28. Victor

Chapter twenty-eight

Victor

I can’t get enough of her. Everything in me wants to lay her down on this blanket and show her what true pleasure is, but she’s not ready. I’m not ready, still feeling a little raw after telling her what happened with Josie. Olivia enjoys doing things like riding horses, sitting on the back porch, and enjoying the simplicity of life. Josie was never like that.

She wraps her arms around my neck, kissing me back with more fervor than she did this morning. This is the one thing Donovan will never have. She still hasn’t told me everything, but she will as she’s ready. Olivia tries to get closer to me, but I hold her still. My cock is painfully hard and if she rocks against it, the possibility of me coming in my pants rises exponentially. I kiss her harder, licking into her mouth with more tenacity than this morning.

Olivia rubs the palm of her hand along my beard, down my throat, and to the back of my neck. She likes the way it feels against her. I can’t wait to show her how it will feel between her thighs. I pull away, both of us breathing hard. Her eyes are still closed like she’s reliving the kiss, then she’s leaning in again.

Almost stopping her because I’m so on edge, I decide against it, not wanting her to think she’s being rejected. My goal is to help her overcome any insecurities she might have not be the reason for them. Returning her kiss and lowering her to the blanket, I keep my weight on my knees to free up my hands to roam from her neck, over her shoulder, down her arm, and to her waist. Keeping my hand on her waist, my thumb rests on her stomach.

Her legs drop to the ground and she wraps one of her legs around mine as she arches into my touch. Fuck. I want her. Taking her bottom lip between mine and sucking on it before diving in again. She moans softly, but stops herself before it’s even all the way out. I pull away from her lips and bury my head in the crook of her neck.

“You don’t have to be quiet, baby. I want to hear you,” I encourage her. At the same time, my thumb brushes under her breast and she stiffens. She tensed earlier, but she’s not relaxing even a little, so I kiss her lightly on the neck before pushing away and leaning back on my knees.

Her eyes are squeezed shut, and she’s breathing hard. Watching her closely, I’m not sure if she’s okay or not. She swallows as she tries to rein in her emotions, then brings her arms up to cover her face.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

I want to touch her to encourage her, but she won’t accept it right now. “You don’t have to be sorry,” I tell her. Olivia places her palms on the ground and pushes up. I scoot back further to give her some space. She pulls her knees up to her chest, wraps her arms around her legs, and lays her forehead on her knees.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she says. Her forehead is still on her knees. I brace myself because I’m not going to like what she’s about to reveal. “He would force me to orgasm. I hated it.” Her voice cracks. “So, anytime I’d moan or even acted like I might enjoy it, he’d tell me to be louder. I would try so hard not to.” She stops and shakes her head.

Clenching my teeth so hard they might crack, I force myself to relax my muscles even though my stomach is churning. “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.” She doesn’t respond right away, which gives me time to come up with various ways to make Donovan suffer. Olivia drops her arms from her face and stares up at me with a sad smile.

“I feel so broken,” she whispers.

Her words and the vulnerability in her eyes would bring me to my knees if I wasn’t already on the ground. I extend my hand to her, giving her the choice to take it or not. It takes her a moment, but she finally does, and I kiss each finger before releasing her and sitting back. Spreading my legs out in front of me, my knees aching a little from kneeling for so long she spreads her legs out in front of her too, causing our legs to touch each other and she leans against my boot, resting her arm on my ankles.

I smile to myself, but don’t call attention to her. I don’t think she realizes how often she touches me. Handing her a bottle of water, she opens it and takes a sip from it. “You’re not broken,” I tell her while taking out the rest of the food Betsy packed for us. “We both have a few cracks, but together we can make each other whole.” She stares at me for a few moments. It bothers me that her friends don’t see what I see. How have they not noticed how hard she tries to keep it together?

Maybe it’s because I’m so aware of her. I see how skittish she is, how she tries so hard to keep it together, and how she pours into other people to keep the attention off of herself. Bec noticed yesterday and James has noticed, but others haven’t. Why? Are they that self absorbed? Or is she really that good at hiding?

