Chapter 11

A peachy pinksatin robe covered me to my ankles and hid what I had on perfectly—a bikini top and a skin-tight, short-short denim skirt that Adam had picked for me when he came to get me ready—as a maid took me upstairs to the private rooms on the third floor.

To my very first client.

My ears whistled. My heart beat like it was sure I was about to die any second now. My legs were completely numb, so I didn’t feel them shaking.

We’d already arrived.

She pushed the door open and let me through, then closed it again behind me, leaving me all alone.

Purple lights came from the other end of the corridor and loud music shook the floor. I walked ahead like I was in a dream to find some kind of a club at the end, except it was way fancier. Glass and gold and shiny black surfaces everywhere. Velvet furniture and waitresses wearing tiny black dresses, walking around with trays full of drinks in their hands. A big round bar at the far-left corner with a million bottles on the shelves behind it—and mirrors. Mirrors everywhere, reflecting the lights and the sparkles and the people dancing, the people lounging, the people having the time of their lives. Women and men, possibly over a hundred, were everywhere around me, and I was so mesmerized by those purple lights that I forgot where I was going completely—for a moment.

Then, a tall guy was suddenly in front of me, looking down at me and smiling.

He was absolutely gorgeous—tan skin, a thick dark beard and long hair he’d tied at the base of his neck, a black suit that was as shiny as his dark eyes.

“Welcome, Autumn,” he said, and I heard his rich voice perfectly over the music, even though he didn’t even raise it. He took my hand in his, kissed my knuckles, and another surge of energy went through me. Surely the surprise, and I was thankful for it. It calmed me down like a charm and my heart was no longer beating like it wanted to break my ribcage.

“Let me help you with that.” He moved behind me and pulled my robe off, leaving me only in my bikini top and denim skirt, and those heels that made me almost as tall as him.

“I’m Mike, by the way. It’s an honor to finally meet you,” he said, the robe gone. Simply disappeared from his hands. He offered me his arm. “Shall we?”

The smell in the air was addictive—some version of roses but with a twist. There was always some version of rose scents in the Paradise, and apparently this place was no different. The flashing lights made a prisoner of my thoughts, and I laced my arm around Mike’s just so he could guide me because I had no clue where I was going.

“Thank you, Mike,” I said absentmindedly, as we moved deeper into the room.

The very large, very dark room with plenty of private seats covered by dark purple and black drapes that I could barely tell apart from the walls, shiny tables and food and colorful drinks—and the girls. Some of them were here, apparently, and they were dancing and talking to people, drinking, having a good time. Mia even raised her martini glass when she saw me, with a huge grin on her face. I hardly smiled back.

“You’re even more breathtakingly beautiful than they say, Autumn,” Mike whispered in my ear, taking me off guard.

“Oh,” I breathed. “Thank you. Says who?” I doubted this guy, who was probably the host of this party, had spoken to Mama Si about me—or even to the girls. They’d never mentioned a Mike that I had heard.

“Everyone,” Mike said, his swollen-looking eyes falling down to my lips. “Everyone on the Isle. It’s good to have you here.”

I arched a brow. “Except this isn’t an isle.”

Mike suddenly smiled sheepishly, shaking his head. “You’re right—please forgive me. You’ve turned my thoughts very chaotic.”

He was a real charmer. “Right. Thanks, anyway.”

“We’re here,” he then said, and my knees shook. This time I felt them clearly.

My stomach twisted and turned. If Mike noticed, he said nothing, just pulled me behind the curtain, opened one of the doors, and took me to the other side.

As soon as the door closed behind us, the sound of the beat and the music and the laughter stopped abruptly, as if we were suddenly in a different part of the world altogether.

Mike smiled so brightly I could see all his square white teeth. There was something about him. Something about his eyes—they were colorful, too. Dark but reflecting all the colors, almost exactly like Mama Si’s, except hers were more vibrant, the colors more intense. I don’t know why that made all my instincts go off at the same time.

“I haven’t seen you before,” I whispered as he led us right, down the narrow corridor with black walls and a black carpet, and those same purple LED lights framing the corners of the ceiling.

“I’m not really allowed in your part of the mansion,” said Mike. “Because I’ve been dying to meet you. I’d have come to say hi.”

