26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Shane

Fifteen Years of Age

T he sharp sting hit me like a bolt of lightning. My airway was already starting to close, panic surging through my chest. I let out a strangled noise and Mouse whipped around, his eyes widening as he tumbled down the trail.

"What's wrong?" he cried.

"B-b-bee," I wheezed, fighting for each breath.

Mouse paled. Meanwhile, I was freaking out, knowing we were miles away from the holiday home where I’d left my EpiPen.

Or so I thought.

I fell to my knees, clutching my throat and wondering how something so tiny could cause so much chaos.

"Don't worry, I've got you," Mouse assured me, his voice surprisingly calm.

He crouched beside me and fumbled at my pockets. I couldn't even muster the strength to ask what he was doing. I gasped, something sharp pricking my thigh, and then everything relaxed. My lungs opened up and I could breathe again.

As I blinked away tears, I found myself staring into Mouse's blue eyes, his hands cradling my face as he studied my features.

"How do you feel? Are you okay?"

Something on the ground next to him caught my eye—an empty EpiPen. "You-you had one," I mumbled, trying to wrap my head around it.

"Duh," he replied with a grin. "You're allergic to bees, remember? And we're out here in the great outdoors. I'd never let anything happen to you."

I shifted into a sitting position, feeling Eli's hands steady me as I tried to catch my breath. All I wanted in that moment was to wrap him in a big bearhug. It wasn't the first time I realized that all I needed in this crazy world was Elias Michaels by my side.

Present

Airplanes were not designed to house people over six feet. Yet my six-foot-five frame was crunched into economy with a bouncing Mouse in the seat beside me. The guy beside him on the aisle kept glaring. I didn’t really blame him. My arm rest was up so I could fit, sharing with Eli who wouldn’t stop squirming, legs jiggling with the need to move. I laid a hand on his thigh, giving him a soft squeeze. He looked at me apologetically. “Sorry, nervous.”

“Fucking nervous flyers.” the other man mumbled.

I smiled as my Mouse started to babble. That guy was going to regret opening his mouth. “I’m not nervous about the flight, sir. The probability of a plane crashing is roughly one in eleven million—you have a better chance of winning the lottery, or dying of sun poisoning. I’m nervous because I am about to tell my dad that I’m quitting his company. Oh, and that I’m gay and in love with my best friend, when he’s always wanted me to settle down and carry on the family name.”

The guy had blinked at Eli like he was mad, and I couldn’t help but muffle my amusement. The man didn’t get a chance to speak, because Mouse kept talking

“Really, I’ve just been going over and over in my head how I was going to word it all, you know? Like, do I just come out and say, ‘Hey I’m gay, I love Shane's dick and I won’t be changing my mind on the matter? Oh by the way, I hate marketing. I hate fake smooshing and selling shitty things like air fresheners that say they smell like lemon when really they smell like chemical-infused ass.’”

I coughed in my hand to cover my laugh. “Maybe don’t tell your dad that you love my dick, sweetheart. That I would rather keep between us.”

The guy looked at me, then Eli. “Listen to your boyfriend on that one.”

He went to pick up his phone, but then Eli continued. “Yeah, I know, but I hoped the shock factor of mentioning my once best friend now lover's dick would distract him from me wrecking his dreams of following in the family footsteps, you know?”

The guy looked back to him, his expression softer. He bit his lip, trying to hold back his own laughter—the magic of Mouse, everybody. “Well, there is that. Just depends on what you think he would be more unhappy about.”

Eli worried his bottom lip. “I would hope it's the work thing. If he can’t accept me loving Shane, I don’t know how we would come back from that.”

Aisle Guy thought it over. “Well, how about you go with that? You tell him that you were in love with Shane, that he makes you happy. If he wasn’t okay with it, you wouldn’t be okay with a relationship with him. There is shock in that. Then say you don’t want your job and you don't want to work for that industry anymore. Either way, the shock factors are there and hopefully, he’ll be too focused on your relationship to care about you hating marketing.”

Eli seemed to agree. He smiled ear-to-ear. “I like you, Aisle guy.”

