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45. Remy

45

REMY

Touching Stella after days of distance and her ire is a gift. It makes me hesitant to let her go, so I don’t. We stay in the bed and enjoy the solace of being together.

I’m able to get her to stomach a few bites of lunch before coaxing her into taking a nap, her head on my lap. I don’t think she’s slept in the bed for more than an hour at a time since Ben left. Tiredness gives the skin under her eyes a purple hue.

I should have guessed she’s been feeling sick.

I lean back against the headboard and do work tasks on my phone with one hand and stroke her hair with the other, marveling at the peace.

There’s a part of us missing, but my starved heart will accept this moment.

I’m surprised that she’s forgiven me. Perhaps if she was feeling better, it would be more of a struggle, but I won’t question my fortune.

But Ben was right. She deserves more. She deserves everything.

So when she hums and blinks her eyes awake, I give it.

“You didn’t ask,” I say. “But I meant what I said about my feelings for you.”

She freezes. The hope on her face confirms that withholding this made me the worst kind of husband and…mate. I clear my throat from that discomfort.

“I love you, Stella. It’s not something that I chose, and the world and territory may be damned for it, but it’s too late.” The feeling in my chest is heavy even as her eyes are soft and bright.

“Are you still worried that your love is destructive?” she asks like she’s afraid that this is a dream.

I snort. “Merely you being mad at me would have been a catastrophe for everyone if I had not convinced myself that eventually I’d get you forgive me.”

She shakes her head slowly. “Arrogant gargoyle. You don’t keep the world spinning.”

My lips twitch, but I grow serious. “But many vulnerable people do rely on me.”

She sits up and takes my hand, placing it on her flat stomach. The gesture gives me pause. The idea of what she carries is hard to fathom when less than a week ago it didn’t exist.

Stella breaks me from my reverie. “If I were to fall, would you leave our child defenseless?”

“Never,” I hiss. The reaction is instinctual. Abandon our child? One who is a combination of the two people who burn in my soul?

I’m stunned for a moment at the discovery.

My heart beats for her no matter how much I tried to keep it out of the equation, but if the worst were to happen…it would keep beating.

A part of me would die without her, but I’d never leave our child to suffer as I did. The baby is mine to protect as its mother is mine to love.

Stella tilts her head as if privy to my own revelations. “I think love is an expansive thing. It only robs us if we close ourselves off.”

Her hand slides up my neck, thumb rubbing my cheek with affection.

“You will not crumble even if you have softened for me, and you won’t abandon those who need you because in your own way, you love them. Even Silas.” she teases. “It’s the nature of your protective feelings. Those aren’t born from responsibility.”

I inhale, not quite believing the sentiment. “You put a lot of faith in me.”

“You deserve it. Even when you make mistakes. Even when you try and play us all like pieces. Which you shouldn’t, by the way,” she adds in.

Parts of that are hard to swallow, but there is a bright truth to it.

I am not my father.

The simplicity of it makes me want to retreat, but I repeat the words as a mantra, needing them to stay. Things would have gone very differently if I’d believed them from the beginning.

But perhaps that prior flawed belief was needed. Ben wouldn’t have stayed initially if he thought Stella had my heart. And then he wouldn’t have become as essential to me as she is.

I clear my throat. Thoughts for a different time.

“Do I also deserve to hear how you feel about me?” I ask, longing for the words she spoke silently against my skin like the worst kept secret.

Stella’s laugh is soft. “Oh, now you want to know?”

“I know,” I say, pulling her fully onto my lap, enjoying the solid weight of her. It’s a precious thing that she’s never hidden her emotions from me. “You are as generous with your heart as you are wise. But I’m a simple gargoyle who wants to hear the words from your lips.”

Those pink lips quirk. “I love you. I think a part of me always has. No matter how hard you’ve made it.”

I snort.

“I promise I’ll care for your heart and our family till my dying days. All of our family,” I say with emphasis. “Even errant demons who think they know better.”

Stella gives me a flat look.

“You can’t make Ben love us back.”

That’s what she thinks.

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