5. Chapter Five

Turning her face up to catch the morning light, Mary savored the way the autumn breeze played with the wisps of hair that framed her face. After a good night's sleep, she felt that she was almost ready to face the disaster that was Longbourn. While most of her previous day had been spent seeing to Elizabeth's care, she had taken the time to play with Artie as well. There was something about the boy that always left her in a more positive frame of mind.

Though she worried still for her sister, Elizabeth had been insistent that Mary go to Longbourn as planned. In Elizabeth's mind, if she could not travel to Longbourn herself, the least she could do was send Mary with as much help as she could manage. So there was Mary, sitting in the wagon with the maids and supplies ready to tackle Longbourn's kitchen. They were bringing plenty of soap and scrub brushes and buckets. The maids talked softly as they traveled the few short miles to get to Longbourn, and though Mary did not know the girls who had volunteered to help, they both seemed pleasant and energetic.

While the rocking of the wagon was not as comfortable as a carriage would be, Mary was too practical to ask for a carriage to be brought just for her. They were already using so many of Netherfield's staff to work on Longbourn; she did not need to add to the burden. Mary told herself that the uneasy feeling in her stomach was just the rocking of the wagon and not anxiety about working with Mr. Goulding. There was really no reason for her to fret about running into him. It was not like he would be hanging about the kitchen.

It was one thing to see Mr. Goulding on occasion and share conversations as was allowed by society and propriety, but she had always managed to maintain a certain amount of distance from him before. How would she handle seeing him every day, all day while working at Longbourn? Could she pretend like she was not hurt when he spoke to her about insignificant topics? Did she have the strength to act like all was well when all she wanted to do was demand to know why he could not love her?

Biting her lip, Mary forced herself leave such miserable thoughts behind and concentrate on what was. She had the opportunity to face the ghosts of her past and make herself a home from the ground up. If Mr. Goulding would not push forward with their relationship, she would simply find a way to find a way to be happy, or at least stay busy. Surely if she was busy enough, she would not feel the ache in her heart so much.

She watched as Longbourn grew closer. The outline of the building was the same from her childhood, at least at this distance, and the destruction was not yet visible. Even as she grew closer, it was not that obvious unless you paid attention to the broken windows scattered around the building.

William was right—they would need to get the windows taken care of before inclement weather caused any more problems. After pulling up to the property, Mary gratefully accepted the help from the groom who had driven the wagon. Getting down, she shook out her skirts, squared her shoulders, and attempted to steady her nerves. The day would certainly be a challenge, but she felt up to the task. She was a Bennet lady after all, and they were stronger than they looked.

Gabriel had met up with Darcy early that morning, when the sun was just beginning to rise, to make arrangements for the men who were coming to oversee the harder labor at Longbourn. They had worked for less than an hour before they heard a wagon arrive with the women who would take on the kitchen. He used their arrival as an opportunity to go outside and hefted a piece of broken furniture out into the open area next to the house they had been storing all the rubble. They would decide how to dispose of it all later.

He was glad of his heavy gloves. The work he had been doing was much more physical than he was used to, but he was quickly gaining acceptance from the men he worked with. Dusting himself off, he looked up and spotted Miss Mary as she was helped off the wagon. She was so different from his family. His mother and sister would both have refused to ride in a wagon, and never would they insist on helping clean up a kitchen. Yet here she was, a woman who could reach so far, stooping down to gather cleaning supplies and bring them into the kitchen.

Following her and the maids into the home, he fought his nervousness to greet her. Resisting the urge to rub his gloved hands against his pants, he moved them behind his back. Clearing his throat, he began, "Miss Bennet, it is good to see you this morning."

Looking up, Miss Bennet shifted the broom and bucket in her hands around before responding. "Good morning, Mr. Goulding. How are you on this fine day?"

Looking out over the yard that had once been the kitchen garden, he nodded in thought before looking back at her. "Well, I am well. Uhm…" Cringing inwardly, Gabriel moved on to the first topic that came to mind. "This weather had been very conducive to our work. The cooler weather has been helpful, and as long as the wetter weather holds off or, heaven forbid, snow, we should be able to get quite a bit done in short order." It had been some time since he had been this anxious around Miss Mary. Racking his brain, Gabriel tried to discern why his heart was suddenly beating so. He had known her for years. They had spoken at length a number of times. Could it be possible that catching her the day before had changed something? Or had it been the night full of thinking of her and his hopes for their future?

