44. Stella

44

STELLA

I rest my head on the toilet seat, wanting the awful feeling in my stomach to stop, but appreciating that the vomiting has subsided. I need to stand and wash my mouth out, but I don’t want to risk moving.

It’s much easier to just stay down for the count and try to process what I just overheard.

There’s a knock on the door.

“Stella.”

I close my eyes at the sound of Stoneheart’s voice. I can’t handle this right now. What he said in the library is making my head spin, and I’m already nauseated enough.

“No, no, no,” I murmur before raising my voice. “I’m fine.”

I gag on that last word as if my body is rejecting my lie.

There’s silence, and I think he’s left the bedroom. I’d run here for privacy. I’d been feeling queasy, but hearing Stoneheart come to my defense and claim the baby after the upset of the man in the library detailing his plan to have me put on trial, had been too much. The waves of emotion flung me overboard.

So vomit.

“I’m coming in,” he says.

I move to lift my head so at least I can retain some dignity, but alas my stomach heaves again, and I throw up.

My eyes squeeze shut afterward. Maybe he left? But someone other than me flushes the toilet, and I lay my cheek on the cool seat again, wanting to sob.

“Go away,” I say, but instead of abandoning me like last time, his claws comb through my hair. The soft tickle on my scalp makes my muscles ease without permission, and I can’t help sighing in relief.

“I think I was too hasty in my jealousy,” he says. The words are soft with only a hint of amusement in them.

“Gods above, save me from you and your mood swings. Leave me to do this in peace,” I say but completely without the feeling that should be there.

He pulls my hair back softly, holding it in place so the next awful retch doesn’t catch it. I’m hopeful there won’t be another one, but with how it’s been going, I’m not willing to place bets.

“I’ve caused you so much pain,” he says instead of reacting to my statement. “Far better that it’s Ben’s fault that you’re miserable this time.”

My laugh echoes disgustingly in the toilet bowl. I guess we’re having this conversation now. After a moment when I’m sure that my stomach is stable, I suck in a breath and slowly sit up, wanting to see his face.

“Did you mean it?” I ask.

“Which part?”

I swallow. “About the baby being yours?”

I don’t dare ask about him saying he loved me. It was probably just an act for the councilors, and I can only take so much misery at one time.

Stoneheart heaves a deep sigh. “May I hold you?”

I hesitate. “I really need to rinse my mouth out.”

Stoneheart takes that as permission, and I don’t fight him when he gathers me into his arms. He stands and carries me to the sink, filling a glass while I’m cradled to his chest.

I take the water and try to rinse out my mouth as elegantly as I can, which is not possible, before sipping some and putting it down. Stoneheart dampens a washcloth and wipes my hot cheeks and forehead. The coolness almost has me moaning before it’s gone.

Stoneheart lifts me again, and my head falls against his chest. His scent soothes my stomach more than anything has been able to yet.

It’s so easy to let him care for me. It’s probably a weakness, but I’ve felt so lonely and gross since that first day

Anger doesn’t keep you warm at night, and frustration doesn’t ease the nausea attempting to climb up my throat all the time.

I’m not a big fan of being pregnant so far.

He sits on the bed, and a pang tightens my throat. He hasn’t answered me yet.

“People tell me I must have been born hungry,” he says. “And maybe that’s a part of it, but I wasn’t allowed to own much growing up in the clan that I did with the heritage I have.”

I want to ask questions, but I don’t interrupt. Stoneheart’s words vibrate through his chest, both hypnotizing and calming me.

“It’s not an excuse, but it affects me. Makes me greedy in all things.” He pauses. “Especially when it comes to you.”

His brow creases in pain I want to wipe away, but I’m supposed to be angry with him still.

“I am very sorry that I reacted badly to the knowledge that the child you carry is Ben’s. I was jealous,” he says.

“And now you’re not?”

“In that moment, it felt like you were being snatched away from me. It took time for me to realize that I was my own worst enemy, and the real reason you turned away was me.”

“You’re allowed to be disappointed that it’s not yours,” I whisper. I’m not sure if I’m disappointed or not myself. I try not to think too much about it. I want the baby, I even want it to be part Ben, but it’s scary the idea of caring for something so fragile.

“I’m not. That it’s yours is the most important fact.” He hesitates. “But will you allow me to claim parentage of the child? To help raise it with you?”

I stiffen. “I don’t want to take that from Ben. Even if he doesn’t want it.”

Stoneheart relaxes. “I’m sure the demon will come to his senses eventually. Gargoyle clans share the term parent when it comes to those in relationships with multiple mates. We’d both be the father if you wished it.”

“I want that.” It sounds like a fantasy. “But do you think he’s really coming back? He accused us of trapping him.” I shake my head, getting upset all over again.

“Ah,” he says with a wince. “He may have a reason for that.”

I narrow my eyes. “What did you do?”

“I technically didn’t do anything.”

Ha.

Stoneheart continues, “I only put the pieces together for the best possible outcome.”

I raise my brows, waiting.

He huffs. “Demons bond naturally. I knew it was a possibility if you two spent a lot of time together and shared deep feelings.”

“So, you were waiting for his nature to do the work for you? And Ben didn’t anticipate that?” I ask, rubbing my chest.

Stoneheart shifts in discomfort. “Apparently he isn’t very familiar with his demon lineage or the ins and outs of it.”

Did we bond ? I don’t ask it out loud because I don’t need to. The connection exists, it’s so subtle, I’d miss it if I wasn’t looking. I’d chalked the distant sensation as a fanciful thing.

“That explains it,” I say, thoughtful and sad. Ben would feel trapped especially if it wasn’t something he planned on.

But does Stoneheart know that he’s involved? Because I feel him. Felt him when he realized I’d broken apart the labradorite when he knew it symbolized something more to me.

There are too many questions that neither of us can answer without a certain demon’s presence.

But Ben left.

And despite Stoneheart’s confidence, I don’t think he’s coming back.