Then, for the rest of the short flight to Boston, Aisle guy—who revealed his name to be Wade—and Eli talked nonstop. Wade owned a sports bar and like both of us, came from a very large family, but he wasn’t the only boy. I relaxed as much as I could in the small seat, enjoying the glimmers of the boy I had fallen in love with all those years ago. Only now he was a man, learning to be brave in who he was, and learning to accept new parts of himself so freely. I prayed that the trip would go well because I didn’t know how I could cope if he went back down that dark path I’d saved him from. As we exited the tunnel of the airport to get in a cab, I hoped the bright sunlight was foreshadowing of what was to come.

We arrived at my parents’ house and Eli paled, the confidence Wade gave him disappearing with the color of his skin. He looked positively sick. The Michaels lived right next door, and I could see his eyes darting between the two houses. My hand found his, trying to squeeze some life back into him. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, sweetheart.”

Eli looked at me, his face suddenly determined—even if it was paler than normal his normal golden hue. “No babe. I know what I want now, it's just….”

“I know, I’m right here, okay? Lean on me all you need.” He nodded and we both made our way out of the car. Eli stood by the cab door as I got our one bag. We chose to share since there was no way in hell we were leaving each other's side. The moment I got close enough he grabbed my hand and didn’t let go. The beat of my heart became a steady thrum in my ears. The door flew open, and a squealing Caitlyn appeared, taking in our joined hands and bouncing on her toes. “When mom said you both were coming to stay for the weekend, I knew I had to be here!”

Before we could open our mouths, she hauled Eli into her arms. She was tall like me, six foot and a bit—taller than Eli and her long, lanky arms wrapped around him and swallowed him whole.

His laughter, though, was magnetic. “Hey Catie.” He hugged her back tightly.

My mom was next in line, throwing my sister aside and scolding her. “Don't smother my Mouse.” Apparently, that was her job. “I'll forgive you for making my boy wait so long, we’re just happy to see you two together.”

“Mom!” I scolded her, giving Eli a worried glance in hopes that he didn't take her words to heart.

Instead, he just chuckled. “Don't worry Anne, I’ve kicked myself enough for all of us.”

My mom squeezed his arm. “Well, I don't want that either. You know I’m kidding. Having both my boys happy is all I have ever wanted.”

Eli looked back at me, smile blinding. “He makes me very happy.”

A chorus of awws sounded from the living room where all my sisters were gathered, goofily looking at us with hearts in their eyes .

"Okay, nothing to see here. We’re going to drop our things. Did you invite the Michaels for dinner?" I asked Mom, who nodded her confirmation. I dragged Eli to my room down the hall so he could have a minute to breathe. His entire body relaxed the second we stepped into my bedroom. Eli dove onto my bed, rolling onto his back to look at me much like he had our entire lives. Only now, there was a heat in his eyes that wasn’t there before.

I was struck speechless. I didn't have to wait long to know what that look was all about. "God, how many nights did I sneak out and sleep in this bed?"

Memories flooded back, a montage of whispered secrets and shared laughter. Eli's words echoed in the room, punctuated by the soft hum of nostalgia. It was as if time had folded upon itself, bringing us back to a simpler era.

I smiled. “I think every night from the moment you learnt how to stealthily sneak out your window. I don't think there’s been a single night where I haven’t woken up with your cold as fuck feet on me.”

Eli grinned, a twinkle of mischief dancing in his eyes.

I lied down facing him, fingers playing with the strands of his hair. Eli inched closer until his body was flush with mine. "But you are always so warm," he hummed against my lips.

We laughed, the sound ringing out in the quiet room, blending seamlessly with the soft rustle of sheets. In that moment, surrounded by the ghosts of our past, I realized how much I cherished those memories.

"You know, I never understood how you would wake in time to get back to your house," I said.

Eli blushed. "Once your parents caught on, one of them would wake me and send me home before my parents woke up."

My eyes widened. "They did?"

He nodded. "I did my best to think of reasons for my parents to agree for me to sleep over, so I didn’t have to wake up so early. But on nights I was supposed to be home, I would try to go to sleep, and it would just be so cold and lonely. And my sisters never wanted me to snuggle with them. I tried, but they would always kick me out. Eventually, they started to lock their doors. So, I learned to sneak out my window to the one person who I knew would have me."

