Chapter 20

Reese woke up to a room filled with gentle morning light. Had she heard a noise? She listened, but only heard the ocean and wind. It was the kind of sound she could wake up to every morning. Though maybe after a better night of sleep. She yawned. Sterling had been, as promised, a gentleman who slept in his own room. But he stayed until well past midnight and she was feeling the lack of sleep.

When they got back after dinner, he insisted she change into pajamas and he took off his button-down shirt, leaving on just an undershirt. After she had changed, she came back out to see that he had cleared off the coffee table and was sitting on the floor next to it with two decks of cards. The surprise was that Sterling had looked online to find a new way to play solitaire together. It was called Double Solitaire and was a competition of speed. They sat facing each other and any Ace was fair game, so they raced to get rid of their cards first. It made them laugh and as they slapped cards down they shared stories—both silly and serious.

He had talked about May and got a little teary when he told her more about how their relationship used to be. He told her a story of how they had once tried to make homemade donuts and almost burned the house down. The fire department had to come. “You should have seen her,” he had said. “After they dealt with the fire—which was mostly just smoke at that point—May charmed her way up onto the truck. I still have a picture somewhere.” Hearing him talk about her made Reese like him even more. If like was the right word.

The late hour loosened her tongue too and she had talked about how badly she wanted to get married. “My sister’s wedding was so very Texas. It was practically the size of the state fair. Fourteen bridesmaids and flowers for days. Fireworks. Three cakes, because she couldn’t choose.”

Sterling hadn’t seemed bothered by marriage talk, which should have been taboo on what amounted to a first date. “That’s not what you want?”

Reese had shaken her head vehemently. “No. The opposite. And not just because I have to be different than Rachel. I want just a handful of people we love to be there. A brief reception. And then I want to spend the rest of that day—because I want a day wedding—and night being with my husband and him alone. Does that make me really strange?”

“That sounds like an introvert’s dream,” was all he had said. But there had been a small smile on his face.

When he had kissed her goodnight, it was slow and sweet, but the passion had been dialed back. She sensed that he, like her, would have struggled with his decision to leave if he hadn’t kept it lighter.

A quiet knock reached her ears. She hadn’t been dreaming it. Sterling was the only person who could be at her door this early. She darted from bed and threw open the door, just as she realized that her hair was a disaster and she definitely had not brushed her teeth. She covered her mouth with her hand as she smiled at Sterling, trying to keep the morning breath at bay.

“Hi,” she said.

He looked like he could have stepped off a movie set with his tousled hair, fitted T-shirt, and dark jeans. But when he smiled, it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He looked stressed. Probably the lack of sleep the night before didn’t help.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said.

“Not quite,” Reese said. “I don’t think that this unbrushed hair, smudged make-up, and morning breath vibe is my best look.”

“Trust me when I say that this is a look I could wake up to.”

They both seemed to realize the implication of what he said at the same time. Reese’s eyes went wide, and she tried to hide her shock. Was he thinking as far in the future as she had been? He cleared his throat.

“So, I got you a spa package for today. It’s in thirty minutes, so you should have time to get your vibe right and maybe have some coffee.”

“You can’t keep doing this. It’s too much.”

“Can we not fight about money this morning?” His voice was sharp and he must have seen the hurt on her face because his face softened and he took her hand. “Hey, I’m sorry. I’m just feeling really off this morning.”

“I understand.” She did, but it still hurt to be snapped at. This would be an emotional day for him. Reese wanted to be supportive, not make it worse. She squeezed his hand. “I really do appreciate this. I’ve never been to a spa.”

“This is nothing,” Sterling said with a smile. “You should see me when I really start wooing you.”

Reese felt overwhelmed with a surge of emotion. “Thank you, Sterling.”

He let go of her hand and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re welcome. I love pampering you. You get the cutest look on your face when you’re excited. Now, I better get to my mom’s.”

Reese touched his shoulder. “Hey, before you go—are you okay? How are you feeling?”

He looked strained. “Terrified. About all of it. I’m really glad to know that you’ll be here when I get back.”

She gave his hand a quick squeeze. “I’ve been praying for you and your family and for May. I’ll be praying today.”

It was as though his whole body recoiled. Sterling jerked back his hand.

“Why are you praying for me? Do you think God needs to fix me? Or are you trying to?”

The complete and sudden change in his tone had Reese reeling.

“I—what? No. You don’t want me praying for you? What can it hurt?”

“It hurts you,” he said, his words icy. “And it hurts me to know that you’re just another delusional person. Just like my mom. Still sitting in a pew every Sunday even after my alcoholic pastor Dad walked away without a second look.”

