Chapter 21

Elara

I turned over for the umpteenth time, sighing heavily when the pillow beneath my head suddenly felt like a rock. I pulled the pillow from underneath my head and tossed it to the floor, but it didn't help me bring sleep any closer.

With a groan, I pulled myself to a sitting position, plucking my phone from the nightstand where I had left it to charge. I went directly to the text messages, and when I found no new messages, my heart sank again, just like it had for the last couple of hours.

Rowan and I were supposed to have a salon appointment earlier in the day, but he never showed up for it, nor did he respond to the texts or calls I had left him. The blinking red light of the alarm clock on the nightstand showed that the time was 10:55 p.m. It was pretty late, and still, there was no sign of him, and he still wasn't responding to my texts or returning any of my calls.

During dinner, Kai had assured me that although Rowan had acted weird earlier in the day during their meeting, he had been able to reach him in the evening and Rowan had assured him he was fine and would be home late because he had some business to attend to. Of the three of them, I was most used to Rowan's presence in the house during the day because he had to be out on patrol most nights. But on days like this, when he left the house early, he usually came back early too.

And if he didn't come back for any reason, then he called or texted. So it was very unusual that I had yet to hear from him, especially since we had plans for the evening that he didn't reschedule or even acknowledge. The thought of all of this was making me restless and it kept pushing sleep farther away from me.

The incident from our date clouded my mind and threatened to overwhelm me. It had happened so fast. One moment, I had seen the shadow at the end of the clearing, seemingly watching us, but before I could even call any attention to it, it had disappeared.

I remembered the panic that had gone through me and the way that it had quickly caught Rhys, Kai, and Rowan's attention. When I revealed that I thought I saw something, Rhys and Kai had offered to go check it out while Rowan remained with me, but after a couple of minutes, they came back to reassure me that there had been nobody there.

The date had ended soon after that, but the paranoia remained with me. I knew what I had seen, and although Rhys had said it could have been a trick of the light, I knew better. Someone had followed us and had been spying on us. Now, every minute that Rowan was away, I couldn't help but wonder if whoever it was had been lurking in the shadows had gotten to him.

The thought sent panic through me, and I threw my feet out from under the covers, slipping them into some slippers. I plucked up a robe to drape over my pajamas before padding out of the room. I needed to focus my mind on something else. Maybe that would help me relax enough to fall asleep. My first thought was the herb garden.

The cool night air felt like a balm on my overheated skin. I could feel the weight of the evening ease as I made my way to the herb garden. The guards that were posted around the house responded to my wave with a curt nod and their presence made me feel safer in the open night air.

The familiar scent of chamomile, lavender, and mint washed over me as I stepped into the herb garden, and it did wonders grounding me to the present. As I moved through the rows, carefully picking out some herbs to make tea, I hummed a soft tune. The rhythmic motion of my hands and the soothing fragrances were beginning to work their magic on my mind when I heard the crunch of gravel.

My body stiffened and I turned around slowly in its direction. There, at the entrance to the garden, stood Rowan. His usual quiet demeanor was replaced by a stark intensity that chilled me to the bone. His eyes, usually sparkling with mirth, were now dark and brooding, filled with a turmoil I couldn't immediately fathom.

"Rowan, welcome back," I called in greeting, offering him a smile.

He hesitated, as if unsure of his next move. Then, with deliberate steps, he walked toward me, and once he was close enough, he pulled me into a hug. It was nothing like the hugs that I was used to getting from him and it made me break out of his hold. I looked up at him, searching his eyes, hoping to find something that would give away the thoughts that were running through his mind, but it was futile.

"You're up late," his voice, when he spoke, was low and controlled . His eyes roamed around my face like he was also searching for something and it made me feel uncomfortable.

"I couldn't sleep so I was hoping to get some herbs to make tea," I revealed, and he nodded in understanding, running a thumb across my face in a lazy line.

"Are you okay? You missed our hair appointment, and I haven't been able to reach you all day," I said, unable to hide the hurt in my voice as I spoke.

"I'm sorry." His voice softened as he spoke and even the darkness in his eyes eased. "I got caught up with work and didn't get much of a chance to be on my phone. We can reschedule our hair appointment," he reassured me, and almost immediately, I felt myself completely relax into his touch.

I didn't realize how much his silence throughout the day had affected me until his apology. I smiled, and this time, he returned it, although I noticed how the smile didn't completely reach his eyes.

"What are you gathering?" he asked, his eyes dropping to the herbs in my hands.

"Chamomile for relaxation, lavender to soothe the mind, and a touch of mint for clarity."

"Sounds like I might need a cup of that myself," he responded, and I nodded, plucking a bit more of each herb.

