CHAPTER 11

mateo

"S o, Nick and I came by your office this morning to see if you had time for a coffee," Rob dropped as I stepped inside the house later that evening. I had stayed late at the office on account of the fact I had taken off for a few hours of hot sex with Jamie after my latest brain snap. An increasingly common occurrence where that man was concerned.

"Did you?" I asked, trying not to let him read anything on my face as I pretended to be busy with something on my phone.

"Yeah, we did," he pressed. Rob had muted the TV, his full attention on me as he swivelled on the sofa while Farmer Wants a Wife played in the background.

"Sorry, I had something come up," I replied.

"Funny though cos Dante was there at the same time wondering the same thing," Rob dropped and I froze.

"He what? Why was he out of bed?"

"I think he was just stopping by to print out some plans or something," Rob told me. I'd spoken to Dante on the phone that very afternoon and he had not even mentioned my absence. Now I was worried he thought I was a bad employee even though I'd made up all the missed time this evening.

"Right."

"So where were you then?" Rob pressed, a hint of a smirk on his face.

"Are you always this nosy? I forget sometimes."

"Only because I might have seen your phone last night and a message from a certain someone," Rob dropped casually. Okay so I was definitely busted. I could have easily strung Rob along but I found I didn't really want to for some reason. Which was strange for me. I was not a sharer.

"Okay you got me. I met up with Jamie for a coffee," I admitted.

"You had a date with Jamie?" he asked, sitting up straighter in his seat.

"I had a coffee with Jamie. Not a date," I huffed, slumping into the armchair beside the sofa.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, M, but meeting a guy for a coffee, especially a guy you're sleeping with, is the very definition of a date." Gosh he was smug. Since when were my friends so smug?

"You're really enjoying this aren't you?"

"I so am," he grinned. "So? How was your date with Jamie?"

"It was … adequate," I replied, Rob zeroing in on the way I squirmed in my seat.

"Just adequate?"

I shrugged. "Maybe more than adequate."

"Dare I ask for details?"

"No you may not dare ask for details because none shall be forthcoming," I returned, my tone a little superior.

"Why are you no fun?" Rob pouted.

"That's just me in a nutshell. The no fun one."

"So you say and yet I have a strong notion your day was far more interesting than you're letting on," he said, Mr smug himself.

"What, you think I'd just leave the office for a morning of hot sex, huh? Is that the kind of guy you think I am?" I said, aiming for indignation.

"That's exactly the kind of guy I think you are," he grinned. The bastard.

"Who needs friends when I have you?"

"Oh come on, don't leave me hanging here," Rob pressed.

"What do you want me to tell you, huh? You always get squirmy when Nick or I tell you stuff about sex. You pretend you want the details but you don't really."

"Maybe I just like the romance of it all," he mulled, leaning back on the sofa.

"Then let me not keep you in suspense on that subject. There was nothing remotely romantic about the way Jamie fucked me into the mattress today. Either time."

Rob just laughed at that, tipped his head back and laughed, the grin lighting up his entire face.

"Yes! I so called it," he declared. "Nick didn't believe me but I so knew."

"Nick knew?" I asked, instantly deflating.

"Well, not in so many words. I just commented that I thought you'd met up with Jamie for a bit of fun time."

"And what did Nick say about that?" I asked. Of course I asked. I had to ask even though I didn't want to know.

Rob sighed, the sound heavy in the quiet room. "Mateo. You gotta let Nick go. This is unhealthy, you know that, right? Nick loves Ajay. That is not going to change any time soon. And Jamie, well, he's a really great guy and I so want that for you. I really, really do. I hate watching you mope over Nick. I've watched you mope over Nick for half our lives and I really, really wish you could let him go."

"I wish I could let him go too, Rob," I sighed. "I just don't know how."

Rob was quiet for a moment until he unmuted the TV, the sounds of Farmer Wants a Wife filling the space as all those women lined up for a chance at snagging a farmer. If only it was that easy, finding love, getting married. Moving on. Moving forward.

"If you can't do it then maybe Jamie can do it for you. Don't discount him, yeah? Don't let your feelings for Nick get in the way of something you could build with Jamie. Or another guy if you and him don't work out."

"It's really not that simple," I said eventually, knowing there was more to that statement than either of us could unpack in an evening.

"I know, Mateo. I know."

Rob left it at that but he'd given me something to think about, something other than the repetitive loop that played in my head about Nick. Nick and me together, the happy times, how good we were. And then the end of us, the why's and the how's and the sense of loss I felt that still had nowhere to go. Still had no other outlet than these unhealthy obsessions and spiralling thoughts that plagued me night after night.

Although if I had to think about it for the moment, Rob was right about something else too. I hadn't been thinking about Nick when I met up with Jamie today. I hadn't been thinking about Nick when I got into Jamie's car or when I kissed him or when I let him take me to his apartment. I hadn't thought about Nick once while I was in Jamie's bed, his body on top of me, pinning me in place.

Maybe Rob had a point. I just didn't quite know how to grasp onto it yet.

I arrived at the office bright and early on Monday morning. Well, I arrived early at least. I couldn't exactly lay claim to the ‘bright' aspect of that statement. Not since I'd overheard Nick in the kitchen this morning, excited about his weekend spent in Sydney with Ajay. Rob had jokingly asked if they'd even made it out of Ajay's bedroom in the two days he was there and Nick had laughed along but hadn't denied it.

