Chapter 9

The week wentby in a blink. Six days, and I was sleeping every night. I was eating better than ever before, though Claus had gone extremely strict with my diet the past three days. No more croissants in the morning, just eggs and oats and fat-free milk. Not even freshly squeezed juices because apparently there was a lot of sugar in oranges, and he’d rather spend the calories on my lunch and dinner. Since I had no clue how any of it worked, I went along. After all, he fed all the girls at the Paradise, and all of them looked like they were paintings on a canvas.

Jennifer was still taking it easy on me, though. I was still doing mostly cardio in the gym room, so my muscles weren’t overly sore. And every single day, we spent time at the pool together with the girls as long as it was warm outside.

I was having the time of my life. I woke up and had breakfast, put on makeup and did my hair, and I was thrilled to pick what to wear for the day, absolutely over the moon to walk around my huge closet trying to decide what I wanted to look like for the pool, and then for dinner as well.

Some girls joined us on some days, and some were busy working—and when I asked the others what that was, they laughed, waved me off, and said, why, entertaining our guests, of course.

I guess in the back of my mind I knew exactly what entertaining meant, so I didn’t really ask any more questions. I just enjoyed their company, and most seemed to like me—except Hannah. She still refused to speak to me directly or listen whenever I was telling a story—or simply look at me without showing me how much she wanted to murder me in my sleep.

Mama Si was nowhere to be seen, but apparently, that was normal. She rarely came outside in the daytime like she had the day she met me. She’d been pissed that day, had been cursing and shouting and breaking things, but I didn’t really mention it to anyone. I didn’t think about it myself, either.

I definitely should have.

The curiosity to explore the place wasn’t as persistent as I initially thought it would be. There was just so much to do already. I read the books I’d brought with—the only things Mama Si had let me keep from my life outside the Paradise—every night before bed for a sense of familiarity. I went with the girls to the spa and the gym and the game room, where they played billiards and poker and darts.

But there were other people in the mansion, clients Marissa called them, and I saw them with the girls by the pools sometimes. The other ones—nobody came to the Heart Pool except us. That was ours only and I was glad for it. The water was so warm and heavenly, like it was infused with good feelings so that every time I went for a swim, I came out brand new.

But the girls joined the clients, men and sometimes women of all ages, not just by the pools but in other rooms I hadn’t seen before that they told me about.

It was inevitable, though. I knew it was just a matter of time before I’d be shown those rooms and found out exactly why I was being given this life. Why I was living like royalty. Why I had so many privileges. Why I had a team of people to handle my every need and every whim—like that time I said I could use a foot massage, and by the time I returned to my room after lunch, the masseuse was waiting for me by the door.

Yes, I knew that I’d be shown exactly why. I just had no idea it would be tonight.

Preparing for dinner had become one of my favorite things to do now. How could I not, when there was no need to cook or clean or think about the dishes, or what to eat or whether I had everything I needed to prepare it—no, no, all I had to do was dress up and look nice and show up at a fully set table where the help didn’t let me even pour my own glass of water. I ate the most delicious food possibly in the whole world, too, so it was no wonder the evening had become my favorite time of the day.

That night, I was just putting on a pair of star-shaped earrings when there was a knock on my door. I thought for sure it was one of the girls come to get me for dinner. We weren’t exactly best friends,but Amber and I were pretty close already, and I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the others came to pick me up. After all, there were fifteen of us here and over twenty other women whom we never saw or interacted with. They slept and ate in a different part of the mansion, and they entertained as well, but for some reason were separate from us. They weren’t dolls, just staff, the girls said.

But that night when I opened the door, it was Mama Si’s smiling face that greeted me, and I knew that my time was already up.

“Come with me, Fall Doll.”

She wore a midnight blue dress that hugged her frame like it was made for her. It probably was. Her hand was bare when she reached for me, no glove in sight.

My heart fell all the way to my heels. I could have sworn I heard it crashing. “Where are we going?” I asked with barely any voice.

Mama Si smiled like she knew I knew, but she was happy to indulge me, anyway.

“Just to stroll around the Paradise and show you a few things. I think you’re ready,” she said, and her eyes were no longer that red they had been at the masquerade party, but their usual colorful selves.

I’m not, I wanted to say. I’m not ready. Please let me stay here…

That was the first time I realized I did not want to leave the Paradise.

