14

Ian

There was so much on my plate that it took me a week to visit Mabel at her new home. I'd sent flowers and a few messages congratulating her and offering any help if she needed it. She didn't respond, and I assumed that she had simply been too busy with what she had to deal with and handle alone.

Apparently, I was sadly mistaken.

I rang the bell at her gate with flowers a bit before lunch hoping to snag an invite inside or talk her into joining me somewhere. I wished that I had more time, but the vast information she provided was a lot to organize and act on.

The irony was not lost on me that she gave the information that kept me from seeing her.

I maybe should have taken the hint. The smile I had slowly died on my mouth as she came outside with anger in her eyes.

"What can I do for you, Your Grace?" she asked as she approached, stopping about five feet from the gate and making it abundantly clear that she wasn't going to open it for me nor invite me in.

"I came to see how you were doing, My Lady," I hedged, studying her closely. "How have you been?" I was more confused when she flinched at that.

"I appreciate your concern, but it's unneeded. Thank you for stopping by, but our deal is done, and I certainly do not need to incur any more debt."

"No—yes, it's done," I agreed, shocked at the venom towards me from her. "Forgive me, but are you still upset at how I behaved when you were going to buy your house? I thought you accepted my apology and we moved past it."

She bristled again. "I was staying in your aide's home, Your Grace. I did not know I had the option to do anything other than accept your apology."

I couldn't even get my mouth to work, but she continued.

"But I was understanding of the situation and have also forgiven the count since. I did think I made it clear that everything ended when I left and I paid you what you wanted." She glared at the flowers before meeting my eyes again, so upset that it overruled her normal wariness. "I would prefer you not come to my home again."

"Whyever not?" I whispered. "What have I—"

"I already stated the reason, Your Grace. I do not want any more debt with your family. You speak kindly and act as if what you do is not any hardship, but then I have to pay for it later. And so far, the price I am paying is well beyond what I have received." She blinked back tears. "It's certainly lucky for me that your carriage arrived as mine did. Have a wonderful day."

I couldn't even think of what to say as she turned on her heel and headed back inside.

"What the hell was that about?" one of my knights whispered.

I felt the same. I was so surprised that I couldn't even make my feet move at first.

"Your Grace, I would speak with the king," a different one muttered. "I heard from the count's knight that the royal apothecary and herbalist were waiting for the countess the day she was with Lady Kathy. I did not think that was—I assumed that was something with the queen, but if the countess is upset with paying back your family…"

I growled and headed for the carriage. "The palace."

When we arrived, I ignored everyone and everything said to me. A few tried to block me from Gerald or didn't want to tell me where he was.

Except I could sniff out the asshole and knew exactly where he was.

"I am sorry, but you cannot enter, Your Grace," one of the last knights who tried to block me outside of the door said.

"Move or lose your head. Do not test me," I bit out.

Luckily for them, they were smart enough to move and believe me. I was the one person who could get away with this, and I knew it was because of the powers I had and the people who guarded my cousin weren't actually incompetent.

Not that I cared about that right at that moment.

I flinched as I opened the second door and heard something crash. My eyes went wide as I realized Louisa had thrown something at Gerald. "Lovely. I am not the only one who wants to hurt him."

"Now is not the time, Ian," Gerald seethed. "And certainly not for your sarcasm."

"Too fucking bad," I snapped, shocking both of them, the queen freezing in what she was about to pick up. I nodded that I wasn't kidding when they both slowly turned and looked at me. "What did you do to Mabel? Why would she not even see me?"

"You idiot!" Louisa shouted and threw the vase that she grabbed. "We need the saint and you upset her! How could you be such an overbearing—she was not doing anything wrong and—you ruined—"

"Saint?" I bellowed when it sank in what she'd said. They both flinched and I lost my temper, suddenly in front of Gerald and fisting his shirt before lifting him off the floor. "You selfish piece of shit. That's why you pushed me to consider her. You wanted her in the family so you could control her and keep her from being used by the temple!"

"He did what?" Louisa whispered in horror. "Who are you, Gerald?"

"You do not understand, my love," he worried before shooting me a pissed look. "Put me down."

"I will the moment you acknowledge you cannot make me," I bit out. I shook my head when he ordered me to. "No, not this time, Cousin. My hawk is too upset at how you have upset my life again." He wouldn't do it, and I tossed him several feet away from me but towards the couch so he wasn't hurt.

Still, the move surprised both of them.

"Have you ever seen me as anything other than a tool or threat?" I demanded, my voice cracking. He didn't answer for several moments. "Have you?"

Then he finally said the truth we both knew. "No."

"You bastard," I chuckled darkly, rubbing my hand over my head. "I gave up the one person I ever truly loved because the relationship would have hurt your standing. You sent me to the front line of war, and I still did that for you to be loyal. I forgave you for sending me to war when I almost died. And you still…" I roughly wiped my eyes when he was blurry from my tears.