I raised a brow. “Why, though?” There were plenty of girls here, all gorgeous, all much more charming than I knew how to be. Why would he care about meeting me?

But Mike stopped us at the first door left. “This is it. I can’t follow you in there, Autumn. Best of luck.”

My client. My first client was behind that door.

Meet him; see what he wants; see what I want—decide. That was the plan. I was going to stick to it and see the end of this night even if it killed me.

With that thought in mind and a weak wave at Mike, I opened the door and stepped into the small foyer that ended in a thick purple curtain five feet away.

How strange. I pulled it aside automatically, not really expecting such bright lights on the other side.

Stars in my eyes, and I had to blink them away a few times until I could see again. Until I could see the room, half as big as the one I slept in, with a bed in it, and armchairs, and pretty statues and flowers and paintings on the walls—but most importantly, a large mirror framed with gold.

I knew exactly what was behind it. The spy room that Mama Si wouldn’t be in because my client had specifically told her not to.

And finally, my eyes met his.

My breath caught in my throat. Something came over me, cold and hot at the same time, and it was a damn miracle I didn’t collapse.

“Took you long enough,” the man said, sitting in a velvet armchair at the foot of the bed, a glass of whiskey in hand.

“Uh…hi.” The room was spinning.

Please, please, please, I begged whoever would listen. Please stop spinning. Please let me breathe.

“Yes, hi,” the man said, flinching. “This the best you got?” My mouth opened and closed and opened and closed…please don’t let go, I begged my legs.

A deep sigh. A furious face rub.

Then, he said, “Whatever, I guess. I’m Brandon.”

It was like the sky finally fell on my head after expecting it to for such a long time.

I broke into pieces right there in front of the stranger, and I was laughing. I was fucking laughing like a lunatic because why the hell not? After everything, this is what the universe decided to tease me with. This.

“Are you okay?” the guy said. Brandon said, and he slowly put his drink down.

He was a handsome guy—dark brown, slightly longer hair combed behind his head, big brown eyes, thin long lips and a perfectly square jaw. He wore a baby pink button-up that revealed his wide shoulders perfectly, and the pants of his silver suit hung low on his hips, and his hands…I couldn’t really see his hands. They were so blurry.

“Are you…are you crying?” he said, stopping in the middle of the room for a second as he watched me, positively terrified.

“No, no, I—” My voice cut off when I felt the wetness on my cheeks. I was fucking crying—now of all times.

Right now, my body decided it wanted to produce tears.

“Okay, this is fucked up,” the guy said. “This is, uh….I’m gonna leave. Just stay right there—I’m not gonna come close to you. I’m just gonna leave.” And he reached for his suit jacket lying on the foot of the bed.

Poor guy looked like he might start running, too, if I kept this up. If I laughed and cried in front of him like a fucking madwoman.

“No, wait,” I choked, wiping my cheeks, probably together with the makeup Adam had put on me. “Wait, please.”

“It’s fine. I need to get back to work, anyway,” he said, putting his jacket on, so pale he resembled a damn ghost.

Oh, God. “Please, don’t. Just…don’t leave.” Because if he left, what was I going to tell Mama Si? It would mean that I wasn’t fit to be here, to do this job. It would mean I had to leave the Paradise.

“You’re crying,” the man said, walking all the way to the wall to get to the door. “I’m not sure why, but you don’t have to be here. Nobody will force you to do anything, okay? If they do, there are police officers and lawyers and?—”

“No!” I cut him off, stepping in front of the curtains. “No, that’s not it at all. Nobody’s forcing me. Please, just…” The last of the stupid tears slid down my cheeks and I wiped them. “It’s just my first time, okay? I just came to the Paradise two weeks ago. It’s just my first time.”

The guy stopped moving for a second, then stepped back, looking as uncomfortable in his skin as I was.

“Yours, too?” he then said, and I started laughing again. Because wasn’t it funny? I was here of my own free will, and the Paradise was actually the only place where people—even my client—were concerned about what I wanted and what I didn’t want. They were concerned about me being forced to do something, and that was fucking hilarious.

No more tears slipped out of me, and this laughter was different. Even he, Brandon, the client, seemed to notice it, and that’s why he was smiling. A very handsome guy, indeed, especially when he grabbed his hips and shook his head, causing strings of hair to fall on his forehead.