Not only that, but I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure Mama Si didn’t kick me out, even if I found I couldn’t do the job she had planned for me. I could do something else—anything else, as long as I got to stay here. As long as I got to live like this.

A week, and the Paradise had already gotten to my head, it seemed, but I couldn’t find it in myself to even regret it.

“Fall Doll, look at me,” Mama Si said, when I was stuck staring at her outstretched hands, her perfectly manicured claws of fingernails painted a bloody red, and I refused to move for the longest moment.

So, I did. I looked at those eyes again and found her soft smile.

Mama Si stepped closer and took my hand in hers.

The effect was instant. Whatever it was about this woman, when she was touching me, life just became easier. The thoughts in my head had order. Reality no longer seemed all that bad.

“It’s just a walk,” she said, but she didn’t pull me outside the room. “Join me.”

A walk. I could take a walk with Mama Si. After all, I always enjoyed her company, even if it was something I wasn’t used to. Her energy, her aura, the touch of her hand and her smile—they were out of the ordinary, all right, even if I didn’t understand how. She was just different. She was Mama Si.

“Of course,” I finally said, and I stepped outside with my hand in hers still, closing the door to my room behind me.

“You are breathtaking, Fall Doll,” she said as we slowly walked down the hallway. “And you’re walking much better on those heels than you did the first time.”

My cheeks flushed bright scarlet. “The girls and Adam gave me tips.”

“I told you the girls would come around,” she said with a wink.

That’s when it clicked that it had been her. I’d basically complained to her without meaning to that night at the party, and Mama Si had changed the girls’ minds about me by taking them with at the shopping mall even though they’d already gone shopping for the month. It had been her.

“And they do say that we look exactly how we feel inside, that the energy that radiates from our person could never lie about what goes on in here—” She let go of my hand and brought it to her chest. I instantly felt…colder somehow, and I didn’t like it. That’s why I wrapped my arms around my torso just to make sure they’d be busy in case she wanted to touch me again.

“So, tell me—how do you feel? Because your energy is thriving, Fall Doll,” she concluded.

She wasn’t wrong. “I feel great, actually,” I admitted as we turned the corner and headed for the main stairways. No guards, but Assa was waiting by the second one farthest away, watching us approaching with her hands behind her, her face as expressionless as ever.

“Happy to hear it,” Mama Si said. “I’ll admit you adjusted to the Paradise faster than I thought you would.” She laughed and it was sweet and warm, filling my chest with warm, fuzzy feelings. Now I suddenly wanted to touch her again, feel her skin against mine. “I knew you were special the moment I laid eyes on you.”

And that reminded me. “Why did you pick me, Mama Si?” I wondered. The girls had had to go through a whole process to be admitted when they first applied to Mama Si, and most had started out as just girls, entertainers, before being basically promoted to dolls. But when I asked what the difference was, all they said was that I’d find out soon enough.

Mama Si turned to look at me, surprised, blonde brows raised high on her flawless forehead. I’d never understand how she looked so old but so young at the same time.

“The other girls had to apply. They had to go through a series of interviews—they told me about it. And nobody knew a position was even open,” I continued when she refused to answer for a loaded second.

“It wasn’t,” she finally said. “I had no plan to hire another doll. I had no need for one, either. And I did interview you, but you are an open book, Fall Doll. One doesn’t need to manipulate you to see your true face—you show it. Which was one of the things that drew me to you.” Fragile. Vulnerable…yes, I remembered those words she’d said to me just fine. “Do try to keep your hands to the sides or behind you. This position screams weak.” And she slowly pushed my arms down to my side.

“Oh.”

“Our posture says everything the world needs to hear about us. Forget looks and clothes and energy and everything else—our posture tells people who we are first. It tells them how we demand to be treated. Shoulders back.”

I moved like my body was at her command.

“So why?” I insisted when we reached the second stairway, and Assa stepped aside to let us climb, then followed behind us without a single sound.

“Because you looked like you needed help, Fall Doll,” Mama Si told me. “And I truly believe we can help each other out.”

I nodded as if I understood, when in fact I had no clue what the hell she was talking about. How could I help someone like Mama Si? She already had everything and more.

We climbed up the stairs to the third floor where I’d never been before. So much of it I had yet to explore, and Marissa encouraged me to come out and look, tried to lure me in by promising me art rooms and libraries like they have in the movies, greenhouses and aquariums as big as my room. Though all of it sounded incredibly tempting, I’d only been here just over a week. I was still getting used to this new routine with the girls, and I was still a foreigner to these walls.

