16. Chapter Sixteen

Back at Netherfield, Kiernan, Bingley, and Darcy stood just outside the stable looking at the storm. Darcy turned and asked, "So Mary followed him to Longbourn? How long after she left did the storm blow in?"

Kiernan looked out at the swirling mass of snow with concern written clearly in the lines of his face and shoulders. Shaking his head, he said, "An hour? They would all have had plenty of time to reach Netherfield before the storm."

Bingley, his arms wrapped around his torso already fighting the cold, shook his head in concern. "As much as I worry for Mary, I do not think it is a good idea. I would hate to send out people to look for them in this storm when they most likely have taken shelter at Longbourn. It is unlikely anyone would even make it to Longbourn to check on them." Stepping back, he got out of the direct strength of the wind.

It was unsettling to be unable to assist Mary when she needed it. Kicking at the mounting pile of snow at his feet, Kiernan said, "I should have gone after her earlier."

Gripping Kiernan by the shoulder, Darcy tried to comfort the teenager. "If you had left when you intended, you would have been caught in the brunt of the storm before you made it to Longbourn. There is no telling if you could have made it there safely. You know Mary and Mr. Goulding are both smart enough to stay put when faced with this mess. We will hope and pray that they have taken shelter from the storm." Shepherding Kiernan back into the stable, Darcy reassured him, insisting, "We will go out at first light to check on them. The storm will have to have blown itself out by then."

Letting himself be escorted back into the waiting warmth of the stable, Kiernan fought his worry. Though a new thought drew him up short and a ghost of a smile drifted across his face. As long as they were all safe at Longbourn the situation might just turn out for the best. Mary and Mr. Golding being stuck at Longbourn together meant that they could no longer avoid facing their problems. Hopefully this blizzard would lead them to a greater appreciation for one another and the love that bound them both.

Mary stood and went to the stove and began arranging things so that she could boil more water for tea as they had drunk all she had earlier prepared. Taking that moment to herself, Mary contemplated how embarrassed she was to consider that a twelve-year-old girl had so easily deciphered the Gordian knot that was her heart. Had it been that obvious to everyone? She knew her sisters knew, or at least suspected, but was she gossiped about? Was she pitied by her friends for her disappointed hopes?

When she finally turned away from the stove, Gabriel had hung the blanket he had used outside on the back of a chair to dry. He did not appear chilled, but she knew he had been out in the cold recently, so she retrieved the last blanket and gave it to him.

Taking the blanket, Gabriel looked her in the eye, his expression concerned. "I am sorry if my sister pestered you inappropriately."

Waving off his worry, Mary said, "She is at a hard age, and I am sorry, but I do not think your mother is making it any easier on her. Apparently, your mother recently began grooming her for her first season and is already filling her head with how she needs to become one of the leaders of local society." Returning to the stove, she carefully readied the teapot, eager to brew another pot of tea once the kettle started to boil. "She noticed the contrast between her mother"s lectures on how to approach marriage, and how I did not reject emotion and even love the way her mother advised."

Standing, Gabriel began to pace the blanket around his shoulders, fluttering behind him like a cape. "She is not yet thirteen. Her first season will not be for what…" Gabriel seemed to consider his sister's age and, after some quick calculation, said, "at least four years or possibly even six. What is my mother thinking?"

Gathering her cup as well as Gabriel's Mary rinsed them out before filling them up with more warm tea. "She has told Evaline that she is expected to make a grand match without letting her emotions get in the way. So Evaline was interested, or rather thought it was humorous to see how we seem to be struggling with emotions. I do not mind reassuring your sister. She is a dear. In fact, she reminds me of myself in some ways. I was more uncomfortable with the fact that I was so easily read by a relative stranger than I was by any of her questions." Turning, Mary held out the steaming cup of tea to Gabriel, a wobbly smile on her face.

Accepting his cup from Mary, Gabriel gazed into the tea as if it could tell him what to say at that moment. "I know that feeling, actually. I had a very interesting talk with Kiernan the other day. He seemed as clear-sighted as my sister."

"Yes, Kiernan can be quite insightful. He was the one who prompted William to propose to Elizabeth." As Mary positioned herself at the table, she placed her cup down and clutched the blanket tightly around her shoulders, seeking comfort and warmth. Then, looking back at Gabriel, she shrugged. "Maybe it is just that younger people see through the complications of life that we adults seem to accumulate."