"I am glad to hear it. The cooler weather will make it easier for us ladies to scrub the kitchen free of grime." Looking over her shoulder at the long-neglected kitchen, Miss Mary wrinkled her nose. "Hopefully within a day or so, I will not feel disgusted by the thought of brewing tea in the kitchen."

Rubbing at the back of his neck, Gabriel tried to find a way to extend their conversation. He could speak normally with her, he could. "Yes… Um…how is Mrs. Darcy faring? I know Mr. Darcy was quite concerned about her yesterday."

Smiling, Miss Bennet seemed to ponder something for a moment before responding. "She is improving, not entirely well, but better today at least. I spent time with her this morning making sure she was managing. I left her with a new book and some ginger tea. William, or rather Mr. Darcy, will see that she is well cared for in my absence."

Gabriel briefly wondered what it would be like to have such a close relationship with his own siblings, but it was too difficult to imagine. He was grateful Miss Mary was able to experience such relationships though, as well as to hear that Mrs. Darcy was doing better. She was a very kind woman, and he hated to hear that she was unwell. "That is good to hear. I have always envied their relationship. It is something I would aspire to should I ever have the opportunity to have such a love in my life—" Gabriel's eyes widened as he caught himself, and he felt his cheeks heat to what felt like a hot shade of vermilion. What had he just said? Sweat began trickling down the side of his hairline and down the back of his collar. "I… I should get back to removing the debris from the first floor. I will be sure to ask your advice about anything we find that we can hope to salvage. Miss Bennet." Giving a quick bow, he took off back to the main part of the house and looked for a room he could hide in to thoroughly castigate himself for his misbehaving tongue.

What had he just done? What had he just said? He was speaking of love and blushing like a schoolboy. How had he become so carried away? He knew he was not in a position to make any overtures to Miss Bennet, not yet at least. Maybe after he had helped with Longbourn. Mr. Darcy was being extremely generous, and he had been steadily saving whatever that he could. Perhaps in a year or two he would be in a place that he could suggest something.

Leaning against the wall, he allowed himself a small moment of despair. He let his head fall back and hit the wall behind him with a thud. No woman would want to wait that long to even begin courting, and Miss Bennet should not have to wait that long for him to become the man she deserved. What should he do? What could he do? If he was closer to Mr. Darcy, he might ask him for advice, but he did not feel comfortable with that idea. What if Darcy discouraged him from pursuing Miss Mary?

Stepping away from the wall, Gabriel began to pace hoping that movement might very well help put his thoughts in the proper order. After tripping over a broken piece of a chair, however, he realized there was too much on the floor to pace properly. He looked around the room with a heavy sigh. The space was not too dissimilar from his state of mind—nothing was fully formed or useful, just random pieces of disjointed frustration. On the one hand, his attachment to Miss Mary was so strong that it nearly consumed his every thought and feeling. Conversely, he felt compelled to hold off on advancing their relationship in order to protect her. The war within himself was becoming more difficult to deal with.

After realizing there was no immediate solution to his inner conflict, he begrudgingly turned his attention to the work at hand. Leaning over, he began picking up the pieces of a broken sideboard. It could have been lovely once, but now it was nothing more than kindling. Leaving the room with a hand full of what must have been something someone loved, he moved to discard it. Maybe he could think as he worked? Or at least distract himself from his worsening problems.

After he was done with his load, he went to check on the other workers and the various rooms they were clearing out. Hopefully, there were pieces of furniture that could be salvaged, though they had not gone upstairs much at all. He would work on that once they had cleared the main floor. Maybe there would be less destruction there. The notion that one man could annihilate all that had been painstakingly accumulated over generations was deplorable.

"Mr. Goulding, sir, I think you should see this."

Gabriel looked up from his mindless, repetitive work of gathering debris while pondering on better ways to do such a task. Maybe they should get a wheelbarrow for each room so there would be less walking around with armfuls of heavy items? Gabriel smiled at the man who had called out to him. "Yes, Jeremy? What is it that I need to see?"

"Most of the trinkets and whatnots are all smashed beyond use, but I think I found a chest that old Mr. Bennet missed." Jeremy stood expectantly in the doorway and appeared eager to show off his find.

