3. Maar

CHAPTER 3

MAAR

" G reat," I think to myself as I look in the mirror the next day. "You're a fucking monster."

I turn away from the mirror, my jaw clenched tight. The rehabilitation center's sterile walls mock me, a constant reminder of the lie I'm living.

Alyssa's voice floats through the open door. "Raaj? Are you ready for your session?"

My stomach twists. Her kindness is a dagger, twisting deeper with each gentle word. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve her.

"Just a minute," I call back, my voice rougher than intended.

I hobble to the door, my injuries still a constant companion. As I open it, Alyssa's smile hits me like a supernova. Her eyes, warm and inviting, crinkle at the corners. My heart stutters, traitorous in its response.

"How are you feeling today?" she asks, clipboard tucked under one arm.

I grunt, avoiding her gaze. "Fine."

She laughs, the sound light and musical. "Come on, soldier. I need more than that. Scale of one to ten?"

"Seven," I lie. It's closer to a four, but I can't bear to see disappointment cloud those eyes.

Alyssa's brow furrows. She reaches out, her hand hovering near my arm before thinking better of it. "You're pushing yourself too hard. It's okay to take it slow, you know."

I want to scream. I want to tell her to stop being so damn nice. To stop looking at me like I'm some kind of hero.

Instead, I mutter, "Let's just get this over with."

We make our way down the corridor, my uneven gait a stark contrast to her graceful steps. I steal glances at her profile, drinking in the curve of her cheek, the determined set of her jaw. She's beautiful in a way that makes my chest ache.

"I've been meaning to ask," Alyssa says, breaking the silence. "What made you join the military?"

The question catches me off guard. I scramble for an answer that fits Raaj's life, not mine. "Seemed like the right thing to do," I manage.

She nods, a small smile playing on her lips. "Always the hero, huh?"

Her words are like acid, eating away at what little resolve I have left. I'm no hero. I'm the villain in this story, and someday, she'll know it.

As we enter the therapy room, Alyssa turns to me, her eyes shining with admiration. "I'm glad you're here, Raaj. You have no idea how much it means to me, being able to help you after... everything."

I swallow hard, guilt threatening to choke me. "Yeah," I rasp. "No idea."

I sit on the edge of the therapy bed, my mind drifting back to that day on Horus IV. The memories flood in, sharp and vivid as a fresh wound.

"You okay?" Alyssa asks, her voice cutting through my thoughts.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. How can I tell her that every time she looks at me, I'm back there in that hellhole?

The acrid smell of smoke fills my nostrils, phantom echoes of blaster fire ringing in my ears. I'd been so close to nabbing her, my ticket to a fat payday. Then everything went sideways.

"Raaj?" Alyssa's hand on my shoulder jolts me back to the present. "You look pale. Should we take a break?"

"I'm fine," I grunt, shrugging off her touch. "Just... remembering."

Her eyes soften with understanding. If only she knew what I was really remembering.

I close my eyes, and I'm back there. The real Raaj, bleeding out next to me. Both of us broken, dying. His eyes, desperate and pleading.

"Protect her," he'd gasped, shoving his ID chip into my hand. "Promise me."

I'd laughed then, a wet, gurgling sound. "You got the wrong guy, pal."

But something in his eyes... I couldn't look away. And then Alyssa was there, screaming, crying. She thought I was him. And in that moment, I made a choice that would haunt me for the rest of my days.

I became Raaj.

"Want to talk about it?" Alyssa's voice pulls me back again. She's looking at me with such concern, such trust. It makes me sick.

I shake my head. "Not much to say. War's hell, right?"

She nods, but I can see the questions burning in her eyes. Questions I can never answer.

"Let's just get on with the session," I mutter, desperate to focus on anything but the past.

As Alyssa begins the exercises, I can't help but wonder: What would she do if she knew the truth? That the man she thinks saved her life is the very one who was sent to destroy it?