In all their talking last night, the subject of his dad never came up. Reese had suspected the wound ran deep, based on the fact that he completely avoided mentioning him. Now, staring at Sterling, she could see the evidence of that pain in his face and his body. Even his words, which were cruel and hard.

Reese took a deep breath and tried to calm her aching heart. This was not about her or their relationship—if they still had one at the end of the conversation. Which she already suspected they wouldn’t, just based on the bitterness emanating from him. This was about Sterling, bitter and broken before her with hurt that ran deeper than she could have known. She knew that this was the worst time to have a conversation like this, since his emotions were already heightened. Too late now.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “About your dad.”

“We aren’t talking about him.” Sterling practically sneered.

Reese tried to remind herself that this wasn’t about her, not really. But she couldn’t believe the switch from his kind, tender words to this. She was doing her very best to speak gently, even though his words and his tone cut her so deeply that it felt like the air was being ripped from her lungs.

“We’re talking about you. And how weak and foolish you are to believe that there is some kind of God in charge when everything down here is chaos.”

Reese willed her tears not to make an appearance. She would not cry right now. “It does seem that way a lot,” Reese said. “Believing in God doesn’t make things pretty or easy.

“It doesn’t seem that way; it is that way. The world is a big giant ball, spinning completely out of control and unlike that little kids’ song, it’s in no one’s hands. I can’t believe I didn’t know you were this na?ve.”

“I guess we should have talked about this sooner,” Reese said, knowing this was her fault. She hadn’t made it a priority to even bring up faith and obviously she hadn’t shown him through her actions that it mattered to her. Otherwise he wouldn’t be so shocked.

“I guess we should have.”

They stood there for a long moment and Reese felt like she was looking at Sterling across some long distance, not just a few feet. Slowly and tenderly, Reese reached across and put her hand on his arm. He flinched, just slightly, but enough that she saw it.

“You asked earlier if I wanted to fix you. I’m not trying to do that. I believe that God wants us to pray about the things that matter to us in life and the people who matter. He wants to hear about them: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’ve been pretty bad about praying, especially lately. But I prayed for you and for your family and for May. I’m not going to stop praying for you, Sterling.”

The anger radiated like heat from his body and Reese took a step back, actually a little frightened. It was breaking her heart, seeing him like this. She had found a ragged, bloody wound in him that needed healing and stuck her finger right inside.

Making a frustrated noise, Sterling turned and stormed away, anger punctuating every step. Reese had done her best to pull in her emotions, but she felt that the dam bursting was imminent.

She watched him go, longing to say or do something. But part of what he said was true: she couldn’t fix him. He had revealed a deep brokenness that she couldn’t possibly touch, no matter how she wanted to soothe it. Her care for him didn’t take away the sting of his words, though, and Reese felt like her heart was a crushed, pulpy mess.

As he neared the corner, he barely turned his head as he spoke. “Enjoy the spa. We’ll leave for the airport as soon as I get back. Make sure you’re packed. Oh, and this bubble? Consider it burst.”

Reese watched until he turned the corner, then unlocked the suite with shaking hands. The view outside and the beauty in the room hurt to look at. It was all too much. She didn’t want to lose Sterling. He already meant too much to her. But it didn’t seem like she had much choice.

Reese stood inside the suite, feeling like her heart was being squeezed in a vise. She pressed a hand to her chest and spun, seeing a small door she hadn’t noticed before. She flung it open to reveal a narrow closet, then climbed inside, shutting herself in the darkness where she could finally let out the sobs and wordless prayers.

* * *

Sterling probably should not have gone to the intervention with the storm of emotion he still felt. He probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel of a car.

He wasn’t mad at Reese for her stupid beliefs as much as he was at himself for not realizing sooner that she was just like his mother, putting her trust in some invisible force that didn’t exist and didn’t care about her and definitely not about him.

But he had come all this way and wouldn’t miss the intervention. For once he would be there for May the way he should have been back then. If only he could quiet the surging anger and pain that seemed to fill the car around him.

Why couldn’t Reese just not have said anything?

He had woken up with a smile on his face, thinking about their date, which remained as the very best night of his life. Beyond playing in front of packed stadiums. The way this one woman looked at him meant more than all his other successes and highs.

Sterling saw something he had never seen in any woman before: a future. This morning, he hadn’t meant to let it slip that he could get used to seeing her every morning. But he meant it. When she had talked about wanting a tiny wedding the night before, he pictured it in his head and he was the groom.

And then it all went to hell.

