5. Maar

CHAPTER 5

MAAR

" G ood morning, fucking sunshine," I grumble to myself as my eyes open to the Martian sun blasting in through my window.

I drag myself out of bed, my muscles protesting every movement. Three weeks in this place, and I'm still not used to the lower gravity. Makes everything feel off-kilter, like I'm swimming through molasses.

The mirror in the bathroom doesn't pull any punches. I look like shit warmed over.

"You're a real catch, Raaj," I mutter, splashing cold water on my face. The name still feels wrong on my tongue, a constant reminder of the lie I'm living.

As I go through the motions of my morning routine, my mind wanders to Alyssa. Three weeks of her smiles, her gentle touches as she helps with my physical therapy. Three weeks of guilt gnawing at my insides every time she looks at me with those trusting eyes.

"Fuck," I spit into the sink. This wasn't part of the plan. I'm supposed to be here to finish the job, not... whatever this is.

I step into the shower, letting the hot water pound away at my tense muscles. It doesn't wash away the conflicting emotions, though. Every day, it gets harder to remember why I'm really here.

"She's just a mark," I remind myself, but the words ring hollow. Alyssa's not just the Admiral's daughter anymore. She's the woman who laughs at my terrible jokes, who sneaks me extra dessert when the nurses aren't looking. The one who talks about her dreams of helping people with such passion that it makes my cynical heart ache.

I shut off the water and lean my forehead against the cool tile. "You're in deep shit, Maar," I mutter. "Deep, deep shit."

Drying off, I catch sight of my scars in the mirror. The ones from Horus IV, the ones Alyssa thinks I got saving her life. Her fingers have traced them, gentle and reverent. If she knew the truth...

I shake my head, trying to clear it. I can't afford to think like this. I've got a job to do, a reputation to uphold. But as I dress for another day of rehab and lies, I can't shake the feeling that I'm walking a tightrope, and one wrong move will send me plummeting into the abyss.

I'm lounging on my bed, scrolling through mindless entertainment on my padd when it buzzes with an incoming secure message. My heart rate spikes as I recognize the encryption signature.

"Shit," I mutter, fumbling to enter my passcode. The message loads, stark and to the point:

"Mission status update required. Target elimination overdue. Confirm completion within 72 hours or face termination."

My stomach churns as I read the words again. And again. The cold reality of my situation crashes over me like a bucket of ice water.

I toss the padd aside and scrub my hands over my face. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

The walls of my quarters suddenly feel too close, too confining. I pace the small space, my mind racing. Alyssa's face flashes before my eyes – her warm smile, the trust in her gaze. My fists clench at my sides.

"Get it together, Maar," I growl to myself. "She's just a job. Nothing more."

But even as I say the words, I know they're a lie. Alyssa's become more than just a target. She's become... real. A person with hopes and dreams, not just a name on a hit list.

I grab my padd again, fingers hovering over the screen. I should respond, confirm the mission. It's what I've always done. But the thought of hurting Alyssa makes me physically ill.

"Dammit!" I hurl the padd across the room. It bounces off the wall with a satisfying crack.

I need to get out of here, clear my head. But as I reach for the door, I freeze. Alyssa's on shift today. If I go out there, I'll see her. And right now, I don't trust myself to keep up the act.

"You're a professional," I remind myself, leaning my forehead against the cool metal of the door. "Act like it."

I take a deep breath, then another. Slowly, I feel my mask of indifference sliding back into place. Raaj the wounded hero, not Maar the conflicted assassin.

"Just a few more days," I mutter, straightening up. "Then this will all be over."

I ignore the twinge in my chest at the thought. There's no room for feelings in this game. I've got a job to do, and I'll do it.

No matter what it costs me.

I slump back into my chair, the dossier on Alyssa spread out before me like a twisted photo album. My fingers trace the edge of a glossy image, her smile frozen in time on the red Martian landscape.

"Fuck me," I mutter, flipping through the pages.

Each photo tells a story, a journey across the galaxy. Titanus Vox: Alyssa in a lab coat, her face lit up as she examines some alien plant life. Gur: My home planet, but she looks more at ease than I ever did, chatting with locals in the bustling market.

Erebus: A stark contrast, Alyssa bundled up against the planet's eternal winter, determination etched on her face as she helps set up a refugee camp.

My breath catches as I turn to the next page. Kiphia. The lush, green world seems to mock me through the photo. Alyssa's there, of course, knee-deep in some godawful swamp, grinning like she's having the time of her life.

"You just had to be a fucking saint, didn't you?" I growl at her image.

Earth is last, a handful of shots showing Alyssa at various charity events. Always helping, always smiling. Always making my job harder without even trying.

I toss the dossier aside, rubbing my temples. "This is bullshit," I groan, reaching for my drink. The whiskey burns going down, but it doesn't dull the ache in my chest.

The comm unit on my desk chirps, making me jump. Alyssa's voice fills the room, warm and concerned. "Raaj? You missed your PT session. Everything okay?"

I stare at the blinking light, my hand hovering over the response button. The smart move would be to ignore it, to put some distance between us. But I'm tired of being smart.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I rasp, hating how easily the lie comes. "Just... lost track of time."

"Want to reschedule? I've got a break coming up, we could grab coffee instead."

Coffee. Such a normal, innocent thing. As if we're just two people, not predator and prey caught in this fucked-up dance.

"Sure," I hear myself say, even as alarm bells go off in my head. "Meet you in the cafeteria in ten?"

"Perfect! See you soon, Raaj."

The comm clicks off, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the damning evidence of Alyssa's inherent goodness scattered across my desk.

"You're in way over your head, Maar," I mutter, pushing myself to my feet. But as I head for the door, I can't shake the feeling that I'm walking towards something I can't come back from.