“I’m Autumn,” I finally choked.

He nodded. “I like that name.”

I wiped my hands on the denim of my skirt. “I hate yours, though. Mind if I call you Johnny?”

He laughed. He threw his head back and he laughed a hoarse, throaty laugh. “Why do you want to call me Johnny?”

“Because your name is also my ex’s name,” I said. “The same ex who brought me here—cheated, then kicked me out with nothing but train money.” He stopped laughing, but I couldn’t stop talking. “Knowing full well I have nowhere to go, and I left home to come here with him and I didn’t work or go to college because he wanted me home taking care of him, so now I’m pretty much a useless piece of meat—but Johnny Depp is one of my favorite actors, and your hair kinda reminds me of him, so…” I paused to take a breath. “How about it?”

I don’t know what the hell did it. I hadn’t even told Amber any of this—or Adam or Marissa, with whom I spent the most time daily. I don’t know why I was suddenly crying in front of this stranger or why I gave him my life’s story like that, but it felt great. It felt like I got a big load off my chest—and most important, the guy didn’t look like he was thinking about leaving anymore.

Instead, he rubbed his face again, sighed and shook his head. “You’re making my problems seem really small right now, Autumn,” he mumbled, then went for the dresser near the left corner, where there were bottles of liquor and gorgeous crystal glasses waiting to be used. He grabbed a honey-colored liquid and poured me a glass, then brought it to me. “Let’s sit down, shall we?”

I looked down at what I assumed was whiskey, and the ice cubes moving around the fancy glass. I’d never had whiskey before. Something told me I was going to hate it, but I took a sip anyway.

Yep. I hated it. It tasted like bad feelings and sleepless nights.

I took another.

“Sit, Autumn.”

The guy had already sat in the same armchair, and he’d pulled another from around the table close to him. He was patting the velvet cushion now, calling for me.

I sat.

“Let’s start from the beginning. I’m Johnny. It’s good to meet you, Autumn,” he said. “Tell me more about your fucked up life so I can feel better about mine, will you?”

Maybe it was the sound of his voice—masculine, strong, confident. I’d never really spoken to a man his age, though he couldn’t be older than thirty-eight, maybe forty the most. But there was something about the look in his focused eyes. There was something about the way he took his jacket off, too, while I fidgeted in my seat, trying to find the best angle to sit without revealing too much of myself to him.

Then, he went and did the most wonderful thing—stood up, put his glass on the chair, and put his fucking jacket around my shoulders, covering me completely.

Something pierced the back of my eyes suddenly—the stupid tears again.

“Thank you,” I forced myself to say, feeling a million times more comfortable within a second.

“I’m all ears,” he said, taking his seat again.

And that was all it took. Somehow, that’s all he needed to do to convince me to talk about my life. Not a lot of it, not details, just the basics—that I was an orphan, that I was raised in a trailer home with my grandmother, that I grew up with Brandon and that he was my first and only boyfriend.

And now I was here because one morning I’d forgotten my wallet.

When I was done, Johnny was silent for a little while, playing with his drink, swirling the whiskey and the ice cubes around. They made such a soothing sound as they slammed against the glass.

“So, yeah,” I said when I was comfortable enough. “That’s pretty much why I was crying just now.”

“Makes sense, yeah,” he said with a short laugh. “I’ll be the first to say that that sucks, and nobody should have to go through a life like that. Nobody should grow up without loved ones, but” —he shook his finger at me—“believe me when I tell you that it’s better to raise your own self than to be surrounded by people who pretend they love you, then stab you in the back the first chance they get.”

“That does sound worse,” I decided.

Johnny raised his glass at me. “Cheers.”

“Who? What happened to you? How did you end up here?” I wondered, sure he wasn’t going to tell me.

He did.

“I’ve never done this before, but my friends insisted,” he said, then flinched. “No—my friends forced me to come. Put me on a chopper, told me we were going to Maine, then brought me here.” He looked up at me from under his lashes. “How lame is that?”

“Not lame at all. I like your friends,” I said, raising my glass. “Cheers to them.”

“I guess so,” he said and took another sip. “Since we’re sharing life stories now, apparently, I guess I had it coming. I don’t really go out much. I just work. No dinners or skiing or golfing or anything—I work.”