Just par for the course today, really. His mother hadn’t been thrilled when he called to say he was going be a few minutes late. There had been simply silence and then a tense, “Okay. We still have to prepare with the interventionist, so just get here as soon as you can, James.”

The frustration in her voice only ramped up his anger. His mother didn’t want him to be here for this, to be here for his sister. Being late only confirmed what she thought about him and his lack of care. Probably because she thought he was just as much of a bad influence as Reese apparently did.

And then it got him all hung up thinking about Reese again, which is why he was going twenty over when he saw the lights flashing behind him. Great. Just what he needed: a ticket to slow him down.

He had his license out along with the paperwork for the rental car before the cop even got to his window. “Here you are, officer.”

The man, who looked like he was in his forties, pulled off his sunglasses. “Aren’t even going to ask why I pulled you over?”

“I was speeding.”

The officer nodded, glancing at Sterling’s face and then his license. Sterling hadn’t gotten pulled over that many times, but it was always a little awkward. Twice he had gotten warnings because the officers recognized him and had kids or friends who were big fans. Once he got a ticket because he was Sterling James. The cop had looked overjoyed handing him the ticket.

As the officer looked over his license and paperwork, Sterling drummed his hands on the wheel. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I really do have somewhere to be.” He knew he shouldn’t push it, but couldn’t seem to help himself.

The officer met his eyes. “Where are you speeding off to?”

Sterling grimaced. “An intervention for my sister.”

The cop nodded but didn’t say anything about that. He tapped the car door twice and said, “Be right back.”

Sterling closed his eyes and tried to calm down his anger and the stress at possibly being late. He hated being late, especially to important things. It would only make him look worse and make his mother feel more justified in not wanting him there, like if he couldn’t get there on time, it obviously didn’t mean that much to him, despite the fact that he flew across the country to get here.

The officer was back. He handed Sterling back his license, the paperwork for the car, and a rectangular sheet of paper. He had expected a ticket, but it was a formal warning. Glancing up, he found the officer staring at him. “Thank you,” Sterling said.

“Son, you deserve a ticket, but I’m giving you a warning. I don’t usually do that. Do you know why?”

“Because cops get more money if they write tickets?” Sterling shouldn’t have said it, but it was like he couldn’t help himself.

The officer laughed. “Touché. The reason I don’t give warnings is because most people ignore them. A warning is supposed to have an impact on you. It’s a reminder of where you’re supposed to be and where you are instead. A warning is a sign.”

Sterling felt like he had been transported inside of some kind of movie where a stranger gave unexpected, deep advice. “Uh huh. I’ll watch my speed.”

Nodding, the officer tapped the side of Sterling’s car again. “I hope that you do. The warnings are meant to protect you and to change you. Whether you let them or not is up to you. Let them. Don’t miss the signs.”

“Okay. Can I go?”

The cop sighed. “Have a good day, Mr. James.”

Sterling resisted the urge to floor it as he drove away. He could see the officer shaking his head as he walked back to his cruiser. Just one more person that Sterling James had disappointed. But this was not the day to get philosophical warnings from cops. He would have preferred to get a ticket, pay the fine, and just move on.

* * *

Eventually, Reese got off her knees and walked out into the suite.

The suite Sterling got for her before he realized that he hated her.

That brought on a fresh bout of crying. How did she have any liquid left in her body? Maybe that’s why her head hurt so badly. She must be dehydrated from all the crying. It was a crying hangover. The phone on the bedside table rang.

“Hello?”

The voice on the phone was polite, but a little clipped. “Ms. Montgomery. I was just calling to make sure you were going to keep your spa appointment. It began ten minutes ago.”

Reese jumped out of bed. “Oh! I’m so sorry. I … I’m not feeling well and won’t be able to make it.”

“Are you sure? It’s all paid for.”

Reese closed her eyes. “If you can return the charges to the card, please do. I understand if changing the appointment this late is a problem.”

The woman sounded apologetic. “Our policy is a 24-hour cancellation.”

“I understand. Wait! Can I give you another card number to charge instead?”

“That would be fine.”

Reese managed to find her purse and her credit card. When she heard the total for the day, she almost choked. But she couldn’t let Sterling foot the bill. He wouldn’t want to now, especially since she wasn’t going to use the spa. Of course, that left her with hours to fill until he was done. She couldn’t imagine waiting. Or the plane ride home.

Reese fought back the tears. She couldn’t keep crying about this all day. She should be praying for him instead. He was heading into the intervention with his sister, which he knew would be incredibly difficult. She had only seen them on television and wasn’t even a fan of watching strangers deal with such hard things. Knowing that he was probably going in with all the residual anger and the emotions from their conversation made her feel sick.

