks set free as he laughed at something Rob had said. There was a girl on his other side, a familiarity between the three of them that spoke of many nights on the beach just like this one.

I had to admit it was a bit of a relief to see I wasn't the only one who was drawn to Nick. He just had that kind of charisma that drew people to him, his easy smiles and that laidback approach to life so attractive. I was a little envious of his ease with life whilst simultaneously caught up in the same thrall he seemed to place over everyone in his vicinity.

Nick's eyes suddenly found mine across the sparks of fire and I felt a twist in my stomach. I couldn't deny I liked having his attention, especially when his was so sought after. He sent me one of those dazzling smiles that looked so good on him and I looked away.

At least Kira seemed happy. She'd put on a hot pink bikini top earlier and had matched it with a little white crochet skirt that showed off the matching pink bikini bottoms. She was a beautiful girl, always had been but I found it difficult to look at her and feel anything. It made me wonder if it had ever really been there between us in the first place.

Dee soon broke away from the girls and made her way over to Dane, barely sparing me a glance. She sat on his lap and I used the opportunity to make a break for it. I knew from past experience that Dee and Dane wouldn't be much company for a third wheel and sure enough, they were soon locking lips as though they weren't entirely out in public.

I grabbed myself another beer from the esky and glanced across at Nick. Rob and the other girl seemed to have disappeared on him, leaving him all alone. It was the first time he had not been surrounded by a group of people all night so I made the most of the opportunity and made my way across to him.

Nick seemed lost in thought, his eyes focused on Mateo and his girlfriend on the other side of the fire, a little frown creasing his normally carefree face. He startled when I sat down beside him but his face quickly broke into his usual smile.

"Hey," I said, taking a quick swig of my beer.

"Hey yourself," Nick returned, taking my bottle and helping himself to a sip before casually handing it back. The familiarity of the move made something stir in my gut and I stared at the bottle for a moment, something else a little weird stirring deeper inside when I brought it back up to my lips for a taste. Right where his lips had just been.

Nick watched me drink from the bottle before looking away. His eyes returned to the other side of the fire, that little v back between his eyes as I followed his gaze.

"You know, if you glare at them any harder your face might be stuck that way forever," I chided. I knew I should have just left it alone but something about the way Nick was looking at Mateo and Tate had me needing to know.

He just grinned at me. "And I'm way too pretty to risk that, right?"

"Something tells me you don't need me to confirm that for you," I returned. Nick seemed to like that comment, his smiled broadening into a real one.

"You think I'm pretty, Ajay?" he smirked, knocking his knee with mine. "You've just made my night. The feeling's mutual by the way. And I wasn't glaring," he added, almost as an afterthought. "Just puzzling."

I hummed, leaning back on my elbows to match his casual pose as he stole my bottle for another swig.

"So I'm gonna take a wild guess here and suggest you're maybe puzzling about an ex?" I hedged, eyes following his to the painfully beautiful couple across the fire. He was beautiful enough to be on the cover of magazines and she wasn't too far behind. They were standing a little awkwardly with each other if I was completely honest. Definitely a new thing. But I could sense something more to the story what with the way Mateo was gripping onto Tate's fingers, his stance aloof and a little bored if I was reading things correctly. Tate seemed a lot more keen on him, twirling a lock of auburn hair around her finger while trying to get his attention.

Nick didn't respond so I pressed on. "Maybe something a little scandalous? Did she leave you for your best friend?" I was honestly just hedging here but I could tell something was up by the way Nick had been watching them.

A secret smile spread across his face and I couldn't help leaning in a little closer, suddenly desperate to know the truth.

"Thing is, the gene pool is pretty shallow in a small town like Espy," Nick said, head knocked my way like we were sharing a secret. "There's really not much use holding onto grudges out here or you'll find yourself pretty lonely pretty fast. You were right about the ex thing. But the ex is him, not her."

I knew there was meaning behind the words Nick had just spoken but my brain felt like a hand grenade had just been lobbed at it, waiting for the pin to drop before it exploded.

"Oh," is what I managed to get out. "So you're …"

"Gay?" Nick smirked. "You are allowed to say the word, you know."

I felt like I was peddling on a bike with a loose chain, mind desperately trying to catch up with the conversation before I made a complete fool of myself.

"Oh, I know," I stumbled out. "I'm not … I mean … I have, like, no issues with that or anything. I mean, I'm at the Con in Sydney. Pretty sure half the guys in my class are gay or bi or something rainbow coloured."

And the points for eloquent speech of the night did not go to Ajay.

