9

Andre

"You got married?" I bellowed. "You left here for a royal dinner—how the fuck did you come back married?" I was too shocked and angry to even register when Mabel shrank back from me.

"We are trying to explain if you would listen to—" Ian said calmly as he moved closer.

Big mistake. I pulled back my fist and hit him with everything I could.

I spun on Mabel and she let out a cry. "I trusted you. I fucking gave you all of me! You swore you—how could you, Mabel?" I backed away from her—both of them—shaking my head. "Disgusting. Both of you disgust me."

I spun on my heel and stormed out of there. I could not hear anything over the blood rushing in my ears or my heart beating too loudly. I was such a fool.

Again.

Always.

And left behind. I was tossed aside.

Ian had tossed me aside again, and now Mabel had too. She would be happy as his grand duchess and had left me in the dust. The two people I loved most had completely abandoned me like I was nothing.

Everyone looked at me with shock as I stormed out of his house and then scrambled to take me home, but I turned it down. I wanted the cool night air and the long walk to think… And now I could easily with my healed knee.

Yes, I cried the whole way, even jogging because I could.

Why heal me just to break me?

I was two drinks into the bender I had planned when there was a knock on the door. I did not care who it was and could not control my temper, so I was not going to open the door.

Except they kept knocking.

After at least ten minutes of banging on the door, I finally gave in and went to answer. "I will fucking punch…" I blinked at the king.

"I would deserve it for my role in this, but let's not," he said as he brushed past me and came inside. "And I am not here as the king. I am here as Ian's cousin and witness to the disaster tonight." He saw the whiskey and poured himself a glass, tossing it back. "Louisa is with Ian and the healers at his house."

I snorted. "He'll heal from a fucking punch. He deserved it."

He gave me a look of pity. "Mabel's practically catatonic. She collapsed after what you said and is unresponsive. Ian sent a distress letter to us for help, and his healers do not know how to help her."

Raged filled me. "She left me, and you come here to guilt me and—"

"Listen, you fool," he snapped. "I feel your pain. I understand it. They did not leave you. Four kings were threatening war!" He nodded when I simply blinked at him. He let out a slow breath. "Mabel did not want to marry Ian. She said she wished David had killed her. She's a mess. She's… I smelled so much grief and defeat off of her, I warned Ian not to leave her alone."

"What?" I gasped.

He nodded. "I was scared she might hurt herself; now I am terrified she will end her life after what you said. So is Ian, and that is why I am here and he is not. He could not leave her and risk she hurt herself and it be his fault even to clear up this misunderstanding with you."

"I do not… This is all…"

The king knelt down in front of me making me realize I'd sat at some point. "Andre, they did not leave you. They did not betray you. Ian dove in front of Mabel to protect her. She gave up her freedom to protect more boys like you were going to war and dying to do the same. Please, please do not—I understand your pain, but you exploded without listening."

"Why the fuck was anyone talking war?" I demanded.

He sighed, scrubbing his hand over his hair before standing and pouring us both another drink. "Because all leaders are horrible and kings fools. And I do lump myself in that. Tonight, I might be the most foolish and idiotic of them all that… We have so many lives on our shoulders that it's all we see, and things blow up. We blow them up."

I tossed back the drink. "What happened?"

I cried the whole time he told me. From the way Mabel was treated to how Ian fought for sanity from the kings and how crazy things got. My heart broke for both of them.

Ian did not want to marry Mabel like that, with her resistant and unwilling.

Mabel did not want to marry again and cried the whole time Ian asked her, even as she accepted. It sounded horrible for both of them.

And I had made it so much worse.

"Can you not make the exception?" I choked out when he was done. "You are the one person who can change this!" I jumped to my feet and threw my glass across the room. "Do something! You know this will not end well for you either. They will turn this around into another reason to hate you, a grab for power for the royal family and a way to condemn you."

The king sighed, looking much, much older than his actual age. "I had not gotten that far. I am exhausted too, Andre. It never stops. Never. I became king in a war. My whole reign has been one long fight against everyone and everything. I did not think tonight would turn out as it did. I hurt Mabel too and have been a rat bastard, and I like the woman.

