18. Rafferty

I comewith Kadence's soft, cherry-sweet lips still on mine. He shudders and sighs, spurting only a little after everything he's done tonight, then pretty much passes out in my arms.

Holy. Fuck.

I'm still reeling from finally coming after sporting a rock-hard erection for god knows how long. This has been, without a doubt the most thrilling erotic experience of my life.

And then the bastard kissed me.

My heart is racing a mile a minute as I tuck his face against my neck, stroking his damp hair as I soften inside him. This ‘I love you' felt different from all the others in a way I can't quite describe. But I was acutely aware of how we hadn't kissed before. How much that felt like a hard limit.

Will Kadence regret it in the morning? Was he just overstimulated and exhausted?

Or did he really mean it?

There's no way to know that until I can talk to him, and even then, I won't push. He initiated the kiss. I'll give him the room to tell me what that means.

Until then, I've got Daddying to do.

It's immensely satisfying to be the one who's completely responsible for my boy's well-being. Those other men might have fucked him, but only because I wanted them to.

He's mine to protect now.

I chuckle when he grumbles as I gently extract myself and switch our positions so he's the one sitting in the armchair now. Within seconds I clean myself up and tuck everything away. It would feel undignified to me to walk around naked like a lot of these other men are doing. To each their own, but I'm aware of what makes me feel good, and that's when I'm in charge and have all the power.

Kadence curls up, and I carefully wipe him down. He mumbles sleepily, cuddling a throw pillow, and my heart fucking melts.

Where did this perfect young man come from? It's like someone created him especially for me when I didn't even know what I wanted, what I needed. He excites me in ways I never could have imagined, but he also pushes me to challenge myself. Thanks to him, I'm thinking outside the box in so many areas of my life, not just my sexuality.

He makes me understand the possibilities are endless.

I hate to wake him, but there's no way I can carry him when he's out cold, no matter how much I might want to. I need a little help—and if that doesn't feel like a metaphor for my whole life, I'm not sure what will. However, I do take his heeled shoes off so he's steadier on his feet, and wrap my arm securely wrapped around his waist.

"Come on, good boy," I tell him as we start walking toward the front door. "You can do it for Daddy. We're going home now."

He smiles at me like he's punch drunk. Now he's taken his shoes off, he's the same height as me again. He taps my nose, looking at me through thick eyelashes on heavy lids. "Home," he repeats.

I know it's not really his home. But I can't deny that the place feels more alive to me with him living there than it has in years.

Luckily, the driveway is paved rather than stoned, so he can walk to the car I've recalled without having to put his shoes on. Once I've bundled him into the back seat and got his belt on, I tell the driver to head home and immediately put up the partition window. I've barely got my own belt on before Kadence snuggles up to me and falls back asleep.

I cling to him the entire way home.

When we arrive, he wakes with a little more clarity, and I'm able to get him inside the house on his own two feet. I walk him to his room, my heart fluttering in my chest as we reach the threshold.

"I have to take my make-up off," he groans, rolling his eyes. "I'm going to pass out again the second my head hits the pillow." He pauses before reaching out to touch my chest, his fingertips blazing hot through the thin material of my shirt. "Thank you for tonight, Daddy. It was perfect."

"You're perfect," I automatically respond, wrapping my hand around his and holding it close. "My perfect Kiki doll. Thank you."

We stare at each other for a moment that stretches into two. Then three. I open my mouth, not sure what I'm going to say.

Kadence slips his hand free with a sweet smile. "Good night, Rafferty," he says warmly.

It's not a rejection. It's a boundary. One we both need. I nod and give him just as warm a smile, full of my appreciation. He really was spectacular for me this evening. And he did himself proud by articulating what he desperately wanted.

Something I suspect he hasn't always received in the past.

Care.

"Good night, Kadence," I tell him. "I'll see you in the morning."

I step away rather than waiting to watch him close the door in my face. I glance over my shoulder just as it clicks shut.

My bed feels emptier than ever that night. Part of me winces with guilt at the thought as technically this is Charleen's bed as well. But technically, she's living in another world in California and doesn't really have any say in who keeps me warm.

I think she loves that guy. Why won't she just admit it, file for divorce, and go be happy? She could go build a life with him on the West Coast. It's not as if Logan needs us around much anymore. He hasn't for quite some time now. She already does her job remotely, so what's the big deal?

The court of public opinion, I guess.

She doesn't want the stigma of separating our two families, and truly believes it will negatively impact our business. I'm sure the company would be just fine. But am I sure enough to gamble it and pull the plug on this farce?

There would be no going back from that.

Of course this hasn't really been an issue up until this point. I was content not to rock the boat and simply carry on with the arrangement as it was. But now…

Now.

Now there's Kadence.

