Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

BECCA

I let myself into the apartment as quietly as possible, hoping I don't disturb anyone. What I'm not prepared for is Stephanie sitting on the couch, watching something on TV, waiting up for me. "Hey." She grins, picking up the remote and pausing her show. "How did it go? I watched as you left and got a good look at him. He's hot, Bec."

"He is." I grin. "We're friends on Facebook. Do you want to see another picture of him? One where you aren't trying to look through a window from a high vantage point, and can see what he really looks like."

"Yes, because what I saw from up here was nice. I can only imagine what he looks like without all this space between us." She wags her eyebrows.

"Steph, don't get your hopes up. You know I don't have the best track record with relationships, and I come with all of this." I gesture around me. "Who wants a woman that's taking care of a kid who isn't hers? I don't know what my future looks like. Is it going to be taking care of Mick for the rest of his life? Is Trey," I mention my brother. "Ever going to get his shit together?"

"What I'm going to say to you will hurt, because I know who you are, and the persona you present to everyone." She leans forward, elbows on her knees. "You don't have to worry about all of that right now. You and Mick, you'll figure it out. Who knows, maybe I'll still be your roommate in five years. The fact of the matter is, we don't know what the future holds, and we aren't mind readers. Don't borrow trouble, you don't have to. Enjoy what you have."

"It's hard to enjoy it." I admit. "I think about what's going on with Trey, how Mick's being affected, not having the support I always assumed I would when I would become a mother. It's fucking with my head. But I agree with you, I'd like to enjoy being a twenty-three-year-old for once. I don't know where this is going to end up with Madden, but I want to thrive in it while I can."

"Thrive girl, but first, let me see what this man looks like."

I get on Facebook and navigate to his page, thumbing through the pictures of Donut and the other members of the LSERT, until I get to one of Madden with a smile spread across his face. "Here ya go."

Stephanie takes my phone, her mouth dropping open when she sees him. "What I want to know is, what are the tattoos under the shirt?" She grins. "Get it, girl."

"I've never seen him without a shirt on, and he doesn't post pictures without it. I'm hoping maybe one day I'll know."

She licks her lips, giving me a shit-eating grin. "I hope you know so that I can be the bearer of the knowledge, too. Like is he hiding a disfigurement, why keep the tattoos sticking out from under his shirt so close to the chest. No pun intended."

I shake my head."I don't know, maybe it's something having to do with being a cop? Maybe he just wants to keep it to himself, or perhaps he got drunk one night, and did something he can't take back."

"God," she tilts her head back onto the couch. "Haven't we all? To this day I can't stand the smell of Fireball."

"Same." I groan along with her. "I wasn't even legal to drink when it happened either. So anyway, that's Madden. We had a good time, and he's coming to pick me and Mick up tomorrow for a hike and dinner. He says he understands the home life that Mick is coming from and wants to help."

Steph stretches her arms over her head. "That would be good for everyone. I know Mick has struggled with what he can tell you, and worries that he's putting too much pressure on you. He's told me that before, and I'm sure there are things he feels he can't share with you. We still don't know what happened to him before Trey was called to pick him up either."

My vision clouds as I think about the situation Mick must have lived in before he was placed with my brother. From what I understand he was living with his mom, Katelyn. She'd gone on a binge and purchased what she thought was pure heroin, but it was laced with fentanyl. As soon as she'd taken the hit, she'd started overdosing. Mick was six, and had been in the home with her deceased for a few days before he'd been found and Trey had been called in. "Yeah, none of it is good, and I don't know if I'm doing the right thing with him. Sometimes I think maybe I should give his care over to someone who has the training to deal with his mental state..."

"He loves you." She interrupts. "Completely adores you. I don't know what he would do if you weren't a part of his life. He's counting on you, and that would be another person who has abandoned him when he needed it the most. You're doing the best you can for him, and I think that's enough for now."

"I hope you're right." I worry about everything, which I didn't do before. Sometimes at night, I lay awake thinking about all the things that could go wrong. When I get into a doom spiral, the only thing that takes my mind off of it is going onto Facebook and watching those MadDog videos. I shouldn't count on them the way I do, but it's the best I can do with what I have.

"I know I'm right. Any time you need me to stay with Mick, just let me know. I want you to live the life you were trying to live before this all changed. Anything I can do to help you, I will."

Getting up from where I'm sitting, I go over and put my arms around her, hugging her tightly. "I love you. I appreciate you and thank you for doing this with me. You didn't have to."

"I didn't, but you're my cousin. We've been as close as sisters our entire life, and I couldn't deal with you shouldering all of this on your own. Trey's been a pain in the ass since we were kids, and he forced you into a situation that you never asked for." She presses her lips together. "Your parents should be here, but I think we both know that they're never going to forgive him, and ?they're going to punish you."

I've had to come to grips with that. "I know."

"It's not fair, and I won't let you do all this on your own. I refuse."

Giving her a smile, I hug her again. "I love you, and I'm so lucky to have you."

"We're lucky to have each other."

When we get done gossiping about the night I've had, I head back to my bedroom. Laying back on the bed, I grin, kicking my feet. Inhaling deeply, I smell Madden. His cologne is on my shirt. This makes me never want to wash it again.

I'm tired, but wired. This is probably going to be one of those nights where I'm not able to turn my brain off. Getting up, I walk to my bathroom, do my skincare routine, and change into my pajamas before coming back into the bedroom. Pulling down the covers, I slide in between them and instinctively grab my phone. It's a habit at this point.

The first thing I see when I scroll is MadDog.

"He's so damn hot." I whisper, grinning at the new video. This time, though, I feel guilty after the night I've had with Madden. Should I be watching this eye-candy if I'm trying to have a relationship with another man?

Life as I know it has gotten a lot more complicated, but it's better than constantly being on edge. I close my eyes and hope like hell I can get some sleep tonight.

"Have a good day at school today, yeah?" I look over at Mick. "If you have any problems, you know you can call me, right?" Surprisingly, I was able to sleep. We got up, got everything together, and now I'm dropping him off at school before I head in for the day shift.

"I know, but I'd rather stay at school. I'm supposed to be learning, and I can't do that if I'm not here."

Why is he so damn responsible? It's as if he doesn't understand it's okay to not have it together all the time. "You'll figure it out, Mick. You don't have to be everything to everyone, including yourself. Sometimes we need help to figure our feelings out. It doesn't make you weak because you need that."

"I can talk to Madden?" He questions.

It hurts that he's asking about someone new, instead of me. I'm trying to understand that he might be more comfortable with a man. "You can, and if I need to be informed about what's happening, he can let me know. We're both here for you."

"I know. There he is." He points to Madden, who is standing at the entrance with Donut. "Do you think it's okay if I say hi to him?"

"I think he would love it if you talk to him before you go in. Have a good day, Mick."

"You too."

With those words, he grabs his book-bag, and he's out the door. I say a little prayer that he doesn't have a day like he had yesterday.