"I do not mean to. I… My plate is so overloaded that half of the time I do not mean to be the bastard I am. My wife is about to leave, and I will lose the will to live then. So forgive me, but my world is crumbling too." He wiped his eyes and looked as defeated as I felt. "What exception do you even mean? I cannot—I cannot see a way out of this mess without making more mess."

That was fair and I understood—saw his exhaustion even.

It was my turn to kneel before him. "The nobles and Holy Empire will turn this around and blame you because it's Ian. That you wanted her not just for Areca, but the royal family." I nodded when he winced. "So give her the one thing you can. Give her her freedom back. Give her the exception to the law. Does she not deserve that as the saint? Should the saint not be separate?"

He blinked at me for almost a full minute. "You are a very, very smart man." I reached out and patted my shoulder. "Yes, well done. You might have just saved us all."

"Good, because I have one more request."

"If I can."

I swallowed loudly. "The doctors and healers warned me that it would never simply be my knee affected by my injury. It would always be my hip or my ankle—everything that took strain to compensate for my knee."

"Yes, that is how injuries—you think Mabel—this is her brain. Or it could be—emotions are not truly in our hearts, but her exhaustion and the scar tissue they spoke of in her brain could make this all worse for her."

"It is logical."

"It is, but what favor can I help with?"

"Get that other healer to Ian's who was stronger than yours," I begged. "I think we need to have the priests heal her now that they are married and it's done."

"You really are a smart lad," he agreed and jumped to his feet. "Let's go. Let's go be the heroes for once instead of my always being the fucking villain when I try so damn hard."

I actually felt bad for the king when he put it that way. I really did.

And as horrible as all of this was, I was glad I got to see this side of him.

He ordered a knight to head to the palace and get the healer of King Alkian's or the King of Telrai's to Ian's. We hopped in the carriage, and it felt like forever until we were at Ian's. He spoke with his healers and then went to talk to the priests to get them ready.

"If you are here to hit me again, it has to wait," Ian muttered from where he sat next to his bed. Mabel was lying down and he was holding her hand.

"No, but you can hit me later," I mumbled. "Switch with me."

He shook his head. "Look, you do not know what—"

"The king came to see me," I interjected, nodding to the queen when her head snapped up to look at me. "He did. And he came up with a way to help Mabel too. He's going to find a way to give her an exception so she does not become financially and socially subservient to Ian like normal in a marriage. I brought up how you will get in trouble for marrying her into the royal family."

"They all wanted to do the same," she grumbled. "No matter what we do it's wrong and another headache." She let out a slow breath. "He really said that?"

"I did," the king said from the door. "And I hope it will be an important first step in giving the women of my kingdom the equality and freedom they deserve. I have been so focused on keeping them all safe from losing loved ones and suffering from war, I have not focused enough on making sure they have lives worth living. I do want to change that."

"Thank you, Gerald," the queen whispered.

"I am glad you believe me, but I do not do it simply for you, my love. I mean it. I do not—you are not below me. No woman is below a man. Yes, you need protecting, but we all do. A husband should protect his wife, not be property, not be a dependent like a child. I will find a way to make others understand that and see it."

"So you are all caught up and now care?" Ian asked me, not even looking at me.

"I am sorry, and you can pound me later," I muttered as I approached the bed.

"Do not go near her," he growled. "You scared her."

"I was a jackass," I sighed. "She blurted out you got married. What was… Give me an inch, Ian. You went to dinner and came back married. Of course, I was going to be upset."

"They pressured Gerald to officiate it right there so it was done," the queen grumbled. "It made sense to have the other royals as witnesses so the pope could not come after the legitimacy."

"I understand; the king explained that. Mabel just blurted it at me." I sighed and moved to the other side of the bed, toeing off my shoes and climbing on it. I moved behind her and petted her hair. "I am so sorry, darling. I was a bastard. I am sorry you had such a rough night. How about you yell at me like I deserve?"

"The priests agree to heal her," the king said, explaining to Ian what we discussed.

"It makes sense," Ian agreed, rubbing his free hand over his face. He looked over to his cousin. "Thank you, Gerald."

