Chapter 12

Dinner wasa big bowl of pasta, accompanied by some delicious garlic bread. Utterly yummy and, Mandi was pleased to note, perfectly easy to balance on the couch while they watched some television.

"I don't watch television too much," she explained to Mommy Amelia, and so Mommy had picked an episode of Fraggle Rock to watch, the one where Wembley tried to please everyone and splits into five different Wembleys.

"Wembley is ver' like me," she said, in between giggles at the Fraggle's antics. "He doesn't like people to be sad or mad, and so he tries to make everyone happy."

"It's lovely to be thoughtful and think about other people," said Mommy, "but not at the expense of yourself, little girl. Princesses need to put themselves first, so that they can protect the kingdom when it needs protecting!"

That had given Mandi food for thought and kept her quiet as she munched her way through her pasta.

She hadn't realized how sleepy she was. And yes, it was partly the excitement of the day—meeting new people, going new places, the incident on the swing—but it was also because the realization of exactly how tired she always was had suddenly hit Mandi.

She'd spent the last two years trying to be a grown up for herself and her ex Daddy. She'd had to adjust for his mood swings, for his drinking, and had to prepare herself for the fact she'd never know what was going to happen that day. Everything was always up in the air. Would it be good? Would it be bad? Would she end the day smiling or crying? She never knew and it had worn her out.

And yes, they'd been broken up for a while now, but it didn't feel like her body had caught up to this knowledge yet. It felt as if Mandi was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, probably from a great height, and knock her out.

Utterly exhausting.

And now that she was getting to have a true break, be somewhere completely different, her body was letting her know she needed to sleep. She needed to sleep a lot.

"Mommy," she said, stifling a yawn.

"Yes, darling?"

"I'm really, really tired. Is it okay if we go to bed early?"

"Of course. You're a good girl for telling me. Come on, bathroom time."

Mandi liked the fact that there was no cajoling for her to stay up later, no look of disappointment at how the evening was turning out. Mommy Amelia was actually pleased that Mandi had identified for herself when she needed to go to bed, and her smile had been one of pride.

If Mandi hadn't been so tired, she'd have glowed with happiness, but as it was, it was all she could do to pad into the bathroom after her Mommy.

She watched as Mommy Amelia popped toothpaste onto Mandi's toothbrush and handed it to her. "Here you go, petal."

"T'ank you, Mommy," she said, and focused on brushing her teeth thoroughly.

After she was done, mouth rinsed out, she headed to the bedroom and was about to get undressed when Mommy Amelia stopped her.

"What about your makeup?"

What about her makeup? She looked at the other woman, confused.

"Petal, you can't go to bed with makeup on, it's bad for your skin. Have you got some makeup wipes with you?"

"But I'm too tired," she said, a slight whine entering her voice. But when Mommy Amelia raised an eyebrow, she sighed and plodded over to where her makeup wipes where tucked into her bag.

"Bring them here, Mandi dear," said Mommy Amelia.

She did and jumped up to sit where her Mommy patted.

"Turn and face me." She removed Mandi's makeup with deft but firm swipes, and though Mandi didn't usually like the sensation, this time it wasn't too bad. Maybe it was because it was someone else doing it, or maybe it was Mommy Amelia's hand beneath Mandi's chin, holding her face still.

That touch did something to her. Soothed her. It was everything.

"What do you usually wear in bed?"

"I… I… I…" Mandi found herself stuttering, the way she sometimes did when she was Little and was excited about an idea. "I's got Little jammies, if I'm allowed to wear those?"

"Babygirl, you're allowed to wear whatever you like. I know clothes can cause a sensory overload for autistic people, so I'll always let you pick what clothes are going to be best for you."

"Always?" Mandi found herself drooping slightly. She knew that Mommy was right, but also she'd kind of liked the idea of someone picking out clothes for her to wear.

"Well, if you gave me options that would work for you, I can always pick from those."

Mandi nodded excitedly. "Yes, p'ease!"

"Then we can definitely do that, but tonight I would like you to pick your pajamas out; I want to know what it is you go for when you're beyond tired, darling."

"Okay, Mommy." That made sense, and to be fair, it wasn't as if deciding what to wear in bed that night would take much thinking. Mandi knew exactly what she was going for. Her Lilo and Stitch pajamas.

They were soft, without the usual seams that irritated her skin, and they were so lightweight that if she overheated in the night, it was the easiest thing in the world to kick them off.

"Would you like me to help you undress?"

Mandi nodded sleepily as she handed Mommy the pajamas, her head dropping.

"Arms up!"

It was the first time she was getting undressed in front of her Mommy, and for some reason Mandi didn't feel the slightest bit nervous. Perhaps she should have been, but she was simply far too tired. Clothes off, and the jammies on, and all she had to remind her that Mommy Amelia had seen her naked was a kiss on her tummy before she was being picked up and bounced onto the bed.

"Go on, princess, get your tush up and under the covers. I'll be back in a second."

Mandi crawled up to the top of the bed and got snuggled up, burritoing herself in the blankets until only her face peeked out.

When Mommy returned, a book under one arm, she laughed. "Look at you there; are you all snug?"

She'd also changed into a pinstripe pajama set made of shiny material that brought to mind the suit she'd worn during the day. Mandi reached out to touch the material and wiggled at how nice it felt. Satin-y.

"Are you coming to bed too, Mommy?"

"Of course, babygirl. I said I was going to stay the night."

"Yes, but it's early and you's a Big."

She laughed. "Bigs need their sleep too, and besides, I've had quite the exciting day. I found myself a Little princess and everything."

That made Mandi beam, and she wriggled over to make room for Mommy, even though there was more than enough room in the king-sized bed.

As soon as Mommy got underneath the blankets and cozied up to Mandi, she popped the book she'd been carrying on top of the covers.

It was a picture book with a colorful cover and the words Too Much, An Overwhelming Day printed across the top.

"What's this?" asked Mandi.

"It's a story about a little girl with sensory issues; she doesn't like bright lights or loud noises, and sometimes even people hugging her feels like too much."

"Oh! That's just like me!"

"I know," said Mommy. "I thought you might like it. Oh, babygirl, what's wrong?"

Because Mandi was crying all of a sudden, and it wasn't because she was too tired, and it wasn't because she was sad, it was because she was happy. Because her Mommy had seen her sensory-processing issues and hadn't thought that she was making a fuss, or being silly, or was too much. She had seen that side of Mandi and accepted it without question.

"I…I…" her words staccatoed to a stop.

Then arms were warm around her and she was able to rest her head on Mommy's chest and cry until she was all out of tears.

When she finally sat up, snuffling, and wiping her eyes with the back of her pajama sleeve, she said, "You like me just as I am."

Mommy Amelia smiled at her. "Of course I do. You are very likeable, just as you are."

"T'ank you." She snuggled up close, slipping her arms around the librarian. "Can you read me the story now."

"I can," and Mommy Amelia opened the book.