CHAPTER 22

nick

Making love, I was discovering, was an entirely different ball game than normal, regular sex. Even sex as good as everything Ajay had given me. Yes, it ended with the same reciprocal happy endings and the same blissed out feelings. But there was really no comparison in the way Ajay was looking up at me, those enormous, big brown eyes fixed on mine, piercing me with their intensity and emotions and depth and trust as I moved inside him, like his body was made to fit mine.

There was just no comparison when words and feelings had been shared, when we'd made this little deal between us into a thing. A thing that was real.

I had a feeling this thing between us was a hell of a lot bigger than either of us were rightfully prepared to admit. Hell, half of me was terrified of all the emotions that were currently pouring through me, that had been pouring through me since I had woken up this morning and found Mateo wrapped around me when I should have woken up with my brown eyed boy.

That was the first sense of wrongness I had felt. The other sense of wrongness came when I realised Ajay was not upstairs in his room. It almost broke me when I realised he was also not out on the waves like I half expected, his surfboard leaning up against the boat shed beside mine.

Only half expected because I knew he would have seen me on the sofa with Mateo when he came downstairs looking for me. And I was furious at myself for letting that happen, for having not foreseen that Mateo and I would have fallen asleep together the way we had done a hundred times before.

It was just that, well, things were different now and I had somebody else to consider, somebody else's feelings who were intertwined with my own. Somebody else's feelings who were entirely valid and quite possibly higher in priority and importance to me than even my own.

And then he hadn't answered my calls and I felt my entire world slide out from under me. It wasn't supposed to get this messy this quickly between us. There wasn't supposed to be this level of feelings and emotions so soon. Such deep … like.

But there was and I knew I had to deal with it, had to find Ajay and set to rights something that was too good to lose. Too good to walk away from. And he'd been so sad, so upset and so jealous. And so resigned. Part of me had revelled in the fact he liked me enough to feel jealous of me and Mateo but I'd known better than to throw that in his face. Not while he was looking at me as though his whole world had been turned upside down. Just like mine had been.

And now, with his gorgeous body underneath me, slotted perfectly with mine, me so deep inside him I wasn't sure I'd ever want to leave again, everything just felt so good, and so right, and so very, very real.

"Oh, Nicky," he breathed and I just bottled that sound up inside me, wanting to hear my name on his tongue as he panted and moaned underneath me, my name a prayer.

"Ajay," I rasped as he arched underneath me and then spilled all over my hand as I pumped him through his orgasm. I watched his face the entire time, so sweet and precious and beautiful, this boy with the face of an angel.

I was not done with him yet, wasn't sure I ever would be as I thrust harder and deeper and chased those breathy moans until I couldn't stave it off any longer. I followed him over the edge, pulsing and throbbing inside him until I had nothing left in me.

Only then did I collapse on him, a boneless, mindless mess of emotions and relief that this boy was mine. That I hadn't lost him this morning when I thought he might have walked away from me. I wouldn't have even blamed him if he had.

"Stay," Ajay murmured, his legs wrapped around my waist, me still lost inside him.

"I have no intention of going anywhere," I assured him, pressing a soft kiss to his neck.

Things shifted again for us after yesterday morning. The headiness of the first days of almost desperate, mindless lust had shifted into something sweeter, more meaningful. Sometimes a little calmer, though not always. Things still escalated between us like a match to a field of dry wheat, always ready to set fire at the barest of touches.

But there were also moments like the one that morning, where it was impossible to hide from each other what we were feeling. Where those depthless brown eyes of his held me captive and told me in a million different ways how he was feeling.

I was in so much trouble it was not even funny.

I was also in no hurry to share him with anyone else, not even my best friends. Of course, there might have been other reasons why that was going to be difficult but I couldn't dwell on my issues with Mateo right now.

I just wanted to revel in having Ajay to myself, so deep in like with each other. I was also vaguely aware of the big fat clock ticking somewhere at the back of my mind, letting me know with each passing sunset that time was moving in to swallow up our summer together.

But that was tomorrow's problem.

Today's problem was the fact that Rob and Mateo had rocked up again. Uninvited, again. I was sure they had thought I was crazy when I'd run through the house yesterday morning looking for Ajay before turfing them out before they'd even finished their coffees.

I didn't have enough fucks to give about what they thought of my state of mind yesterday.

But now that I had safely secured Ajay for a little while longer I was feeling more generous towards my friends who always knew they could get free beers and free food at my parent's place. This had always been our hangout spot for as long as I'd known the guys.

I was also not sure how many more orgasms I had left to give my insatiable little brown eyed boy today so a break from Ajay duty was probably in order.

Right now I was happy to just have an enjoyable afternoon in the baking sun, watching Ajay as he swam in the pool on the back deck, and have a drink with my friends.

Mateo was lounging in the sun on the other side of the pool in those leopard print speedos he wore, the ones that had gotten me in trouble with him in the first place, as his olive skin soaked in the rays. I could see his eyes were on Ajay too, watching him in the water, much like mine were doing. I could hardly keep my eyes off him, my gorgeous little nymph who was secretly all mine.