"Everyone is not your chess piece, Gerald. I have never been disgusted with you before, always understanding, but this is too far."

"I did not—I do not know how to see him as anything else," Gerald defended. "I am trying. I did not push him or trick him, Louisa. He likes her. He said her being divorced was not something people would accept. But they would because she's a saint, so it's a moot point."

"Which she does not want anyone to know, Gerald!" Louisa bellowed. "How can you just decide someone's fate like that? You are king, not a god!"

"I agree and I have had it," I seethed. I turned on him before he could say anything. "We both know I am stronger. The army would be loyal to me in a second after all I did in the war. I have never wanted the job. I always had faith in you and this was your place, but so help me, Gerald, I have hit my limit. So hear me that one more time and I will become the threat you worried of."

"Ian, please do not say that," Louisa rasped.

I turned to her and let her see how destroyed I was. "She would not even see me. I have already given up one love for him and a loyalty he does not have for me. Why do I have to keep giving up everything for someone who does not care for me as family?"

She came closer and cupped my face. "You are all fire and passion just like Kylie. I always see her standing next to you agreeing with what you say when you are upset." She closed her eyes. "Goddess help me, I miss her so much."

"Me too." I wiped my eyes again and let out a shaky breath before leading her over to sit down on the other couch. "What happened?"

She told me about their meeting with Mabel and how she admitted that she was blessed by the goddess. She was the one to help Colin even, and the Goddess Violetta gave her dreams of medicines and mixtures to help people. Mabel could help Louisa finally conceive a child but was too scared to experiment with something untested on the queen.

Validly.

"And you were an overbearing ass," I accused Gerald.

"Several times," Louisa confirmed. "But the meeting ended fine. I misunderstood and thought she wanted to be part of our court and…" She sighed at the look on my face. "Yes, fine, I heard what I wanted to. I apologized and we agreed to figure out a plan. She was right that the concoction could be dangerous in the wrong hands."

That didn't make sense at first, but then I winced. "People slipping it to women. In marriages or to mistresses to cause chaos in someone's life."

"I hadn't thought of that one," Gerald admitted.

"Men who cheat should have more than chaos in their lives," Louisa said with a snort.

"Agreed. I completely agree, my love," Gerald said firmly. "I have made that clear to the nobility."

"Repeatedly," I said for Louisa.

"My worry was not for cheating rakes, but the saint and—"

"Do not call her that when she does not want people to know," I snapped, shaking my head when he opened his mouth. "All it takes is a slip. The palace always has ears. You know this."

"And Mabel pointed out a spy right at your side, Gerald. I agree."

"It upsets me that you two are against me."

"We are against how you are behaving," I bit out. "Not against you, you spoiled brat. This is not a random attack. I am tired of you playing the victim. If you want boobs that agree with you, then do not expect to survive being king." I ignored him and focused on Louisa. "What happened after?"

"Once I heard she bought a house and moved, I sent the royal apothecary and herbalist to help her set up a workroom." She sighed when I winced. "I swear I was not being pushy. I was genuinely trying to do something nice. She has to be struggling and barely keeping above water. I thought if she had—she seemed excited to explore her gifts. I wanted to help."

"I know, but the royal apothecary is an asshole," I said with a sigh.

"What?" she gasped. "Never with me!"

I snickered, sharing a glance with Gerald and seeing he felt the same. "Louisa, you are the one person no one in this palace wants to get on their bad side. More so than Gerald even."

"You hold grudges and are dedicated to punishments, my love. No one with a brain will upset you," Gerald agreed. "I am glad for that. Truly. But everyone else knows that the man is a blowhard. Unfortunately, he's talented."

"Oh dear," Louisa sighed, rubbing her forehead before gesturing between her and Gerald. "We did not communicate that we both did something, but I told him that I would handle it. I helped her and she agreed to help me. He never should have stuck his nose in anything."

"What did you do?" I demanded. I growled when he didn't answer, focusing back on Louisa.

"He was spying on her," she seethed, staring daggers at Gerald. "She was buying a bunch of creams and body products. He sent her a royal messenger saying that she should stop wasting time and keep her focus where it needs to be. Except she was looking into that because she wants to heal her scars."

I jumped up and went for Gerald before I even realized it.

"Ian, please!" Louisa cried out, freezing me just before I reached her husband. "Please, do not hurt him. I love the bastard."

I curled up my lip and saw the fear in his eyes as I stood back up. "How could you be so selfish and cruel? Is there no drop of Grandfather in you?" I felt better when he flinched, but I wasn't done yet. "You act more like my father's son than I do, and it makes me ashamed which is sad because I used to respect you."

I went back to Louisa and hugged her when I saw her tears flowing freely.

