Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

" T hat's the last one." Awe, gratitude, and pride flood my body with serotonin as I sign my watercolor with a flourish and wrap it for the gray-haired woman in the black maxi dress.

I never dreamed I could have this back home in my isolated mountain town.

In a patriarchal society where hierarchy and usefulness depend on pedigree and the Alpha's opinion, there's no time for dreams.

Good wolves do as they're told. But not me. I've had a spot at the farmer's market every weekend faithfully for the past six months, and my audience has grown exponentially.

Declining party invitations, dragging myself out of bed with the sun after a week of grueling classes, and making time to continue creating art has brought me to this moment.

I slip the protected canvas into a paper bag with handles. "Thank you."

"We love your work, dear. This is going to make my daughter's birthday extra special. You've grown so much over the years."

"You follow my socials?" She's not my usual demographic. I study her carefully. What is she doing, singing my praises. You can take the girl out of the dysfunctional pack, but you can't take the emotional trauma out of the girl.

"Ever since we discovered you at the farmer's market a few years back. You'll be graduating soon, won't you?"

"Tomorrow."

"Please tell me we won't be losing your talent."

I can't hold back the wide grin. "No. I'll be renting a small both out in a boutique downtown and working for the local art gallery."

"Good! I look forward to seeing what you do next."

It's the best graduation present anyone could give me. Art has been my constant companion. The one thing I can count on to pour my emotions into. It's been the lifeline keeping me anchored in my body and on the earth when the loneliness and lies threatened to overwhelm me.

"Yl!"

I look up and grin at the purple-haired menace stomping toward me in a pair of dock martins paired with a pastel green skirt and a cropped Nirvana top she's customized.

"Looks like I arrived just in time to help you pack up early." She beams, her dark green eyes sparkle with mischief.

She's tamed her coarse lavender curls into a giant buff on the top of her head, baring her graceful neck and the record shaped earrings she made from clay.

"Imagine that, you showing up to whisk me away from work."

"You're too serious. Life is about fun. Isn't that why you attended college so far away from home?"

For the millionth time, I long to tell her the truth. Best friend, roommate, and confidant, she's held every secret I have except for the ones that truly matter. Guilt sweeps over me, stealing away a chunk of my joy at the lies I'm holding on to.

"And that's why I'm staying here with you."

Her smile fades briefly.

"What's wrong?"

"Just worried about life as an official adult."

"You worry?"

"Shut it," she jostles me playfully, and I laugh.

Letting my worries blow away with the cooling breeze coming through the open area under the awning I give in. "Let's get your things packed." Kez bends down and moves my totes from under the table.

"Seriously. You're going to rock life after graduation. You know that, right?" She peers up at me and the sadness in her oak leaf green eyes steals my breath. "Keziah?"

"I'm going to miss things how they are. When classes were the only real problem we had to worry about, and the parties and adventures were plentiful." Her full lips curve up in the corners.

"Remember that time we drove six hours to see Florence and the Machine?"

"Yes, it was worth every minute of sleep nodding I did in classes that Monday."

Kez lets out a loud laugh. "I pissed off Mrs. R so bad."

"She's not one to forgive snoring during her art history lecture." I wag my finger, happy to see her bubbly personality return.

Breaking down the displays, I admire the floral stand to my left with the buckets depleted of their colorful blooms. They always sell well. I'll miss the community I've found here.

From Sam and Martha, with their fresh fruit and vegetables from his farm, to Lila with her artisan soap. I catch a woodsy scent on the breeze. I stiffen. Looking around, I try to locate the owner.

It smells like the pack. Heart in my throat, I grip the edge of the table as my legs grow weak. Are they here?

"Earth to Ylva." Kez waves her hand in front of my face. I jerk.

"You, okay?" She places a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah?" I laugh at my paranoia. The pack spent my adolescence making it clear I wasn't wanted or needed. Why else would they let a female wolf leave on her own? Even with the bribery I'd delivered with cash and pack by-laws to gain independence.

A viable she-wolf is a precious commodity. I'm defective and disappointing. A beta with little to no special skills born to powerful alphas. The sight of me reminded everyone of the failing health of our people.

In the past fifteen years, only six females have been born. Two were lost to the sickness decimating our females like a plague of locusts.

I step closer to Kez, soaking up her vibes while mourning the loss of my Aunt Ama and my childhood friend, Frida.

There's a special bond between women I never got to experience as a young adult until I found Kez.

"Do you have your outfit picked out for tonight?"

"I don't know, Kez. I was thinking of skipping this party."

"What? No. It's our last hurrah as college students. You can't bow out on me." She sits the tote down heavily and turns to face me.

I groan.

"We've worked our asses off to graduate. This is our time to let loose."

"I know." I nod.

"Besides, I already have your outfit picked out for tonight." She wiggles her eyebrows. "Along with your escort for the evening."

Pursing my lips, I give her the stink eye. "I thought we agreed, no more blind dates."

"We did. But this isn't a blind date."

"What would you call it, then?" I press the lid on the tote shut. She's hell-bent on pairing me up with someone. I never explained the heartless rejection that sent me on a path of singledom.

For four days straight, I cried my way through a cross-country road trip I was never supposed to take alone. The journey broke something inside me.

Healing required grit, keeping myself insanely busy, and a wall between me and those who could hurt me. Except for Kez, who snuck in under my radar.

