Chapter 13

Sterling shut himself off as much as possible for the next three shows, at least on the tour bus and in the hotels. On stage he was still channeling the same magnetism and connection that he had in Atlanta. That surprised him, because he fully believed that Reese helped bring that out of him. And after their brief conversation on the back of the bus where she made it very clear she wasn’t interested in a relationship with him, he had hardly said anything to her. Reese talked to Morgan about anything important and then Morgan talked to him.

Reese’s words shouldn’t have mattered that much. Sterling hadn’t even told her he was interested before she shot him down. She was being presumptuous. This is what Sterling told himself, though he knew he wasn’t being fully honest. Maybe he hadn’t told Reese in words that he was interested, but he had flirted. He had done small things, like put his foot on top of hers under the table while they were working. Most people wouldn’t consider that something. It sounded stupid. Like something you might do in junior high. For a rock star who had engaged in way too many meaningless physical relationships over the years, that was laughable.

But it meant something when he did it. He knew it. Reese knew it. He had seen it in the way she chewed on the inside of her cheek and flushed a little, trying to avoid eye contact.

Then she hugged him on the balcony and told him that she would come with him to May’s intervention. It felt like things shifted and that they had taken a few giant leaps forward towards something real. He bought two first-class tickets that same night, feeling hopeful about the future and even about his trip home. Now he didn’t know how to ask her again or mention that he had the tickets.

Something about Reese made him feel stronger and more sure of himself. He wanted to live up to the way that she saw him and the things she said about him when they were doing that social media thing. She had called him talented. Strong. Tender.

It was totally stupid how far he had fallen when they barely knew each other. He had been vulnerable, something that she said showed strength. It had challenged him to take down some of his walls for her. But maybe she didn’t know how hard that was for him to do.

Now he felt like that had simply come back to bite him. He had a plane ticket with her name on it when she clearly didn’t want to be alone with him. All because Morgan had taken a nap in his bed?

Sterling did understand, though. When Morgan asked, bending over and holding a hand to her spine like she had been in pain, he had felt distinctly uncomfortable. He hadn’t shared his bed with any woman in any way in at least two years. Not that he napped with her, but still. There was something intimate about sharing your bed with someone else. That was probably the furthest thing anyone would expect for a rock star to say, but the more distance he had from his past casual physical relationships, the more the thought bothered him. He didn’t want to throw away any part of himself like it was that easily discarded.

It wasn’t necessarily that he wanted to be celibate like Moby accused him of being, but he wanted change. If he was going to have a relationship, he wanted something full and real. If that was even possible, which he had seriously doubted. Until Reese and whatever it was about her that pulled him toward her. He had found himself agreeing when she mentioned that she wanted to get married. To wake up every morning with the same person and to be glad about it. He wanted that too.

And when she talked about that, for just a moment, Sterling could imagine that person he woke up to every morning being Reese. She was smart and kind and willing to be vulnerable and open. He loved the way she sometimes seemed to lose control of her words, letting them spill out and then looking horrified. She made him laugh. And she was there in the best way possible after he had talked to his mother about the intervention.

Did she feel something like that for him? Sure, she had joked about wanting to marry Sterling James the rock star when she was younger. Did the real person live up to the hype? He knew that he was moody and difficult sometimes. He had snapped at her and been rude more than once. If she still liked him, it would be shocking. But he thought maybe she might return similar feelings … until she saw Morgan in his bed.

He could see how that would have given Reese the wrong idea. He had tried to imagine what it would be like if he had walked by and seen Moby in Reese’s bunk. The thought made him so angry that he had to hit up the hotel fitness center and do a punishing workout as soon as the bus stopped in New Orleans. He got it. He just didn’t know what to do about it.

Reese probably felt betrayed and hurt, but he knew that she meant the words she said. It was like that moment woke her up and reminded her of what she was doing on the tour. She worked for Sterling. Things needed to stay professional. He didn’t want to make her lose her job. Maybe after the tour something could happen? Which left him now in a painful, confusing limbo. And with two tickets to LA, one in her name.

Which now he didn’t know what to do with. He would probably just go alone. Or he could get the name changed and take Morgan. No. Morgan might have been one of his oldest friends, but the thought of letting her into this painful part of his life didn’t sit well with him. He wasn’t exactly sure why. She was trustworthy. It wasn’t that. This part of his life had been closed off completely from everyone for so long that the idea of letting anyone in gave him a physical, visceral reaction.

Why had it been different with Reese?

Sterling’s mind kept turning this over as they did the sound check in Dallas at the Dos Equis Pavilion. The tour was a summer one, though technically it was still late spring. A lot of the venues were outdoor amphitheaters like this. It had been fine in Atlanta, but already it was getting hot. He had done two shirt changes in Houston, which he hated doing. It made him feel like a diva. But he also hated performing in a shirt that was completely drenched in his own sweat. He hoped as they moved west and rolled into the summer that they had more venues indoors. With air conditioning.

