29. Olivia

Chapter twenty-nine

Olivia

I ’m in Victor’s kitchen making him some tea while he puts the horses in their stable. I wanted to help him put the horses up after giving Cinnamon the sugar cubes I promised him before we left. But Victor told me to come inside and make him a cup of tea before telling me where to find everything. I tried to protest, but he arched one eyebrow, took a step toward me, and told me not to argue in that Dominant tone of his.

My stomach flips thinking about it, loving when he takes over like that. I have a hard time not helping, but at the same time wanted to come in and make the tea, so he took the decision away from me and made it himself. Chuckling to myself, I imagine Lincoln doing that to Ansley knowing she would have done the exact opposite. God, I miss her. I grab my phone to text her while I wait for the water to boil.

Olivia: Hey! How are things going in Atlanta?

Placing the phone back down, I grab two teacups, the fancy kind with the saucers and everything. I walk to the pantry to look for some cookies that can be served with the tea and find some shortbread cookies. My phone vibrates. Ansley sent me a selfie of herself with the outfit she’s currently working on.

Ansley: So busy. I need a break. These hours are awful. I was actually going to text you and Caroline today. Dylan is doing a birthday thing for me. Taking me to a Braves game then after the three of us can go hang out.

Olivia: Yes, I am there! I’ll coordinate with Caroline. I’m sure Bass will want to come. You know how he loves baseball. Do you think that will be okay?

I want to ask if Victor can come, but I’m not sure I’m ready to share that part of my life with anyone yet. Besides, Victor hasn’t said anything about this being permanent.

Ansley: Of course. I’ve been kind of seeing a guy up here, so he’ll probably come too.

The tea pot begins to whistle. I turn the stove off, place it on a pot holder, put tea bags in the cups, and pour the hot water over it. She’s kind of dating someone. Dylan and Lincoln are best friends, so I’m pretty sure Dylan will invite him. With a snort, I place the cookies on the saucer. Maybe this will finally force Lincoln to do something about his feelings. The man is driving me crazy at work. He really needs to remove the stick that’s up his ass.

Olivia: Sounds fun. I can’t wait to meet him.

Ansley went on a date before she left to go to Atlanta. Lincoln showed up, and apparently they had shenanigans in the bathroom of the restaurant. Will he react the same way to this?

Ansley: I can’t wait to see you two. I miss you so much!

Olivia: I miss you too.

A knot forms in my throat at how much I miss her. I’ve felt a little bereft lately. We’re all going through major life changes and I don’t like how it’s affecting everything. Ansley is another state. Caroline is pregnant. And I might start a Dominant/submissive relationship with this man they know very little about. Squeezing my eyes shut, I take a deep breath to calm my racing thoughts. I’m not a huge fan of change and a lot has been happening lately. Now Donovan is out there somewhere and he knows I’m in this city.

“Olivia?” Victor’s voice makes me jump. I almost tip over one of the cups of tea, but grab it, causing some of the hot liquid to land on my hand. With a hiss, I pull my hand to my chest. Victor is beside me immediately and takes my hand in his gently. He grabs a paper towel from the holder and dabs it gently on my hand. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I try to pull my hand out of his grasp, but he holds on to it. “It’s alright. I was deep in thought and didn’t hear you come in.”

He brings my hand to his lips and kisses the burn slightly. I suck in a breath unable to look away from his eyes. My heart starts beating rapidly and chills break out along my arm up to my neck.

“Are you okay?” He lifts his head, but doesn’t let go of my hand. I look away from the intensity of his eyes and nod. “Don’t lie to me.”

My head snaps back up to meet his eyes again. My heart twists painfully because I did lie to him. I’m not okay and he knows. Up until this point in my life I’ve been able to hide, but with him it’s not possible.

I motion to my phone with the hand he’s not holding. “I was just texting with Ansley and it made me a little sad. She’s moved to Atlanta and Caroline is pregnant. It feels like we’re all drifting apart a little and I don’t like it.” Looking away from him again, a lump forms in my throat. “Ansley saved my life, and she doesn’t even know it,” I whisper.

