16

Mabel

"I was going to ask the viscountess to join us because I do not know that I am the right person to have this conversation with you or that I should at all," I said to Kathy as we sat together in a private dressing room waiting for designs and options to be brought in for us to view. "But to me, this falls under your safety, and knowledge is always better to have."

"Mabel, we are also friends," Kathy said gently. "And I am also able to tell you if I am uncomfortable with a topic. So please, speak easily, and enough with your worry. I am about to have an ulcer from your nerves as I am sure you already do."

That was exactly what I needed to hear. "There is more to relations with men than procreation."

"Yes, I know this Mabel, or there would not be whores and brothels."

"Of course you do, but I meant for… What you need to know is—I wished someone had told me that—"

"I believe you need this conversation, not me," Kathy said gently. "Clearly, nothing was included in your education." She gave me a look of pity when I swallowed loudly. "How horrible for you. Truly."

"Father said my husband would instruct me on what was needed," I whispered, only realizing in that moment how much of an idiot I had ever been to accept that.

"The queen was in charge of my etiquette lessons, and it was someone approved by her," Kathy said quietly. "Colin was at a loss, and Ian asked her because—well, why not when she's flawless? Given I did not have a mother or female role model, not even a suitable aunt, she made sure I was educated in that manner. I will get you the materials I learned from."

"There are books on these matters?" I hissed. I felt ridiculous when she looked as if she was having a hard time laughing.

"Mabel, you know there are books on every topic. Of course, there are on sexual matters."

That made sense. I simply didn't think they were available. She was… Well, better informed than I was it seemed. "Did they have phrases in them?"

"Phrases?" she hedged.

"Yes, like…" I trailed off, trying to think of how to explain it without seeming vulgar. Even if she learned certain things, the application was vastly different. "To ask for things or how to speak of things between partners?"

Her eyes flashed shock. "No, not that I recall. It was more understanding my body and his." She leaned in. "There are phrases?"

I gave a slight nod. "And the one I learned—it gives—the man does—" I cleared my throat and leaned in. "Things I did not think men did. That was what I wanted to warn you about."

"Mabel, have you lost your virginity?" she gasped.

"No, that is why I wanted to warn you. There is apparently a lot you can do with a man before your virginity. I was worried—if I did not know—what if there are other phrases and someone tricked you? Or maybe other mothers tell people and are warned but—I would think—" I blew a harsh breath between my lips. "Honestly, I do not know what to think, but I had to warn you."

"I am glad you did," she said after a moment. "I also understand your worry." She seemed to wave off whatever other thoughts she had and leaned in. "But it was pleasurable?" She giggled at whatever was on my face. "Apparently so."

"Yes, well, the problem is once we started, I would have let them do anything to me. So that's dangerous."

"Them?" she gasped. "So you have with—"

"That's not the point, and you are too young to gossip about that," I said quickly. "You are."

"For now," she agreed. She cleared her throat and leaned in even more. "Have you done what they say whores do?"

"No, not yet, but apparently that is not true either?"

"I thought not," she told me, nodding when I couldn't hide my shock. "I have heard whispering when the married ladies have a few too many drinks at balls. One in particular says it's why her husband does not have a mistress. I think that a lie. A man cheats because of his character, not the woman."

"I agree," I said after a moment. I gave a firm nod. "Yes, I could not see Andre cheating no matter who the woman or situation."

"Not Ian?"

I opened my mouth but then closed it. "I want to believe that, but given how he was raised, it might not be the same mentality to him? I could see it being more…" I felt better when she nodded. "But Andre said it's common and not just whores."

Kathy snickered. "Another lie of nobles to make them feel better than others."

"Or the way for bastard men to cheat," I muttered right as the door opened.

Three of the attendants came in with several racks loaded with what I'd asked for… Namely, fancier sleepwear and undergarments.

I now had need for them.

"Thank you," I said, hinting that their job was over.

Except they didn't leave, the one in the front who seemed to be the manager or most senior worker taking the lead. "Is there a specific design or impression you wish to leave, My Lady?"

"I beg your pardon?" I hedged, standing and squaring off with her.

"I mean no offense," she said quickly. "On the contrary, I think it's—you should be allowed to dress how you want and do as you want now that your status has changed."

I ran my tongue over my teeth. "You mean that I am ruined because I am divorced, yes? Because I am still a countess, so my status actually hasn't changed."