"I made a mistake and lost my head," Gerald said after several minutes of nothing but Louisa's sniffles in the room. "Several nobles are aligned to file a resolution that I divorce Louisa or I step down since I will not do my duty to have an heir. I panicked and acted badly. I was not… I couldn't… I am sorry. I am sorry, Ian. I am sorry for her. I did not—"

I was shocked when he broke down crying as well. I didn't spend much time with my cousin or know him well since he didn't like me, but I hadn't seen him cry like that since Grandfather died and we were boys.

"Please do not leave me, Louisa. Please do not give up on me."

I was too angry to let his state move me, but then my hawk forced me to pay attention. It was clear that he hadn't been sleeping, and he looked like he'd lost weight in the week or so since I'd seen him. Obviously, this was something real and pressing.

"I will not betray you, Gerald. They'd need me to make it happen," I told him firmly. "As long as you get yourself together and act like a king and person I respect again, I will not ever betray you." I turned to look at him and let him see the seriousness in my eyes. "And you never go near Mabel again."

"I agree," Louisa said when Gerald argued. "You will break her, Gerald. Forget her blessing from the goddess. The amount of intelligence and information she gave over to us about so much corruption and the crimes of the nobles—nobles against you—that the woman is an angel. And you have acted badly to her one too many times. I promised to protect her!"

"Yes, fine, I will leave it to you, my love. I will. I am sorry," he promised, clearly worried he could lose her.

"Apologize to Ian!" she demanded, her voice cracking. "He likes her and you might have ruined his chances, you asshole. He's always been loyal to you and you cannot even see him as family. I hate myself for not speaking up about this sooner."

And then she really started crying, Gerald looking like he'd been kicked in the groin to see her like this. I made sure to let him see on my face that I would do much worse than that if we were ever in this situation again.

I stayed until Louisa calmed down enough to hear me that I would make things right with Mabel and the woman was too nice to abandon her queen. Then I let Gerald start the process of groveling, hoping Louisa really gave it to him and set him straight.

Otherwise, I would, and I would be brutal and physical about it. He'd pushed me that far.

"That bad, Your Grace?" my knight asked as I arrived back at the carriage. He sighed when I snorted and opened the door for me. "Damn, the countess is so nice. I really hoped she could have a happy ending after what she'd been through."

I felt the same, and I had no idea how to start fixing what my cousin had done. I had them bring them back to my house so I could think of what to do, but all I did was stress eat and drink a bit too much. Finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I used the magic in my blood and transformed into my hawk.

It was dark out, and many thought I had a trained hawk that I used to send secret messages so no one who worked for me would think anything of seeing a hawk fly from my balcony. The night wind was cold on my face as I flew towards Mabel, trying desperately to think of what to say to her.

I landed on the balcony next to a tree so it had better coverage from anyone seeing me than the others. Changing back forms, I realized flying had made the alcohol hit me a bit harder.

And my clothes were rumpled like always.

I glanced down and sighed. If the magic of having a spirit animal could make me change forms and poof away my clothes while I was my hawk… Why the hell couldn't it give my clothes back in the condition they had been in? Why did they have to be wrinkled and disheveled? Was the magic offended that I didn't undress always first?

Well, the magic could walk around naked and risk being seen like that.

I shook off my random thoughts and sighed when I found the door unlocked. I needed to tell her to lock them though going forward since I wasn't the only one who could easily get on her second-floor balcony.

What I didn't know was it was the balcony to her bedroom, so her head snapped up as she looked at me when the door opened. I froze, not wanting to scare her more and also shocked to find her in her nightgown already.

"How are you here?" she finally said after several tense minutes.

"Magic," I answered honestly before clearing my throat. "I apologize. I did not think the second floor would be your bedroom. The owner's rooms are normally on the third floor."

She snorted. "You apologize for that but not coming into my home uninvited." She stood and grabbed a shawl and put it over her for more coverage. "The people this house was built for—the husband has a bad leg, so they made the owner rooms on the second floor and the bedrooms for the children on the third floor."

"No, I do apologize for that as well, but…" There really wasn't a good excuse. "I am sorry." I was even ruder, and after closing the door and coming inside fully, I plopped down on the chair opposite her. "I am very sorry, Mabel, and for a lot."

She simply blinked at me, and I realized my slip in using her name.

Add it to the list of my crimes. I was having a hard time keeping it all straight and even my own emotions. "I did not know what happened. I was not party to it. So I went to confront my selfish asshole of a cousin and walked into Louisa throwing things at Gerald." I nodded when she gasped. "He is in serious trouble for what he did."

"How much did they tell you?" she hedged.

"Everything." I nodded when she flinched but then sighed. "I think they did at least. It was fairly chaotic and emotions were…" I shook my head and leaned forward so my forearms rested on my knees. "I could not wait and be polite because you were angry and hurt. If you hear nothing else I say, you need to know that Louisa has no ill intent."

