CHAPTER 13

nick

I woke up with a crick in my neck and a gorgeous boy curled up asleep on my chest. Not a bad way to herald in the first day of the year all things considered. I hoped he couldn't hear the deep thudding of my heart as I watched him sleep, his face impossibly even sweeter and more innocent in rest.

I had expected him to go upstairs to his room when the four of us had eventually dragged ourselves back to the house, way after midnight last night. Or should I say this morning?

Rob, Mateo and I had made it to the big sofas in the living room before crashing out. It was no different from the way we had ended a night a hundred times before but Ajay, well, Ajay had crawled right up alongside me just like the way we had been together down on the beach.

As always, I tried to will my mind not to read too much into things. Ajay had just been cold last night and I'd offered him some warmth. Nothing more to it than that.

Which explained the beach cuddle. The sofa cuddle – not so much.

But oh how my body disagreed with my head. It was absolutely primed for him, always wanting him close by, preferably within touching distance. I hadn't been able to leave his side last night, hovering by him all night, buying him way too many drinks, making sure he was safe and having fun. Dancing to AC/DC and Guns n Roses with him, using the cover of the dance floor to touch.

He'd looked adorable covered in all the glowstick jewellery I'd made for him. And then there was that moment when I'd lit the sparkler for him and my mind had just imploded with how much I wanted him, mesmerised by his big brown eyes as the sparks fizzed in the air between us. Like, literally sparked. Unfortunately.

I'd been half a second away from just burning everything to the ground and kissing him. I'd thought about kissing him pretty much the entire night but the moment had never really been right until then. In the end, I didn't have the courage.

Besides, there was that ever present fear that I had no idea how he would react. I could honestly swear sometimes there was something between us but then he'd look away or say something and the moment would be gone. Maybe I was just imagining it. Wishful thinking penetrating reality.

Don't think about penetrating.

Not with his curls tickling my neck and my fingers gently caressing his bare skin right above the waistband of his jeans where they must have wandered during the night. Not my fault. It was entirely my subconscious's doing.

Ajay stirred, the hand on my stomach dropping perilously lower down my body and I clasped onto him before he moved any further and gave my entire game away. The movement woke him and he blinked his eyes open, shock flickering over his face at finding himself in such close proximity to me, not to mention the fact my hand was clutching his where it had landed at the top of my jeans. He quickly pulled his hand free as though he'd been burned.

"Sorry," he muttered, sitting up and taking all his lovely warmth with him. "Didn't mean to crush you into the sofa." That beautiful flush had crept up his cheeks again and I had to look away as that need to kiss him pierced like an arrow through my chest.

"I'm hardly crushed," I returned, trying for my casual smile that had decided to take a holiday.

"No, I suppose not," Ajay mulled quietly, eyes travelling down my body before he looked away.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, noting the dark rings under his tired eyes paired with the mussed curls. It was an exercise in incredible self-restraint not to reach out and touch them, run my fingers through them. Especially now I knew what they felt like.

"Like I might have drunk too much last night," he admitted, a sheepish smile on his face.

"Nah, it was New Year's Eve," I smiled. "Everyone gets a day off to bring in the new year."

Ajay huffed a laugh. "I suppose so. You know, I'm starting to wonder if you're a bad influence on me."

"Damn. You're onto me," I rasped, a little too much truth in his words. Ajay smiled, just a soft, sweet one that was stocked full of uncertainty and a hint of shyness, and I smiled back.

"Don't think I've quite got the head for a surf this morning."

"Nah, me neither. I tell you what, you lay back down on the sofa for a bit longer," I said, shifting away from him to pull myself up, needing space from him to cool myself down. "I'll go make you a nice, greasy breakfast."

"That sounds great. But only if you want to."

"Of course I do," I grinned. "Besides, those two will start making demands any minute now anyway," I added, cocking my head to the sofa where Rob and Mateo lay at opposite ends, still out to the world. Quite a contrast to the cosy little cuddle Ajay and I had apparently shared all night.

"Okay, but let me help you," Ajay offered, rising to his feet alongside me.

"You can help by keeping me company," I returned, clasping onto his shoulders and directing him to a kitchen stool and pushing him to sit which he did without complaint. I made us both a coffee and then started up the grill, cooking up some bacon, eggs and greasy hashbrowns, all the good stuff to soak up last night's alcohol.

The smell eventually woke the other boys and they both drifted into the kitchen. Rob sat heavily on the stool beside Ajay, looking slightly worse for wear as Mateo moved into the kitchen, straight to the coffee machine, looking completely fresh as usual even after a night on the town.