"Not ruined," she gasped. "A woman is not—we are not merchandise, My Lady." She waited until I nodded that I believed her. "I meant free. You are an adult in your own right now that you have been married. I know that every—the whispers of your wealth and how many court you. But you had dinner with the grand duke and… We simply wish to aid you as best we can."

I held up my hand to hold her off when she looked like she might ramble some more. "I understand what you are saying better. Thank you, but this is not about my dinner with the grand duke or any other man. What I have recently learned and wish to teach Lady Kathy is women should dress for themselves. Even down to our undergarments.

"I talked with a few married women who spoke of the lovely night dresses and nightgowns they adored that their husbands gave them. Why do I need a man to gift me one? Why should I only worry about having something pretty to sleep in if a man might see me in it? I want it for myself. I like simpler designs for my dresses, and I heard there are better options for under."

"I have heard the same and wondered," Kathy added, getting in on the ruse for me.

"Absolutely, and we brought over a dozen of those options," the woman accepted. "I can show you those to start with. Explain how they work and which could help or enhance each of your figures as some work with slender or more curvy statures."

"Yes, thank you." I cleared my throat. "Also, I was hoping for a lighter material for a nightgown. The heavier ones for winter are normal, but I have issues with nightmares, and I feel tangled in them." I looked away when I saw pity in her eyes.

It wasn't a lie… But it wasn't the full truth.

Still, all three women were of help, and I picked several options to start that I wanted to see if I liked after wearing them multiple times. Kathy picked two and a lighter nightgown that she thought pretty since spring was around the corner.

We finished up and left the dressing room to pay and handle the rest of the purchase at the main counter.

"I wonder how Count Follan will feel about your new promiscuous ways influencing his young sister who just debuted?" a voice I hoped never to hear again said from behind me.

I turned but pretended to be unbothered even as I moved Kathy behind me. "Remember yourself and station, Lady Renee. I do not think your family can afford any more issues with me. Your brother Raymond was smart enough to understand that."

"And if the countess is promiscuous for being in here, what does that make you, Lady Renee?" Kathy added.

Her gaze focused on Kathy and she raised an eyebrow. "The adults are talking here, child. Do not involve yourself in matters you cannot handle. Your brother should have taught you at least that."

"Yours should have done the same," Kathy chuckled darkly. "I know quite well what I am capable of handling as the younger sister of a count. What is your brother's title? Not even a viscount yet, right?"

"And given her relationship to the grand duke, it's a fight you cannot win," I told Renee firmly. "But your quarrel is with me, so leave her out of this." I raised my hand and flagged one of my guards waiting at the door. "Please escort Lady Kathy outside with our purchases. She can tell the driver the next location."

"Yes, My Lady," he accepted, hurrying over and taking two of the bags while Kathy took another… And giving me a look of promised retribution.

So be it. She didn't understand how horrible Renee could be.

I did.

"I heard you got Uncle thrown out of that new store and our whole family banned from it until he apologizes to you and revokes his blacklisting of you," Renee told me. She blinked at me a moment and then chuckled. "You did not even know, did you? Still everyone's fool. You will always be the fool, Mabel."

"Remember yourself, Lady Renee," I seethed as a few of her friends moved in closer to her, clearly there for the show. "It does not make me a fool because a store owner did something at his business. He had no reason to consult me."

"You are the fool because the grand duke made it happen and wants—"

"Is that what this is about? You are jealous?" I snickered seeing it all in her sparkles. "You are jealous because I am friends with the grand duke and we have had dinner and he will not ever look at you. Yes, yes, everyone knows of your obsession with him and wanting to be the grand duchess." I turned and signed what I needed to.

"I would never be jealous of David's punching bag, Mabel," she snapped.

"No, but you should be ashamed of yourself that you knew a woman was being treated as I was, and not only did not stop it, but now use it as fodder, you viper," I seethed as I turned back to her. I walked right over and made it clear that I wasn't afraid of her. "Be very careful, Renee. I offered your brother peace and to stay out of his way so he could take over.

"But he knows I did not have only dirt on David and Richard. It was why he was so angry at the meetings." I smirked when she frowned. "Right, you are just a woman in that family and not worth telling much to. So you do not even know that you are risking your brother's chances of getting the prize by poking me. Go tell him that you did. He will not pat you on the head."

"I know my brother better than you do," she seethed.

"You do," I agreed, smirking at her. "But I know the misdeeds of your family and you do not, little princess." I gave her a wink and headed for the door, pausing when I'd almost reached it, glancing at her over my shoulder. "Oh, I know you have always wanted the grand duke's attention, so I will be a dear and make sure you get it. It's what you deserve after all."

