Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Getting back on stage in Spain the first night back on the tour was the easy part. Spending the rest of the day trying to focus on anything but Jack, alone, thousands of miles away, was the hard part. We spoke on the phone twice a day, once when I woke up and once before he went to bed. We seemed to fall back into the routine we had developed before his father had passed easily enough. But something still wasn’t right and I knew it.

I spent some of each day researching the grieving process and what I could do to help, but everything seemed to center around supporting the person and just being there when they needed you most. That was the difficult part. It was hard to accept thatJack might need me and I wouldn’t be there when the time came.

As if my internal struggle about being back on tour the first week wasn’t bad enough, Justin was being an asshole too.He made a few snide comments about my taking advantage of the tour and not being there those few days I missed after Jack’s dad’s funeral. But most of the time he was drunk and ignoring me, which I had come to like better than being the target of his rude comments.

***

It was almost two in the morning in Spain before I called Jack for what would be my goodnight call and his morning call because of the time difference. The concert had lasted almost an hour later than planned, but then again it had also started an hour later since Justin had showed up later and drunker than usual.

“Hello.” At first I thought I had dialed the wrong number when I heard a woman’s voice on the other end of the phone. Then I realized who the voice belonged to. I cringed at the sound.

“Jenna?”

“Who else would answer Jack’s phone?” I envisioned Jenna’s wicked grin on her overly made up face as she spoke.

“I actually don’t know why anyone would answer Jack’s phone, Jenna?” I attempted to remain calm, using all the saccharin I could muster in my tone.

“I suppose I’manswering it because Jack isn’t here to answer it for himself, Sydney. He must have left it on my desk after our long talk.”

I wanted to jump through the phone and smack her. But the reality was I also wanted to know what their long talk was about, and my mother had taught me well that you get more from honey than vinegar.

“Well then, thank you for picking it up. I’m sure he will be looking for it soon.”

“Of course. Whatever I can do to help Jack. I’ll always be here when he needs me. He’s been so down after his father’s untimely death, and I really think our little talks help him.”

It felt like an arrow had pierced through my heart. The thought of Jack turning to Jenna for comfort mademe physically sick to my stomach. But what did I expect, I knew he had been struggling since his father’s death, and what did I do to help him? I’d flown off to Europe and left him in the hands of a porn star who would like nothing more than to give him comfort, in more ways than one.

“I’vegotta go, Jenna. Tell Jack I called.” I hung up without waiting for a response.

Jenna knew exactly what she was doing, planting a seed that would slowly fester and grow. And it worked. I tossed and turned for almost three hours before falling asleep that night. Visions of Jack confiding in Jenna, or worse, seeking physical comfort with her, stirred in my head likea cyclone.

***

Two nights later we wrapped up the last show in Spain and I begrudgingly agreed to join Sienna and the bands at a post-show celebration. I felt badly that I had become such a downer on the tour bus with Sienna, although she constantly told me that she understood I was going through a tough time, leaving Jack after everything that had happened.

So even though I wasn’t in a party mood, I headed to the local bar that the tour manager had scoped out for our post show party. I did my best to put on my game face. Sienna deserved to celebrate and not have me bring her head down. And so did the guys in the band.

I spent half an hour talking to Kyle and the guys, doing my best to feign excitement for the last few weeks of the tour. The truth was the tour was going great, Double Strife was incredibly popular in Europe, and the single that Sienna and I had cut back in Italy was getting a lot of play time on the radio. I should have been ecstatic. But all of that just didn’t seem so important anymore.

Justin hadn’t been around the first hour in the bar, and I was actually relieved since he seemed totake such pleasure in giving me a hard time lately. The room was more lighthearted when he wasn’t around, and I sort of felt like I wasn’t the only one that noticed it.

But Justin eventually stumbled in, as was his usualm.o. of late, a girl tucked under each arm. The bar went crazy at his appearance and I sat in the background with Kyle, watching Justin, the perfect bad-boy rock star signing autographs and making the girls swoon effortlessly.

“He being a dick to you still?” Kyle asked, as I observed Justin from a distance.

I shook my head and smiled atKyle. Justin was being a dick, but blood is always thicker than water, so it was best that I kept my opinion to myself.

Kyle laughed. “You really are sweet, Syd. Justin’s been a complete douchebag to you since almost the beginning of the tour, and you still won’t say anything bad about him.”

“Justin and I used to get along so great. I’m not sure where we made a wrong turn.” My words were sincere.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Syd. And don’t let him make you feel that way. He’s just brooding because he can’t have you.” Kyle paused and glanced over at his brother again before continuing. “My brother’s changed a lot in the last few years, and I can’t say it’s all been for the better.

“Why does he even want me? He can have any woman he wants!”

“I don’t think he ever got over you from when he had that crush on you years ago.” Kyle chugged the rest of his beer. “And you’re a catch and a half if I might sayso myself, Syd.” Kyle winked and made me laugh. When Kyle said nice things to me, it felt like it was coming from my brother, a completely different feeling than what I felt when his brother spoke.

I leaned over andkissed Kyle’s cheek. “Thank you, Kyle. You’re a good friend.”