"I can do that for you," I offered.

"Leave the coffee making to the Italian please," Mateo returned, a little smile on his face. I knew better than to get in the way of Mateo and coffee so I gestured for him to continue.

"I don't care who makes it just as long as I get one in me pronto," Rob piped up from the kitchen island.

"So demanding for a grifter," Mateo eyerolled. "You want another coffee?" he added, eyes on me.

"Yeah, sure," I replied, focusing on the grill.

"What about your friend?"

"Ajay? Another coffee?"

"I'm good," Ajay replied.

I could feel Ajay's eyes moving between Mateo and me as we moved around each other, a familiarity to our movements that was not just to do with our long years of friendship. I couldn't read the expression on Ajay's face but I really wished I could dig into his mind sometimes, see what he really thought about everything.

I plated up enough food for everyone, even Dane who eventually trudged downstairs, his hair mussed in a way that was strange for his usually impeccable state.

"How's Dee?" Ajay asked, a hint of guilt on his face that had no business being there.

"She's fine," Dane replied, clearly still a little huffy about the whole ordeal. "She and Kira had fun at the fireworks. They went home straight after. You should call Kira. She's been asking about you."

"Mmm," Ajay replied noncommittally. I caught his eye, sending him what I hoped was an encouraging smile which he tried to return.

"Kira?" Rob cut in, deciding now was the time to engage his head in the conversation. "Isn't she your girlfriend?"

"Ex-girlfriend," Ajay informed him.

I felt Rob's eyes flick straight to me, eyebrows shooting to the ceiling.

"Is that so?" Rob asked. "Whatever happened?"

Ajay's eyes hit mine and I instantly went into bat for him, not wanting to leave him to deal with my gossipy friend alone.

"None of your business, nosy," I said, sharing a glance with my friend that I hoped conveyed my wish for him to leave it.

"Well, Ajay's a friend of mine too now so I would argue it is my business," Rob replied imperiously. I was about to jump back in when I saw a smile cross Ajay's face suggesting he might have liked being claimed as a friend by Rob.

"It was nothing overly dramatic," Ajay offered. "Kind of one of those things that had been a long time coming."

I ignored Dane's scoff, Rob's knowing look and Mateo's suspicious eyes as I tried to eat the breakfast that suddenly felt overloaded with unspoken words.

"So, are we taking the boat out today?" Rob asked, finally getting the hint.

"Absolutely," I grinned. "We have a long New Year's Day tradition to uphold after all."

"Brilliant," Rob beamed.

"You have a boat?" Ajay asked, eyes lit up in his too-gorgeous face.

"Sure do," I grinned back. "Although technically it's my dad's. You should come out with us. And Dane too, if you want," I added as an afterthought, trying to remind myself that Ajay was actually his friend. That he had the higher claim on his time than me.

"You couldn't pay me," Dane replied, ever reliable.

"Really?" Ajay said, his face dropping as he glanced at his best friend. "You don't like going out on the boat?"

"I can't really think of a worse way to spend a day," Dane answered. "Besides, I already made plans to meet up with Hector today. He's the guy from last night who I went to school with. He's studying law you know. We're meeting up at the Espy Beach Club for a drink. You should come with."

Ajay's shoulders dropped. I could see he was torn, clearly wanting a day out on the water but not wanting to disappoint his best friend.

"Up to you, Ajay," I said, feeling Mateo's eyes on me. "Offer still stands."

Ajay glanced up at me, indecision in his eyes before he looked back at Dane.

"Do what you want," Dane shrugged. I was sure I wasn't the only one who heard the undercurrent to his words.

"Would you mind if I went out on the boat?" Ajay asked.

"If that's what you want." So generous, my little brother. Honestly, how were we even related?

Ajay looked back at me and I could see how much he wanted to spend the day out on the water. It was clear as the day. And even if he didn't want to disappoint my brother, I had no such issues.

"Looks like you're coming with us, Tassie boy," I grinned, heart sparking with warmth as he smiled back at me.

We finished breakfast and Ajay ran upstairs for a shower while Mateo headed for the ensuite in my room leaving me and Rob to soak the frying pan.

"You sure you know what you're doing?" Rob asked, eyeing me sceptically as he leaned up against the island.

"Nope. I have no bloody clue," I answered cheerfully.

"You think having Mateo and Ajay captive together on a boat out on the water is a good idea?" he pushed.