I laughed as I walked out of there.

The last thing anyone should want was a pissed-off Ian with their name on his lips.

I didn't even dance around the topic when I was in the carriage with Kathy. "That woman is a viper, not the normal snake of the nobility. She enjoys pain and the misery of others more than David. She's sick like Angie was. She was part of that coed group that ruined women for marriage. She was there for one that I know of and laughed about it later."

"Disgusting," she whispered, horror all over her sweet face.

"Yes, so while I understand wanting to defend me and appreciate your love, when I put you behind me, take the hint, Kathy. I am not your brother who simply steps in for everything and is overprotective. I have let you have your voice and say your piece as well."

"You have. I apologize. I am too used to being brushed and pushed aside as a child, but you have never done that to me. You are absolutely right and I will work on that, Mabel."

"Good. I understand how you feel and where your head was, but I need you to believe me that when I move you out of the line of fire, you need to let me." I reached over and took her hand. "You have too much to lose and a bright future. I could not function if it was damaged because of someone tied to my past or wanting to hurt me."

"It would be because they are monsters, but I understand and feel the same."

Good. That was all I wanted. There were times she would understand more and I could defer to her—I had even.

I asked Kathy to trust me now and changed where the driver was going. I got off with guards but sent Kathy on home. Given Renee was in the capital, she would not be alone, and given the day and time, there was a high probability of where her brother would be.

Shock was all over the face of the manager when I walked up to the door. "I apologize, My Lady, but this establishment is for gentlemen only."

I snorted. "Yes, besides the whores you let in. But I understand the rules. This is a matter of urgency, so I ask you summon Raymond Matthias." I lost my patience when it was clear he wasn't going to. "Sir, that was not a request. I am a titled noble. Do it or my guards go in and make a scene."

"And I tell the commander that I smell cigars that are outlawed in the capital," one of my guards who was normally a police officer said showing his badge.

It annoyed me that his threat worked better than mine. He gave me a sad look when the manager sprang into action, but I appreciated he jumped in to make my goal happen.

Raymond came to the door a few minutes later, curiosity in his eyes, so clearly he'd been warned who was waiting for him. "Lovely to see you, Ma—"

"Remember your manners because my temper is short with your family at the moment, My Lord," I seethed.

He looked as if he swallowed something bitter but shot a glance at the people around us. "Forgive me, I had a whiskey with lunch, Countess Phoenix."

"Of course."

"What can I do for you, My Lady? I was told it was of importance and clearly it is if you would come here during your busy day."

"It is and thank you for understanding that. May we speak privately off to the side? My guards know the situation." I was glad when he agreed, letting them find us the best spot about half a block away where others wouldn't overhear us. "Get your idiot sister under control."

Annoyance filled his eyes, but it wasn't for me. "What did she do now?"

"Now?" I bit out. "How long have you been in the capital?" I waved off the question, it didn't even matter. "She found me shopping for nightgowns, something completely benign, and made a scene that I am now a whore basically and joked she knew I was and will always be David's pathetic punching bag. In public. Gloating to her friends. Does she want to land in jail?"

"I want to ask if you are joking, but you are not the type," Raymond seethed.

"She is not, but I was one of the witnesses, and the whole large shop had workers and other customers," my guard said. "Lady Renee was also saying other unsavory things before the countess came out of the private dressing room. She came in because she heard the countess was in there. It wasn't a chance encounter."

I snickered, having guessed that. "I made my position clear with your family, but that is not why I am here interrupting. I could have said this in a letter."

Worry filled his eyes, confirming that Raymond was the most intelligent Matthias. He knew when to be afraid and they weren't protected from everything. "What else did she do?"

"She questioned Lady Kathy Follan's innocence being associated with me," I told him, glad when he went visibly pale. That wasn't what Renee had said, but it wasn't a far jump from what she'd implied and I wanted this handled. "And made it clear that ruining Lady Kathy's reputation was her new goal given Lady Kathy defended me and your sister did not like me having allies."

"That twat will get me killed in a duel," he seethed.

"I am glad you understand the severity of the situation," I said, backing down. "Because Renee made it clear that her goal was getting on the grand duke's radar." I nodded when he groaned. "Since I am ruined and such trash or whatever she thinks of me."

"Mabel, you are many things—"

"I do not know what game you are playing using my first name, but stop it," I said firmly. "You look foolish, and your idiot sister is picking up on it. She called me Mabel in public and others snickered at her. Enough. I do not care if you are being petty or—enough, Raymond. It's ridiculous. You have some point, but she does not understand it. Whatever it is, be done with it."