My scars tend to be a good meter. Most shallow people look right past me unless it's to whisper. I know there are far worse ways to be hurt than rejection over an appearance I have no control over.

A survivor's wound is a badge. I won't be shamed about it. At the end of my senior year, the students had grown used to the fire damage on my display.

"A good time with a sexy man who doesn't want commitment. Ethan knows he's there to be eye candy with rhythm."

"Kez—"

"Please." She presses her hands together and bats her ridiculously long lashes.

"Fine."

"Yes!" She wraps her arms around me in an impromptu hug. "You won't regret this. It's going to be a night to remember."

"More like not remember. If I have a hangover for graduation, I'm going to kill you."

"You won't, I promise."

"Yeah." I flash her a skeptical look. "I've heard that before."

"But it's always worth it, isn't it?" She pulls away from me and holds me a little tighter. The sentimental behavior is a-typical.

"Of course. You act like we're moving to different states, Kez."

Her lower lip trembles. "I just know things are going to be different after tomorrow."

"Not that different." I return her hug. "Come on. Let's finish packing up so you can doll me up

and force me to go to this party with too much booze, handsome men, and the last of our college frivolity."

The vibes are weird as we load up my mid-sized forest green SUV. I wonder once more about Kez's background.

A scholarship student raised in foster care; Kez has always shied away from details about her upbringing.

I never pushed, because it gave me a reason not to speak about my own. I run my fingers down the raised ridges on my arms.

My appearance speaks of my tragedy without me having to say a word. Most think it's a miracle my face was spared from the blaze. I'd take a disfigurement over the ruin of my life.

Five hours later, I'm weaving my way through the crowded party with the broad-shouldered football player with wheat-colored hair that falls over his forehead into his bright blue eyes.

Chiseled-chinned with a dimple in his right cheek and a wavy southern accent, Livingston is most women's dream date.

For me, he's all wrong. His eyes are too light, and his blonde hair isn't pale enough. Do not compare him to your ex.

I fake a smile as his scent sweetens with desire. The sugary lemon scent makes me want to gag.

I drain the rest of the jungle punch in my red solo cup and pitch it into a nearly overflowing garbage bin against the wall nearby.

"Dance?"

"Yeah." He beams and I grab his hand and navigate the wall of bodies to the center where Kez is dancing like she's lip-synching for her life on Ru Paul's Drag Race.

"Ylva!" She reaches her hands out and pulls me toward her. Her eyes are glossy from imbibing, and there's a desperation I don't understand.

I match her frenzied movement as the bass rattles through the speakers set up in the frat living room. Closing my eyes, I lose myself to the intense rhythm, tolerating Livingston as he moves closer.

This is our last night as kids. Tomorrow, we receive a piece of paper that'll declare us as actual adults.

My skin itches with the need to change and howl at the moon hanging high in the sky. That's the way wolves celebrate, with a run.

I push the urge away and channel the energy into the undulation, winding my way down to the floor. Pushing my body, I burn off the excess energy that has my she-wolf clawing from the inside.

She wants freedom, but living among humans means denying my right to shift at will.

Leaning into Livingston, I soak up the warmth of his body, missing the intense heat that rolls off my kind.

Every relationship I've had outside of the pack has felt subpar. Still, I'm able to be in charge. It's a tradeoff I'm willing to make to keep my power.

Out in this world, I'll never be the one at a disadvantage. No one can force us to submit like before.

The thought appeases my she-wolf, who settles. She remembers what being under the thrall of my aunt felt like.

I was only a puppet for her to use as she saw fit. Even Cinderella had more choice in her situation than I did. Desperate to forget the memories, I dance harder.

All that's behind me now. The pace changes as a slow song comes on.

"Boo," Kez jeers. I nod my agreement, amused, as she grabs my hand. "Time for a restroom break, boys," she calls over her shoulder as we leave the center of the packed floor.

Admiring the high ceilings, black and white photos of former members, and expensive carpeting laid over what I smell are wooden flooring, I long for the Victorian home I grew up in.

"It's fancy in here, isn't it? Shame they don't appreciate it," she slurs.

"You went hard in the paint tonight, huh?" I issue a sideways glance as we walk past the long line of people waiting for the downstairs powder room.

"I needed some air," she explains. We step out of the backdoor and onto the wooden back porch.

The tall brunette man smoking a cigarette nods at us from his perch at the far end of the left side of the porch.

Kez leads me over to the porch swing and plops down. I follow suit, pushing off from the floor and setting us into motion.

"You know I love you, right?"

I smile and snicker. "I love you too, babe."

She grabs my hand and squeezes. "I mean it. You're the sister I never had. Growing up, life was a cold, lonely place. I." her voice shakes. "I did what I had to do in order to survive."

"You don't owe me an explanation." I silently beg her to stop her admissions, when I can't give her the same truth.

"But I do," she insists.

"I'm here to listen, but there's no need for it to be now Kez. We have plenty of time."

"Right." She gives me a shaky smile. "You're right. Sorry. The alcohol is loosening my lips."

She lapses into silence as we enjoy the moment of togetherness outside of the chaotic party raging inside. It's a last moment to say goodbye to our youth together.

These are the moments I dreamed of when I plotted a way to escape my uncle's and aunt's rule. It's why I referred to the laws to govern myself and bargained with the Alpha to leave the fold.

This is what freedom looks like.