Chapter 11

They were both quiet,all the way back to Mandi's room.

All Amelia could do was replay in her head, over and over, the moment when Sadie had come bursting into the library, saying Mandi had fallen backward off the swings. She'd almost thrown up, and she'd certainly abandoned any attempt at decorum as she'd set off running down the corridor to the doors opening on to the playground.

The relief when she'd realized her little girl was okay, and then the calm determination to make sure her Little got some quiet time was all that had kept her from having a full-blown panic attack.

When they reached the door of Mandi's suite, Amelia opened the door silently, and waited for the other woman to walk through. She'd never seen such meekness, and it worried her.

"Mandi?"

"Yes, Mommy?"

"What's going on in that head of yours?"

Mandi fidgeted and didn't look up.

"Chin up, princess. Come on, what're you thinking?"

When her girl met her eyes, they were brimming with tears. "I made you angry!"

"Oh, sweetheart," she pulled Mandi into her arms, and held her there, feeling the Little's shoulders shake with sobs. She stroked her hair gently. "I'm not angry. You were naughty, and there are consequences for that, but I was more worried about you than angry."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She drew Mandi over to the couch and they both sat down. "You've had a big day today—coming to a place you didn't know; meeting new people; finding a Mommy—and you're clearly overtired."

The sad upturned face nodded.

"So, what we're going to do, is that I'm going to give you your punishment, and we're going to do that nice and quietly. And then afterward, we're going to order up some food for dinner, curl up and watch some television together, and then you're going to get an early night."

"Will you stay the night?"

As if she could refuse that request. "Yes, of course I will."

"Okay." The face turned stoic. "Hit me with the punishment. I can take it."

Silently, Amelia went to the kitchenette and got one large bowl and six smaller bowls, and then reached into the cupboard and found the small jar of sprinkles that could always be found among the hot-cocoa making supplies in a Rawhide Ranch kitchenette. Everyone knew that a mug of hot chocolate could help soothe or serve as a treat for Littles and Bigs alike. Carefully, she upturned the jar into the large bowl, and brought it into the living area.

She placed it on the table and Mandi looked at it curiously, but still Amelia didn't say anything.

Next she gathered up some cushions and pillows, placed them on the floor in front of the couch, and gestured to Mandi.

Mandi slid off the couch, onto the cushions and waited patiently.

Gods her little girl was such a good little thing.

"Okay, I want you to separate the sprinkles out into their different colors, so you have one bowl for each color: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, pink. I'm being nice with white; you can keep those in the big bowl."

Mandi's eyes got wide. "I have to sort all of them, Mommy?"

"All of them," confirmed Amelia. "And while you're doing it, I want you to think really hard about things you can do to help regulate yourself when you're feeling overly tired, rather than just acting out."

Mandi nodded slowly, and then diligently turned and set about sorting the sprinkles.

It took her a good while; perhaps half an hour, and the two of them sat in companionable silence, Mandi at Amelia's feet.

Amelia had to stop herself quite a few times from offering to help, or from distracting her girl by patting her back or stroking her fingers through the red strands of hair. The consequence was clearly working because she could see the tension in Mandi's shoulders dissipate, and by the time her Little was done, Mandi was clearly much happier.

Amelia rose only to then sit on the floor next to her Little to scrutinize the bowls. Mandi had done it perfectly! Not a single sprinkle was in the wrong bowl.

"Beautifully done," she praised, and kissed Mandi on the cheek, delighting when the other woman blushed. And then, she poured each individual bowl back into the one large bowl and then funneled all the colorful sprinkles back into the original jar.

"But, Mommy!" protested Mandi, her wide-eyed gaze showing her disbelief that all her hard work was so easily undone.

"Now, now, little girl," she said. "Punishments are punishments."

Mandi screwed up her face adorably, and Amelia bopped her on the nose. "Yes, Mommy," she grumbled, but it was so cute that Amelia let it go.

"And now for the second part of your punishment, little girl, you need to tell me about all the things you can do when you're feeling overtired, instead of acting out."

Mandi's screwed up face was a thinking face this time. "I can run my wrists under cold water! That usually helps. Also, I can get blankets and stuffies and curl up and be a cozy bug in a rug."

"Both excellent options," agreed Amelia, mentally taking notes for the next time Mandi got overly tired, so that she could help prompt her.

"Maybe a nap, but I don't really like naps."

Amelia looked unconvinced at that answer. "Naps are good for tired Little princesses."

"I know, but that doesn't mean that I like them. There are always too many books to read and sleeping feels like a waste of reading time."

"Well, you'll be getting plenty of sleeps while you're here. We can't have you getting overly tired and endangering yourself."

"This is true." Mandi's voice had slipped into her Little cadence now. "But, Mommy, all of those are good things to do when I'm at home or in my room; they're harder when I'm out and about."

"This is very true," said Amelia. "Can you think of anything that would help when you're out and about? You've explained that you're autistic, so do you—is it called stimming? Do you stim?"

"Ooooo…" Mandi wriggled on her cushion. "Yes! I stim automatically so often that I always forget about it as a self-regulating tool. Aren't you clever, Mommy? So stimming is when you repeat movements or vocalizations to help to self-soothe."

Amelia smiled broadly. "Petal, that's an excellent way of explaining it to me. So what stims do you like?"

"Oh, Mommy, stims are so fun! I likes wiggly stims and also vocal stims. Listen, Mommy!" Mandi made a cooing noise like a dove, and her entire face lit up. "See! Isn't that lovely?"

"It sounds very pretty, darling."

"And it feels nice too; in my throat and mouth." More wriggles. "This is fun Mommy, not really a punishment."

"Punishments are not supposed to make you feel bad," said Amelia, "or at least, the punishments I'll dole out aren't meant to do so. They are aimed at helping you regulate, and to learn. So there's no point spanking you as a punishment, because you like it and then I'll end up with a naughty princess all the time, trying to get her spanks!"

"'Xactly," agreed Mandi.

"And the last thing I'd like to teach you before we sort dinner and have our snuggly evening, is square breathing."

"Square breathing?"

Amelia nodded. "It's a really good way of helping you physiologically reset your body. You breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, breathe out for four, and hold for four. And you do that four times in a row. Why don't you try it?"

She watched as Mandi closed her eyes and tried, the quiet punctuated only by her slow and steady breathing.

When Mandi was done she opened her eyes and grinned. "How'd I do, Mommy?"

"Excellently, babygirl," said Amelia. "I'm so proud of you." And as her girl leaned in for a cuddle, she realized she really, truly was proud of her girl. And she never want that feeling to leave.