10. Olivia

Chapter ten

Olivia

W hen I’m done with my workout, I give Bec a wave and walk into the locker room. I take the time today to shower. It’s pouring outside, so I won’t be able to go home and work in my garden. The warm water soothes my sore muscles, making me sigh. I went up in weights today. I needed the extra resistance to keep my mind off what happened with Victor earlier today.

I can’t stop thinking about him. How he affected me. How he both eased the pressure in my chest, but also made me want to release every pent up emotion I’ve held in check since the day my mother died. After I’m done showering, I dry quickly and change into some leggings and a baggy T-shirt.

I have a hard time wearing shorts or skirts, so I try my best to not wear them. At least when other people are around. I don’t want anyone seeing my scars, plus I learned fast not to wear anything that seemed the least bit inviting. Shorts and skirts were always inviting.

Closing my eyes tightly, I shake my head slightly, trying to dislodge those memories. I grab my bag and purse, then glance at my phone and notice a missed call from Victor. My heart rate speeds up and my mouth is suddenly dry. I also have a text. Pulling it up, I freeze when I notice it’s from Victor.

Victor: Are you busy for lunch tomorrow?

Olivia: I am.

I don’t elaborate further. Why should I?

Victor: What about on Monday?

He surprises me when he answers right away. I stare at the text, trying to see behind the words. Why is he suddenly interested in being in my life? I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. I want to trust him. I do. But what if he’s not being honest about Donovan? I sit on one of the benches and inhale deeply, putting my phone back in my purse.

He’ll probably see I read it, but I can’t answer right now. Maybe after going to visit Ansley in Atlanta this weekend, I’ll be ready to face him.

I’m lost in my thoughts as Caroline and I drive home. We had a fun weekend with Ansley, but hearing their stories about Sebastian and Lincoln has me all in my head. Will I ever have a normal relationship? The thought of someone touching me makes me so anxious. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do it. If I wasn’t allergic to cats, I’d get a bunch of them and become the stereotypical cat lady that never gets married. Shaking my head, I focus on the road. Bass will kill me if I get in an accident.

Caroline breaks into my thoughts. “Are you okay?”

I glance at her and offer her a smile I know doesn’t reach my eyes. “Yes. Why?”

Caroline raises her eyebrows as she takes a bite of her beef jerky. “You haven’t said a word since we’ve been on the road. We left almost two hours ago.”

I flick my thumbnail over my index finger. The paper cut finally healed, so the boulder sitting on my chest only gets heavier. I finally shrug.

“Atlanta traffic is crazy, so I was focusing and I’m tired.”

Though I feel her eyes on me, I refuse to turn and look. This is why I always give people an out. If they seem uneasy or hesitant to talk about something, I don’t force them. Some things are hard to talk about and some secrets you don’t want to share.

“Okay,” she finally replies.

Guilt settles on top of the boulder. I press my lips together as I try to think of something to say. “When will you be able to find out what you’re having?” It’s the first thing that pops into my head. “I mean, if you want to know before the baby comes.”

She doesn’t answer right away and I know she’s probably trying to decide if she should push me to talk. “We still have a couple more months before we can find out.”

I release the breath I was holding slowly. She’s not going to push me. When I finally look at her, she gives me an encouraging smile. I swallow and return it.

“Do you want a boy or girl? What about Bass?”

Caroline giggles. “Well, Sebastian wants a girl that looks like me.” I snort. Of course he would . “And I want a boy that looks like him.”

I smile and shake my head. “So, what you’re saying is this will not be your only child unless you’re having twins.”

She shrieks. “I do not want twins.” She pulls her legs up onto the seat and hugs her knees. She’s not showing yet, but I know she’s going to be so cute when she does. “I mean I guess I would deal if I was pregnant with twins, but I’m not. So many changes have happened in such a short period of time. I don’t know if I could handle that too.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I get it. This was a surprise, so to be pregnant with twins too…” I glance at her quickly before looking back at the road. “Yeah, that would be an adjustment.”

“Sebastian would handle it better than me. He’s so laid back. Which is good because I have so many emotions and he handles them really well.”

Her voice is wistful. I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat. I want to ask her how she did it. How she went from an abusive marriage to trusting Sebastian. It seemed so easy for her, but I know things are not always as they seem. Does anyone ever show who they really are? I don’t. So, I’m sure others don’t either. I have a mask for work, a mask for my friends, and a mask for everyone else. No one knows who my stepfather is except Victor.

Ansley knows my stepfather abused me, but even she doesn’t know the extent, and I’ve never told her who he is. I haven’t even told Rose who he is. I don’t know if I can talk about everything that happened to me. It makes me physically ill considering it.

“I’m happy for you, Care.”

She leans over the console and pecks me on the cheek, surprising me. “You’ll get your very own Sebastian one day.”

I chuckle and lift a shoulder. “Maybe.”

“Hey, whatever happened with Victor? The man that we saw at the restaurant?”

I clench the steering wheel as my stomach fills with butterflies. “What do you mean? Nothing happened. I’ve talked to him a couple of times, but that’s all.”

“Oh. Well, he is really yummy.” I glance at Caroline and she wiggles her eyebrows at me.

I snort. “He’s twenty years older than me.”

She shrugs. “That doesn’t matter. My sister has a thing for her professor. Who is Connor’s brother, by the way.”

My eyes widen. “What?”

She nods and starts cracking up. “He doesn’t have a chance. He was so pissed she was considering dropping his class to get another professor.”

I laugh with her. Bailey is a force to be reckoned with, that’s for sure. After a few moments of silence, I give Caroline a sideways glance. “I know age doesn’t matter.” She turns her attention to me, her lips lifting slightly. I want to say more, but I can’t. I don’t know how I feel about Victor. Him suddenly showing up in my life has put me in a bit of a whirlwind.

“Whatever it is, Liv. It will all work out,” Caroline whispers.

I nod because that’s all I can do. She sees something’s going on with me, but she’s not pushing the issue.

“Thank you.”

There’s a lot encompassed in that simple phrase. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for not pushing me further than I’m willing to go. I never had friends growing up. I wasn’t allowed to. When I ran away, I kept to myself, but Ansley came barreling into my life. Now I have Caroline too.

I drop Caroline off at her and Bass’ house. He’s waiting for her outside and helps grab all of her things. He sticks his head in the passenger side window. “Text us when you get home, okay?” Caroline blows me a kiss and I pretend like I grab it.

“I will,” I promise him.

As I get turned around and head home, I pull the contacts up on my phone and find Victor’s name. Glancing in my rearview mirror, I make sure no one is following me as I press the call button.

“Hello, Olivia.”