12

Mabel

Learning Ian was a shapeshifter was more than my wildest dreams could ever have come up with. His feathers were so soft and it was amazing to pet him.

"Next time you start being pushy, I am going to demand you do this and just listen to me," I told him before tapping his beak. I smiled when Andre snorted.

Yes, in theory, it sounded good, but Ian steamrolled people so fast and so smoothly that we didn't realize it was happening most times until it was all said and done.

Ian shifted back—apologizing for his wrinkled clothes and explaining about the magic which amused Andre and me. Then he told us about the rest of what happened at the palace. That he didn't know what else to do or what he thought about anything, but he realized that above all else, he had to apologize to Andre and explain because Andre deserved that much.

But Ian also apologized for simply showing up and interrupting, being rude and—obviously he'd been too upset to think through what he'd been doing. I wasn't upset. I could see very old wounds starting to heal on Andre. The pain he'd been in when he'd told me what Ian had allowed to happen to him had been so deep. It made sense when he said they'd been best friends.

Now my heart hurt for them both since they'd been lovers.

"You demanded he make me a marquis?" Andre whispered.

Ian nodded. "Louisa and I both said that after the war. Not only because of your service but for the position you were going to take. You were too young to be taken seriously and you needed the title. Gerald was not wrong that because you were so young, it could backfire that it was a stunt and would undermine you like you were his puppet."

"Wow, I never thought I could agree with your cousin, but I do," I muttered, nodding when Andre looked at me. "People like my father and the Matthias family would immediately have said exactly that. The king has a new ally, a popular war hero, and he's going to use you to take out his enemies using the law as his shield and bluster, bluster, and lies."

"It makes sense," Andre hedged. "What went so wrong?"

"Whatever you said to Gerald when he told you the offer of marriage." Ian gave a half shrug. "He was still salty and said… It was unkind. Because of that, he did not give you the other offer of just becoming a count on your own."

Andre winced. "I do not remember exactly what I said. I was heavily medicated and—"

"The king should not have done it then," I defended. "He was using that to his advantage and maybe trying to get you to agree to the marriage to help his situation with his ally. You were recovering in the hospital and did not even know if you would walk again. That is not the time to make huge life-altering decisions. He deserved whatever you told him."

I cleared my throat when both men slowly looked at me with shock.

"Well said," Ian agreed. "Yes, and a point I will bring up when I calmly speak with Gerald and Louisa next. Still, it should have been done then, and now you should be granted a higher title for all of the cleanup you have done. That's an additional huge service to the kingdom. You should be at the minister meetings as I have said for a while now—"

"You did listen to me say that?" Andre gasped.

Ian just blinked at him. "No, you were always yelling by then I suppose. I am simply not an idiot. Of course, you should be there when we talk about laws and the state of the kingdom. Colin and I complain about it all of the time." Ian winced. "Colin has told me that the police inspections undermine you."

Andre snorted. "Severely."

And clearly, Ian disagreed from what was on his face.

"Andre promised not to get mad," I reminded him gently. "Just be honest now, and you both can have an in-depth meeting once you settle with this to finally and honestly go over where you have been. Andre has been killing himself for a long time to bring you proof of a lot of corruption that I think has been hidden from you."

"That would not surprise me given now I know my budgets have been fucked with," Ian seethed. "I just did not have the proof until now because… My failings."

He looked so heartbroken saying it that it hurt my heart.

"Why do you disagree with Colin and me?" Andre asked quietly. "Do you not respect my work?"

"I have nothing but respect for you and your work. I always have, Andre," Ian said firmly. "I simply believe we all need more oversight. If the court and justice department checks on the police stations—and it should be surprise inspections instead of this dog and pony show—that's oversight. There should be for my judges and courts, and we should be separate."

Andre's mouth fell open and he simply blinked at Ian for several minutes until I was worried his brain shut down. "I do not know if I want to beat you bloody or kiss you."