Olivia takes another sip of her water. “You always know exactly what to say.” She grabs one of the bags with a brownie and takes a bite, then hums. “That is really good.” I chuckle and nod as I take a bite from my sandwich.

“Betsy has some kind of special recipe that she refuses to share,” I tell her.

She shrugs as she takes another bite and closes her eyes, savoring it. “Even if she did share it with me, I wouldn’t be able to replicate it. I’m not the best cook.” She smiles at me. “But I can make a great cup of tea or coffee.”

I smirk. “Well, I expect you to make me one of those before you leave today.” Winking at her, I take another bite of my sandwich.

Her cheeks redden slightly as she returns my smile. “Deal.”

We fall into a comfortable silence as we finish our food. Olivia begins to clean up as I finish my brownie. I almost stop her to tell her I can do it, but pause. She has a smile on her face and her shoulders are relaxed. She’s gotten past the incident from earlier and now she’s in her element. I try hard not to compare her to Josie, but in instances like this, it’s difficult. This was the part of Josie’s personality that didn’t line up with her claim that she was a submissive.

Not that all submissives have to act this way, but she wanted it to be a lifestyle, not just in the bedroom. Yet her actions never lined up with her words. I should have seen it, but wanted it to work so badly I ignored my instincts. I promised myself to never do that again.

“Can I ask you a question?” Olivia asks as she puts the trash in a plastic bag Betsy provided. That woman thinks of everything.

“Of course.”

“How did you realize you were a Dominant?”

Her voice is soft, almost like she’s afraid to ask. I’ve put this off long enough. It’s not that I’ve avoided it, but I wanted to make sure she was sure and didn’t feel like she was being forced or coaxed into this. I run my hand over the back of my neck as I think back.

“I don’t know if I can pinpoint the exact moment. I had a girlfriend in college that liked to experiment. She told me she heard of a club, the same club I met Josie at, that allowed people who were interested in the lifestyle to come and observe. She asked if I would like to do that. At first I was hesitant, but couldn’t stop thinking about it. I did some research about them and decided to give it a try.”

She finally looks up at me, curious to know where my story goes. “We went to observe, and it was something I’d like to try. They offered classes for Dominants, so I enrolled in them to make sure that’s what I was and wasn’t a switch. I refused to do anything with her outside of the club until becoming comfortable in my role.”

She licks her lips and takes a deep breath. “So, what happened with her?”

I shake my head, remembering Leslie fondly. “For her, it was just a phase. For me it wasn’t. She was premed, so when she went on to medical school, we parted ways. She’s happily married now with three kids.” Olivia stands and grabs the basket, walking toward Raven. I stand to follow her, unsure if she knows how to attach it.

“How do I know it’s not a phase for me?” she asks, not looking at me. Sighing inwardly, frustrated with myself that I haven’t been more upfront about this. I’ve been too cautious.

“You won’t know until you try it, but you asked me if I thought there was something wrong with you because of the way you responded when I talked to you a certain way. Do you remember?” She nods. “Not everyone has that. There are some people that would be downright offended if I talked to them that way, but you thrive on it. You enjoy not having to think and having someone else take care of you. I want to take care of you.”

I step closer to her and she glances up at me as she bites on her lip, thinking through my explanation. “I did my research. The only thing that turned me off is the bondage aspect of BDSM. I can explain that part to you on another day because I don’t want to talk about Donovan anymore today.”

I reach out my hand and interlace our fingers. “Okay. We can begin slowly and it doesn’t have to be about sex in the beginning.” My stomach clenches because I want to have sex with her, but will never force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do.

She takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders. “I’d like to sit down, then go through everything because being in limbo is making me even more anxious. I need to know what’s going to happen next.”

She needs assurance and security, and I have failed in giving her that. “Okay. Let’s get the horses back to the stable, then we’ll talk.”