Gabriel moved to the seat across from Mary and put his cup down. Mary saw his serious look and instantly felt guilty. Her ultimate wish was for him to love her with such fervor that he would bear his heart, not because he was forced to do so. Rushing to reassure him somehow, she said, "You are under no compulsion to act on anything your sister said or prompted with her questions."

Nodding in acknowledgement, Gabriel looked down at his cup for a moment, saying, "I understand that." Peering up and into Mary's eyes, he continued, "But I am compelled to act by what my heart tells me."

Overwhelmed by how perfectly his speech aligned with her desires, Mary struggled to find her voice, whispering, "So what does your heart say?"

Not breaking eye contact, he declared, "It tells me that, yes, Evaline was right in her assumptions. I love you and I have loved you for some time."

Mary looked at Gabriel's hopeful face and found herself less moved by his declaration than she would have thought. She had half suspected, half known, that he loved her for some time. He had let enough things slip in his manner and the way he spoke to her that it was no grand revelation. "Though I am happy to hear you finally admit to it and I love you in return, I am realizing that love without action is not enough for me." Giving herself a moment, Mary took a sip of tea. Gabriel looked crestfallen, and she hated putting that look on his face, but she needed to get her point across. "Loving me but doing nothing about it is like expecting spring blossoms without the warmth of the sun to help them grow. I do not want some kind of courtly love where you admire me from afar and leave me to embroider in my tower. If you are unwilling to act on your love, I will find a way to move past my love for you and be happy without you in my life."

"Then Kiernan was right. I have hurt you with my hesitation." Dropping his head to the table, Gabriel groaned. Raising only his eyes, Gabriel looked at her without moving his head. "I am a fool, and I am sorry for any pain I have caused you."

"Thank you for being considerate enough to apologize. I will not deny that I have been hurt." Mary found herself unable to torment Gabriel. For all that she said she would move past him and find happiness on her own, she knew that it would take a while to get to that point. Right now, her love for him made viewing Gabriel brought so low hurt her deeply. Reaching out, she took his outstretched arm that he had been laying his head against. Squeezing his hand, she waited until his eyes found their way back to hers. "What do you want, Gabriel? This conversation is not all about me. I want you to be happy just as much as, if not more, than me."

Her last sentence seemed to act on Gabriel as if she had slapped him. The horror on his face made Mary recoil. What had she said to hurt him so? She had meant to be encouraging. She did not mean to hurt him as she obviously had.

Shoving his chair back, Gabriel got up and began to pace. Running his fingers through his hair and looking woebegone, it took him a moment to speak. "How could I ever want you to find a way to look past your love for me? I am incapable of wanting you to move on. That would never be what I want."

Wanting to soothe him but not knowing how to do it, Mary followed his erratic movements with her eyes. Eventually, Mary said the only thing she could come up with, "What do you want, Gabriel?"

In a startling move, Gabriel rushed to Mary and knelt before her, blocking her into the chair where she sat. Gabriel grabbed the arms of her chair, boxing her in. Then, looking at her with the most earnest expression she had ever seen him wear, Gabriel began. "I want to be married to you. I want to face all of life"s problems together. I want us to act as we have weathered the storm at Longbourn, standing by your side and offering support to each other when we stumble. I want to watch you care for our children the way you have been caring for my sister. I want a child with your glorious, changing eyes to look up at me with the adoration the way Artie stares Darcy. I want so much, and it begins with getting you to marry me."

Mary gave a slight shake of her head, attempting to suppress the overwhelming surge of hope that had erupted within her upon hearing his words. Biting her lip, Mary whispered, "You do not have to say that. Please do not say such wonderful things if you do not mean them."

With a sigh, Gabriel reached out to run his hand along the side of Mary's face. Then, smoothing the wrinkles in her brow with his thumb, he responded. "I would never hurt you that way. It has been a long time since I knew it was what I wanted, but to my deep regret, I hesitated."

Mary knew that her forehead was screwed up despite Gabriel's effort to smooth the skin between her eyebrows. For a moment, she wanted to surrender to the tantalizing sensation of his touch, but she resolutely pressed on, even as she closed her eyes. Whispering, she asked, "Why would you hesitate if that was what you truly wanted?" Opening her eyes, Mary took in Gabriel, where he knelt before her, still trying to rub her worry away with his thumb. "Did you think I would deny you? I have tried to let you know how I felt in every way possible, and yet you did nothing! You never acted, never reassured me that my fears were baseless."

