26. Casey, Berlin

Once my bag is checked, I pass through security, grab a double-strength black coffee and head for gate C7. Eva hasn't responded to my messages asking after her dad, so I assume she's occupied at the hospital. I take a seat by the window with a view of planes parked along the tarmac. My eyes feel dry from little sleep. After Holly drifted off, I tossed and turned, unable to ignore the tightening in my chest and the thoughts racing around my head. I hate that I've lied to Holly, I hate that I've lied to Eva, and I hate the worst part that's still to come – breaking up with Eva while her dad is in hospital. I attempt to rehearse the speech I put together in the middle of the night, but a knot of anxiety forms in my stomach, so I call Jaz instead.

‘All right, mate,' she says. ‘Can't chat long, got a big meeting with a potential new account in a bit. Where are you?'

‘At Brandenburg Airport.'

‘Ah, you're coming home.'

‘Yep. Eva finally called me back last night. I was just about to tell her when she says her dad's in hospital, had a car accident.'

‘Shit. Is he okay?'

‘She didn't know anything at the time, and I haven't heard from her since. But she wanted me to come home, and well, obviously I couldn't tell her then, could I?'

‘No. That would've been a bit rough.'

A sigh slips out. ‘It's killing me doing this to Holly.'

I hear Jaz choke on a drink. ‘Whoa. You haven't told Holly yet?'

‘No,' I say in a small voice.

‘Fucking hell, Case. I told you not to mess this up. That meant you needed to tell Holly as soon as.'

My defences rise. ‘It was never the right time.'

‘There must have been one time. You've literally been stuck together since Friday night, that's…' She pauses and I imagine her counting the days on her fingers. ‘Five nights. There must have been a moment to slip it in. What, did you just shag the whole time and not speak?'

‘Erm … we shagged a lot, yeah.' I huff. ‘And I've been working full-time since Sunday, so we haven't had that much time together.'

She tuts. ‘You didn't talk about your pasts at all? What you've both been up to for eleven years?'

‘We did, just not a lot about relationships. More family and jobs, and … us, I guess, and what was I going to say after I'd already had sex with her? "That was amazing, but I have a fiancée in London who I don't plan on marrying because I'm going to break it off and it's not because of you, I was actually going to break it off anyway; you just happened to turn up at the same time"?'

‘Yeah. Exactly that,' Jaz says.

I groan. ‘It's not that simple.'

‘Fuck, Casey. Does all anyone need to do with you is shove their pussy in your face and you're a mess?'

‘Um…'

‘Jesus Christ. Don't answer that.' She sighs. ‘Look, I'm hardly one to lecture on stable relationships, but?—'

I cut in. ‘I absolutely will tell Holly. She's coming over on the weekend. I'll sit her down and explain everything. It'll be easier in London.'

‘You still haven't broke it off with Eva!'

More people have arrived at the departure gate, and I lower my voice. ‘I'm doing that the minute I get back. Which reminds me, she'll totally kick me out, so can I have your couch for a bit? It's just closer to work than Mum and Dad's.'

‘You're in luck because my flatmate is about to move out.'

‘No way. Why?'

‘Moving to Manchester. Just been offered a new job up there.'

‘Brilliant. Thanks. Catch up later for a bevvy?'

‘Yeah. Meet me after work about half five, at the Pig and Butcher near my place,' she says.

‘You're the best, Jazzy. Good luck with your meeting.' I hang up and check the overhead screen. A few minutes to spare until boarding, so I stick in my headphones and FaceTime Holly.

‘Hello, you,' she says with a broad, beautiful smile. Her hair is damp and clinging to her bare shoulders. ‘Calling me already?'

‘I miss you,' I say, my voice tinged with longing. ‘Are you naked?'

Holly angles the camera to show the towel wrapped around her chest. ‘Not quite.' She returns the camera to her face. ‘When's your flight?'

I glance up at the departures screen. ‘Leaves in about twenty minutes and boarding very soon. What are you doing today?'

‘I might go to some museums. I haven't done that yet, so…' She shrugs. ‘And I need to find somewhere to stay in London.' She sits on the bed. ‘Are you okay with me staying close to where you are? Islington, right? Is that cramping your space?'

‘Of course I don't mind.' I've already given her Jaz's address, thinking I'd be staying on her couch, not moving in. ‘And it will be nice if you have somewhere close, because I'm about to move in with Jaz, and you do not want to be in the flat when she brings someone back. So if we've got somewhere else to go, that will be good.

She laughs. ‘I'm looking forward to meeting Jaz.' Her brows knit. ‘Why are you about to move in with her?'

I swallow. Shit. ‘Oh, long story. I'll tell you about it at the weekend.' A voice crackles over the loudspeaker. ‘Hey, I've got to board. Maybe we can catch up later? If you'll be about…'

‘Where else would I be?'

I shrug. ‘Out.'

She shakes her head. ‘Other than getting food, I'll be here. I want to call Mum.'

I stand and get in line. ‘I'm meeting Jazzy for a drink after work, but I'll call when I'm home.'

‘Okay.' She blows me a kiss. ‘I can't wait for the weekend.'

‘I can't either.' I hang up and release a drawn-out breath, my stomach churning over what's waiting at my destination.