The way he worded it broke my heart. He had the biggest heart of everyone I knew, and all he ever wanted was a place for it to land.

"I will always have you, sweetheart," I said.

"Good, because I hate sleeping alone."

I wrapped my arm around him and held him close." Can we watch the documentary about wolves again?"

And just like that, we were back to being kids. I put on the documentary, and as I imagined it would be, Eli adorably gave me every recollection of his thoughts.

"No! They can't make the other mama wolf go away, he got both of them pregnant."

"She isn't his beta though, pack rules."

"Stupid pack. I don't like wolves," Eli grumbled.

His thoughts had changed when they let the wolf back into the pack, pups and all. "See! I knew I liked wolves. Dogs are so loyal."

Little moments like that were what I missed the most when we were apart—curled up together watching one mind-numbing show or the other. To be honest, I hated watching this stuff. If I’d been alone, it would likely be the sports channel or an action movie. But I’d do anything to see Mouse light up like that. Somehow, when we were apart, even when I was trying to forget the unforgettable, I would find myself clicking on some TV show and hearing his sweet, smooth voice saying, “ Hey, Jarman, do you think… ”

"Is there a wolf sanctuary near where you live?" Eli's wondered .

"Probably. If it isn't too far, we can try and go there over the summer."

He propped himself onto one elbow, that sunny smile looking down at me “I’m going to hold you to that."

And I knew he would, much like how a child would hold onto a promise of going to Disneyland.

Before Eli could reach for his phone to start Googling, my mom called us down for dinner. I looked around the room at the dark shadows cast across the space, knowing that no matter where life took us, that room would always be a sanctuary.

Though that peace was shattered the moment we knew we had to leave the room—if Eli’s expression was anything to go by. I kissed his lips, hoping it would bring some life back into him. “It's going to be all okay. You have my whole family here to support you. You have me, right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

He nodded, but gone was my sweet little rambling Mouse. He rolled away from me and looked in the mirror. I sat back and watched as he fussed with his hair angrily since it wasn’t in the neat style his father preferred. The top had grown out, just enough that it stuck up on its own. It took everything in me to not grab him to stop his fussing. I needed to let him handle this however he saw fit.

He went to his bag, changing into tailored trousers and a soft cashmere sweater. He still looked cute, but there really was nothing wrong with the jeans and hoodie he was wearing before—especially since it was my hoodie. The way it swallowed him whole was fucking adorable. The guy in front of me was all clean lines, though the way he kept smoothing his pants was only making them more wrinkled.

“I should have brought a steamer,” he mumbled. That's where I drew the line, launching off the bed and wrapping him in my arms. “You're going to rumple me you big bear!”

I kind of liked annoying him. If it wasn’t such a big night, I would have mussed his hair just to get more of those little growls. But I wasn't a complete asshole, so I didn't. “Tell me you don’t like my warm hugs, and I'll stop.”

“No fair! I can never tell you that.”

I kissed his hair which earned me another grouse, then booped his adorable little wrinkled nose.

“I can’t do anything to set him off beforehand. He’s already mad at me for losing that deal; you saw the email.”

I did see that email, and it took every ounce of restraint—and Tyler and Cal nearly restraining me physically—for me to not call him and ream him out for putting so much pressure on his son. I held in my protests. I knew Mr. Michaels was a particular man, but I never knew just how much so. I thanked my lucky stars that my dad never forced me to be anyone but me.

We walked into the living room, where all my sisters were cuddled on the couch together with wineglasses in hand. All four faces lit up.

“Well, isn’t it my two favorite men.” Stacy, the eldest, said, beckoning me over with her hand. I kissed her cheek, followed by Mackenzie, Bethany, then Caitlyn.

“You’re just saying that because they're gay,” Mackenzie countered.

“Ah, but all the good ones are!” Stacey teased.

“You have a husband!”

“Eh, he kind of just stuck—like a barnacle on a boat.”

