Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

MADDEN

This is my third day at Laurel Springs Elementary School. The first couple of days were spent with me getting stuff situated in the office that was the old SRO's. I don't know what that dude was doing, but it had an inch or more of dust on the desk, and absolutely nothing was in any type of order that made sense.

"I think you'll see that walking around will be the best way to get to know most of the kids and teachers. They'll get used to you and Donut, and hopefully, the kids will start asking questions." Mrs. Faulkner, the principal of the elementary school, tells me. "The old SRO wasn't personable. He didn't enjoy walking around, and he didn't have a dog. For the most part, it was as if he wasn't even here."

I nod, thinking about how I can make the changes that she's looking for. "I want to be involved. I think it looks good for the community and is definitely good for the kids."

"I agree with you. There are certain children who are allergic to dogs, so you'll have to listen to them if they tell you that."

"Don't worry, Donut knows his commands, and he listens very well. If he can't be around kids, then he won't be. You have my word on that." I tuck my fingers into the bulletproof vest I wear, even on this assignment, and take a good look around. There are safety concerns here that could be addressed. "How open are you to hearing about some changes that could be made to make this place safer?" The words are out before I can stop them.

She presses her lips together. "Given the climate of the world, I would welcome it. I'm terrified of what may happen one day. Although we practice active shooter drills, I'd prefer to never have to use them. If there are steps we can take to mitigate anything that could happen, I'm willing to put them into place."

"Great, I want to get a good layout of the place before I make recommendations. If you don't have anything else you want to talk to me about, I'd love to walk with Donut."

"I have to go to a meeting, look around, and get a lay of the land, so to speak. If you have questions, I can get with you tomorrow?" She quirks her eyebrows up.

"Sounds good. Thanks Principal Faulkner."

She gives me a smile and then the sound of her high heels reverberates in the empty hallway as she makes her way toward her office. Donut and I are left alone to do what we do best. Be nosy.

It's weird. Being in an elementary school now that I'm a full-grown adult. Everything feels miniature sized, and the lighting is more muted than I remember. I try to think about the kid that I was in a school like this so many years ago, worried about if the other kids would make fun of me. My clothes were dirty, my parents weren't together, and I was struggling with who I was. Even as a kid in elementary school.

"It's quiet in here, huh?" I ask Donut. Sometimes I expect him to answer, because we're that close. He's my best friend, and the only being in the world that knows all my secrets. I wish he could talk back to me.

There's a noise at the end of the hall. Class is in session and there shouldn't be anyone in the hallway. Carefully, we walk toward the sound, and that's where I see the little boy that was sitting with Becca the other night at The Café. He's sitting on the ground with his knees pulled up to his chest, and tears are building in the depths of sorrowful eyes. "Hey, are you okay?"

He shakes his head back and forth. "It's closing in on me." He speaks with his teeth clenched and his chest pumping up and down as he's trying to get his breath.

I bend down so that I'm on my knees and at eye-level with him. Donut seems to figure out that he's struggling and comes around, putting his head close to the kid's hand. He slowly inches himself over until his golden fur is touching the small fingers. "Look at me." I reach out slowly, and tilt his face so that his eyes are on mine. "I understand what's going on with you. I know it doesn't feel good, and you're probably scared."

He nods, sniffing. "My chest hurts."

"It's because your heart is pounding. Why don't you pet Donut? He loves when people pet him, and I find that it's calming for me. He won't mind."

Hesitantly, his hand hovers over Donut, and then he drops it down so that he's petting him. Being the good boy he is, Donut leans in, and carefully licks his fingers. After a couple of licks, the kid makes a noise that sounds almost like a laugh. "It tickles." He looks up at me, grinning.

"Yeah, and Donut doesn't know when to stop when he hears laughs. He loves to make others happy." Going to my ass, I push myself so that my back is against the wall. We sit together for a few minutes in complete silence. The only sound is the swaying of Donut's tail. When I think I've waited long enough, I talk as loudly as I dare. "What's your name? Mine is Madden."