She studied me for several moments, seeming to come to some internal decision or moving on from her shock that we were truly going to speak like this. "Ill intent and selfishness aren't the same thing."

"True, but she did it completely for you." I nodded and hurried to continue when she opened her mouth. "She did not know the royal apothecary is such a demeaning bastard. Most everyone hates him, but he's good. He's talented and not there to make friends. However, anyone smart does not upset Louisa. She had no clue about his true reputation until I told her."

"Yes, he was rather prickly," she hedged.

I snorted, glad when I did because she relaxed more. "He's a jackass and I am sure more so to you because he would have seen setting up a workroom for a novice like you completely beneath him."

"Yes, he made that rather clear and how he was noting my unaccommodating behavior." Her emotions were so all over the place that I couldn't even lock on what she was feeling most. "I spent most of my time arguing with him on what I wanted, and he finally exploded on me and told me to start behaving or he would never take me as an apprentice."

I couldn't hide my shock. "Louisa never said anything about that. She did not tell me that was the plan at all. She said she wanted to help you get the next step in your journey ready because you have to be feeling underwater. She knew it was self-serving, but she said it was more about how excited you sounded to rebuild yourself and figure out who you are."

"I did," she confirmed after a moment, looking like she didn't know what to believe.

I caved and told her everything that happened and what was said. She couldn't hide her shock, but I simply kept talking, rambling even. I didn't even know how long I went on for, but my hawk told me that she at least believed me. "I did not know you were blessed by the goddess. I swear."

She cleared her throat. "Most think your relationship with the king is much closer than it seems to be."

"Most of the nobles in politics know the truth," I mumbled, hanging my head. "The public thinks we're the best of friends because that's the lie Gerald is pushing, and I did go to war young to help him. I won the war for him and gave him the glory and more land basically. You would think that would make two people close." I snorted and was blinking back tears again.

"I am sorry," she whispered.

I wiped my eyes and looked at her. "When I saw you, I saw my sister. I will not lie about that, and it spurred me to dive into helping you before I realized the rest. But I also saw a soul who would understand me. I had her love, which was true as family should be, but it's gone. My grandfather's is gone. My father saw me as his replacement to rewrite history.

"I could take the throne which he did not get to. He was relentless in my training and studies. A demon in everything. I was a tool for his redemption since the throne was ‘stolen' from him when there's no law that the firstborn shall inherit. Even in noble houses. He was fixated that everything was robbed and taken from him.

"He was not the right option. My uncle was. I have always said that even when I would receive a beating at home later. But my uncle saw me as a threat. He saw what my father wanted me to be and never me. Gerald the same. My own cousin treats me like his dog that he wants better trained and to show off. You know the pain of family behaving how they should not."

"Yes, it's a pain unlike any other," she whispered.

I wiped my eyes again before moving to the floor at her feet. "Yes, I want to take down the Matthias family. They are monsters and are a threat to not only Gerald but the whole kingdom. I am not stupid. They want to use me as their puppet and take over not caring how many would die in that."

She reached out and took my hand in hers. "I know. The first time I met you though, I knew that was a fool's errand. You are not someone that can ever be controlled."

But she had been. I heard the sadness in her voice and mentally flinched. "Everyone could be, Mabel. The right pressure point or leverage and… Everyone can be played. I would have become my father's puppet just as much as you did yours if my grandfather was not there in my early years to teach me what was right. If my sister did not give me love. You broke free."

"Thank you. It's hard to see that as a compliment instead of being ashamed I ever allowed it to happen."

I moved my other hand under hers and brought her top hand to my lips, giving her skin a soft kiss. "You are still too close to the situation. I think you are amazing. So does Colin. You know Kathy does. Louisa does, and even my stupid cousin has said you are impressive and much smarter than most of the nobility. That's about as high as his praise gets."

"He scares me," she whispered. "His sparkles are getting darker." She hurried to explain that to me after she took in my confusion, and I sighed.

"There was one thing I did not tell you because I did not want to put pressure on you," I admitted, waiting for her to nod. "There are nobles who are trying to throw Gerald out because he has no heir. They made a move to file an action and that was what led him to act so badly. It does not forgive him but—"

"He was terrified," she sighed. "The poor man."

I bristled at her forgiving him so easily when I'd had to work so hard for it for lesser crimes. I wanted her to understand so she did not hurt, not forgive the asshole yet.

"Yes, well, keep in mind that he knew I had feelings for you and found you attractive and he still treated you as he did. He did not care how it would hurt me or my chances with you, always the selfish spoiled prince. He fanned my feelings and said he approved, but he knew you were a saint and I did not. He used me to try and tie you to our family. Do not forgive that."

She pulled her hands away from me and blinked at me as if I'd grown another head.

And then it hit me what my inebriated brain let out and how easily I'd said it… While in her bedroom.

Damn.