Kyle didn’t havetime to respond before two women sandwiched him. They didn’t even seem to notice that I was sitting next to him and having a conversation. I smiled as Kyle shrugged and focused his attention on his new friends. When I looked back over at Justin, I found him staring at me. His eyes caught mine and startled me with the amount of anger in them.

***

I figured after two hours of partying with the band I had put in enough time and could sneak back to the busses to get some sleep. I knew from experience that the bar party had at least a few more hours of life in it, if not more. I made my way through the crowd to find my security and let him know that I was planning to head back to the bus after a quick trip to the ladies room.

The back of the bar was quiet, the bathroom down a longnarrow hallway that seemed to drown out the loud music and party coming from the front. I heard someone enter the bathroom, but didn’t expect to find who I found when I exited the stall.

I gasped at the sight of a man leaning against the bathroom sink, his arms folded across his chest.“Justin, you scared me!”

“So what, Syd? The porn king isn’t enough for you, you started fucking my brother too?” Justin was angry and drunk and his slurred words bit with venom.

“I’m not evengoing to respond to that, Justin.” I walked to the sink, intent on ignoring Justin’s raging angry accusations.

Justin took a step closer. “You’re a whore. I don’t even know why I wasted my time.”

My reaction was instinctive. My hand came up and slapped Justin’s face hard and fast. He didn’t even have time to react before it hit him. Justin’s face turned with the force of my slap, and then slowly turned back to face me. The evil smile on his face sent a shiver of nerves up my spine and I was quickly reminded of my surroundings. Alone. With a drunk angry man who stood a foot taller than me and no one within earshot.

My feet caught up to my brain and I attempted to sidestep around him, but Justin’s arm reached out and caught me. “Is that how you like it, Syd?” Justin pulled me close, his grip on my wrist too tight, even in his state of intoxication, as I struggled fruitlessly to pull away from him.

I lowered my voice and tried to act calm.“Justin, let go.”

“I’m done being nice. You want it rough, I’ll give you rough.”

Justin’s other arm came around my back and slammed my front into his chest. His mouth was on mine before I could even yell for help. I froze for a second, feeling his tongue push into my mouth with a force that matched his grip around me.

Justin easilylifted me off my feet and took two long strides, slamming my back into the wall, knocking the breath from my lungs as he continued his assault on my mouth, his body pinning me against the wall. I struggled hard to break free, but I was no match for his strength. Justin didn’t seem to even notice my resistance, or care if he did notice.

“Syd?” I didn’t hear the door open, but Sienna’s voice came through loud and clear to both of us.

At the sound of Sienna’s voice, Justin’s grip loosened, although he didn’t fully release me. I managed to wiggle my arms free but Justin reached to grasp my arm as I took my first step away from him, making my already unsteady balance falter, and I lost my footing mid-step. My head hit the side of the sink on the way down with a loud thump before I crashed into the bathroom floor face first.

I must have lost consciousness for a few minutes, because the next thing I remember was waking up with my head in Sienna’s lap, looking up at her pale, concerned face.

“Are you okay, Syd?”

“Is he gone?” My head pounded as I moved my jaw to speak. I raised my hand to feel my head where it was tingling on the side of my face.

“Yeah, he took off. What the hell happened, Syd?”

“I don’t know. He was drunk and angry and said something rude and I slapped him and he lost it.” I stopped to replay what had just happened in my head. “I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t come in, Sienna.” My last few words trailed off as the realization of what might have been hit me full force. My body began to shake.

“It’s okay, Syd. You’re safe now. Let me get you out of here.” Sienna began to help me up as she spoke. “I saw our security down the hall. A lot of good that did you in here.”

“My head hurts.” I rubbed where the pain hit hardest.

“You’re going to have a nice knot there. You hit the sink pretty hard. Let’s get you checked out to be safe.”

I nodded. The hallway was still empty as the bathroom door opened, except for the security guard waiting at the far end of the hall. The guard turned as we approached, looking startled when he saw us.

“What happened?”

Sienna began to speak, but I cut her off. “I slipped on some water and fell and hit the sink.”

Sienna gave me a look, letting me know she wasn’t happy with the version of the story I was giving. But she didn’t attempt to elaborate on the truth.

***

Ten hours later, Sienna and I were back on the bus. After a series of tests, my head had checked out okay, but I was going to have a nasty bruise on the side of my face where my head had connected with the sink, and I still felt like a drum solo was being played inside my skull.

Everyone seemed to believe my version of the storythat I’d told to the emergency room and the tour manager. Considering I had been seen drinking in a bar, it wasn’t out of the realm of ordinary for me to have taken a fall and hit the sink on the way down. I don’t know why I hadn’t told the truth. I hadn’t planned on covering for Justin, I just did.

***

“What are you going to do, Syd?” Sienna came into the private bedroom on the back of the bus, where I had been hiding out for the last few hours.

“I don’t know.”

Sienna sat in front of me and gently took my face in her hands, lifting it to look into her eyes. “You need to do what is best for you, Syd. This isn’t about me and it isn’t about the tour. Whatever happens, happens, and none of it is your fault. Do you understand me?”

I nodded. And I knew she meant it. However I chose to deal with whathad happened, Sienna would stand beside me, where she had been my entire life.