I punch my pillow, flip it over to the cool side, then sigh as I lay my head back down. Here, in the dark of night there is no escaping the truth of my thoughts. I'm fully aware that this was supposed to be some fun at a party, then a debaucherous weekend, then a summer fling. I've treated the fact that it will have to end at some point relatively soon as just that: a fact.

But why?

I have no loyalty to a marriage that's been dead for years. We're not doing anything illegal.

I'm being held hostage by my own fears.

Logically, I am fully aware that there's nothing wrong with being gay or bi or whatever it is I am. I know it doesn't matter that I'm old enough to be Kadence's father. He's an adult, and so am I. We're both of sound mind. It doesn't matter that we're kinky—I'm sure a lot of people are as well in their private lives. That never needs to become public knowledge.

But deep inside, am I worried that my board will look down on me if I announce I'm dating someone who's not only much younger than me but also male? ‘Worse' than that—he's not simply male, either. He's complex. He wears beautiful make-up and isn't afraid to don a dress or a skirt.

There are at least a dozen men I know in my professional circle who would rip him to absolute shreds for those things.

The realization dawns on me that I'm not just afraid of any potential consequences for myself.

I want to protect Kadence.

Puffing out my cheeks, I exhale long and hard. Now that makes much more sense. I haven't ever been a coward, not once in my whole life. Calculated before taking any risk, yes. But the fear churning in my gut hasn't been for me all along.

I don't want any of those phony socialite vultures coming for my boy and picking his choices and values apart like an autopsy. It's painfully obvious to me how desperately he's trying to find himself right now, not to mention that he's still clearly moving past some previous trauma. He was just looking for a good time. He doesn't deserve to have his life ruined.

So does that rule out a future for us? I mull over that kiss again in my mind, my hand rising almost subconsciously to touch my fingers to my lips.

Is it possible that Kadence sees a future for us in any shape or form?

I'm aware I'm reading a lot into a single damn kiss, but I can't help but feel like it's changed everything. That the last ‘I love you' changed everything.

There are too many factors I'm uncertain about. Would Kadence be interested in dating or going public? Or is he enjoying this because it's all clandestine? Secrets are alluring. Would the mundane, everyday existence as a couple interest him in the slightest?

Although…isn't that exactly what we've been doing these past couple of weeks? Our time together hasn't felt like a vacation. Don't get me wrong, it's been incredibly exciting. But I've also been working. He's been pursuing his own interests. I'd be happier if he had a career he was passionate about, but the idea that I could give him the room to discover what that is in time is appealing to me.

Is what we have just a glimpse of how life could actually be?

Groaning, I rub the heels of my hands against my eyes. Nothing is getting resolved until I speak with Kadence and gauge how he's feeling. He could very well wake up and regret the kiss entirely. He could regret the whole night.

Somehow, I doubt it. I know what I saw. But it feels too dangerous to get my hopes up.

No. The only thing I can do is what I've been doing this entire time. I need to lay down my wishes without any bullshit. Give him all the facts. Then he can make up his mind as to where he stands and what he wants. If he still wants to take his money and part ways…I think that might really give me an understanding of what people say when their heart is breaking.

Hell, who am I trying to bullshit now? I'd be fucking devastated.

But if he wanted to stay…to try being a real couple…well, we wouldn't have to do everything all at once. It's not like I'd have to hold a press conference about coming out of the closet or introducing him to the world. Perhaps I could just quietly and calmly inform Charleen that we both know that this marriage is over, and I'll be starting divorce proceedings. It won't screw either of us, after all. We'll both still be filthy rich.

The main difference is we'll also both be free.

I respect the woman. She is my partner and the mother of my child. I want her to be fulfilled and content just as much as I want those things for myself.

But above all else, I want Kadence.

Who knows if he really is just my exciting new toy and the shine will dull in time. All I know is right now, I need him. I refuse to let him go.

Tomorrow, I'll find out how he feels about that. Yes, I will still wait for him to start the dialogue. But you better believe that I will be leaving the door open for him and giving him all the encouragement. He can think about how he feels, but my emotions are going to be laid out with nothing to hide.

Because I'm not afraid of him.

Or I should say I'm not afraid of being vulnerable with him, which is an entirely new experience for me in my own home.

I'm terrified that he'll want to leave.

But if he stays, it's going to be because I know without a shadow of a doubt that's what he wants. That he wants me, chooses me.

Realizing that if I really mean what I'm thinking, then it's over. Tomorrow, one way or another, I will get a resolution. The notion is strangely comforting, and I finally, mercifully start to feel the lull of sleep settling over me.

But not before I take myself in hand and jerk off to all the delicious sights I witnessed tonight. Blowing my load exorcises the last of my concerns, and after a quick mop-up, I sigh in contentment, drifting into the abyss.

Whatever happens in the morning, I'll know the truth.

And the truth will set you free.