Chapter 11

Sterling stepped out onto the balcony, wanting to put as much distance as possible between this conversation with his mother and whatever he had been feeling in there with Reese. The giddy lightness that had descended over him just being around her crashed to the ground as soon as he saw his mother’s name on the phone screen.

“James, how are you?”

His mother likely had no idea where he was on tour. They didn’t get into specifics about his life anymore. That had stopped after this first year in the business, when she used to ask about his songs, his shows, and how he was really doing. Sterling didn’t know if the shift had to do with May or something else, but the distance between them was cavernous. It shouldn’t still hurt. To be fair, he didn’t know what was going on in her life either.

“Fine. How’s May?”

She sighed. “The same. But we have a date for the intervention. We’re doing it in ten days.”

“Why wait? Why not right away?”

“We were waiting for a spot to open up at Calm Springs. It’s a rehab facility nearby that specializes in addiction in young people. They have a very high success rate. We were on the waiting list and they called today that they’ll have a spot open for May then.”

Her words got faster as she went, a sign of nerves. More specifically, a sign that the place was expensive, and she was about to give the big ask. He could at least make that easier on her.

“Just let me know who to call to set it up.”

“There’s a reservation fee—”

“It’s fine. I’ll cover it. Where is the intervention?”

“We’re having it at home.”

“Who is involved in this?” Sterling didn’t even know who his family was close to now. May’s friends were obviously worthless if they were helping or watching her go down this path. But as far as family friends and adults or people that might be involved in an intervention like this, he had no idea. The thought made him realize how long it had been since he went home.

“Your Aunt Rebeeca and May’s old art teacher and her best friend Sara.”

“They’re still close?” Sterling remembered Sara, a sweet, awkward girl with braces and legs that had looked too long for her body when she had been thirteen.

“Not so much anymore. But Sara has always been a faithful friend and she cares about May.”

It seemed like such a small group of support for something so consequential. He should be there too.

“I want to come. This is important and I want her to know that I care. I want to help.”

He could almost feel the shift in tone before his mother spoke. “I really don’t think it would be a good idea. May is making her choices, but the impetus for all this was your career. You being here might really set her off. I think she holds a lot of anger. Negative emotions are not a good thing in these kinds of situations.”

“Have you asked her how she feels? Or is this just what you think?”

“I think I know what’s best for May. You haven’t been here for us in years. It would be disruptive to pretend like you are actually part of the family.”

His hand gripped the balcony railing tighter. Though he had well-developed callouses from playing guitar for years, after a show—especially the first few on a tour, his hands were a little more sensitive. Not sore, but just aware they’d been used. The metal railing dragged over his skin and he felt a sting of pain.

“Just text me the info and I’ll make sure it’s paid for.”

“Take care, James.”

“Sure, Mom.”

He heard an intake of breath, like she might say something else, and he hung up the phone before she got a chance. Sliding the phone into the back pocket of his jeans, Sterling leaned his elbows on the rail. The suite, nice as it was, looked over a parking lot. The tour bus was in back, parked over almost a whole row of spaces.

A couple argued down below and Sterling watched as they emerged from the building and walked out to a car, gesturing with their hands. He couldn’t hear the specifics, but recognized the tone. When they got to the car, the man suddenly turned and wrapped the woman up in his arms. They stood there for a few seconds, quietly hugging. Then he pressed his lips to her cheek and held the door open for her. Sterling saw a flash of a smile on her face under the harsh parking lot lights.

Most people thought arguing meant that you didn’t get along. Lots of people avoided arguments and conflict. Sterling knew that arguments were actually a sign of love. You cared about someone enough to get passionate about what they were doing, saying, or feeling. His conversations with his mother weren’t arguments like that. They were one-sided. She created a boundary or wall and he butted up against it until he gave up. It wasn’t the same. There was no hug or kiss at the end, no promise of love.

The balcony doors opened behind him. “Sterling?”

He had forgotten for a moment about Reese. He didn’t turn. “Yep.”

“I think we’re probably good for the night. I was going to head back down to my room and get a last good night of sleep before I’m tucked into the coffin bunk on the tour bus.”

“Okay.”

Sterling knew he was being short with her, but he couldn’t shake the bitter taste in his mouth. A nice, normal woman like Reese didn’t deserve the hell he’d unleash on her life if he dated her. It was out of the question.

Maybe she wouldn’t end up like May, but Sterling had seen the way being linked to him had impacted people. It wasn’t healthy for them.

Reese put a hand on his arm. The touch jolted through him and his whole body stiffened. She hesitated and he thought she might pull away, but she leaned closer instead, pressing her palm against his forearm. That simple, kind touch conveyed a whole host of emotion. Sterling turned his head away, staring over toward a fast-food place next to the parking lot.

“Do you want to talk?”

The question almost broke him. If she had asked if he was okay, it would have been different. That was a common question and an easier one to wiggle out of, pretending things were fine. She skipped right over that, sensing that he wasn’t okay and offering him an outlet to talk about it.

The moment stretched out while he debated, feeling like a much longer time than it realistically could have been. Sterling felt poised on the edge of something, like he had to make a choice right now. Either choice would change things.

“My sister, May, she’s … addicted. Pills, alcohol, I’m not even sure what. My mom is staging an intervention for her.”

“When do you have to go?”

Sterling’s smile was bitter. He looked down at his hands when he answered. “They don’t want me there. My mom was just calling to make sure I could pay for rehab.”

