9. Leyland

Leyland

The bar was the last place I wanted to be, especially this one.

“Yo, Ley…” Dre waved from where he, Duke, and Reggie had taken up residence. “Last one here, first round on you.”

I nodded, having prepared myself for such punishment.

Duke and I met Dre and Reggie at Howard; we pledged the same fraternity and stayed close after learning they were both from Austin like us.

“Firsttwo rounds on me for being distant since getting out the hospital.”

I signaled the bartender and ordered a round of beers and shots for the group. As I settled onto a stool between Duke and Reggie, I felt a hand clap my shoulder.

“Good to see you,” Reggie said, his eyes peering into mine. “You good? I thought we’d have to kidnap you to make sure.”

“For a lawyer you talk about breaking laws a little too much,” I mused, wanting to avoid talking about myself.

Reggie laughed.

“Maybe you’re right. Too many late nights poring over case files. But seriously, Ley, how you feeling? You had us worried.”

I sighed, taking a long swig of my beer before answering.

“I’m alright. Still adjusting, I guess. The doctors said it might take some time for everything to feel normal again.”

“Normal is overrated anyway,” Duke chimed in, giving me an out I really needed before the conversation got deeper.

He set his bear aside and raised the shots of tequila.

“To normal being overrated,” he said with a knowing smirk, only I understood.

We clinked our glasses and downed the shots. As the liquor burned its way down my throat, I scanned the bar. Clementine and I came here often when we first started dating. I can almost hear her laughter over the low hum of music.

“So,” Dre started, leaning in conspiratorially. “Guess who moved here recently?”

I shrugged.

“Who?”

“Olivia Reeves.”

Even though I tried to stop it, my lips pulled into a frown at the mention of my ex-girlfriend from college. Our careers had taken us to different parts of the country and after a long talk, we broke up amicably.

“Seriously?” Duke asked, eyebrows raised. “I thought she was living in New York.”

“Apparently, she got a job at some big tech company downtown,” Reggie chimed in. “Ran into her at the grocery store last week.”

“And?” I prompted, knowing there was more to the story.

“She asked about you,” he went on, confirming what I figured happened.

Duke’s eyes met mine, and I shook my head, not wanting to talk about Clementine with anyone.

She was engaged to someone else, and I was still coming to terms with it.

“I’m good on rekindling anything from almost ten years ago.”

“If not someone who was once the love of your life, then who?” Dre asked. “Reggie said she looked good. There might be sparks.”

I laughed, knowing in my heart no one could ever make me feel the way Clementine does.

“What’s up with the meddling in my love life?” I asked, looking between the two in cahoots. “Should I start asking about when you two will settle down?”

Dre and Reggie both laughed, hands up in mock surrender.

“No need for all that,” Dre said, the only one of us in a committed relationship that he wasn’t really committed to. “We just want to see you happy.”

“Yeah,” Reggie added. “You’ve been different since the accident. We thought maybe reconnecting with someone from your past might help.”

I sighed.

“I appreciate the thought, but I’m not looking to reconnect with anyone right now, especially not Olivia. I’m more focused on getting back to me—whatever that means.”

Despite the toast, I wanted a sense of normalcy back.

Duke, who had been quiet during this exchange, finally spoke up.

“Maybe normal isn’t what you need right now, Ley. Maybe it’s time for something new.”

I turned to look at him, surprised by his words. He’d never encouraged me to pursue Clementine, and I sensed that’s what he meant by that knowing look in his eyes.

“What do you mean?” I asked carefully.

He shrugged, taking another sip of his beer. “Just that sometimes life has a way of shaking things up when we least expect it. Maybe this accident was a wake-up call of sorts.”

I nodded slowly, mulling over his words. He was right, of course. The accident had changed everything, bringing Clementine into my life in a way I never could have imagined. But it had also left me feeling unmoored, caught between the life I remembered and the reality I now faced.

“Sometimes,” he went on, adjusting the sling his arm was in. “Even amid the unknown, you have to fight for what you want.”

And like he’d said nothing at all, Duke waved the bartender down for another round of beers and shifted the conversation to Dre—who’d just taken a physical therapist position with the Austin Knights—our professional baseball team.