"Why?" I couldn't help asking. I knew full well what the potential pitfalls were but I hadn't thought they would be that obvious to others. Rob wasn't always the most perceptive but sometimes he noticed things that surprised me.

"Because it's clear to everyone with a set of eyes how much you like Ajay," Rob pointed out. "And that explains the nuclear level of hostility Mateo is currently dishing out."

"Mateo is the one with the girlfriend," I added helpfully.

"Mate don't be like that," Rob sighed. "You know what the deal is with him. Just, try not to parade your pretty new boy around him too much. He's struggling with seeing you move on."

"I'm hardly moving on," I scoffed. "Pretty sure Ajay is straight anyway so it's kind of hard to parade somebody around when there's nothing actually going on."

"Hmm," Rob mulled. "You two were mighty cosy last night. Kind of convenient that he's suddenly single, huh?"

"I mean, I'm not upset about that if that's what you're asking," I returned.

Rob just sighed dramatically but the smile on his face showed me he wasn't too concerned. And neither was I to be perfectly honest. I mean, yeah, I had what was probably best called a crush on Ajay and I knew how that would likely be making Mateo feel.

Was I going to let it get in the way of taking Ajay out on the boat and making sure he had the best day ever?

Why no, it would not.

It was later in the morning than I would have liked before we were ready to set off. We'd loaded up my Wrangler with fishing rods, tackle and the snorkelling gear and stocked the eskies with drinks and food for the day. We'd get the bait and ice at the little shop at the marina where Dad kept our boat.

Ajay looked a lot fresher after his morning shower but way too cute for a day out on the water. He was wearing a pair of black board shorts and a white tee and he'd just planted a black Brooklyn Nets cap over his curls that had me almost crying in despair. Those curls should be free always. There should be a law.

Ajay climbed into the front seat beside me, the sun from the open top roof beaming down on him and making him look like some kind of angel. It was sure looking like it was going to be a warm one today. For a variety of reasons.

The marina was a short ten minute drive from the house, tucked into a natural cove on the northern edge of town. Rob went to organise the bait and ice while Mateo, Ajay and I hauled everything down to the berth where we kept our boat in the most non-awkward grouping of guys you could have picked.

Ajay looked up at the boat with those eyes lit up again and I tried to ignore the burst of pride in my chest. Honestly, I loved this boat. She was pretty as a picture in her crisp metallic blue and white stripes and was plenty big enough for the four of us to sit comfortably. The hard top provided enough shade if we needed to get out of the sun and it came with a swim platform at the back and a bow cockpit for lazing on in the sun.

As soon as we were all aboard, Rob helped me remove the lines securing the boat to the dock. I started her up and we set out to the open sea. The sun was perking up in the morning sky and the water was perfectly calm and still, just a soft rocking motion gentling the boat.

Ajay was seated on the opposite side from Mateo, eyes on the horizon. He turned and caught my eye, the breeze rustling those few curls that were still loose under his cap. I couldn't rein in my smile as I motioned to him with my head.

"Come up here," I called, waiting until he came to join me where I stood at the helm. "You want to pilot?"

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure," I said, gesturing for him to take over the wheel. He didn't hesitate, moving into position with a smile on his face that was sure cutting something deep inside me.

"You ever steered a boat before?" I asked.

"No, never," he answered. "Tell me if I'm doing it wrong."

"You're doing great," I encouraged. "It's just like driving a car. You just have to adjust for the wind, waves and current."

"Oh, so simple when you put it like that," he laughed.

"You'll get the hang of it pretty quick."

"How far out are we going?"

"There's an offshore reef a little further out," I explained. "The fish are usually good there but even if they're not biting it's great for a bit of snorkelling."

"Am I steering us in the right direction?" he asked.

"Yep," I replied. "Maybe just a little to the left," I added, reaching out to guide his hands on the wheel. I might have left my hands on his a little longer than necessary but there was no harm done. I never claimed to be a saint.

Ajay stood back but kept right beside me when we neared the reef and I slowed the boat down before bringing her to a stop and dropping the anchor. It was absolute perfection out here this morning. The water was as flat as a dime and so clear I could make out the reef from the surface of the water.

"Wow," Ajay murmured as he looked down at the water.

"Perfect, huh?" I agreed. His eyes hit mine, the light of the sun reflecting in the deep brown hue and I wasn't entirely sure which perfection I was referring to any more.