He probably had the same feeling of whiplash she did, going from ecstatically happy to crushed all in one day. At least they found out fast. Even if this now officially was his shortest relationship ever. He hadn’t exactly broken up with her, but he didn’t need to say the words. He had shown her.

Enough. She needed to focus on him and his struggles with May, which were a much bigger deal than her heartache. She could deal with that later.

Reese sat down on the balcony, watching people walk on the beach. It was hard to feel this amount of pain on such a beautiful day. As she sat, she prayed silently or sometimes in a whisper. She didn’t have a lot of words, but just repeated a few like a mantra. Be with Sterling. Help May. Restore their family. Give him strength. Heal him.

She didn’t know how long she had been outside when her phone started buzzing repeatedly. She had purposefully left it there, not ready to face Staci, who had texted her several times to see how the date went. But the continued buzz gave her pause. This might be more than a check-in.

When she saw the screen of her phone, her stomach dropped. She hadn’t thought that it was possible to feel worse than she did. But now she knew that things could actually get worse. Because in the past few hours, her life had gone nuclear. She called Staci first.

“How bad is it?” Reese whispered.

“I’m really, really sorry,” Staci said. “It’s very bad. But you know it will be okay, right? You’ll land on your feet. This stuff passes and it will all be forgotten the next time some starlet throws a temper tantrum at an event.”

“Just tell me.”

Staci sighed. “Have you really not seen yet?”

“I haven’t looked at my phone today. Just saw you calling and a million texts that gave me the heads-up.”

“There are pictures all over the internet of you and Sterling kissing on a balcony and then going into a hotel room together. You and Sterling on the beach and in a private cabana. I know you said nothing more happened, but whew. These look steamy. You said he was a great kisser and he sure looks like it.”

Reese wanted to cry. Surprisingly, her eyes were completely dry right now. She could still feel the way his lips had moved against hers and how protected she had felt in his arms, just yesterday. It only made the way he had left hurt more.

“The headlines?”

“What you’d expect. Along the lines of homewrecking slut steals Sterling James from his childhood best friend. The baby mama is back again, of course, on the talk circuit and the internet, running her mouth to anyone who will listen about how this just shows who he is.”

Reese sank down onto the couch, running her hands through her hair. “I knew that this was the wrong play—creating a fake relationship. Kevin pressured me into it, but it felt wrong. I should have said no and come up with something else. Is Kevin going to kill me? I think I’ve missed some calls from him.”

“I bet you have. I haven’t gone into the office yet.”

“Staci, it has to be afternoon there. What do you mean you haven’t gone in?”

“If you aren’t working there, I’m certainly not working there. Maybe we’ll have to move back to Texas together. Whatever. I hate him and I hate that place. I love you. And I’m sorry.”

“You think he’s going to fire me?”

“Do you really need to ask?”

“I just kind of hoped.”

“Has Sterling seen this? I’m guessing not if you’re talking to me, not him, right now.”

“I’m not sure he’s talking to me at all right now, actually. I think we broke up.” Reese felt her breath catching and heard Staci groan on the other side of the phone.

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. Are you okay? What happened?”

“I’ll be okay, but I’m not right now. I can’t talk about it. I need to focus. Maybe trying to fix this can take my mind off of the whole heartbreak thing. I think I know what I have to do. Well, at least part of it. I’m pretty sure there is no fixing what happened between me and Sterling. But as a parting gift, I can fix his PR problem.”

“What’s the story going to be this time?”

“No story. No spin. I’m done with that. Kevin can take his lies and shove them. But I may need some creative wording.”

“Do I want to know what you’re going to do?”

“Nope. Because you’d talk me out of it. I’ll call you later when I have a task for you. Just, maybe, keep praying.”

“Always,” Staci said before Reese hung up.

Before she set the phone down, Reese sent Sterling a quick text. Even if he didn’t want her to, she wanted him to know that she was praying.

Reese pulled out her laptop and set it on the table. Despite how horrible everything was, she had a plan that would hopefully help Sterling as much as possible. A verse kept coming to mind as she worked. She hadn’t ever been good at memorizing Scripture, but it was somewhere in Romans. Maybe Romans 5? When she stopped to take a breath, she would look it up. It said that few people would die for a good man, but Jesus lay down his life while we were still basically still acting like his enemies.

Sterling might not want her praying. He definitely would not want her help right now, especially the kind she was going to give. He wasn’t exactly an enemy, but he had definitely been cruel to her. And now she was going to lay herself down for him. Because this plan? Putting it into action meant that Reese would be taking a very big and very public fall.