Falling back to sit on his heals Gabriel released her face and groaned. "I know, and I am a fool for it. I have nothing to offer you Mary, I am a second son. My family has made it very clear that I will get nothing for them. I was basically told that I would have to fend for myself." Running his hands through his hair in frustration, Gabriel growled. "Your sister just married an earl, Mary. He has so many estates that it might take them a year to visit them all and make sure that they are well handled. Darcy owns half of Derbyshire and the rumor that he had ten thousand pounds a year is greatly underestimating his income. Jane, of all your married sisters, married the least well off, and Bingley still owns an estate and has more income than your father ever did. How was I to ask for your hand when I have nothing to offer you?"

Slumping, Gabriel looked up at Mary with a saddened mien. Continuing his speech, Gabriel explained, "My allowance from my family is a pittance compared to your brothers-in-law's income, and I have been told that it will cease when I turn twenty-five. How can I ever support you in a manner to which you are accustomed?" Taking a moment to breathe deeply with his eyes closed and shoulders drooping, Gabriel sat nearly deflated. Then, reaching out, he took Mary's hand with a grim smile. "I say all of this and yet I still want to marry you, even knowing that our marriage would be seen as a degradation to you by many. What kind of man does that make me?"

Her tears silently trickling down, Mary clung to his hand, a flood of happiness washing over her as she finally embraced the reality of his sincere desire to marry her. "It makes you the man I love. Do you think I care about houses and wealth? We will find a way. I have a dowry that has grown to the point where I am sure we could live comfortably somewhere as long as we are careful."

Rising back to his knees, Gabriel looked at her with hope glimmering in his eyes. "I do not want you to have to be careful."

Shaking her head, Mary's voice held a firm resolve when she said, "I would rather be careful than heartbroken. You saw me roll up my sleeves and don an apron and clean right along with the maids. I am not above hard work. The only thing that would make that work not worth it is if I did not have you by my side." In a mirror of the move Gabriel had earlier done, Mary rested her palm along his cheek, asking, "Will you allow me to be by your side?"

"I dream of our life together, one where our love will blossom and weave a tapestry of beautiful moments, regardless of where we live." Gabriel looked into her eyes smiling and asked, "Mary Bennet, will you marry me and fill our lives with beautiful memories no matter where we live? Will you stand by me, no matter the obstacle that life puts in our way?"

Leaning in, Mary hugged Gabriel around the neck. Her response was no less powerful for all that it was whispered, "Yes, Gabriel. A million times, yes!"

slowly from her embrace, Gabriel lowered his lips to hers, kissing her with an ardor that he was sure that Mary had never before guessed at if her startled squeak was anything to go by. It did not stay a one-sided kiss for long, as Mary soon became an eager participant. For a time, Gabriel forgot everything but how completely happy he was.

"So, are you getting married?" Evaline smiled at them, her arms full of Octavius in all his regal glory. The gray cat seemed to put up with her attentions in an odd sort of way. "Do you think you can convince Mother to let me stay with you sometimes?"

Laughing at the interruption and loving that Mary was once again bright pink, Gabriel smiled at Evaline. Sitting back in her chair, Mary pressed her palm over her heart and Gabriel wondered if it was beating as rapidly as his own. It took a moment for Mary to respond to Evaline's inquiry, and Gabriel, for his part was unable to find the words to respond with. Laughingly she said, "We will see how much you can visit. We do not even know where we are going to live yet." Giggling, Mary looked at Gabriel.

He sat back on his heels, running his hands down his face in embarrassment at being caught by his little sister. After a moment, he peeked through his fingers at Mary, his shoulders shaking with laughter to accompany her continued laughter. He had completely forgotten that they were not alone.

"That makes sense, I guess." Stroking the cat in her arms, Evaline continued to grin at catching the two so distracted by their kiss.

Reaching out, Mary smoothed the hair that he knew had been drying wildly on his head. She smiled at him as she continued to speak with Evaline. "Yes, well, your brother is going to see if he can find some bricks to warm our bed for later and we are going to go upstairs and explore the bedrooms. What do you say we go pick out where we want to sleep?"

Evaline sniffed. Her nose was still red from her time outside. Despite that, she smiled happily, replying, "Yes, that sounds like fun. We can pick the warmest one."

"Why don't you return Octavius to his throne room and we shall go see what we can find?" Looking back to Gabriel, she raised her eyebrows in question. "What do you think of the plan?"

Having dropped his hands from his face entirely, Gabriel looked deep into Mary"s eyes. Now that he knew she loved him and wanted to be his wife, Gabriel found he did not want her to be out of his sight. Despite feeling inclined to pout, he said, "I think it is a brilliant plan, however I can see one flaw."

