27. Casey, London

When I walk into the flat, I'm surprised to hear the sound of the telly drift from the sitting room. Instantly my hackles rise that Eva couldn't be arsed replying to my messages asking after her dad. I leave my case by the door and head into the sitting room. ‘Hello,' I say. ‘You're here.'

Eva is on the sofa, one foot up on a towel, nail polish in hand. ‘Finally, you're back.' She strokes the brush over a toenail, places the polish on the side table and walks over to me. We exchange an awkward half-cheek, half corner-of-mouth kiss before she resumes her position, pulling up the other foot and grabbing a nail file.

‘Why haven't you replied to me? Is your dad okay?'

She sighs a dramatic sigh. ‘Sorry. I was really stressed, and I've been with Mum and Dad most of the time. A stupid driver ran a red light and smashed into the side of Dad's car.'

‘Shit,' I say, perching at the opposite end of the sofa. ‘Is he badly hurt?'

She waves the nail file. ‘Oh, no. They hit the back passenger door. He was just in shock and hit his head and the seatbelt cut across his neck. He's home now.'

I stiffen. ‘He's out and he's okay?'

‘Yes.'

‘When did he go home?'

She shrugs. ‘A few hours ago.'

‘Eva, I asked you to let me know if anything changed. I raced back here and he's fine? Why didn't you tell me?'

She drops her foot to the carpet, her brows pulling together in an angry frown. ‘I had a lot on my mind, and you were coming home anyway. Besides, you were on the plane before I knew he was getting out of hospital.'

‘But you must've known last night or this morning it wasn't that serious. You could've told me that at least.' I release a frustrated huff. ‘And I wasn't coming home anyway. Josanne expected me to stay a couple days after the exhibition. Felix is alone again this week – he needed help.'

‘Well, it was an emergency, and I needed you more.'

‘It wasn't though, was it?' I say, my tone harsh.

She flinches. ‘Okay. Sorry for wanting my fiancée back.' She pouts and slides over to me, leaning forward to reach my mouth. ‘I missed you.'

I jerk my head back. ‘Don't.'

Confusion settles in her green eyes. ‘Don't what? Kiss my fiancée, who I haven't seen for a week?'

I sigh heavily. This is it. ‘We need to talk.'

Her eyes widen. ‘Talk?'

I clear my throat, try to ignore the nerves firing in my stomach. ‘I wanted to talk to you while I was away. Remember on Saturday when you called me, I said I wanted to tell you something, then you rushed off to speak to Dante?'

She shakes her head. ‘No. I don't remember you saying that.'

‘Well, I did. I also tried calling Sunday and Monday and you replied you were too busy, and I called you yesterday specifically asking you to call me back, and you didn't.'

Her face hardens. ‘Sorry, but between organising our wedding and my job, I've been flat out. Then I had to rush to the hospital. You're not the only one who has a busy life, you know.'

‘I know that, Eva, but you could've at least taken my call – or returned one.'

She folds her arms. ‘Well. We're talking now, so out with it.'

I lean forward and place my elbows on my knees, my gut twisting. The afternoon news begins on TV and I glance up, suddenly interested in what's happening in the world, but the screen blacks out and Eva drops the remote on the coffee table. I take a deep breath and face her. ‘I'm sorry, Eva, but I can't do this.'

Her eyes turn icy. ‘What's this exactly?'

I pick at a bit of dry skin near my thumbnail. ‘Us. Marriage. I can't do it.'

She scoffs. ‘You're not serious?'

I meet her gaze; it's turned from icy to burning and brutal. ‘It's taken me a while to?—'

She holds up a hand. ‘Last week we were getting married and now you're finishing with me? You're finishing with me?' She points to herself as though I need a reminder of exactly who it is I'm dumping.

I mutter a pathetic, ‘Sorry.'

‘Why?'

I fiddle with my watch strap – unclasp, clasp, unclasp. ‘I've been unhappy for a while. And the wedding…' I shake my head. ‘It's too much.'

‘It's a wedding, Casey,' she spits. ‘All weddings are stressful to organise.'

‘They don't need to be that intense. You've become a different person the past few months, and I was never part of it.'

Her expression softens. ‘That's not true. We're having the reception at your gallery – that was your decision.'

‘It wasn't though, was it?' I say. ‘It was yours and I got caught up in it.' She recoils slightly, but I keep going. ‘It's not just the wedding. It's me. I wanted this to work, I really did, which is why it's taken time to figure out I'm not happy. We're not happy.'

‘We are,' she pleads. ‘We've just both had a lot going on.'

Now that I've started, the words are desperate to escape. ‘I don't love you like I should, Eva. And I don't feel that you love me like you should either. We bicker and argue all the time – we have for months, ever since we moved in together.'

She scoots across the sofa and grabs my hand, her diamond solitaire glinting up at me. ‘That's because things have been stressful. Of course I love you. The wedding will be over in a few weeks and we can be us again.'

She leans in to kiss me, a move that's always worked in the past, but Holly is right there in my head and I pull away. ‘There's someone else.' The sentence is out before I've registered what's coming, and it hangs between us, three little words that can cause so much havoc.

Her jaw tenses and she retreats. ‘I fucking knew going out with Jaz last weekend?—'

‘I didn't sleep with anyone when I went out with Jaz.'