"I beg your pardon?" Ian asked, his eyes going wide.

I almost echoed the same, but I didn't because I could see Andre's sparkles and they were full of frustration.

He let out a heavy sigh and leaned his forearms on his thighs. "I agree it should be separated. It is in other countries. I agree there should be more checks and balances. There hasn't been and that's the corruption. I even agree with your inspections if you stop it being this parade. So I am thrilled we are actually on the same page."

"I am glad—" Ian started to say.

Andre lifted his head and the pain in his eyes hurt my soul. "But right now, all I can focus on is how many years I have been putting up with too much bullshit because you did not listen to me, Ian. I have told Colin. I have put it in reports. This is not just when I exploded. It's… I need you to leave. Please. I hear you and—you—I haven't had a life because of—"

"Let's table this," I said gently as I stood, worried about Andre's sparkles. "I think we all need time to think about what was said and what we have learned."

"Of course. I will leave you both to…" Ian looked as if he was physically in pain when he realized we would be together to comfort each other and he would be alone.

Except I didn't want that. He hadn't done what I'd thought and I didn't want him in pain either. His cousin had lied to him, and while Ian wasn't faultless… This changed things for me. I understood it was harder for Andre, but from my end, it wasn't as complicated.

Maybe? I still had my issues with his family. It was all confusing, but he was hurting too.

"Actually, I want to be alone," Andre whispered, scrubbing his hands over his face. "Mabel, I am sorry, but you probably want to talk to Ian now and—"

"I do not want to leave you alone either, Andre," I cut in, mentally wincing at what I'd just admitted. I wasn't going to ignore it, letting out a slow breath. "I am worried about all three of us right now. I do not think any of us should be alone, but I do not know what to do or how to handle this either."

"Neither do I," they said together.

"What if you both sleep at my house in guest rooms?" I offered. "That way you are not home alone to let the bad thoughts consume you, but it's not…"

"No, I did not come to intrude, and I am the one in the wrong here," Ian said firmly. He gave me a sad smile. "Thank you, but Andre's right, and this is what I have done, not just Gerald." He closed his mouth but then licked his lips before trying to speak again. "Does knowing about Andre and me upset you?"

Oh, that was a difficult topic to speak on and ask me so bluntly. Andre slowly looked at me with worry when I didn't immediately answer. "That you are both men does not bother me at all." I cleared my throat and twisted my hands together. "That you both took interest in me is what is confusing."

"No, it wasn't like that, lovely," Ian whispered, his voice pained.

"It wasn't," Andre agreed. "It just happened that way. It's not about the past. I was honest that I only brought up my past with Ian because you are blessed by the goddess and he would take his family's side in that."

"I would not have—" Ian started to defend.

"From where I sat, that is what you did, Ian," Andre said calmly. "But we can talk about that later. I am explaining to both of you why I brought that into my relationship with Mabel. I do not—I did not try to ruin your relationship, only protect her. It was too complicated for me to keep quiet. Too much was at risk and the situation is not normal."

I nodded, fully understanding what he meant.

But then I realized he wasn't explaining it for me.

"Andre, I never doubted that," Ian said quietly. "You told me from the beginning that Mabel was not about our past. You were honest that you were not sure you could be what she needed either but made it clear that I could not be a stupid prince this time. You were right. I was… I was not going to make the same mistakes. I did not."

"Unfortunately, you made new ones," Andre mumbled.

"No—well, maybe. I could not have…" Ian let out a harsh breath. "Never would I have thought Gerald would do anything to disappoint Louisa. She's blaming herself now for not speaking up sooner and checking his ego. She agreed with me that he was only king and not a god, and what happened to the man she loved? I do not know. I am not a fortune teller."

"That's fair," I whispered.

But where did that leave us now?

"Look, I am furious and too all over the place, but I am worried about you too," Andre grumbled. "Take the couch. Mabel and I will sleep in the bed—only sleep. She needs rest and has been—she was shaking and screamed in her sleep because of what the king did, Ian."