“Hey!” Morgan’s voice reached him as he put the guitar back in the stand.

Everything was set up for the show. Sterling had seen Reese flitting around, taking video for the Facebook page, but he had been sure not to make eye contact. Maybe it was immature, but it helped him not to feel so bad about everything if he didn’t look right at her face. Difficult on a tour, especially on the bus, but not impossible as he had found.

“You got my extra shirts?” Sterling asked.

Morgan held up a stack of black T-shirts. “Yep. I bought a few more since this will likely be an issue as we go this summer. Probably only the people close up will notice you’ve changed. I’ll leave these right on the side of the stage.”

Sterling nodded. “Good. Are we doing more indoor venues? This summer tour outdoors is killing me and it’s only May.”

Sterling headed for the green room and Morgan fell into step beside him.

“I know. It’s hot. We do have more indoor spaces coming up. I actually wanted to talk to you about adding more dates.”

Sterling frowned. “Extending? I don’t want to do more than two months. Last time I did a long tour I wanted to quit music altogether after I finished.”

“I don’t want to add on time. We have a few spaces that I could add shows in if we stayed one more night in a place or didn’t get a hotel and slept on the bus.”

“Why? I mean, I know adding shows means more money and all, but why are you thinking about this?”

Morgan stopped in the dark, narrow hallway and pulled his arm until he was stopped too, facing her. “Did Reese not tell you?”

Sterling looked away and shook his head. Reese didn’t tell him anything anymore. Morgan went on like she didn’t notice his discomfort. “The rest of the tour sold out. Completely.”

Sold out. Sterling met her eyes with shock. He had never sold out a tour. Maybe one or two shows at smaller venues. That hadn’t even been a goal. Especially not for this tour, where they had some bigger venues. “We sold out? Everything?”

Morgan grinned. “Every single show.”

“How?” Sterling asked. “I don’t understand.”

“I think it’s two-fold. First of all, you’re on fire. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you are kind of amazing. There’s something different about you and about how you’re playing and interacting with the crowds. It’s having a huge impact. The main show and your acoustic encores.”

“And?”

“The other part is Reese and what she’s doing. That first show in Atlanta, the video she did of your sound check went viral. She put a link to the tour on there and it started then. But she’s continued to capitalize on the live video stuff. Sound checks, your new music during the special encores—all of it. We sold out after Houston. Congratulations, big guy. I knew this tour was going to be huge for you. Looks like you can do whatever you want from here on out.”

Sterling leaned against the wall. This was good news. It was amazing. This would give him more leverage to do exactly what he wanted next. His label might even be more open to keeping him and letting him choose what he wanted to do. But if he wanted to go independent, he would have the power for that as well.

But he needed Reese.

The thought hit him like a fist to the gut. Would he continue to have this kind of engagement without the work she was doing? Could he hire someone else to do it as well as she did? Would she even want to work with him or talk to him after the way he had pointedly ignored her for the past four days? Four days felt like months on a tour like this. Everything was more ramped up when you traveled with people in close quarters. Emotions were heightened. Which was probably why he felt what he did for Reese. It wasn’t real. They would end the tour and he would be over it immediately.

Even as he told himself this, he knew it wasn’t true. His draw to her was something more, something deeper. It was the most real thing he had ever felt. Sterling didn’t want to think about the implications of what that meant.

“You should probably thank her. I’ve noticed you aren’t talking to her. Something happen?” Morgan seemed to be watching his face carefully.

“No,” Sterling said in a clipped tone. “Nothing happened. I’ll thank her.”

“Good.” Morgan stood and started walking again toward the door of the green room. “Because I really like Reese. Even when you seem to be giving her the cold shoulder and going all Night Sterling on her, she’s been working her butt off for you behind-the-scenes. You have no idea.”

Guilt choked him. He had been acting like a big baby. Reese had tried to remind him that she was there for a job and he had taken it personally. He never should have crossed a line in his thoughts or in his actions. And he never should have let Morgan nap in his bed. That crossed a line too. One that made him uncomfortable, even if it was innocent.

Sterling knew he needed to talk with Reese and thank her for what she had been doing for him. He needed to stop pretending like she wasn’t there. That was the furthest thing from professional.

Of course, his feelings weren’t professional. Period. Maybe he needed to figure out how to handle that before he could talk to her. The last thing he wanted was to drive her any further away than he already had.

* * *

Four shows in and Reese had a routine. She started every night they had a show by making her way around the tunnels and back halls so she wouldn’t get lost. She located the green room, which was always home base. Then she walked the seating areas, checking the views of the stage, taking photos as she went for Sterling’s Instagram. She’d found that the live videos did better on Facebook, but photos and quick videos did well on Instagram, in stories or just the feed.