Taking his armful to the hallway, Gabriel left it on a larger pile of rubble. "That is splendid, show me." Walking down the hallway behind the groom, Gabriel could see evidence that he had been working diligently all morning. Several rooms had been cleared of debris and were ready to be repaired or painted as needed. As they made their way to the last room in the hallway, Gabriel was hopeful that something might be saved from the disaster that was Longbourn.

Jeremy moved a ruined chair further out of the way so that Gabriel could more easily see a small chest. Looking at the chair, Gabriel shook his head at the stuffing that was falling out of it. It looked as if someone had taken a knife to the chair and ripped the cushions to pieces. "I don't think Mr. Bennet saw it on the ground behind the chair," Jeremy explained. "I think we might save the chair if we reupholster it, though. That Mr. Bennet was a bad ‘un that is for certain."

"This is a wonderful find. Marvelous job, Jeremy. I am sure the Bennets will be so very happy to have something left from their home." Kneeling down, Gabriel opened the chest to find some sort of dish set. There were teacups and a teapot carefully preserved in hay to prevent breakage, and it seemed to be an entire set. "This seems old. It might have belonged to Mr. Bennet"s mother or even someone before her. Miss Bennet and Mrs. Darcy will be thrilled to have such a find. Can you take the chair upstairs to the servants" quarters or maybe the attic, if there is no room there? If you spot any furniture we might reupholster or mend, move it up there as well. I would like to preserve as much as possible for the ladies."

"Good plan, sir." Jeremy picked up the chair and began to move to the doorway.

"Do you need help with that?" Gabriel questioned.

"I think I have this, sir, thank you. I will let you know if we find anything that I need help moving." Readjusting his grip, he turned to go, but paused. Looking back, he said, "You know, there might be some interesting finds in the attic already. I know I have heard of things being stored in the attic and forgotten about for generations."

Closing the lid on the chest, Gabriel gently picked it up. "Thank you, Jeremy. I will be sure to let the Bennet ladies know to look up there at some point." Gabriel moved towards the kitchen, eager to show the find to Miss Mary. She had been so sad to see the destruction, and he hoped that finding something that survived could bring a smile to her face.

"I think at least we have the cupboards clear of any more vermin," came Miss Mary's voice from the kitchen. Gabriel hastened to reach her and show her his find.

"You know they will come right back if we do not get a more permanent method in place. Clearing out their homes will only do so much," another feminine voice responded, most likely one of the maids.

"I am trying to see about getting a few mousers to keep things in check. So far, I have not made any headway, but if either of you hear of a cat or two we can set up here, be sure to let me know," Miss Mary replied.

The breathy reply of Miss Mary had Gabriel wondering what she was doing that left her so. Upon entering the room, he looked around with his arms full of the chest. "It may not be a cat or two, but I think I have found something you will be happy to see—" He knew he had heard Miss Mary's voice, but he could not see her.

"What?" From within the cupboard, there came a sudden thud, as if a maid had accidentally dropped a heavy object while cleaning. Scooting back on her heels, the woman"s head came up, and she grimaced in pain as she rubbed the sore spot on her head. Only it was not a maid, it was a very dirty Miss Bennet. Her hair was wrapped with a kerchief, and she had the absolute cutest smudge of dirt on the bridge of her nose. "Oh, Mr. Goulding, I did not hear you come in. Was there something you needed me for?"

Gabriel waited while she stood and shook out her skirts. Swallowing convulsively, he found himself distracted by the smudge on her nose, but managed to say, "I found a chest that seems to be intact. I thought you might like to see it. Miraculously, I do not think anything inside was broken. Your father must have missed it." Placing the chest on a semi-clean table, he stepped back and allowed Miss Bennet to examine it.

Wiping her hands on a rag, Miss Mary stepped forward and opened the chest by lifting the latch. Her gasp when she saw the chest's contents made Gabriel offer a hopeful smile. Would the items bring her happy memories? The longer he had been at Longbourn, the more he realized the place must have many unhappy memories lurking about. But there had to be good memories, didn't there?