“What do you mean?” His voice is a gruff whisper.

“The number of times I considered…” I’ve never said this out loud. “I wanted the constant looking over my shoulder to end, the constant tightness in my chest and stomach to go away. Even in a crowded room, I’d still feel completely alone. The cutting helped, but only in the moment.” Pulling my hand out of Victor’s grasp, this time he lets me. Grabbing the paper towel from his other hand, I use it to wipe up the few drops that landed on the counter.

“Do you want sugar or milk?” I ask him.

“Just sugar,” he replies. I put a teaspoon in each of our cups and hand him his. He tilts his head at me as I take a sip and hum. It’s the perfect temperature. “Let’s go upstairs to my office.” He turns and leads the way. Keeping my eyes on my cup, I follow him, making sure it doesn’t spill.

I’m not sure why we’re going to his office; usually we have deep conversations in the sitting room. Well, the few times I’ve been over. One side of my mouth tips up slightly. I enjoy talking to him. It’s hard telling my secrets, but he doesn’t push me. I just changed the subject and he let me. Looking up from my cup, my eyes zero in on his ass as he climbs the last few steps.

He is really the whole package. Handsome, understanding, and an amazing kisser. I love that he was my first kiss. It’s the one thing Donovan never took. It was the one thing I was able to give freely, and I’m glad I chose Victor. At the top of the stairs, the hallway goes to the left and right. On the right side there’s a banister that looks over the foyer and further down are the bedrooms. To the left is Victor’s office, a library, and several other guest bedrooms.

I think this house has five bedrooms. He didn’t show me all of them the other day because some of them aren’t furnished yet. Guiding me into his office and closing the door, he takes a seat behind his desk and motions for me to sit in a chair across from him. As he takes a sip from his tea, he nods in approval.

“That is very good.”

My chest expands with satisfaction at his praise. “I have an infuser at my house. I’ll have to make you some with that one day.” Taking a few more sips of my tea, I wait for him to say something else.

“Would you like to continue what you were talking about downstairs?”

He’s giving me a choice on if I want to keep talking about it. This is one of those forks in the road, depending on what I choose will depend on what happens after the conversation. I take another sip from my cup to give myself some time. Maybe I’m being dramatic and over-analyzing. I glance at Victor and take a deep breath. Whatever my decision is, he'll accept it. He’s not one to force or take. Victor wants me to trust him.

I set my cup and saucer down on his desk because my hands have started shaking from nerves and I don’t want to drop them or spill the rest of the tea. “One day at work, Ansley found me in the bathroom having a panic attack. I had never really talked to her before. She had been with the company for a little while, but I kept to myself, terrified of getting to know anyone. What if they knew Donovan? What if they had been planted in my life by him?”

Pausing for a moment, I rub my hands down my jeans. “I thought I had seen Donovan’s car that day on my way to work. I tried so hard to act normal, but kept thinking about it. So, I went to the bathroom and was trying to talk myself down, but nothing was working. I kept thinking if I had brought my box with me to work, but…” I squeeze my eyes shut. “The night before, I cut where my big toe and foot meet. No matter how much I pressed on it, it wouldn’t release the pressure. So, my thoughts turned to climbing the stairs to the top of the building and jumping.”

Opening my eyes to see Victor’s reaction, his face is completely calm. He’s leaning back in his chair, one hand resting on the arm of the chair. The only sign this is upsetting him is the slight tick in his jaw.

“I had thought about it before. But I wanted to be a survivor. In that bathroom on that day, I didn’t think I could continue like that. My mind was almost made up when Ansley walked in and talked to me like I wasn’t losing my mind. Then she invited me to go to lunch with her.”

After a small shrug, I continue. “She saved my life that day and she has no idea. I haven’t told anyone that. Not even my therapist.”

He pushes his chair away from the desk, his knuckles white from gripping the arms of the chair so tightly. He crooks a finger at me.

“Come here.”