I couldn’t move on though, as what he’d said settled somewhere deep inside of me. Fighting for Clementine was exactly what I wanted to do—not only because she wasn’t happy—but because I knew we were meant to be.

I felt that shit so deep in my spirit.

She didn’t need me to tell her about our past; she needed me to show her.

As if the universe aligned in our favor, my phone vibrated on the bar top with a notification from Instagram—a direct message request, to be exact.

I unlocked my screen and stared at the name and message attached.

@foreverclem : I didn’t know I wasn’t happy until I met you.

My fingers glided across the keyboard, friends and beer forgotten.

@paintedbyley : I’m sorry it’s not what you thought and for fucking up your world the way I have.

Her response was slow, but when it came, I knew Duke was right.

@foreverclem : Don’t be sorry. I’ll be okay.

@paintedbyley : What if you aren’t?

@foreverclem : I’ve been through worse.

My heart broke a little.

The Clementine I knew had felt the same; she was used to tragedy and being alone. Her career was the highlight of her life, but there was more out there.

I’m right here, tiny.

@paintedbyley : When’s your next off day?

I waited for a reply, hoping she wouldn’t run and instead let me in a little.

@foreverclem : Tuesday and Wednesday.

@paintedbyley : Let me take you somewhere. No pressure, just a chance to talk without eyes and ears.

It was a gamble, and I half expected her to leave me on read or say no, but she did the exact opposite.

@foreverclem : I would like that, the chance to talk.

Not wanting her to back out, I sent my number and requested hers in return.

She obliged, and I felt my smile spread before I could stop it.

“I told y’all,” Reggie muttered, reminding me I was at the bar with them.

When I looked up, all eyes were on me.

“Told them what?” I asked, locking and placing my phone on the bar.

“You’ve been engrossed in your phone for the last twenty minutes,” he said, brows lifted. “Now it makes sense why Olivia being here means nothing.”

I almost lied, but then I glanced at Duke and saw the look in his eyes and said, fuck it.

“Dr. Clementine Warren,” I revealed. “She’s all I can think about.”

And from there, I told them everything.

What was the point in hiding it, in holding back? I knew in my heart that she was mine and eventually she would know I belonged to her, too. There was no getting out of this.

I would fight for Clementine until the very end, but at her pace—same as I had before.

Fuck, this feels like déjà vu.

And that feeling didn’t go away when Tuesday rolled around and Clementine met me at Zilker Park in the botanical garden. The sun was about to set and the temperature dropped a little. Nothing like my time in D.C. but chilly for an Austin native.

She was in a pair of jean shorts, black and white dunks, and a graphic tee with a picture of Tupac on it. Her hair was a mass of curls and all I could think about was feeling it against my skin when we cuddled.

The longer I regarded her, the harder it became to keep my lip from between my teeth.

“Hi,” she greeted with a smile. “I wondered if you would take me to a place we’d been to before. I love coming here.”

The way she’d said it, like the memories were real and not completely from imagination, felt nice. It meant she might be open to seeing how real they could be.

“I know,” I said, looking into her eyes as she stopped right in front of me. “And it’s quiet here…” I waved around the near empty garden. “Fewer eyes and ears; we can really talk.”

She nodded slowly, her gaze leaving mine, but only briefly.

“Can we walk and talk?”

“We can do whatever you want.”

Without another word, Clementine turned and walked; I watched for a second until she glanced over her shoulder expectantly.

“You feeling okay today?” I asked, falling into step with her.

We hadn’t talked really since exchanging numbers through direct messages; I didn’t want to add fuel to a building fire, not when she had someone at home, but I hoped for her to know me more.

“Much better…”

I felt like she had more to say and looked over to find her watching me.

“Something on your mind, tiny?” I asked.

She frowned, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Tiny?” she mimicked.

I smiled and looked away, forgetting she wasn’t privy to the nickname I’d given her.

“It’s what I…what I called you.”

She looked at herself, then back at me.

“But I’m not tiny.”

She was exactly that: petite, not in height but weight, and cute.