‘Then who? When?' She throws up her hands. ‘You're always at work, here, with Jaz or with your family.' She narrows her eyes. ‘Unless it's Jaz. I've always been suspicious about you two.'

‘Don't be fucking stupid. Of course it's not Jaz!'

‘Then who? I want to know.'

I crumble under the pressure. ‘It was in Berlin.'

Her brows shoot up. ‘Berlin? As in the trip you've just been on?'

My cheeks burn and I nod.

‘You were there for a week for work. How is that possible?'

I chew my bottom lip.

‘Go on, then. I'm waiting.' When the silence stretches, she says, ‘So, you're breaking it off with me and ruining our amazing wedding because of someone you shagged in Berlin?'

I drop my head into my hands. ‘No. Yes. No. It's not because of that.' I look up. ‘I was going to end it anyway. It's just a coincidence that I met someone, and I've been struggling with how to tell you?—'

‘A coincidence? I'll ask again. Who is it?'

I stare ahead at the black television screen knowing I can't avoid this. ‘Her name is Holly.'

‘Holly? As in "deck the halls with boughs of holly"?'

‘Erm…' Of all the things she could have said, that's what she goes with? ‘I don't think she was named after a line in a Christmas car?—'

‘Well, fa la la la fucking la. How delightful for you both. Did you have a nice time shagging while I was organising our wedding that's happening in four weeks? Four fucking weeks! I assume you have been shagging? Knowing your history, I'd say you moved pretty fast to get your head between her legs.'

‘I'm sorry, Eva. I really am. I should've told you sooner?—'

‘Oh, you think?'

I ignore the dig and push on with my reasoning. ‘I didn't understand what was going on with me, and I didn't know how to tell you.'

‘Everything is booked. How is it going to look when it's all cancelled? I have over one hundred thousand followers who are waiting for us to get married.'

Anger rises that that's her main concern, and I glower at her. ‘I don't care how it looks. I can't marry you just because it'll look bad not to.'

She jumps up and starts pacing. ‘Have you any idea how much my wedding dress cost? It's a Phillipa Lepley!' she screeches. ‘I look fucking amazing in it!'

‘I don't know what else to say to you, Eva.'

‘So, we're not even going to try and work this out? You're just going to leave this' – she gestures up and down her body, followed by a wave around the flat – ‘and this, for a woman you've just met?'

‘She's not the reason I'm leaving. I'd be doing this anyway.'

‘Sure you would,' she scoffs, then places her hands on her hips and narrows her eyes at me. ‘I don't get it. How on earth could you meet someone on a work trip and become so enamoured with her that you're already telling me about her?'

I bounce my leg and look away. ‘We … we already know each other.'

‘Oh, this was planned? You went there to meet her?'

‘No. It wasn't like that.'

‘Then what was it like, Casey? Tell me!'

I stand. ‘It doesn't matter. This isn't about Holly. It's about us, and me not wanting to be in this relationship any longer. It's a really, really shitty thing to do, and I wish I'd worked it out sooner.' I point to the bedroom. ‘I'm going to get some of my stuff, and I'm going to stay with Jaz.' I stride out of the sitting room towards the bedroom. I know I owe her a better explanation, but if I stay she'll grind me down and I need to protect myself, and Holly.

Eva scurries after me. ‘Did it occur to you that you didn't do this sooner because you love me?'

‘Of course I love you, Eva. I wouldn't have been with you if I didn't love you. But it's not the right kind of love anymore.' I take a travel bag from the top of the wardrobe and throw in some underwear.

‘Then why did you say yes to marrying me?'

‘Because…' I stop myself. ‘Because I did.'

‘You hesitated. Go on. Why?'

I throw in some T-shirts. ‘Because you asked me at our housewarming and you fucking live streamed it. I didn't want to hurt you by saying no in front of everyone, okay?'

She gasps and her eyes well with tears.

I give a remorseful groan. ‘See, that's why I didn't want to say.'

‘That's the only reason?' she asks softly. ‘Why didn't you say afterwards?'

I drag my hands over my face. ‘No. It's not the only reason. Maybe at first, but I loved you and I wanted to be with you. Getting married was important to you, and I got carried away with it. By the time I worked out there might be an issue, we were too far in.'

She grabs my arm. ‘Please don't do this. We can postpone the wedding.'

‘I tried to postpone before I went to Berlin. You threw a tantrum.' I shake my head. ‘Besides, I don't want…' I gesture between us. ‘I don't want this.'

‘Okay, so you had a fling; we can work that out.' She wraps her arms around my waist.

‘Please don't, Eva. I feel bad enough.' I peel her off and walk away to grab some work clothes.

‘So I get no say in this?'

I zip up my bag. ‘No say? You can't force me to be in a relationship with you.'

Her face hardens again. ‘Have you any idea what you're giving up? You've done all right for yourself being with me. The working-class girl from East London who done good, yeah?' she says, mimicking my accent.

I curl my lip in disgust. ‘You're a fucking classist cow. And you've just made me feel much better about dumping you.' I throw the bag over my shoulder, storm down the hall and grab the handle of my suitcase. ‘I'll be in touch to get the rest of my stuff.' I gesture to the walls. ‘And don't think you're keeping any of my art either.'

‘And don't think you're getting your ring back!' she screams.

I slam the door behind me. My pulse is racing and my skin burns from the anger coursing through me. I wave down a black cab, give the gallery address and don't look back.