Rob interrupted us as he handed out rods to Ajay and me. Rob took fishing a lot more seriously than I did and I knew better than to delay him even a minute. We'd never been able to convince Mateo to try his hand at fishing, something he deemed a peasant vocation. But he would never say no to a day out on the water and he was already stripping down to his leopard print speedos to soak up the sun's rays on the deck.

"You know what you're doing?" I asked Ajay as Rob pulled out the box of bait.

"Ah, not really," he replied.

"Really? A Tassie boy like you?"

"Not all of us have access to our friend's fancy boats, you know," Ajay chided but there was something else a little guarded behind his words that had me biting my tongue. I knew he had grown up with not a whole lot and probably didn't need me reminding him of it.

"Well here, let me help you out then," I offered instead, showing him how to bait a line. We cast our lines out into the water and then took a seat to wait it out. The sun was warm and I quickly shed my top, instantly rewarded by a pair of curious brown eyes who couldn't seem to avoid looking my way.

Ajay waited a few minutes before he lost his top too and then it was my turn for a little sneaky peek down his gorgeous body. Rob threw me the tube of sunscreen and I offered it to Ajay first, watching as he lathered it all over himself. Of course, I had to offer to coat his back for him and he hesitated for only half a second before letting me. He trembled when my fingers first touched his shoulders but he seemed to relax while I made a slightly longer task of coating every square inch of his skin than entirely necessary. He shied away when I touched the sides of his stomach and I couldn't help my grin.

"Ticklish, huh?"

"Maybe," Ajay grumped. I filed that information away for future use as I reluctantly let him go and concentrated on lathering my own sunscreen. Surprise hit me when Ajay offered to do my back and the boat fell a little silent while he made quicker work of coating my skin than I had done for him.

I turned to find both Rob and Mateo watching us and I quirked a brow at them. Mateo quickly looked away but Rob rolled his eyes at me and made a rather obscene gesture involving his hand and mouth that I really hoped Ajay didn't see, the laugh on his face more telling.

I passed around some drinks from the esky, choosing the sparkling water like Ajay as we waited out for the fish to bite. It wasn't long before there was a little tug on Ajay's line and we both jumped to our feet, Ajay looking slightly panicked.

"What do I do?" he asked, flapping his hands.

"Just reel her in," I gestured, showing him how to wind the line. Ajay took over but whatever had bitten was putting up quite a fight and I ended up with both my arms around him as we reeled her in together. Rob was cheering as soon as the fish breached the surface and we hauled it into the boat.

"That's one big red," Rob enthused, reaching out to grab the flailing fish.

"What kind of fish is that?" Ajay asked, an excited grin on his face.

"That is an enormous motherfucking snapper," Rob returned. "How the hell did you catch that on your first go, Tassie?"

"Must be in your Tasmanian blood, huh?" I grinned, sharing a smile with Ajay.

"Here, you gotta get the photo with it otherwise it didn't happen," Rob said, pulling the fish off the hook and handing the massive thing to Ajay. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and took a couple of shots and then Rob grabbed my phone and pushed me into the shot too so it was me and Ajay grinning at the camera, the huge fish flapping between us.

"There. You're the real deal now," I said to him, still with that huge smile on his face.

We put the massive fish on ice, the commotion dying down a little after all the excitement.

"I'm going for a swim," Mateo announced, probably a little put out by the three of us as he executed a perfect dive off the edge of the boat into the crystal clear water. I couldn't help glancing at Rob, wondering if he might have been right about how Mateo was feeling about Ajay. So many boy emotions to manage these days. It was becoming hard to keep up.

Rob and I both managed to catch a few more fish to add to the ice bucket, none anywhere near as impressive as Ajay's but at least Rob was happy. We dove into the water when the sun was baking down on us at the height of the day and I floated alongside Ajay in peace until Rob divebombed right in between us and then it descended into an all in tussle. Well, except for Mateo who maintained a little distance from the rest of us the whole day.

We ate lunch, fished some more, swam some more and then I ended the afternoon lying beside Ajay on the bow cockpit as the sun warmed our skin. Ajay's eyes were closed as he relaxed in the sun's rays, a peace about him that had been missing when he'd first set foot on our patch of the coast.

My eyes trailed down his body, smooth skin bronzed from the summer sun, little droplets of water sliding from his skin. He opened his eyes, that depthless brown I had fallen into and I knew I'd been busted looking. He smiled and stretched out a little more, not seeming to mind having my eyes on him.

Rob and I took turns steering the boat back home, chasing the sun as it dipped low on the horizon. Ajay eventually stood and pulled his t-shirt on, my eyes tracking every ripple of his softer muscles as he covered the golden view.