"Please, do not tell me more right now," Ian said before Andre could say more. "I need to know. I want to know. I do. But if you tell me more right now, I might fly back and finish what I started, and I really, really do not want to be the fucking king. I never wanted that. So…" He looked at me as if begging me with his eyes.

And then it hit me and I flinched. "I certainly do not want you to be the king. I would run from you for sure then. We would never have a chance to fix this or… I am not sure what you are asking me with those sad eyes?"

"To forgive him for not fighting for your honor and upset more because he does not want the consequences of it," Andre explained.

"Men," I sighed. "Yes, let's just go to bed. I am—this has all been too much."

I was glad when Ian accepted. He seemed too lost, and even if it probably wasn't exactly what he wanted, it was something, and he didn't have to leave alone.

I really didn't know what else to do or how to handle the situation any better. Everything was too much of a mess.

We went to bed and I rubbed my hand over Andre's chest to try and comfort him. I was glad I did when he held me closer. I didn't bother asking if he was okay, and I would never tell anyone that I felt his tears fall on my forehead that night.

I woke with a start, a scream echoing in the room that must have woken me.

And then I realized it was mine.

"It's okay. You are safe, darling," Andre whispered as he pulled me against him. We were sitting up and he was holding me to his chest, half on his lap. "I will not let them hurt you. I swear I will not."

The nightmare hit me hard and I covered my face. "The temple took me away. David was able to bribe them and get access to me. The king let them take me because I would not be his court healer and pet."

"I will not ever let that happen, lovely," Ian whispered, sitting on the bed in front of me. He was rubbing my knee through the bedding, worry in his eyes when I lowered my hands and looked at him. "I am so sorry Gerald did this to you—scared you like this. I swear to you that I will not let it happen. I will declare my area autonomous first and you would be safe there."

"You cannot just do that," I gasped.

"Apparently, he can," Andre murmured, sounding amused. "Ian does not make wild promises. He might not see down the road—we were kids. Everything could seem like it could work out, but then we realize life is not as understanding as we are. But he takes his promises seriously."

Ian glanced at Andre over my shoulder and then met my gaze again before slowly nodding. "Yes, I can. Grandfather offered it to my father so there was no fight for the throne, but it meant giving up any chance for his children later. Father always planned to use that as his way—he wanted to puppet me. It was never going to happen. I still have the right to invoke it no matter what…"

"What the king says now?" Andre finished. "You have already threatened this?"

"Yes, it was my first threat after the last time he upset Mabel and I blew up on Gerald, but Louisa begged me not to hurt him," Ian admitted with a sigh. "I was going to this time, but then I realized after how badly he—it was not only what he did to you, but he lied to Louisa and me. He's gone too far off the path. I cannot let him ruin Grandfather's kingdom. I cannot."

His voice was so pained and conflicted that it hurt me to hear. I believed him that he didn't want to be king, but his loyalty to his grandfather was admirable. Attractive even.

Especially for someone who had not experienced much loyalty in her life.

I managed to settle down a bit and Andre coaxed me back to the bed to sleep… And Ian was on the other side of me. Andre and I shared an amused look that we weren't surprised that somehow Ian had managed that.

But we also weren't going to point it out with all that he was going through either.

After a bit, I ended up turning towards Ian and Andre seemed glad to hold me from behind. Ian seemed shocked by it all and looked like a boy caught stealing sweets. Then his eyes filled with relief and something more.

Something I could worry about another day. Right then, I had two strong men who cared for me comforting me and willing to protect me. I was a lucky woman, and I held that thought closely and drifted off peacefully.

I woke in my bed with Ian working on something on my sofa. I simply cleared my throat and raised an eyebrow.

He smiled at me. "We woke before you, and after you had such an upsetting nightmare, we did not want to wake you as early as Andre had to rise. We also did not want you to have to worry about people seeing you or whispers. So we snuck you back here well before dawn and—"

"I do not care, and I have no reason to be ashamed or—" I started to defend.