"Oh?" Eyes widening, Mary tracked Gabriel's movements as he deliberately moved closer, intruding upon her personal space.

He leaned in, their cheeks touching, and whispered into her ear, his voice barely audible. "It will take you away from me, and I do not want you ever gone from my side."

Mary smiled at him dreamily as he moved back and once again knelt before her. Resting her hand on his shoulder, she pushed at him playfully, saying, "You will have to learn patience, then. You know, I have read that patience is an excellent trait to practice." After she kissed Gabriel on the cheek, he quickly moved out of her way and extended his hand to help her to her feet. It was good timing as Evaline came out of the pantry, her blanket wrapped around her shoulders ready to go explore the upstairs.

Mary was so happy to know that Gabriel was ready to move forward with their relationship. In fact, she was an engaged woman. It was almost as if a weight he had been struggling under had finally lifted. She had come to Longbourn in order to determine whether she was wasting her time in her stubborn, irrepressible love for him, and she had succeeded in her quest, albeit not in the way that she had expected.

Looking into the various bedrooms with Evaline brought with it various memories from her less than happy childhood. Despite that, she had fun with Evaline in their exploration. They had taken the time to look at all the beds and the blankets that were still on the beds. The broken pieces of furniture had been removed and that was reassuring.

Evaline had started gathering the quilts that she liked and wrapping them around her like so many cloaks. She was trailing them with her as she moved. It was obvious that there had been no start on the cleaning on the second floor. There was far too much dust for Mary's liking and Evaline had started to sneeze repeatedly. The rooms still had some furniture that had survived Mr. Bennet's fits of temper, but it was all covered in a thick layer of dust, giving everything an abandoned feel. They cautiously removed the sheets from the beds to check the suitability of sleeping arrangements, but their actions only resulted in a cloud of dust filling the air.

Mary knew that there was not much she could do about the swirling dust particles, though she worried about Evaline and her incessant sneezing. She suspected that the warmest room would be the room directly over the kitchen, but that room would not necessarily be the best situated. Oddly enough, some of the beds were missing. Just what had her father done when they left?

After looking into quite a few rooms, Mary found one that looked like it might suit their purposes. "What do you think, Evaline? Will this do for tonight?"

"Ach…hoo." Evaline sniffed and grumbled, her nose becoming angrier from its recent ill use. "It is smaller than som' of the others?" It was obvious that she had a stuffy nose. She appeared increasingly miserable.

"Yes, but a smaller room will be easier to keep warm. I think this was one of our maid's rooms. It has a fireplace, and the bed seems to be in good order though small." Going over, Mary removed the sheet that had been in place over the bed, trying to be careful to keep the dust from flying over everything. The quilt on the bed seemed serviceable, if plain, and they had plenty more blankets to pile on top of the bed, curtesy of Evaline's collection. "If we take the extra blankets we found down to the kitchen with us, we can warm them by the stove while we eat. It will make for a warmer night. What do you think?"

After sneezing once more, Evaline looked at her sodden handkerchief with distaste. Rubbing at her face with her hand, Evaline looked at Mary and offered a ghost of a smile. "I am all for warmth. It is much colder up here than it is in the kitchen. Can we go back now?"

Looking at the poor girl with pity, Mary agreed. "Do you want me to help you carry the blankets? I do not want you to fall down the stairs."

Shrugging, Evaline only offered a quiet, "Sure."

Mary observed Evaline"s drooping posture and diminishing energy. Was she just affected by the dust, or was this from being in the storm earlier? Eyebrows furrowed in unease, Mary gathered most of the quilts that had been wrapped around Evaline and then followed her down the stairs.

Her mind began searching for remedies that she had learned both from her mother and Jane. Arriving back in the kitchen, she set the blankets down and encouraged Evaline to sit in a chair. "Here, why don't you sit, and I will get you some more tea with sugar in it. Are you hungry? There is cheese and apples to be had."

Laying her head down on the table, cushioned on top of the blankets, Evaline closed her eyes. "Tea sounds wonderful."

Leaning down, Mary gave the girl a hug and used the opportunity to listen to her breathing. She had not noticed it earlier, but Evaline was faintly wheezing. Kissing her brow, Mary was relieved that she did not seem to have a fever, at least not yet. "I will get right on that tea." Going to the counter, Mary poured more water on the kettle that was resting on the stove before moving it to the warmest spot. Touching the side of the teapot with the back of her hand, she judged it to be warm enough, and she gathered Evaline's cup from the pantry to pour her some tea.