“You’re perfect,” I mumbled, looking ahead again. “I picked tiny because of your name, not your size.”

“Oh…” there was a little squeak in her voice at the realization. “Duh. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”

What I wouldn’t tell her was that “tine” had turned into “tiny” over the first few months of us dating. There was no reason to rehash everything in one day.

“Leyland…”

A slight chill ran through me.

I loved the way she said my name, like she was testing it out on her tongue each time to see if it tasted different.

“Yeah, Clementine?”

“You know a lot about me, but I know nothing about you.”

“I’m an open book,” I said without hesitation. “You can ask me anything.”

She hummed but didn’t waste any time asking about everything that came to mind.

“Do you have siblings?”

I shook my head.

“Only child, but I have a god sister that lives in Sacramento named Ophelia.”

Clementine nodded, seeming to file that information away.

“What about your parents? I know they were at your bedside every moment they could be. Are you as close as it looked?”

I smiled, thinking of my mom’s overprotective nature and my dad’s quiet support.

“Yeah, we’re pretty close. They live just outside of Austin. My mom’s a science teacher and my dad owns a small construction company. They’ve been really supportive of my career, even when it seemed like a risky choice.”

“That must be nice,” Clementine said softly, a hint of wistfulness in her voice.

I knew she lost her parents at a young age. In my dreams, she’d told me about growing up in foster care, about losing her sister. I wanted to reach out and comfort her, but I held back.

“What about your art?” she asked, changing the subject. “How did you get started?”

“I’ve been drawing for as long as I can remember. My mom likes to tell stories of how she’d find me doodling on any surface I could reach—walls, furniture, even my own skin. But I really got serious about it in high school. I had this amazing art teacher who encouraged me to explore different mediums and styles.”

“I’ve seen some of your stuff online, it’s beautiful.”

You’re beautiful, I almost said.

“I appreciate that.”

She hummed, her body slowly drifting closer as we walked in a comfortable silence for a moment, the setting sun casting a golden glow over the gardens. I watched Clementine from the corner of my eye, noticing how she seemed more relaxed than usual.

“Can I ask you something personal?” she said suddenly, coming to a stop beside a rose pond.

I nodded, turning to face her fully. “Of course. I told you, I’m an open book.”

“How do you know when you’re in love?”

Dropping my gaze for a second, I contemplated how I wanted to go about it and, as our eyes met again, I had my answer.

“I can tell you how I knew I’d fallen in love with you,” I said softly, taking a small step forward as the words sort of tumbled from my mouth. “I couldn’t sleep until I knew you were home safe after late shifts. I set alarms to take you coffee at four in the morning; it’s when you’re the grumpiest. Every time you smiled at me, it’s like my entire world stopped. I went to bed thinking of you, woke up the same way. You became my everything, and I gave you my all.”

My heart raced like nothing before, while staring into her eyes.

Clementine took a breath and touched her chest, subconsciously rubbing small circles, it seemed. I waited patiently for her to say something— anything .

“Whenever you talk to me about your… about us, I obsess over it. And I tell myself, I shouldn’t because…” she looked at her hand and twisted the engagement ring. “This is so wrong, but my heart recognizes you, Leyland. And I want to know if there’s more to this, but I can’t do that until I get my shit in order.”

I nodded, understanding and willing to wait for her.

“Get to know me in the meantime,” I suggested, tipping my head to see her eyes. “No pressure. Just two people recon… two people connecting.”

Her answer came much quicker than I expected.

“Okay, yeah…” The corners of her lips lifted. “Just two people reconnecting .”

This woman had no idea how happy that made me, but I had to get one small thing straight before we continued.

“Take your time, tiny,” I whispered, my fingers gently brushing hers before I pulled them away. “We don’t have to rush into anything. I want you to make the best decision for yourself.”

“But I don’t want to hurt anyone,” she said, moving her hand closer to mine. “Not him or you or myself.”

I didn’t want to tell her that someone was bound to get hurt, but it was the truth and there was no way around it. As my fingers found their way to hers again—this time keeping contact and every feeling that came with it—I said, “No matter what, I’ll always have the memories of our first life together.”