And maybe secretly, I still wanted to avoid having to understand what this place truly was for as long as I could.

“You look afraid, Fall Doll,” Mama Si said, putting her hand on the small of my back as she led me down the hallway to the left. Everything here looked pretty much the same, fancy and rich, shiny and golden, but the hallway on the third floor was darker, the overhead lights off, and the lamps on the walls between the paintings turned down almost all the way.

“I’m not. I’m just…” My voice trailed off. I was afraid. I was fucking terrified.

“Don’t be,” Mama Si whispered, and again, she grabbed my hand in hers, squeezing my fingers lightly. “You’re okay. I promise you are perfectly safe as long as you’re in my Paradise. Nothing here can hurt you.”

Maybe I was na?ve—or just a damn fool—because I believed her wholeheartedly.

“The Paradise is a place like no other,” Mama Si continued, as Assa moved forward to open a door for us to my right. “We cater to our clients’ needs in every way. Entertainment in the Paradise is our goal. Comfort and luxury are just pluses. We aim to make our clients feel good in their skin, Fall Doll. And nothing in the world soothes a wounded soul like a woman’s touch and smile and presence. Please, come on in.”

She stopped by the door and waved for me to go through first.

“Thank you.”

On the other side was a narrow corridor, with small photographs hanging in gold frames on the otherwise white walls. So different from the rest of the mansion, but the lights were on and I could see the doors on the right just fine. They were far apart from one another, and they were all marked with letters and numbers engraved on golden plaques that didn’t really make any sense to me.

“I know you’re nervous. Please understand that I will not be forcing you to do anything you don’t want to.” Mama Si laughed, and the air was somehow thicker in the corridor—or maybe it was just the narrow space that was getting to my head? I’d gotten used to big rooms and openness so quickly in the past week, and it shocked me to realize it. One week—that was all it had taken me to adapt.

Made me wonder how quickly we could adjust to everything else without even realizing it—like abuse, physical or emotional or psychological. Or a bad life. Or a mediocre one, too.

“No, I know that,” I said, though it was a relief that she reassured me. I wouldn’t be forced into doing anything I wasn’t comfortable doing, and knowing that made me feel more at ease instantly. If I couldn’t handle whatever Mama Si was about to show me right now, I could say so. I could leave. I could move back out.

The problem was, apparently, that my body revolted against the idea. My instincts were so reactive, so powerful, that my cheeks heated up instantly and the urge to want to do everything and anything in my power to stay here made my knees shake.

“Good,” Mama Si said, and she stepped in front of me. “All I ask of you is to keep an open mind. Prejudice is bad for the soul, Fall Doll. Do not fall prey to it.”

Prey.

Funny, because just now the look in those colorful eyes made me think of the word predator.

“I won’t,” I said with a nod. “I’m open-minded.”

“Try to understand that people have needs we sometimes find strange, and that’s a beautiful thing. We don’t always have to understand, but we can always accept.”

I swallowed hard. “Okay.”

“Come with me. I’ll show you.” She pulled me down the corridor while Assa followed, all the way to the third door. The plaque on it said D13.

It was a square room, maybe as big as the bedroom in my apartment—well, Brandon’s apartment. Except this one didn’t have a bed. It had two armchairs, a round table in the middle, a rich red carpet covering the floor, and a large, gold-framed painting across from the door, taking up half the wall in front of those armchairs.

Except…it wasn’t a painting. It was a goddamn window into a room.

I forgot to breathe.

Mama Si pulled at my hand. I walked into the room and Assa closed the door behind us, stopping by the wall while I was pulled deeper, to the armchairs, and Mama Si gently pushed me to sit in the one on the right. Then she sat beside me, put one leg over the other, and smiled.

“What…what is this?” Even my whisper came out twisted.

The window that was in front of us showed a room, a large room with people in it. A large room with a man lying on a lounger, while one of the dolls—Celia—sat on an armchair beside him with a big children’s book in her hands.

“This, Fall Doll, is one of our oldest clients, Mr. Patrick,” Mama Si said, folding her hands over her knee, her eyes moving toward the window. “He had a rough childhood. Has never been read fairytales before bed. You see, his mother was trying to keep him and his brother fed, and she didn’t have time to give her children affection. That is why affection is what Mr. Patrick now seeks.”