Again, he looked like he swallowed something bitter. "I understand."

"This is the last warning you get from me. I do not know what happened with your uncle and Viscount Bryd, but I did not do it, and that's between them, and people tired of the marquis acting like he's the king to blacklist people as he wants." I waited until he nodded before stepping into his space. "But we will have war if your sister does anything to Kathy Follan. Hear me."

He studied me for several moments and licked his lips. "I understand and believe you. I will get her under control even if I have to ban her from the capital for the season. I want to take over for David, and I will not let her ruin my chances. Trust in that even if you will not trust that I will do what is right."

"I do trust in that. I even hope you manage it because you are the better option. Good day to you."

I walked a bit with my guards, going to stop at a shop and change my mood but freezing when one of my guards cleared his throat.

"This is out of line, but you have said a few times that I have heard that you do not understand why Raymond Matthias treats you the way he does, My Lady."

"Do you know why?" I asked, genuinely curious.

My guards all shared a look before he focused back on me and nodded. "Jealousy."

"That I won or that I did David's work all those years?"

My other guard cut in. "No, you misunderstand, My Lady. Jealousy that you weren't married to him. That man wants you to be his."

I was about to tell him he was silly, but it was clear all three of my male guards agreed. Oh dear.

I ended up going to two different shops while we waited for the carriage to arrive back, all of my guards amused with how much I purchased when it wasn't even a scheduled trip. "I do not remember any of you ever having complaints that there was too much food always around to snack on."

"I would never be so stupid, My Lady," one promised.

"My wife appreciates how much I am fed because it's easier on our budget," the other commented. "Though she told me enough of the sweets because if she cannot get fat, I cannot either."

They laughed and I simply shook my head. That was the fun I needed right then.

Kathy was worried when I arrived but then chuckled when she saw the bags and bags of cured meat… And that was before the purchases from the candy shop I'd practically cleaned out.

Not really, but I'd certainly let my stomach make the decisions there.

"Everything is fine. I do have to warn your brother and the grand duke," I told her, shaking my head when she argued. "You did nothing wrong. You came across something dangerous, and I would be furious if I was Colin and not warned. He trusts me. Do not make me a bad person."

"I cannot even get mad when you are just too sweet. Fine, but I am eating all your chocolates," she threatened.

"You should make sure to see how many she purchased first, My Lady," one of the grand duke's knights joked as he helped unpack the bags. "Even I couldn't eat this much chocolate and all of my teeth are sweet.

He wasn't wrong. I'd gone overboard.

Oh well.

I was still a bit worried when I met Andre a few days later for dinner. We were eating out. He needed something nice with everything on his mind. It wasn't something too fancy or for nobles, but it was more than a shop or pub.

I told him what happened and then realized that I might have gone over a line with our relationship. I studied him as he cut into his steak and felt small that I'd put Kathy first but hoped he would understand.

"I was not gossiping about our relationship, but I realized that there were things I had to warn Kathy of that you enlightened me on," I told him.

"That's understandable given she does not have a mother and the count trusted you to be her chaperone," he said easily. "I hope you would want to talk about anything on your mind with your friend if you needed to, darling. Do not worry about my feelings or…" His head snapped up and his eyes went wide. "What specifically did you tell her?"

"I believe what you are now thinking of," I whispered. I sighed when he went pale. "I had to warn her, Andre. There are phrases for things. What if she said one to the wrong man accidentally or something? I realized that I need to learn them all as well and—"

"Oh, I am never getting into Paradise and Colin will rightfully kill me," he mumbled still blinking at me. That didn't make any sense, and he seemed to shake himself out of what he was thinking before leaning in more. "That was for us. I am sorry if I did not explain it better or clearer because I was trying not to be crass, but I was saying that phrase was between the two of us."

I wasn't sure I'd ever been more mortified in my life. "Oh." I looked away from his gaze and focused on my plate, the food on it blurring as tears filled my eyes. "I really am the fool always, are not I?"

"No, not at all. This is my—I should have explained it better. I thought—I am so sorry. Please do not cry, darling."

I was pretty sure my tears made it even worse, but I couldn't stop them. I would draw more attention to them if I wiped my eyes. I simply focused on my food and let them fall as they wanted as I made myself eat. I knew Andre tried to talk to me, but his words didn't register. I couldn't hear them.

I simply pushed myself to make it through the meal.

I could make it through this meal. I'd made it through much, much worse.

And then I could go lick my wounds in private and melt in humiliation.