"I owe you several, Ian. I am sorry it all turned out like this. I never thought…"

"I know. Even if you lost your head tonight, you were fighting—you were the sanest of the insanity."

The king snorted. "I lost my mind. Call it like it was. At least two of them have bigger militaries than we do. Another has an armada that could crush us. All I saw was Areca in ruins. I thought… I am not even sure what came out of my mouth some of the time. I blustered my best bluster. I felt like my head would pop."

I kept talking to Mabel, but I saw when the king wiped his eyes and the queen went over to him. It was a bit longer until the priests came with the king's healers and said they were ready. I moved off the bed and three of them moved closer. I felt magic and power, but that was it. I understood none of this.

It went on for a while and by then, the King and Queen of Telrai and their healer had actually arrived. Everyone was shocked, but they simply shrugged.

"I rather like the woman," the king said as if that said it all.

"I like her a lot," the queen added. "How is she?"

The one priest who Petee said was the strongest looked at King Gerald who nodded to go ahead. "If you think of her head injuries as a layer of scar tissue from each time she was knocked unconscious, we healed three layers. The three oldest ones. I feel that's all we should do for now until—the brain is more complicated than even the heart."

"If I may?" the foreign healer checked, moving closer when Ian nodded. He took Ian's seat and held Mabel's hand, closing his eyes and scanning her. "I agree with their assessment. It's helped. She's still in a precarious state, but it's better from even when I last scanned her. I think slow progress is best." He opened his eyes and looked at Ian.

"You want to know what happened tonight," he muttered, scrubbing his hand over his face. "Mental anguish as it all caught up with her. She realized—"

"Her business partner had choice words about being betrayed and not answering to the grand duke," I quickly interjected. "He jumped to conclusions and did not give her a chance to explain, and Mabel realized just how much her life had changed so fast and fell into despair. We thought maybe if her brain healed more she could process her emotions more?"

"It's logical, but the body is not always," the healer said. "Yes, the weight of too much can be a physical injury. It could affect her as a smack to the head in some ways." He looked at Ian. "She went unconscious?"

"No, unresponsive, but she was awake. She turned more into a doll. She moved, but she stopped responding." He nodded to her nightgown. "She changed herself. Took down her hair but did not react when I took the brush from her, did not respond to me. It was as if it was all reflex or muscle memory."

"So emotional trauma for sure," he muttered. "I need to see if I can wake her." He did, and we were all relieved when she woke but worried that she did not answer anyone. She did not seem to see us. She did go to the bathroom on her own and move around people but… We did not matter.

"What about the whiskey and orange juice she likes or even a slice of cake?" I asked. "Something to even make her happy or…"

"I would not recommend alcohol in this state but juice or something with nutrients," the healer agreed.

People were quick to it, and again we were all happy when she did not go right back to bed but accepted the strawberry mango juice and some chocolate cake.

But then she went back to the bed.

"Ian, tell the king that it is a plague," she whispered as she closed her eyes. "Summer. It flourishes in heat. Violetta is worried. I saw so many dead children. I need more flowers. It spreads. That's why she will not tell me more. She showed me a ship. It starts far, but I think it is more than one country. It comes closer via ship, but it's multiple countries now because it's on a ship."

"We will get you all of the flowers, lovely," he promised, but she already closed her eyes and went to sleep. He turned away and wiped his eyes.

"It's progress that she spoke and interacted with what you gave her, Your Grace," the healer said, the priests agreeing.

"Your Majesty, may I have a word?" I asked the king, nodding to outside. I was glad when he agreed. I rubbed my hand over my face and noted that the queen and other royal couple were listening. "If I can help the tension, I will. Also, getting these flowers. I am loyal and staying. We have worked past our issues."

"I am glad to hear it," he hedged. "I am not sure what that matters right now."

"He was offered positions and titles with some of the visiting leaders," the queen surmised.

"I was one of them," the King of Telrai admitted, snickering when the king shot him an annoyed look. "Commander Lessa is a legend, Gerald. You finally gave him what he long deserved, but the way he has—your crime rate—many of us would do more than offer him a title, land, and riches for that."