My mouth opened and closed, but all I could do was shake my head because no word wanted to come out of me.

Mama Si laughed at the look on my face. “You asked me what I’d need from you, Fall Doll, and I’m showing you. We entertain our clients. Whatever their need, we meet it in the best possible way. Celia here looks a lot like Mr. Patrick’s mother did when he was a boy. That is why he’s her regular. He comes here, stays for two days every few weeks, and he spends time with Celia. She helps him bathe. Helps him eat. Helps him get dressed. Reads to him after dinner and tucks him in bed for the night. He sleeps like a baby.” And she smiled proudly.

My brain was malfunctioning. “I don’t…I don’t understand.”

“Watch, doll,” Mama Si whispered, leaning over to touch the side of my jaw with her fingertips, so she could push my head toward the window gently, until I was looking right into the room again.

I watched.

It was as fancy as everything else, the wallpapers a mixture of blue and violet and pink. The furniture, the paintings, the mirrors, the dining table, the bed—everything in it screamed luxury.

The man lying on the lounger wore white pajamas with big blue buttons, and a cap on his head as well. He was older, possibly in his late fifties, with salt and pepper hair and beard, so handsome he could have been a Hollywood actor. This whole thing could be a movie set, and he was great at his job because he looked perfectly at peace. His hands were under his head, his legs crossed, and he was looking at Celia like he was utterly happy, a big smile on his face as she read for him, then turned the page.

On the small table in front of us was a remote I hadn’t even noticed, and Mama Si grabbed it, pressed some buttons, and suddenly the small room was filled with Celia’s voice. She was reading Pinocchio, and her voice was indeed angelic. She spoke softly, slowly, a smile on her face at all times, and she wore a pink dress with a white apron in the front, her brown hair down in thick, frizzy waves, her nails neatly trimmed.

I listened to her reading as my heart slammed in my chest, and I could hardly find enough air to breathe.

“We offer Mr. Patrick a safe space to be a little boy again,” Mama Si eventually said, making every inch of my skin rise in goose bumps. “Tell me, Fall Doll—what do you see wrong with that?”

Oh, I saw plenty wrong. Plenty. Like the fact that a grown man hadn’t yet healed from childhood wounds, that he wouldn’t consider seeing a therapist to overcome his trauma but instead fed into it and possibly made it worse. Not to mention the fact that Mama Si basically took advantage of the fact, even if she gave him a safe space to be what he wanted to be.

So, so wrong…yet I couldn’t say a single word, so Mama Si smiled.

“Exactly,” she said, thinking I couldn’t come up with a hundred reasons why this wasn’t okay.

But then Mr. Patrick laughed while Celia read about how the whale had sneezed Pinocchio and his father out of its belly, and I flinched. He really, genuinely seemed happy, and Celia was laughing with him, too. There wasn’t a hint on her face or her posture to suggest that she was uncomfortable in there—on the contrary. She seemed perfectly at ease.

And it just baffled me.

“Come. Let’s keep going.”

A hand on my shoulder. I looked up to find Mama Si moving for the door.

With my eyes still stuck on the window, I moved backward until I was out of the room, and Assa closed the door in front of me, giving me a moment to breathe in deeply.

Then Mama Si said, “Ready for the next one?”

I wasn’t. I most definitely wasn’t, but I was far too curious to say so, so all I did was follow her to the next room.

In it was a young man sitting at a big desk with three computer screens on it, while Melahni stood behind him by the wall with a tray in her hand, looking ahead, not moving a single inch. She wore possibly the sexiest outfit I’d ever seen, a slutty maid with a shiny latex skirt that showed her panties made of the same fabric, a tiny blue apron in the front, her waist completely bare, and her bra the exact same, too. She wore six-inch pumps, just like always, and her hair was done in tight curls that looked like a black mane around her head. Her makeup was heavier than I was used to seeing on her, black smokey eyes and bold red lips she pulled off phenomenally.