"I'm just playing with you, Ajay," Nick returned, that real smile back on his face. He knocked his shoulder into mine and I took a breath of relief. "And I know you're not a judgmental asshole by the way."

"How?" I asked, confusion on my face. "How would you know I'm not judgmental?"

Nick shrugged casually. "Because I'm good at reading vibes on people and you, Ajay, are as sweet and openminded as they come. Kind of like a refreshing drink of water actually."

"Oh." Yep, still not back to anywhere near my required level of eloquence. But now my brain was slowly catching up and I found my eyes drawn back to Nick's best friend, the guy who looked like a super model straight off the runways of Milan and I felt something twinge in my gut. "So, you … and him?"

"Yep," Nick said quietly.

"Oh." My eyes flicked between the two guys, brain still in explosion mode as all sorts of images decided to present themselves to my flailing mind, images of Nick with Mateo, all that golden skin and the abs and pecs and who knows what the hell else? And why did I find that image so incredibly hot whilst wanting to completely block it out of my head at the same time?

"But why is Mateo with a girl then? Is he bi?" I asked.

Nick just let out a small huff. "No. He's not."

"So …"

Nick sent me an ascertaining glance and I found myself leaning in to him again, wanting to know. "Mateo has a very complicated relationship with his sexuality," he explained. "He comes from a very traditional Italian family who he's convinced would go so far as disowning him if they knew the truth. I think he's just trying to convince himself he can do a straight relationship."

"That's kind of sad," I replied, flicking my eyes back to the beautiful boy who Nick used to date. Mateo's eyes found mine, a slightly hostile if not dismissive cast to them before they landed on Nick beside me with a not-so-dismissive glance. "Is that why you broke up?"

"More or less. It's not actually the easiest thing in the world coming out to your family and friends. I fully understand and appreciate that fact and I would never pressure anyone to do it before they were ready. At the same time, I'm perfectly happy with who I am and I wasn't exactly all that excited about being shoved back into Mateo's closet with him. Especially because he fought against it so hard, like he didn't even want to be with a guy. I know he loved me in his own way but it was always there, that struggle. We had to be so careful whenever we were in public or at his parents' house and of course, there were never any sleepovers there. Mum and Dad were much more accommodating, so we spent most of our time here. But the stress kind of just got to both of us in the end."

I blinked away a sudden press of more images after Nick's casual reference to his sleepovers with Mateo. Images of two hot male bodies pressed up together. Where were these thoughts coming from and how did I stop them? I sucked in a breath.

"Do you think he could convince himself to be bi?" I asked instead.

Nick huffed out a small laugh. "Have you heard how sexuality is a scale? At one end you've got guys like Rob, straight as a beanpole even if he doesn't want to be. Believe me, we checked." Nick huffed out another little private laugh as his eyes flicked to his other best friend and part of me was intrigued. "At the other end of the scale are guys like me, exclusively about dick."

My brows raised at Nick's turn of phrase and he laughed and shoulder checked me again which I was coming to understand was his way of making sure we were cool.

"Most people sit somewhere in between or even move about the scale at different times," he continued easily. "Unfortunately for Mateo, I'm pretty certain he is up at the far end of the scale with me. Even if he's trying to convince himself otherwise."

I nodded, trying to follow along. I had never heard of the sexuality scale before. I thought there was just gay, straight and bi. Which of course made me wonder where I would sit on this scale. I'd only ever really thought about girls in that way before but now I was curious.

"What do you mean about how you checked where Rob sat on the scale?" I asked before I forgot.

Nick smirked again. "He basically dared one of us to kiss him to see if we could spark any kind of response. I lost the dare, or won, depends how you look at it, so I kissed Rob while Mateo timed us for sixty seconds. I put everything into it too but not a whisper of response from Rob. He was as soft as a bag of feathers afterwards. And yes, we checked that too."

Nick was smiling as he recited his story and I couldn't help flick my gaze between him and his friends. There seemed to be so much history and familiarity and depth to their intertwined lives and I felt a little pang of jealousy. I loved Dane but we'd only really known each other for two years. I didn't feel like we knew each other anywhere near at the level Nick knew his friends.

"So you just go around kissing your friends, huh?"

"I'm just that kind of guy, Ajay," Nick returned affably. "Always willing to help out a friend."

And there went my thoughts again, wondering if Nick would be the kind of friend willing to kiss me? Just so I could check if I had any response to him of course, maybe see where I sat on that sexuality scale. My stomach flashed at the thought so I tried to sweep it back out of my head before it took hold or got out of control. Something I seemed to severely lack whenever I was around Dane's older brother.