Guys tended to like photos of equipment and the guitars Sterling and Moby used. She always made sure to include a photo of the bass or of David playing. The first time she had, multiple commenters thanked her and made jokes about everyone forgetting the bassist.

Girls and women tended to want more pictures of Sterling and the rest of the band. When they had their meeting, he said he hated having posed photos taken, so they kept those to a minimum. Which was better, since she didn’t have to talk to him taking casual, in-the-moment pictures. Though it did make her feel like a stalker.

Especially considering the fact that Sterling had spoken only three words to her since their conversation on the back of the bus. She had counted. (More stalker behavior.) He’d said “thanks” when she passed him a napkin while they were all eating in the green room. “Sorry” when they had almost run into each other walking on the bus. And “yeah” when she had asked about filming the sound check at the last show.

It’s what she wanted, right?

Not really. Not at all.

But it was probably what she needed. Seeing Morgan in his bed had made jealousy rise so fast and hard in her chest that it hurt. Physically hurt: stomach clenching, chest burning. For two full days afterward she felt jealous every time she saw him talking to Morgan. And they talked a lot.

Reese couldn’t feel that way for him. She just couldn’t. It made her feel out of control and emotionally wired. Whatever flirtations had passed between them probably meant way less for him than it did for Reese. She rarely dated and hadn’t had a long-term relationship. Things always seemed to fizzle out. A few relationships died more dramatically, with her most serious boyfriend cheating on her with another girl who went to her church. That did a number on her heart. Especially since she still saw them from time to time on Sunday mornings.

Did Sterling go to church? They hadn’t talked about this subject and it wasn’t really a possibility on tour. Reese had been trying to slip into a routine of having a devotional or prayer time, but with a different schedule every day it was hard. She could see how easy it would be not to crack open her Bible for the next two months. About as easy as it was not to bring up this topic with Sterling. Especially since they weren’t talking.

She tried to remind herself that this separation was necessary to do her job. And keep her job. But yeah, it sucked completely to lose out on the connection they had been forming. It felt like a new friendship had been ripped away from her. And the hope of something more. The irony was that she needed Sterling to like her so that if she quit her job, she could count on his recommendation. Would Sterling have anything good to say about her?

Maybe this was God’s way of guarding her heart. She didn’t know where Sterling stood in terms of his faith. And it’s not like she had given much indication of hers. Reese had a Bible in her bunk and read it most mornings, but it’s not like he saw that. It was the kind of thing she should probably have brought up before, but she hadn’t thought of a good conversation starter or segue that didn’t sound weird or awkward.

As the sun began to reach that intense light as it neared the horizon, crowds began to filter into the amphitheater. Reese did a panoramic shot of the mostly-empty seats. She would come back later and do another once the sold-out crowd filled in. Now that the tour dates were all sold out, she had been sending people to Sterling’s mailing list. It had grown by ten thousand since the tour started.

Most people obsessed over social media since that was public facing, the shiny number of followers right out front. But Reese knew that getting subscribers onto an email list had greater value. More sales were made over email than any other medium. She hadn’t talked with Sterling about this, but had created a nurturing email sequence for new fans. If he wanted to go out on his own rather than stay with his label, he’d have a solid email list to sell to right off the bat.

Kevin had been pleased when he called for an update earlier that day. He brushed off the email list bit, as he definitely cared more about public numbers, but loved everything else.

“You really locked this down,” he had said.

“Thanks?” Reese hadn’t quite understood that phrasing as it related to her work.

“You’re just starting the tour, though, so make sure you keep it up. Long game, Montgomery. I need you to impress me for months, not a week. This has set the bar high. Hope you can keep it up.”

Reese had no response to that, which was fine since Kevin hung up after that last comment. After that conversation she bought a domain name and messaged a web designer who owed her a favor to get Reese Montgomery Social Management set up. Privately, just in case Kevin had some kind of weird radar for her or something. But that was the first step toward actually moving on. Too bad she couldn’t give her notice before the tour ended so she wouldn’t have to ever set foot in the office again. But Kevin would likely pull her off the tour the second she did anything to make him mad. Which would include quitting.

The crowd was starting to get louder and Reese ducked to the side backstage, moderating comments on the video she’d posted earlier. She should probably hire a virtual assistant to handle simple things like deleting comments from trolls or the occasional self-promotional comment from trolls.

Reese had her face in her phone, which is how she missed Sterling standing there with his shirt off.

“Hey,” he said and she literally jumped back a step.

Four words.That was her very first thought: he had now spoken four words to her in the last few days. Then she realized he was shirtless.

“What? Hey,” Reese said.

Her eyes fell to his bare torso, but she jerked her gaze away immediately. He probably thought she was responding to him shirtless, but the truth was that Reese had simply been so focused on the phone that any person would have startled her.