“That’s Mr. Fitz, one of the best programmers in the world—and he just turned twenty-four,” Mama Si told me. “He comes here to work, has designed his room exactly the way he always dreamed about when he was a teenager.” She waved her hand toward the glass to show me the room was indeed very different from the one where Celia was reading to Mr. Patrick. This one had a wall made out of rock on the far left for actual climbing, with ropes and everything. It had a pool table and a large dinosaur to its side that looked real enough to start moving any second. The carpet was in a camouflage pattern and the walls were covered in Playboy Magazine covers framed in silver. TV screens everywhere, each showing something different, from the Discovery Channel to FashionTV to Fox News to Disney. There was no bed, just a big grey couch across from the largest screen in the room, right in front of the window we were looking through. Lego figures all over the floor. Play Stations and Xboxes and all kinds of devices I couldn’t even recognize, yet the man sat behind his desk and typed furiously on his keyboards, while Melahni stayed behind him, barely blinking.

“He stays for days at a time when he has bigger projects. Says he has a similar room at his house, but it just isn’t quite the same as the Paradise,” said Mama Si with a chuckle at the end. “Nothing is quite the same as my Paradise.”

I looked at her, at a loss for words. “That’s…that’s…”

“Simply a man who has specific needs that we are more than happy to meet,” she finished for me, then grabbed my hand in hers. “Come, Fall Doll. Let’s go.”

My eyes were stuck on Melahni still, the way she stood there so comfortably, like she didn’t find it odd to be holding an empty tray and wearing what she was wearing, while being in that room with a guy who was so focused on his screen I doubted he remembered she was even there. I couldn’t stop staring at her until Assa closed the door again.

Pressing my back against the wall, I took a second to just call for order in my head.

“Take your time,” Mama Si told me, coming to stand beside me with her arms crossed. “It’s a lot to take in, but the overwhelming feeling will fade once you understand the Paradise.”

I shook my head, eyes squeezed shut still. I was trying to keep an open mind here, and I wasn’t judging. God, I wasn’t judging at all, but it was still so goddamn strange to see these things like that.

“Most men are such simple creatures, Fall Doll. They just want to feel like men. They want to feel power, whatever power means to them,” Mama Si calmly said. “They were meant to be captains, steer their ships, and they crave a smooth sailing, but not many handle it well out there in the world. It’s mostly related to women. Men do everything for us, even if sometimes it might not seem like it.”

“They do a lot for themselves,” I mumbled. Brandon did. His career had been his number one priority his whole life. I’d always liked that about him.

“Oh, but they don’t. The goal of work and money and appearances and everythingthey engage in is to ultimately get girls.” She laughed, and it wasn’t as pleasant as usual. “But most lose their heads in the process and they most definitely do not sail smoothly, so then when women refuse to board their rocky sinking ship, they lash out—it’s a very natural process. They can’t even help it.”

The way she was smiling, you’d think she felt sorry for them.

“But when they come here, they can let go. They can give up. They can get all the benefits without putting in the effort. They can be captains without the responsibility. They can claim the power and feel like men.” She raised her fisted hands as she spoke, oh-so-passionately.

“So, you’re tricking them,” I concluded, which surprised her.

“Not in the least. If anything, I help them figure out what they’re looking for. Most leave my Paradise and go on to find it,” she told me.

I wanted to believe her. She made it difficult not to when she spoke with so much confidence.

“So that’s it? This is all people come here for?” I wondered, nodding back at the door we’d just come out of—E24.

Again, Mama Si laughed—she seemed to be in a great mood tonight. “Oh, no, doll. Certainly not all. Come, let me show you.”

She and Assa started walking deeper down the corridor, leaving me to follow. I gave myself another second to pretend I was ready to see whatever was behind the third door. In the back of my mind, I had already started the game of convincing myself—I can do this. This isn’t bad. I can read books to people and stay in a room with them while they work. I can do this!

The third room they took me to was darker than the first two. That’s because the lights in there were low, and they were blue and pink.

I stepped inside the spy room and I stopped in my tracks.

Pink lights came from the left, blue from the right. The room was black, completely black, floor and ceiling and walls made out of black glass tiles that reflected the light everywhere. Silver lamps were mounted on the walls. A chrome table was in the very middle, long and big, with only three chairs to the right of it. There was a single painting behind the head of the table, a simple black canvas with a chrome-colored frame, and that’s it. Food on the table, on black plates and metallic cups, and all of it was either black or white or silver.

Silver icing on black cake. Sushi rolls without a color in them. Even the sticks they ate with were black.

But the people in there was what knocked my breath away the most.