I waited in the bathroom until they'd left for work and then I'd slinked into the kitchen and made myself a coffee with a dark cloud hanging over my head. Must have been so nice for Nick and Ajay to spend a weekend together like that. Not thinking of me once. Not sparing a thought for my heartache or the fact I'd stewed at home the entire weekend. Not pining for anyone.

Jamie hadn't called or texted either. Not that I had expected him to. He'd only contacted me the one time to arrange that coffee meet up. But that didn't really explain why I'd kept checking my phone for messages ever since.

I mean, he was the romantic one. Or so he claimed. Wasn't it customary to text the person you'd taken out on a date after it had taken place? Or was that just how straight relationships worked? Honestly, I had no way of knowing. Maybe I'd ask Rob when I got home from work today although it wasn't as though he was all that experienced with dating either. Chasing after Kat since high school did not exactly count.

Maybe Jamie had just woken up to himself and realised I was too much hard work. That I wasn't worth the effort especially as I had expressed no interest in having a relationship with him. And I still didn't want a relationship with him. Did I?

My head was its usual mix of dark and angsty thoughts which probably explained why I almost walked straight past the dark figure sitting at his usual place in the office. Right where he wasn't supposed to be.

"Morning, Mateo."

"Shit, Dante! What on earth are you doing here?"

"I do believe this is my firm," he chuckled. "Unless you've taken it over in the last few weeks which I wouldn't blame you for."

"Of course I haven't taken over," I huffed. "But are you okay to be here? Did the doctor give you the all-clear?"

"Well, it depends which doctor you ask," Dante admitted, squirming in his seat.

"The only one whose opinion matters," I returned, staring down my nose at him.

"The mental health doctor thought it was important that I get back to my usual routine," he sniffed, nose in the air.

"Do you even have a mental health doctor?"

"Well, not exactly."

"And the heart doctor?"

Dante just harrumphed and I tried not to laugh. "So shall I expect to see Aunt Giulia here any minute to cart you off back to bed?"

"Hide me, Mateo," Dante returned, eyes pleading. "Save me from that woman and her ministrations. I'm going insane."

I laughed then, understanding all too well how Giulia got at moments like these. She might have been small but she was a force to be reckoned with.

"I'll let you hide out here until we both agree it's bad for your health. And then maybe we can think up a better arrangement for sharing the work that you could do at home."

"Giulia won't let me on the laptop," he grumped. "I have to hide out in the bathroom to even check my emails."

"Surely your heart doctor will give you a little leeway for that," I suggested. "Maybe you can ask."

"Okay. I'll try," he agreed. I smiled as I made my way to my desk, feeling a little lighter at seeing Dante back on his feet, even if it was in direct contravention of the doctor's orders. He was looking a lot better too, his colour back to normal and his breathing improved. It felt like old times with him back at his big architect's desk and me in my little nook.

"Coffee?" I asked as I moved into the kitchen.

"Please," Dante smiled. Yep, just like old times. I made our coffees using the super fancy machine Dante had bought for the office and then handed him his cup on my way back to my desk. "So. Are you going to tell me who you were meeting last Thursday when I checked in at the office?"

See? Just like old times. The nosey old bugger. I squirmed in my seat. "I just had a coffee with a friend is all," I said as nonchalantly as possible. "I made up the time after hours."

"I'm not worried about the time as you well know," Dante returned. "At this rate I'm going to owe you several weeks of holidays after I'm back on board. So, who did you meet?"

"You're as bad as Rob," I muttered under my breath.

"You're not going to tell your old friend who you met for coffee, nipote ?" he pressed, going for the familial guilt angle. I was a good Italian boy so the guilt was always going to work on me just fine as Dante well knew.

"Fine. I was meeting with Jamie. The paramedic," I returned, praying my face was not turning red.

"The handsome one?" he asked, that glint in his eye that told me he knew more than he was letting on. As I'd always feared.

I just shrugged, knowing how much that would annoy him.

"So, you're friends with him now, are you?" Dante pressed.

"It was kind of a bonding moment, you know, sharing in the trauma of saving your life after your cardiac arrest," I said, knowing how to use guilt when I needed it too.

"Well. I think it's nice you've kept in touch. He was such a lovely man. So cool and calm under pressure. Not to mention so handsome."

"So you've said."

"Giulia thinks he's just wonderful. She'll be so pleased to know you're still in touch with him. Do you think he'd come around for a meal at our house? You, me, Giulia and Jamie? Your aunt would be so thrilled."

"I think that might be stretching things a little far," I returned, alarmed at where I knew this was heading. "We're not that friendly."

"Oh? What kind of friends are you then?"

"Just the kind who occasionally meet for a coffee," I huffed, hoping to put an end to this awkward conversation. It was just coffee. And hours and hours of incredible, hot sex.

"Oh, well. Let me know if that changes," Dante said, eyes on his work, just a casual line from a friend. "We'd both love a chance to properly thank him for saving my life."

I just sighed, the sound heavy in the office space but it was not with a heavy heart. It was with a much lighter heart, the thought that maybe, just maybe, Dante knew what he was talking about. And that maybe he would be okay if he knew the truth about me. That maybe I would have someone who would stick by me if ever the news about me broke. If ever I dared to bring someone like Jamie home to a family dinner with me.