Once I had enough, we made our way back into the house in silence, the weight of something unspoken hanging heavy in the air between us. It made me wonder what really happened during his day. His attitude was so much different than it was this morning before he had left the house. Although it was hard to pinpoint, I could tell that something had happened.

Back in the kitchen, I busied myself with making our tea. The rhythmic clinking of china as I prepared the tea and the hissing from the boiling water provided a momentary distraction from the growing tension.

Rowan watched me as I moved around the kitchen, his eyes never leaving me. Usually, I didn't mind his eyes on me, I enjoyed it even, but this time his gaze prickled over my skin.

As I handed him the steaming mug of tea, our fingers brushed against each other. For a brief moment, our gazes met, and I saw something in his eyes that made my heart skip a beat.

He took a sip of the tea, then set the mug down.

"This is good," he said, his voice barely audible.

"Thank you."

We drank our tea in silence. The only sound that passed between us was the ticking of the grandfather clock in the living area.

Once we were done, I rinsed out the cup, and after the lights were turned off, we made our way up the stairs with our hands locked together. It was the first form of intimacy I had gotten all evening from Rowan, and it soothed me more than I thought possible.

Of the three of them, Rowan was the most loving, and I had gotten so used to him wanting to constantly touch a bit of me or just holding on to me in general, so the coldness that I had gotten from him since he stepped into the house was unusual and it made me so worried.

I stopped by my room door but didn't get the chance to pull it open, because Rowan gently tugged me in the direction of his own room. Once we were in it, Rowan pulled me into the shower with him, and I thought he wanted to have sex, but all we did was wash each other before rinsing off and preparing for bed.

Rowan held on tightly to me under the covers, and in the quietness of the room, I could hear the rapid beat of his heart.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked after what felt like a long time, turning from my position so I could look him in the eyes as he spoke. He didn't respond for a while, and it felt as if I held my breath, waiting for him to speak.

"Elara," he began. His voice was low, and there was a dangerous edge to it that made my heart pound. Coupled with his intense gaze, I knew that I wouldn't like what he was about to say.

"I need to know the truth. Who are you?"

The question hung heavy in the air, and it made my breath catch in my throat. A part of me had always known this moment was bound to come eventually, but it still felt like a shock now that it had arrived.

"W-what do you mean?" I managed to stammer out, unable to control the trembling that had begun in my voice, no matter how hard I tried.

Rowan leaned forward, his eyes boring into mine.

"Don't do that. I've known what it's like to be with you. I want to believe that I'm a good judge of character, and I can tell when someone's intention isn't pure. I've never gotten bad energy from you, so I know for a fact that whatever it is that has happened, there's an explanation for it. But I need to know the truth, babe. I need to know the whole truth," he whispered to me.

And his words seemed to break the dam. The tears that I had been fighting so hard to keep at bay came running down my cheeks.

"I was raised to be a weapon," I started, swallowing heavily when the weight of the situation settled on my mind.

"I don't remember much about my childhood. I can't exactly tell if Silas is responsible for completely wiping that out, but I've never questioned it anyway, because it wouldn't have made a difference. What I've known all my life is the training that Silas has brought me up with. For years and years, all I've known is using my powers to lure people to their deaths. He severed my connection with my wolf and uses a magical artifact to keep me bound to his will." I paused, taking deep breaths to calm myself down.

Rowan's fingers on my arm, tracing an invisible pattern, helped to keep me grounded and they also gave me the strength to keep going.

"I hated it, Rowan. I hated the violence. I hated the fear in people's eyes whenever they realized who and what I was. I hated the destruction, but I didn't know anything else. It was all I'd ever known. Then I started planning my escape. Silas believed that he had us completely brainwashed and under his control, which was a mistake of his, because the older we got, the more freedom he gave to us. I waited and prayed for the perfect opportunity to finally escape. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I didn't think I would even survive it. Until I saw that cave…"

The rest of the words got stuck in my throat, and Rowan pulled me into his arms, tracing gentle circles behind my back.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell any of you. Nobody wants to believe a Siren for fear of being manipulated, but I swear that this is the truth. I understand if it's a lot to take in or if you don't believe me."

Rowan squeezed my body tighter. "None of this is your fault. I believe you, Elara, and I promise that he's never going to get to you again. You're safe now." He whispered into my hair, and his words caused the tears to fall faster down my cheeks.

I clung to him. The warmth of his touch was like a lifeline in the storm of emotions that was raging within me.

"You have to tell Kai and Rhys eventually. They deserve to know, but you can do it in your own time," he said, pressing a kiss to my head. I nodded rapidly at his words.

I still didn't know how I would broach the topic with them or what their reactions would be, but at this moment, the weight of the world seemed to lift from my shoulders. I felt a glimmer of hope for the first time in what felt like forever.