Hannah was sitting at the head with a cup in her hand, looking down at the two men sitting by her sides, eating slowly. Slowly. Like they were moving in slow motion, but not Hannah. She wore silver eyeshadow, silver lipstick, and a dress made out of metal links, her breasts perfectly visible underneath. She also had a thick choker with big clear stones around her neck. It was like looking at another movie scene, not anything real—because how could any of this be real?!

“Sit,” Mama Si said, pulling me out of my own mind, and I moved automatically without really thinking about it, heart thundering in my chest, breathing shallow—and I watched.

Mama Si didn’t tell me the names of the men dining with Hannah. She didn’t make a single sound at all, didn’t even turn the volume up with the remote so we could hear what Hannah was saying.

The man sitting with his back to me looked tall, his skin dark, his curly hair slightly touched by silver at the edges. He wore no shirt, only a pair of black pants, and he was barefoot, too.

The one sitting across from him was just as tall, his skin pale, his eyes a light blue, almost turquoise—absolutely gorgeous. The way he looked at Hannah while he chewed his food slowly, you’d think he was in love. His ashy blond hair was styled to look disheveled, and his square jaws were clean-shaven, the muscles on his naked chest perfectly ripped and defined.

Both Mr. Patrick and Mr. Fitz had been a sight to see, but he was another beast altogether. Drop-dead gorgeous.

And then they moved.

Hannah put her cup down and stood up, revealing the little stars that were attached to the links of her dress. I could practically hear them jiggling in my head as she slowly pushed the chair back. Her perfect body was on full display, and she had only panties on underneath—silver panties covered in rhinestones.

Both men immediately stood up, too. My jaw about touched the floor. I doubted I’d ever seen more handsome men than them. The black guy’s face could have come straight out of my imagination, and his eyes were blue, too. Almost the exact same blue as his friend’s.

My heart was beating even faster by the time they kneeled on the floor with their heads down in front of Hannah. She smiled triumphantly as she looked at them, licking her lips as her eyes took in the curves of the muscles on their backs.

Then she said, Rise. I could read that word on her lips just fine, and she said something else, too, that I didn’t understand.

The men stood up. Each grabbed her by a hand and moved her slowly to the other side of the table, the other end where there was no food and no chairs, just the clean, shiny tabletop. My God, they were both hard and you could tell easily from the black pants they wore. Unbuttoned so that I could see the tip of their dicks poking out.

The black guy leaned down and grabbed Hannah in his arms, then gently placed her on the table. The blond grabbed her legs, then the skinny heels of her silver sandals, and spread them to the sides slowly, settling himself between them right by the table’s edge.

I should have looked away when he bent her knees and put her heels against the tabletop, then ran his hands up and down her thighs as she spread her legs farther apart.

I should have looked away when she arched her back and ran her silver-colored fingernails up and down the black guy’s ripped torso, as he settled right there over her head, across from his friend, and caressed her arms, ran his hands over her breasts.

I should have looked away when both men touched her like they yearned to feel every inch of her body, with their hands first, then slowly leaned down and began to kiss her skin—one from her ankles and up her legs, the other from her knuckles and up to her shoulders.

I didn’t.

Hannah lay there on the table while the men kissed her, touched her and caressed her. She had one hand in each of the guys’ hair, grabbing and pulling and guiding them up and down wherever she wanted them, her eyes closed, her silver lips parted as she panted.

I was ashamed—of course I was ashamed. I’d never even watched porn with someone else in the room before, and this was actually happening in real life right in front of me. It was happening, and it was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen in the strangest setting. The way the pink and blue lights hit the naked skin of the men while they devoured Hannah on the table, it was a fucking miracle I hadn’t come yet. I was so wet I kept squeezing my thighs together, terrified I might spread my legs by accident.

Then the men let go of Hannah and went back to the other side of the table and grabbed a plate each before they returned. They poured what I imagined was soya sauce all over Hannah’s body, then put rolls all over her—on her mouth and her legs and her pussy and her breasts. Hannah made herself comfortable with her hands under her head for a moment, and then the men put the plates aside and dove in.

I’d be a damn liar if I said I didn’t want to be her right now with every fiber of my being.

My hands fisted until my palms hurt, and I still couldn’t bring myself to look away. How could I, when they were eating food off her body, licking Hannah’s skin clean—and they hadn’t even properly started yet!

Fuck, I shouldn’t have been so damn turned on by watching these insanely beautiful people together. I shouldn’t have, yet here I was, almost begging them to keep moving so I could see more. So I could see all of it.

And they did.