"So …" Rob was saying to me, leaning in with a wicked look in his eye that told me he was either going to bust me out about Ajay or share something about himself. I hoped it was the latter. I unhooked my eyes from Ajay for the moment, giving my friend the attention he craved. "Guess who hooked up with Kat last night?"

I grinned, seeing the very self-satisfied look on my friend's face. "Grant O'Ryan?" I guessed. "He's always had a thing for Kat. Good for him."

"Oh fuck off," Rob returned, rolling his eyes at me. "Grant O'Ryan, puh-lease."

"Who else then? I can't imagine who else might have taken Kat's fancy. She has notoriously high taste in men," I pretended to mull.

"Who needs friends when I have assholes like you?" Rob chuffed.

"I'm kidding you, mate," I laughed. "I'm happy for you. Was it worth the four year wait you've pined over her since high school?"

"I have not been pining for her for four years," Rob huffed. I just quirked a brow at him and he laughed. "Okay. Fine. Yes, I've been pining. But let me just say … Worth. Every. Second."

"Good for you, mate," I grinned, clinking my beer with him and noting how very happy he seemed with himself. "Do I need to save a date?"

"Who knows?" Rob shrugged. "I'd marry that woman in a heartbeat if she'd let me."

"Must be love."

"Oh, it's something all right."

"Well then, to many more nights of something all right."

"I'll drink to that," Rob returned, taking a long sip of his beer.

Ajay chose that moment to ascend from the pool and my eyes couldn't be anywhere else but on his body, watching as the water dripped down that torso I had mapped out with my tongue many times over, down to those light blue shorts. My mouth dried out as he stepped over to the little outdoor fridge and helped himself to a can of cider.

His eyes hit mine and he held up a bottle of the beer I was drinking. "Nicky?" he asked, innocent little creature that he was.

I nodded, pointedly ignoring Rob as he mouthed ‘Nicky?' at me, his eyes shooting back and forth between me and Ajay. Even Mateo appeared to have picked up on the innocent little quip as Ajay stepped towards me, no idea of the little bombshell he had just dropped on my friendship group.

He passed me the beer before taking the sun lounge beside me, cracking open his cider, completely oblivious to the way Rob was eyeing the two of us or the way Mateo was scowling at the ocean.

The deck was remarkably quiet as I sipped on the beer my boy had given me, not daring to look anyone in the eye.

Ajay's phone rang loud and clear in the tense afternoon and I saw his soft smile as he picked it up and looked at the screen. "It's my Mum," he said for me. "I'll be back in a minute." He stood and moved into the house, answering the phone with a kind greeting before he disappeared from view. I let out a breath, waiting for the assault I knew was about to happen.

"So, Nick-eey. You gonna tell us when you started boning the baby brother's best friend?" Rob asked pointedly.

"You have such a pretty way with words, Rob," I smirked, using my best deflection tactics. "Never change."

"How would you like me to word it? Are you fucking him or not?"

I just shrugged again, feeling Mateo's eyes boring into me while Rob waited on my answer.

"I thought he was straight," he continued.

"Assumptions are dangerous," I returned, quoting something Ajay had said to me once before.

"You thought he was straight too," Rob reminded me.

"And I was happy to discover that assumption was not entirely true," I said as casually as I could.

"Only you could corrupt a straight boy," Rob grinned at me. I lost the battle with my nonchalance then, grinning back at him as he shook his head at me. "Does the little brother know?"

"No, the brother does not know," I returned. "So let's keep it that way, yeah?"

I could feel Mateo's eyes narrow on me and I couldn't help looking up at him. I regretted my words the moment they were out of my mouth. Yeah, I knew how they would have sounded to him, like I was happy to keep Ajay's sexuality a secret. But not his. Not Mateo's.

Mateo held my eye for an uncomfortably long moment until he looked away, scowl firmly back on his face. Rob looked back at me then, a guilty expression on his face.

"Probably could have been a bit more tactful," I said under my breath.

"Yeah," Rob sighed, sitting back on his lounge just as Ajay stepped back out onto the deck, blissfully unaware of what had just gone down out here.

"Hey," I said to him, sharing a smile as he sat back down beside me. "How's your mum?"

"She's good. They're down in Queenstown and having a great time from the sounds," he replied, that sadness of abandonment he had felt earlier seemingly lifted. I wondered if I could take any of the credit for that. Was it wrong that I hoped so?

At least I no longer needed to hide my feelings from my friends. Of course, Ajay didn't know that they knew but that was okay. I was just happy I could ogle him to my heart's content and my friends would just have to deal with it.

Though as my eyes tracked back to Mateo I felt a little ping in my gut that told me I should tone it down in front of him. Nobody needed to see their ex happily moving on. He and I had always had the potential of being a really big mess and I was starting to see why it was a bad idea to hook up with your best friend.

I mean, yeah, he'd been the first of us to bring somebody new out but I knew I would never have feelings of jealousy or other complications over Tate. But I was finding it really hard keeping my feelings for Ajay on the downlow. I wanted him so bad I could hardly keep my thoughts off my face and the way he was looking back at me hardly helped.

At the same time, I recognised this complicated little relationship saga for what it was. It was the first time I had really thought about just how small our little town of Espy truly was.