"Dude, you have got it bad," Rob muttered, shaking his head where he stood beside me. I said nothing, not much I could really say to that. I couldn't deny his words and I didn't really want to admit out loud exactly how much I seemed to have fallen into this crush for Ajay.

The sun had all but disappeared beneath the horizon by the time I steered us into our berth in the marina and we made quick work of tying the boat to the dock and carting all our gear to the Jeep.

Ajay climbed up front beside me again and we headed back towards town. I stopped at the little beach house Rob and Mateo shared and they both climbed out of the car.

"Don't forget we have our safety course tomorrow," Rob reminded me, hands on my doorframe.

"I haven't forgotten. Pick you up at half seven?"

"Seeya then," he grinned, tapping the frame before turning and following Mateo who was already on the porch.

"They live together?" Ajay asked, eyes on the cute little beach shack the three of us used to share.

I hesitated before answering. "Yeah, they do."

"What about you?"

I swallowed. "I used to live with them but I moved back home after …"

"After you broke up with Mateo?" he guessed.

"Yeah." He was silent, eyes out the side window as I turned the car towards home and I wished once again I could know what he was thinking.

Ajay helped carry the fishing gear back to the boat shed once we were home, the dark already descended on the beach. I put the fish we had caught straight into the freezer and then we rinsed out the eskies.

We both stood back once everything was done, a pause in the activity. I wasn't quite ready for the day to be over and it seemed Ajay felt the same.

"Want to go for a walk?" I asked, nodding towards the sand.

"Sure," Ajay replied.

I led the way out onto the sand, Ajay right beside me, wishing I could reach over and take his hand in mine. I didn't, instead ramming my hands into my pockets to stop myself from touching him.

The night was warm and the moon extra bright, not a cloud in the sky as it shone a silver lit path along the water. The whole setting felt a little romantic if I was honest. I wondered if Ajay could feel it too.

"So, you have a work thing tomorrow?" he eventually asked, breaking the slightly strained silence.

"Yeah. We have to do this worksite safety course every year and the boss decided to sign us up for one in our holiday break." I'd actually been really annoyed about Brad, our foreman, springing this mandatory training course on us but I was coming to think that maybe a day away from Ajay would do me some good. He'd gotten himself into my head way too deep and a little bit of space from him would not be a bad thing.

"Sounds about right," Ajay huffed a laugh. "Will you be gone the whole day?"

"Yep. It's up at Wollongong so I probably won't get home until late. But don't worry, I'll still have time for a surf."

"Priorities," he smiled.

"Absolutely. Believe me, sitting inside a classroom in the middle of a summer's day is torture. Especially knowing you're back here."

"I'll make sure I have a drink for you."

"See, that's why I like you, Ajay," I said, nudging his arm gently with mine. "Always thinking of others."

"Pretty sure that's you, Nick," Ajay replied.

I had to swallow around my suddenly dry throat before I spoke. "What will you do all day without me?"

"Ah, now that's a question. I have a feeling I might need to do some pretty serious grovelling with Dane so I'll probably be doing that. Although hopefully something that doesn't involve forty dollar cocktails. I should probably get some guitar practice in too. Been neglecting it a bit."

"I don't think you need to worry about that. You're amazing. Wish I'd thought to bring your guitar out on the boat with us today actually."

"Yeah, cos everyone loves that guy," Ajay replied with a laugh.

"Mmm, probably a good call. We don't want everyone falling in love with you."

Ajay chuffed a strained laugh at my words. "That's highly unlikely."

"Not once you start singing," I returned, trying to keep my words jokey when they were actually only pure, honest truth. I was pretty sure I had fallen a little in love with him when I'd first heard him sing.

"I'm really not much of a singer," he replied, complete lack of self-awareness shining through once again. "I prefer to hide behind the guitar."

"Not much of a singer," I scoffed. "Honestly, Ajay. One of these days I am going to get you to see yourself through other people's eyes. Maybe then you'll see how absolutely incredible you are."

Ajay said nothing, his eyes on the sand as I wondered whether I had said too much. Again.

"You know I think that way about you too," he finally said, eyes still firmly on the sand but his words made my heart beat hard in my chest.

"Mutual admiration society," I grinned.

"Yeah. Sounds about right."

Oh, Ajay. If only you knew just how deep my particular type of admiration went. I wondered how fast he would go running back up the path away from me if he knew exactly how I had been thinking about him.