“Why?” I wondered because there was something in his eyes, something that made him look tormented just now. Like he’d seen horror in the face and he’d survived, but it had stayed with him to this day.

“Well, let’s see.” Putting his ankle over his knee, he got comfortable again and finished his drink completely. “I was engaged four years ago, about to be married to the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” His eyes met mine. “She looked a lot like you. Red hair. Green eyes. A smile to fucking kill for. And then she died.”

My heart fell all the way to my heels. “Fuck.” That was unexpected.

Johnny laughed, but it was bitter now. “Yeah, fuck’s about right. Drunk driver slammed into her, took her off road. Killed her on the spot.”

I drank more whiskey. Oh, God, I couldn’t even imagine what he must have been feeling. “I’m sorry,” I barely spit out.

“But wait, because that’s not even the best part, and since we’re sharing life stories, you’ll be the first person to hear this, Autumn.” Coming closer to the edge of the seat, he looked at me straight in the eyes and whispered, “Turns out, it was all a setup. The driver, who’s currently in jail, the call my fiancée got that made me her hurry down the highway, thinking I was in the hospital, the brakes on the truck that slammed into her. It was all a setup, Autumn.”

“By whom?” I breathed, heart slamming in my chest, my hands slightly shaking.

I’ll never forget the smile on his face in that moment. The torment in his eyes. “By the biggest mastermind you’ll ever have the misfortune of meeting—my mother.”

I gasped—third time now.

“Yes, yes, and yes—to whatever you’re thinking,” he said.

“I’m literally not thinking anything. You’ve left me…thoughtless. My mind is an abyss right now. Nothing in it.” I shook my head, touching my temple.

He laughed again. “You’re welcome.”

I stood up to go get him more whiskey, but he pulled the glass aside.

“Your mother might have killed your fiancée, Johnny. I can get you a damn drink.” And that’s exactly what I did.

We talked some more, possibly over an hour, and he told me about his shitty family, and I told him about my shitty childhood.

“Here’s another question for you, Johnny, since you’re so honest,” I said eventually. “Why are you here?”

He looked confused for a second. “I told you, my friends?—”

“No, I mean what were you hoping to get tonight after you were already in this room?”

“I don’t know,” he finally said, and I didn’t know if he was being honest, either. “But you want to know what I want right now?”

Heat spilled all over me, this one different from the whiskey. This one sobered me up in an instant, and my instincts were already screaming, run. Go. Move!

In that second, as I held his eyes and held my breath and held onto that glass for dear life, I realized I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t fuck this guy just because he was here and he’d paid for it, no matter what kind of a life I was living and what kind of money I was making.

I just couldn’t do it.

“What?” I choked, contemplating how to go about telling him. Telling Mama Si. Already seeing myself leaving this room, taking off everything Mama Si had bought me—again—and leaving the mansion with nothing but my train money in my pocket.

The same thing repeated in my mind over and over and over…

“I want to lie down on this bed,” said Johnny, making goose bumps rise all over my skin. “Close my eyes and breathe.”

It was everything I could do not to gasp a fourth time. “Just…breathe?”

He smiled like he knew exactly what I was saying. “Just breathe.”

That’s what he did. He left the glass on the nightstand, took his shoes off, lay down on the bed, and he breathed.

The seconds ticked in my head.

One, two, fifteen, a hundred…

“You can join me if you’d like. Lay with me. Breathe with me, Autumn,” he said after a little while.

I looked at the mirror hanging on the wall. In my mind, I saw Mama Si’s face. Men are simple creatures, she said. Maybe this was true for Johnny as well.

So, I did as he asked. I lay on the other side of the bed, as far from him as I could get, but Johnny wouldn’t try to touch me or even get close to me at all. I knew deep in my bones that he wouldn’t—and I knew what he was here for, too, even if he didn’t.

It was exactly what I was here for as well—silent company. Just a link to the world to reassure me that I existed while I swam worlds away to the thoughts in my head and tried to make sense of them.

I stared at the white ceiling for a long, long time, listening to his steady breathing, creating a melody of it in my mind, but eventually my eyes drifted shut. Eventually, sleep took me, and I was calm. I was peaceful. I felt completely safe.

When I woke up, Johnny was gone.