He cuts his eyes over to me. "Mick."

He doesn't offer anything else, so I keep on going. "I saw you at The Café the other night with Becca."

"You know my Aunt Becca?"

So this is the nephew Becca talked about. "I do. She and I work together. I don't spend all of my time here. Sometimes, I work with her. She's a really nice lady."

"She is nice. She takes care of me, even when most others don't want to." He shrugs.

I wish I knew everything that this kid has gone through so that I don't have to pry it out of him. I'm aware of how hard it might be, because I was this kid previously. When others wanted to know what was happening at home, I'd hide it. I would have to know them for years to feel comfortable enough talking about it. "That's nice of her. You're lucky to have her."

He nods. "I am. I was afraid I was going to have to stay in that house they put me in. It was scary there." He whispers. "So many noises and my chest hurt like this all the time. It was only for a couple of days, but I can still hear it when I close my eyes."

It hits me how adult this kid talks, how he seems so much older than his years. Because I have personal experience, I know that growing up I always felt like the man of the house and it caused me to talk like an older kid. It had me thinking I was an adult when I wasn't, and it's what I'm trying to prevent for my brother. "The same thing happened to me once or twice." I confess. "And look where I am right now. You just have to remember that's not your present, it's in your past. If I ever feel like that now? I open my eyes and touch something that I can feel. If I can feel it, then it's real, and if it's real, I'm not back where I heard all those noises and saw the shadows they were in."

He slowly nods, his throat moving as he swallows. "That makes sense."

"It'll be better once you get used to it. It'll take time. Eventually, it'll be second nature to you and you won't even have to think about it." I assure him. I can't tell if he believes me or not, but I'm happy to give him some advice.

"When will that be?" He questions.

"I can't tell you that. I wish I could. You're strong though, with an aunt like Becca, how could you not be? She's a pretty awesome person, huh?"

A small smile spreads across his face. "She is. I love her a lot."

"I can see why. Will you be good to go back to your class?" A thought hits me, and it'll be one more thing for me to talk to Principal Faulkner about if my hunch is right. "Does your teacher even know that you're gone?"

He shakes his head slowly. "It's not her fault. I'm invisible no matter where I am."

God this shit breaks my heart.

Mick continues. "I make myself as small as I can, and I don't cause any problems. I don't want anyone to get in trouble because of me, and I don't want to make anyone angry."

The hallmark of a child who's been abused. I hope like hell both his parents are in jail, and they'll never be able to touch him again. "I'm sure you haven't made anyone angry, and you haven't caused any problems. It's important that people see you." I caution him, thinking of the active shooter drills we've been doing lately. If his teachers don't realize he's gone, or even there, what happens when they have to do a headcount?

"I don't want people to see me," he argues.

How do I tell him this without scaring him? Licking my lips, I speak what's on my heart. "I know you don't. I know you want to melt into the background so that there are no expectations for you, but please don't do that. There are times when adults need to know where you are. I know you've participated in fire drills and tornado drills." I wait for him to nod. "Teachers need to keep count of the children in their classes. If they can't see you to count you, then that's going to scare everyone, including Becca."

"I don't want to scare her." He says, his eyes wide and full of fear.

"Then be sure and tell people where you are at all times, Mick. Want me to walk you back to your class?"

He continues rubbing Donut's head. "Yeah. I don't want to go by myself."

I stand up and offer him my hand. "Then we'll go together. You don't have to face this on your own."

It feels like it takes forever, but he finally sticks his hand in mine, and I help him up. "Thank you."

"No problem. We're friends now, aren't we?"

He gives me a smile that shows he's missing a took on the bottom. "Yeah, we are."

Together, we walk down the hallway, and I make a note to try to remember to talk to Becca. This kid needs a guy in his life, and if there's no one available, then I'll gladly offer my time.