Gabriel had smiled at Mary when he saw their return, but it quickly turned into a frown when he saw her worry. Going over to her at the counter where she was filling a pot with water, he asked, his voice low, "What can I do to help?"

Gabriel"s request reminded Mary of the deep affection she held for him. He did not pester her with questions about what was going on or what had happened. Gabriel merely offered to help. He really was a great man, and she would love spending her life with him. "Can you encourage her to drink the tea? I am going to get some water boiling and check the herbs to see if there is anything we can use to help her."

Nodding, Gabriel took the cup of tea from Mary, but not before kissing her temple. It was similar to what Mary had done with Evaline, but certainly did not produce the same reaction. Mary was forced to ignore the shiver that had swept down her neck and was working its way to her fingertips while she made her way to the pantry. Shaking her head at Gabriel's audacity, Mary greeted Octavius as he twined along her legs and left the room.

At the back, hanging from the ceiling, was what Mary looked for. She was happy to find rosemary. It was not the best solution, but Mary hoped that it would help. Moving back to the stove with rosemary in hand, she checked the small pot that she had set to boil on the stove. Finding a knife, Mary cut up half of the rosemary and dropped it into the boiling water. It was not long before the scent of rosemary filled the room.

Collecting a large bowl, she poured some of the steaming rosemary water into it very carefully and brought it over to the table where Evaline and Gabriel sat quietly. Amidst the stillness, the only sound that persisted was Evaline"s coughing and sneezing. "Evaline, I want you to lean over the bowl and breathe in the steam for a while. I am going to cover you with the blanket so that the steam stays in there with you. Take deep breaths for me."

"If you think it will—achoo! Achoo!" Evaline groaned and then coughed repeatedly before she could find her voice again. "…it will help me stop sneezing and snuffling. I will try anything."

Gabriel helped Mary to settle the blanket over Evaline to trap in the steam. Then, stepping back, his worried gaze sought Mary's. "She seems to be getting quite unwell. She had seemed fine not an hour ago." Gabriel kept his voice low, probably hoping to not be overheard by his younger sister.

Wrinkling her nose, she asked, "Do you know if she has ever had a bad reaction to dust before?"

Looking off into the distance, Gabriel seemed to ponder for a moment before remarking, "Not that I know of, but I was away from home for most of the last ten or twelve years. I do not think I have ever seen dust on anything at home." With a shrug, he continued, "Despite our differences in beliefs and plans for my sister, one thing I cannot deny is my mother"s meticulousness when it comes to cleaning. She demands that the maids always be on top of things. Heaven forbid my mother spots a speck of dirt or grime on anything."

Rubbing at her forehead, Mary snorted in reaction to Gabriel"s response. "That explains more than it doesn't." Mary walked away, gesturing for Gabriel to follow as she went to the linen cupboard.

Evaline worked at inhaling the steam and taking the deep breaths that seemed to help the tightness in her chest. Feeling the snot run from her nose and down her chin made her cringe. Yet there was not much that she could easily do about it, unless she wanted to use her sleeve to wipe at her snot. She absolutely hated feeling sick.

Though it was nice to be well cared for while feeling unwell. Her mother avoided her at all costs when she was ill or feverish. Her nurse had soothed and clucked over her often when she was ill as a child, but it had been some time since she had experienced this level of care.

The thought of her brother marrying Mary filled her with joy, as she knew firsthand how genuinely nice Mary was. Her brother deserved nice and, hopefully, Evaline would get to visit them often.

Sneezing again, Evaline felt her upper lip curl in distaste at the annoyance of more snot. Folding the sodden handkerchief over, she tried to find a clear spot to wipe her sore nose, but was only moderately successful. At least the steam seemed to be helping her lungs, which had grown oddly tight and itchy.

Stepping quietly after Mary, Gabriel asked, "What do you mean?"

Talking to Gabriel over her shoulder, Mary explained, "Everyone was surprised that Evaline would push little Ellie. But think, Gabriel—Ellie had been covered in mud. I know my family would never mind such a thing, but what would your mother have done or said if Evaline had come home covered in mud, or even splattered with it?"

Gabriel shook his head as Mary searched through the linen cupboard for something. "That would not have been good. My mother would have been furious."

"Among the punishments your mother and governess apply to your sister is going to bed without supper and standing at attention with a book on her head for long periods of time. I think she was afraid of what else they might come up with if she came home dirty." Mary finally found what she was looking for in a bundle of handkerchiefs that had been wrapped and placed in the back of the cupboard. The only handkerchief they had between them was overused and soiled, and Evaline would definitely need more before the night was through.