I nodded my thanks to him. "What about shadowing our captains? Letting some of their leadership see how our procedures and policies work? Even your implementation of the carriage driver order to take anyone to the nearest station helped a lot. I know you are allies with King Alkian, and given the offer he made me—"

"Alkian tried to steal you from me?" the king bit out.

"Yes, Your Majesty. Several times," I admitted. "He has the flowers, right? I heard they are everywhere in Canter. And helping the crime there could help the temples and… Help."

"You are a good man, Commander," the queen praised. "I think a quick tour to show the royals how much the ink has helped your officers and pointing out a few of the most practical changes you have put into place would be…" She glanced at the king.

"Yes, it would—we want peace. By the goddess, no more wars and just peace."

"From your mouth to everyone's foolish ears," the King of Telrai mumbled.

The king looked at him. "It's all I want. Truly. I want no more of mine to die on a battlefield. I do not want your land. I never did. I want the bandits issue to be handled and my borders to be safe. That is all."

He studied Gerald. "I believe you. The bandits were played down to me because of an asshole who did not want to admit he lost control. Unfortunately, he's popular. If you can help me prove his lies and that he was leading us to war instead of doing what was right, I will sign a peace treaty with you tomorrow. Ten years."

The queen let out a gasp, rubbing her hand over her chest.

King Gerald extended his hand. "Let your healer help Mabel, and the moment she is stable, Ian will take his knights and personally handle it. As long as you send contacts you trust so we do not fight your noble's people and are trapped. We will handle it."

The king accepted the handshake. "Done. We have Canter bellflowers in the north close to Alkian's land. You send someone who can decant them or whatever, I will put people on collecting them and working with them. If there is some new plague coming, I want to be close to the answer on how to get the medicine. Maybe help make more if it does not spoil."

"Oh, it would be smart to have stores," his wife agreed. "Well done."

I sent messengers to the day captains who worked with me to warn them what was going to happen and ask them to come in a bit earlier to help me get things in order. Then I went back to Ian and Mabel. He was watching her, barely glancing at me… But it was a look full of hate.

"I am sorry," I whispered.

"Shut up and get out," he rasped.

"Please," I choked out. "Please do not kick me out when she's like this."

He flinched but then nodded. "You deserve it for putting her in this state, but she will want to hear your voice and that you forgive her." He looked up at me and was destroyed. "Why could you not just listen to her? Why did you have to hurt her so badly? She did not—"

He broke down sobbing. He'd been holding it together and carrying everything until that moment.

But Ian could not carry it anymore.

I hurried over to him and moved him to the bed and then went behind him so I could hug him while he still held her hand. I held him with one arm and rubbed her leg through the bedding so she knew I was there. "I am sorry. You were leaving me again, marrying the woman we love and… Everything crumbled around me."

"We had no choice. I—they were going to take her, Andre. You have no idea how scared I was. They were plotting how many months they each would have her like joint property. What else could I have done? What other option did I have besides to propose? How else could I have protected her?"

"You did what was right. I was an asshole. I am a complete fucking dolt," I rasped, hugging him tighter and kissing his hair.

"She wants to die," he sobbed. "She said David should have killed her, she hates being the saint and wishes she was not born. She will wither and die. I saved her today, but marrying me will kill her."

"No, no, we will not let that happen," I said firmly. "She will heal, and I will apologize. Your cousin said he will give her an exception so she's still free even if married. We will figure it out and be happy. We will not lose her. It will be okay. Kathy can come stay and watch her. We will not let her slip into darkness."

"She is already there, Andre. You did not see what your words did!" He shoved me away and leaned over to kiss Mabel's hand.

I took off my jacket and moved to the other side of the bed, laying down with Mabel and spooning her. "I know. I know I hurt you both. I was hurt too. I… I was not allowed to be there again where you both were as a couple. You get to be the couple, and I am on the outside. Then you married. You get to be her husband and leave me behind. I can never have a public right to be with her. It hurts. It hurts so much."

I cried as I held Mabel. I loved her just as much as Ian. I loved them both and they were now married.

Without me.

But they did not leave me.

"Do not leave me, darling," I begged, as my tears fell in her hair. "I know you had to get married, but now I am left behind. Do not leave me behind. I am sorry I was such a monster, but please do not leave me behind."

I would not survive it if she did.