I lost track of time and space when the blond guy, still between Hannah’s legs, slowly pushed the metal dress she was wearing up, reached her rhinestone panties and hooked a finger under them, then pulled them to the side. The table was close enough so that we saw most, but not all of it. Not enough. Not the details—at least for me.

But I saw it when the blond leaned down with his tongue hanging out and pressed it right over her clit.

The way Hannah’s back arched at the contact had me biting my tongue before I fucking moaned. She was moaning, though—until the other guy leaned down and kissed the living hell out of her, his hands squeezing her breasts while the other thrust his tongue inside of her, fingers digging into her spread thighs.

It took focus to remind myself to not move against the seat I was in. I was burning. My God, I was on fire.

And they kept going for a long time, the black guy kissing Hannah furiously, while the blond made out with her pussy with the same damn intensity.

Brandon never did that. He used to say the taste of me made his tongue dry, and I couldn’t get it out of my head since we first started having sex. That’s why I never let him go down on me lately—I was always thinking about how he didn’t like it, how he would hate having a dry tongue afterward, and it just took the fun right out of it.

But that guy seemed to love the taste of her.

A little while later, they straightened up again, running their hands up and down Hannah’s body as she lay there, breathing heavily, eyes half open, a smile on her now bare lips.

The look on the men’s faces, though. Fuck, they looked so fulfilled. They looked like they had the whole world in their hands as they pleased Hannah, like this was the mission of their lives. And then they said something, and Hannah said something back, and I was so dying to hear it that I almost grabbed the remote and turned the volume up myself.

Luckily, I just kept my eyes on the guys, on the blond as he pushed his pants down, revealing his hard cock to me in its full glory.

I gasped out loud, covering my mouth with both hands.

He was big, thick, the tip of his cock slightly curved, and when he grabbed it in his fist and started to jerk himself off slowly, my ears fucking steamed. I had never in my whole entire life seen anything sexier than him.

Until the black guy took his pants off, too, and he started to fist his own cock—slightly longer, slightly thinner, just as fucking impressive as the rest of his perfect body.

Hannah was on the table for them, wide open, and the blond moved first. He brought the tip of his cock to her pussy slowly, then played with her until she was moving her hips up and down uncontrollably. The other leaned over, basically pressing his cock to her face, grabbed her hips tightly and held her in place so that his friend could continue to play with her.

By the time he thrust himself deep inside Hannah, and the black guy let go of her hips and leaned up again, she had her tongue pressed to the length of him, licking furiously.

I stood up, desperate to see more, desperate to see everything. My knees were shaking, and I was so fucking wet my panties were sticking to me uncomfortably, but I basically pressed my nose to the window and I continued to watch, trying not to come at the sight of it.

But then the black guy gripped her chin in his hand and forced Hannah’s mouth wide open. When he did, his friend buried inside her all the way and stayed there, keeping her motionless, his eyes squeezed shut and his teeth gritted as he fought the pleasure that must have been consuming him so much more than it was consuming me. The black guy pulledHannah closer and closer, until the back of her head slipped off the edge of the table and grabbed his cock with his other hand. He brought it to Hannah’s lips and traced them with the tip, before he slowly thrust himself in her mouth.

I could swear I saw him filling her up, saw his cock moving inside her throat, and I was going to take that image to my fucking grave.

He stayed there until she gagged, her entire body convulsing.

Both men then moved back at the same time. They locked eyes for one second, smiled at each other sneakily, and then they began to fuck Hannah again from both sides.

They went slowly at first, each thrust precise, complete. But soon they began to lose themselves to the pleasure and their hands were all over Hannah’s body as she lay there spread wide open. Their thrusts became faster, more desperate, the looks on their faces almost painful.

They were going to come at the same time, I just knew it. One in her pussy, the other in her mouth—they were both going to come at the same time, and I?—

“Fall Doll.”

The world stopped existing around me for a second, and I turned to the side, remembering that I was not alone. Remembering where I was and what the hell I was doing—watching strangers have a threesome through a hidden window in their room.

Mama Si smiled as she held the door open and said, “I think we’ve seen enough.”

It took all of my willpower not to turn and look at Hannah and those men again. I’d wanted to see them come so badly, but now that I was aware of myself again, I knew exactly how fucking wrong that was. So I kept my head down and walked out the door, feeling more turned on and ashamed of myself than I’d ever been before.