I scoffed because that was the truth. My sister was all brains and beauty, like us all—dark hair and dark eyes. And I wasn’t going to deny the fact that all my sisters were built like models, which my dad always cursed because he greets all their partners with a bat—including Macenzie’s girlfriends .

Rodney Hurston, whose name kind of matched his appeal, was a short, stocky guy. I couldn’t say he was my type, but he was attractive in his own way. I only say that because unfortunately my sister got more than her fair share of comments about how she settled—but we couldn’t have dreamed up a better guy for her. He was the friend she studied with through college that stuck by her though the many frat boys that broke her heart, stuck around through every high and low, until she fell madly in love with him. She makes the joke, but her eyes shine like she knows the prize she has.

“Where is Rod anyways?” I asked.

“I didn’t want Mouse to feel like he was on the hot seat tonight. We’re all here to support you, and Rodney sends his love. While also giving me a child free night.” She cheered the air with her wine glass.

Eli did his own greetings before we sat on one couch, him on my lap with his arms around my shoulders. I ignored the looks from my sisters—they were idiots, and I said that with all the love in the world. But really...idiots, because they drew us hearts with their fingers and gushed about how much they loved it. Their support meant the world, but I’d be damned if I let them see me blush.

A knock on the door had Eli shooting off my lap and hovering by the fireplace like a child about to get scolded. My sisters exchanged looks and my mom gave a sweep of the room, her eyes settling on Eli and trying to tell him it was all okay.

My dad, on the other hand, came in and gave his shoulder a supportive squeeze. “It's all going to be okay, son.”

Eli just looked at him, eyes like that of a puppy knowing he was about to get caught ripping up the carpet.

I stood and offered my silent support with a hand on his lower back. There was uneasiness in the air as the Michaels rounded the corner to the living room. Eli’s father looked at him up and down, and I felt the heat of his glare as if it were on my own skin. “Your hair needs a cut again, Elias.”

Eli bowed his head, fingers playing anxiously with the slightly longer strands. I bit my tongue. Choose your battles, Jarman . The girls did their usual mingling, Eli’s sisters only coming up to him to ruffle the hair that he was already so anxious about. “Sup, little bro.”

Being the only boy in the Michaels versus the Jarmans was a little different. My sisters doted on me; I was their baby brother who they dressed up and played with. Eli, on the other hand, was seen as the boy they weren't. Their dad always wanted a boy to carry on the family and that wasn’t lost on his sisters

Eli’s mom stepped up. “Next time you come home, let me show you how to hang your clothes so you don’t have wrinkles.” She patted his cheek almost condescendingly, and once again he folded in on himself.

If Cal were around, he’d have said I was clenching my jaw tighter than an unused asshole. And yes, I’d heard that expression coming out of his mouth; it was ingrained in my brain now. So, with that in mind, I forced myself to rela x

“I have made a bit of everything. Come, let’s eat,” my mom twittered, and we all made our way to the table. Between all the girls, they made sure our glasses were filled with water or wine before sitting down themselves.

Eli muttered, “I can do it myself, really, but thanks.”

Somehow, in that picture, I could imagine us having a dinner party. I’d do all the cooking because well, Eli likely didn’t even know what the oven was. But he could mingle with the best of them, and pour drinks, making a table look nice… that was him—making sure everyone was happy. That was my man. I had to pause my mental trapezing on a future I had all but forced myself not to think of. After tonight, I hoped I could let those dreams wander.

There was small talk between our fathers asking about work as we served ourselves our food, and all conversation screeched to a halt. “Well, we were good until we lost a huge client,” Eli’s father dared to say, his eyes flicking to where we sat a few seats down. I dropped my knife, not even caring about the noise and put my hand on Eli’s thigh.

My dad read the silent cues and true to his nature, he tried to defuse the situation. “All part of business, unfortunately.”

“Not when it was my own son I trusted with the account. Don’t think that I haven't noticed you haven't responded to me, Eli,” Mr. Michaels said sternly.

The room grew tense, and Eli’s leg began to jiggle under my hand.

“I don’t think work matters are something to bring up tonight,” I told him, keeping my voice firm and even, and there was a flash of something in Mr. Michaels’s eyes.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. Work disappointments are bleeding into family time,” he acknowledged.