Though Sterling James shirtless was enough to send a woman off-balance. Even with that quick glance, she could see that his broad build had solid definition. The kind that could have been immortalized on a calendar or something, even though as far as she knew, Sterling had never been shirtless on any kind of promotional photos. Maybe because of the scar across his chest? She had seen the long white line as she dragged her eyes away. She fought the desire to run her fingers along it. Or to ask where he got it.

“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize you were changing here. Why are you changing here?”

She forced her eyes back to his face so she could have a conversation like a normal person and not like some fan ogling his bare chest. He had just pulled on another black T-shirt and ran a hand over his hair.

“Morgan leaves shirts for me when it’s hot. I thought there was one in the green room, but they were all up here so I just changed here.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not a diva. I just don’t like getting sweat all over my guitars. It’s hot.” He smirked.

Reese couldn’t help but smile back, like she had just been waiting days for this chance. Basically, she had. “I never said you were a diva. I think you’re the furthest thing from a diva, actually. I’m sure your guitars appreciate it.”

He blinked at her. “Was that a joke?”

“A bad one, apparently. Sorry, I had my head buried in this.” Reese waved the phone at him. “I’m better at conversations I can plan and type out than ones in person where I have to think on my feet. I get all rambly or confuse people.”

“I think you’re a fine conversationalist,” Sterling said.

The correct response would have been “thank you,” but Reese couldn’t get the words out, so she simply stood there, trying to get her bearings.

“Speaking of all that social media stuff, thank you. Morgan said we sold out the rest of the tour.”

Reese grinned. “It’s pretty amazing. Though that’s really all on you. The stuff I’m doing is just showcasing you better to people. It’s packaging. You’re the package. Not that you’re an object. I’m not objectifying you. Wow, I should really stop talking now.”

Snapping her mouth shut, Reese put her hand over it. She was horrified at the words that seemed to keep falling out of her mouth. She was a smart girl. Despite the things that happened when she opened her mouth.

Sterling began to laugh. He laughed so hard that he bent over at the waist, putting his hands on his knees. Reese didn’t know if he was laughing at her or with her. She wasn’t laughing, so it had to be at her. Though it didn’t feel mean-spirited.

“I’ve missed talking to you,” Sterling said.

Reese was glad he was not looking at her. She might not be able to take the intensity of his eyes paired with a statement like that. Because that’s all it took to get her heart melting for him once again, tossing out all logical reasons that she should resist the feeling.

Should she say that she missed talking to him too? It was the truth, but you didn’t always have to speak the truth. Sometimes you definitely shouldn’t and this seemed like that kind of situation. Not speaking the truth wasn’t exactly lying. It was withholding.

When he stood up again and met her eyes, all her words disappeared anyway. Sterling had a wistfulness in his eyes that made her feel sad. He had blown through several emotions really quickly, from the laughter to whatever this feeling was that was laid out in his eyes.

“I bought you a ticket,” he said. He held a sweaty T-shirt in his hands. It must have been the one he just took off.

“What?”

“A plane ticket. I bought one for you. If you still want to come with me to L.A. this week. We’ll fly out from Kansas City and then back to Denver.”

Reese froze. She had felt so sure that Sterling had changed his mind that she had not even thought about going to L.A. with him after the exchange at the back of the bus. Knowing that he bought her a ticket liquefied her thoughts. She knew she was staring, mouth partly open.

His eyes grew distant and he shifted, still twisting the sweaty T-shirt in his hands. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it if you don’t want to come.” Sterling started to move away.

“I want to go with you,” Reese said, hoping her voice didn’t express just how much she wanted to go with him and how thrilled she was at the thought of traveling with him alone.

He paused, said, “Good,” without looking at her again, and walked away. She thought she caught a small lift to his mouth: he had smiled.

Reese leaned back against a wall nearby, needing something sure and firm to hold her up. Her mind was filled with questions. When had he bought her ticket? After she hugged him out on the balcony? That would make the most sense. Or did he still buy it after she told him that their relationship needed to be professional? Why wasn’t he taking Morgan? They grew up together. She already knew his family. He let her sleep in his bed.

She had to get over that. Nothing was going on between him and Morgan. It would be way too hard to hide that on a tour bus. Though she still caught Morgan staring longingly at Sterling sometimes when he wasn’t looking. She and Morgan still didn’t talk about it, but Morgan probably knew Reese had feelings for him too.

The noise from the crowd was getting louder, overpowering the sound of the rock playing over the speakers. As they always did, her nerves started singing. Reese may not have been the one playing for the crowds and she didn’t know if Sterling got nervous before a show, but she got nervous for him.

Tonight her nervousness mixed with the reality of what she had just agreed to: a two-day trip to L.A. with Sterling. That sounded more intense than any performance ever. And she couldn’t wait.