Reese pulled her hand away and Sterling instantly felt disappointed. But relieved, too. He had shifted into that dangerous place where he felt like he didn’t deserve anything good. Only pain. Loneliness. Harsh treatment. She should pull away. She should just go.

But then Reese ducked under his arm, standing between him and the balcony. He straightened in surprise and saw her determined expression before she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his chest. It only took a moment for his arms to drop over her. He put a palm against the small of her back and another closer to her shoulders where it tangled immediately in her hair. It felt just as silky as he had imagined. He closed his eyes and dropped his cheek to the top of her head. She smelled like toffee and springtime. She smelled like hope.

They stood like that for a few minutes, not even moving when a car alarm blared down below. Sterling didn’t want to break the embrace. He might scare her off. It felt fragile, like this moment wasn’t to be trusted or might be like early morning fog that burned off as soon as the sun rose in the sky.

“I am so sorry, Sterling. That must be so difficult. And it’s not fair that your mom doesn’t want you there. I don’t know your family dynamics, but that just sucks. She’s wrong. Your sister may or may not feel like she wants you there, but I bet anything she is desperate for you. You should just go.”

Her words settled into his chest like they belonged. They felt true and right and echoed what he felt too. But he was afraid. What if he showed up and May hated him? What if she yelled and cried and told him it was all his fault, the way she had when he last saw her? She had been fourteen and her angry, tear-streaked face was emblazoned on his memory. He could see his mother’s face too, jaw tight as her cold eyes pierced him with what looked like blame.

“I don’t think I can,” Sterling said. “They don’t want me.”

Reese squeezed him harder. “I can’t imagine that to be true. Maybe they’re hurt. Maybe your fame made things harder for them. But you are still May’s brother. You are your mother’s son. You are family. You need to fight for that, even if it means fighting with them.”

He had just been thinking about that same thing. Sterling knew she was right and his chest lifted with the thought. He could buy a ticket out there, fly home for a day, and fly back for the concert. What would his mother say? What emotion would come to rest on her face when he knocked at the door of his childhood home?

What would May say?

“I don’t know,” he said.

Reese squeezed still tighter, with more force than he expected from her small frame. “I’ll go with you.” She must have felt the way his breath caught. “I mean, not that you need help or anything. I’m sure you’re fine. And we hardly know each other.” She paused. When she spoke again, her voice had lost the hesitation. “But I’ll go. If you need someone to just be there with you.”

Sterling’s emotions were rising into a tempest that matched the wild and tangled thoughts in his brain. Her words, this embrace—they had pushed him and Reese firmly into another level of relationship completely. It felt like they had walked together to the edge of something and chosen to step off a ledge, holding hands on the way down. He cupped the back of Reese’s head and she shuddered.

“Thank you,” he managed to choke out, just as the balcony doors opened and people spilled out.

Sterling felt the separation like something precious had been torn from him. He and Reese were suddenly on separate sides of the balcony as Moby, Chuck, and David plus Mike the sound guy and a few other crew members were all talking at once. Music was coming from somewhere. Morgan had come out last and went straight to Sterling. He caught Reese’s eyes over Morgan’s head as she gave him a hug.

“We had fun, you big party pooper. You should come next time. You can’t avoid every single outing. I know you’re an introvert, but pick a few nights out with us. Please?”

Sterling looked down, realizing as though for the first time that Morgan still had an arm hooked around his waist. He looked across to Reese, but she was moving inside the balcony doors, waving goodbye to Moby. Sterling fought the urge to go after her. She’d said that she wanted to go to bed a few minutes before anyway. He felt like he needed to thank her for being there. He could tomorrow. They would have plenty of time.

Morgan bumped her hip into his and Sterling smiled, instantly relaxing. “How’d your strategy sesh go? She’s brilliant, right?”

“You’re the brilliant one for suggesting we hire someone. She’s fantastic. I think that she’s got a really good handle on what I want. The best part? I don’t have to post anything. She’s handling it all.”

This wasn’t what he wanted to be talking about or who he wanted to be talking to. He didn’t want all these people on his balcony. He only wanted one person and she had just walked out of the door.

“Good. You need to have your full attention on this whole rebrand thing. Which shouldn’t be that hard after tonight. If things go as well as they did tonight, you could decide you want to revive big band music and your fans would follow right along.”

All because of Reese.

“Hey, speaking of which, I need to take a brief detour home in ten days. I don’t have a show. I think that’s actually the longest stretch we have between shows.”

“Home?” Her nose wrinkled in confusion. “You’re going back to Santa Monica?”

“Yep. Just for a night, maybe two.”

Morgan’s eyes traced over his face. “Anything specific?”

Sterling ignored her fishing. He could tell her. But he didn’t want to. She knew his family, knew May, back in the day, but hadn’t stayed close to them after he left. He had half-hoped that Morgan would remain like a big sister to May when he left. Not that he blamed her for drifting apart from his family. He had been the reason that Morgan spent so much time at his house. It only made sense that she never went back after he left.

“Everything okay?”

“Totally okay,” Sterling said.

“Good. Because I’ve got a really good feeling about this tour. Things are changing for you, Sterling.”

Sterling smiled and gave her a side hug before moving over to talk to Mike and Moby. He could almost taste the change and it almost completely eclipsed the bitterness on his tongue from his conversation with his mom.

As soon as everyone left, he would book plane tickets. The thought of taking Reese with him sent a shudder of nervousness through him and sent a smile hiking up his face.