“I, ah, actually want to talk about a few things if I can?” Eli’s trembling words cut through the air. My sisters all looked to him with pitiful eyes. I massaged my thumb into his bouncing thigh, hoping to ease some of his nerves .

Both his parents looked at each other and then at him. “Elias?”

“I-I…” he stuttered. Breathe, sweetheart. As if he could hear me, he took in a deep breath and fortified himself.

“Let me start again. For those who know me, I haven’t been myself lately—”

“You’ve grownup, Elias. You still have a bit to go, but you have been more of a man—”

I growled, attracting everyone’s attention. “He has always been a man, Mr. Michaels.”

Eli’s hand found my leg, which I hadn’t realized I’d started bouncing. He squeezed; his blue eyes full of affection.

“I have grown up, Dad, but maybe not in a way that you’d want me to. I realized what I truly wanted. When I graduated, I wanted so desperately to be the son you boasted about…But if you knew me at all, you would see I’ve become half of who I was. I will admit I had growing up to do; the reality of being an adult and standing on my own two feet was a shock. But I’ve realized that working for the agency makes me… well, for lack of a better word, depressed.”

The room was alarmingly silent, Mr. Michaels chewing on his words as if trying to decide how to respond to that. “You just haven’t adjusted to the hard work. It's part of life, son. It's how you provide for your future wife and children.”

Eli sighed. “I don’t want a wife.”

His father scoffed. “That's just your young brain not wanting to settle down. Jenna wasn’t the one, but you will find her.”

Eli shook his head vehemently. “No, Dad. I have found the one, but he won’t be my wife.”

Silverware clattered against plates. I could almost hear everyone’s pulse vibrating in the room—or maybe that was mine—eyes ping-ponged between Eli and his father.

“Excuse me?” his father said, eyes flickering to me, and I watched realization come to his face as he put the pieces together. His mom gasped, her hand going to her mouth and tears filling her eyes. My stomach dropped. I was biting back my frustration while also wishing to some unnamed force that they would accept him for the gorgeous, perfect man that he was.

“Dad, I’m in love with Shane. I think I’ve always loved him. He’s always been my favorite person, and he is it for me,” Eli explained.

Aiden blinked, seemingly frozen in time.

“So, you’re telling me that you don’t want to carry on the Michaels name?” His voice was devoid of emotion.

Eli flinched, but my man wasn’t weak, he pushed on.

“Yes, I want to do what I love. I want to love who I love.”

I squeezed his leg and blinked back the tears that wanted to fall.

“I don’t know if I can accept this,” his father said, and I felt my body flush cold.

Eli stiffened. “I can’t stop loving Shane, Dad, and I can’t stop loving hockey.”

“Hockey!? You want to waste your whole life for a defenseman and a puck?” The fact that he wasn’t yelling was more alarming than rattling the windows.

“He is more than a defenseman, and hockey is more than a puck. They give me life. I’ve felt dead the last few months without them, Dad… I haven’t been happy. I didn’t care if I didn’t woke up in the morning. I was alone and uninspired. Is that what you want for me?” Eli challenged.

I hoped that he was cutting his father deep with his words. The thought of him not wanting to wake up had me needing to hold him tight and do everything in my power to make sure he never felt that way again .

“Of course not, but it's part of growing up. We can't have fun all the time,” his father said.

“I know life isn't all fun and games, but there has to be more to it than what I was going through.”

His dad stood, dropping his napkin on the still half-filled plate of food. “You disappoint me, Elias.”

Eli flinched as if he’d been physically hit and I rose to my feet, ready to fight. Eli’s hand came to my bicep. He shook his head. “If I disappoint you because a man loves me more than any woman ever could, if I disappoint you for choosing a career that gives me life…then I guess you disappoint me as a father.”

I looked at the two men staring each other down. Gone was the man who curled in on himself as he was judged by those he thought mattered. My man sat tall, hand on my arm strong enough to pull me down beside him. His father looked to him, to me, and shook his head before leaving the room. Eli’s mum followed without a word, and his sisters trickled behind. He was left looking at a blank space, holding my hand with my family sitting in solidarity around him.