Hesitating only for a moment, Miss Mary extended her finger to trace the gentle curve of a teacup. Then, lifting it gently, she brought it to her chest as a little girl would a cherished doll. "I think this was Grandmother Catherine's tea set. When Lydia was little, she almost broke one of the cups and Mama put the set away. It was precious to her, and she did not want Lydia's little hands breaking anything. I do not remember ever seeing the set out again." It looked as though Miss Mary fought back tears as she clung to a teacup for comfort.

Happy memories then. Gabriel was glad. "Where would you like to keep the chest? I could have it moved to the attic for safekeeping, or you could take it back to Netherfield with you?"

Shaking her head slightly, Mary put the porcelain cup decorated with a spray of flowers back in the chest. She made sure everything would be safe before closing the lid. "I believe I would like to take it back to Netherfield. I would love to show Lizzie what you found." Gabriel couldn"t help but notice the intensity in Miss Mary's gaze, her eyes shining with a flicker of regard that instilled in him a hopeful longing for the love he yearned for. "Thank you for finding this. It will mean so much to us all."

Gabriel felt a pang in his chest as he looked into her eyes, causing him to swallow hard. He quickly shifted his gaze to the chest for a moment before mustering the courage to look back up and lock gazes with her again. "There are a few pieces here and there that we are managing to salvage. Nothing as grand as what is in the chest, but we are moving what we find upstairs to the attic or servants' quarters as necessary."

A flicker of a smile graced Miss Mary's face as she said, "I have yet to find the courage to go upstairs and check over the rooms that I was most familiar with. I have a sinking feeling that it will be just as damaged, if not more so."

"I have not gone into the family wing, so I do not know for certain, but I would be careful if you go up there." The expression on Miss Mary's face started to harden, and Gabriel realized that he had made a blunder. Not that he knew what that blunder might be, of course, but desperate to change the subject, he turned to view the kitchen. It seemed mostly the same, but he was sure they had been working hard. "How are things progressing here in the kitchen?"

With a delicate shrug, Miss Mary looked around the room at all that still remained to do. "Well enough. We have disposed of all the nests that we have found, and we have begun cleaning out the stove so that we may boil water to clean with. It will take a while longer, but we are managing."

"Be sure to let us know if you need help with anything in here, ladies," Gabriel offered. "I am sure any of us gentlemen would be happy to oblige. Miss Bennet, ladies." With a bow to Miss Bennet and a nod to the maids with her, Gabriel turned to go back to his tasks. He had things to do, and he did not want to risk saying the wrong thing yet again.

***Mary put her foot on the first step. With her decision made, she firmed her stance and went up the stairs. She had lived in this house for nineteen years of her life. Why would Mr. Goulding ever think of insisting on her being careful? Why would she need to be careful?

Making it to the top of the stairs without incident or any sightings of vermin, Mary bit her lip and began down the hallway. Would she look in her room first, or would she be brave and explore her mother's sitting room? Maybe she should start in her bedroom. It was closer.

The door swung open with a creak that spoke of a need for grease. Taking a timid step forward, Mary looked around the room that she had spent so many hours of her life in. They had taken what they could when they had left Longbourn, but of course they could not take as much as they would have liked. Smaller items were taken where possible, but larger items like furniture was left behind.

Everything seemed to have been painted in a thin coat of dust. It only made sense no one had been in to clean in what was most likely years. Mary's childhood bed was still standing, but the side table with the mirror had been broken. Walking towards it, Mary looked for the stool that she had always sat on when she brushed her hair. She did not see it, or rather the pieces of it in the other broken bits.

Approaching the bed, she knelt but did not see it anywhere under the bed, though she did realize everything would certainly need to be washed. Once they had the kitchen clean, she would start work on the linens that needed cleaning and mended. Would it be more beneficial to bring it all back to Netherfield to wash or try to do it here? She would have to ask Elizabeth what she thought.

She walked to the broken window and looked out. Despite the fresh air blowing into the room, there was an odd musty smell that she could not place. Looking down at the yard below, Mary noticed that there in what was once one of her mother's beloved rose bushes was her stool. Long forgotten, it must have been the instrument of her father's wrath, used to break the window in his rage.

An odd snapping sound had Mary looking for the source of the sudden noise. Was there an animal in her old room? Startled, Mary froze in place. What was that sound? Before she could give it another thought, the floor beneath her feet gave way and she fell with a strangled scream.