"You do not," he said firmly. "Andre asked me to do it. He's worried now that more people know about you and you are scared of the temple. He realized they might try to say you being on your own led to you being a loose woman spending the night at a commoner's home and—he does not want any ammunition to be used against you, Mabel. Let us protect you."

I sighed and nodded. I hated it but yes, it was smarter. "Thank you, Ian."

"Of course." He cleared his throat. "I apologize for being pushy last night and simply joining you."

"It's who you are," I chuckled.

"I am sorry for lots, Mabel," he whispered.

I pushed my hair over my shoulder and realized he deserved me to say something as well. "I am sorry I did not give you the chance to explain or hear your side. I truly did not think the situation was one that would have sides. It all seemed…"

Ian was quiet for several moments. "Yes, I understand that. I did not even think about that yet, but I am not upset about it. I understand how it was to you or—it would be different if it was a fight between Andre and me or one moment. This was… Years of missteps and misunderstandings stemming from a lie that was not mine."

"I am still sorry," I whispered. "I should not have—I was too scared."

"I do not blame you. I am glad you protected yourself first. You should."

"Thank you."

"My only question is can you let me back in? Do I have any chance with you still?"

"Yes." My answer was immediate, but I winced at the joy on his face which made him deflate. "But I think it's more complicated now that Andre is… You admitted to still loving him, Ian."

His face softened. "I will always hold love for him in my heart, Mabel. He would never let me back in his heart. I was not asking or trying to ask for the three of us to be together. I would not ever ask that of him after what I have done. I went last night because he deserved to know the truth. That was all. Not to change our…"

I didn't know the word for it either. They weren't friends anymore.

They weren't really colleagues given their rank and positions.

He was Andre's boss? Probably, which made things complicated.

But something in his tone made it clear that there was a different question to ask. "Would you want to be with him if he was open to it?"

Shock filled Ian's eyes. "Mabel, I would not choose Andre over you. What we had was—I like you. I want—you matter to me and—"

"No, that was not what I meant," I cut in. "I meant also. Would you want to be with him as well if he was open to the idea?"

His shock said a lot.

Ian had not considered it yet. Not that he had an answer or would know what to answer.

But that meant his answer wasn't no.

I gave him a soft smile. "As I said, this is complicated."

"Wait, I feel like I said the wrong thing now."

"Not at all. I want us to be honest, and to do that, we need to acknowledge every aspect of this. That's all."

"So nothing is decided yet, but you are not set on shutting me out of your life anymore?" he checked, looking relieved when I nodded. "Yes, of course. I would not expect you to simply flip back to where we were. No matter what, my family gravely wrong you. Again. That takes time to heal even without the rest. Going forward…"

"What?" I asked gently.

He let out a slow breath. "Please allow me to go to the palace with you?"

"Of course. I'd prefer it."

He cursed under his breath. "I am going to punch Gerald again."

I hoped he would when I realized why he was upset. "The king said I did not want you to?"

He opened his mouth but then closed it and frowned. "Actually, the first time it was Louisa saying not to treat you like a child. You were just going to meet with her and it was fine."

I sighed as I threw back the covers and slid out of bed. "Yes, well, I even agree with her, but then the king hijacked the meeting."

"This last one I wanted to be there, but Gerald made it seem like you did not want more people around."

"That's rich when he brought in so many extra people and changed how we agreed to handle everything." I swallowed down the rest of what I was going to say when rage filled Ian's eyes.

Clearly, he hadn't known that part. I hadn't told him when I'd said what had happened. I told him, and I thought he might go right back to the palace and beat his cousin again.

At least I knew his feelings for me were genuine and he would side with me over his family.

Too bad that was clearly needed.

Too bad a lot of things had happened, but we were where we were.

The question was what did we do next?