Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

DRAKE

T he valium did its job, and I managed to sleep, but when I woke up the next morning, the pain was made even worse by the fact that I’d had eight blissful hours of forgetting. I woke up like I did every morning, rolled onto my back, and stretched out, ending with my arms folded behind my head. I glanced over at Luna snoring softly beside me and smiled, because I was still so happy that we were finally together.

And then reality seeped in and I remembered the events of the day before. My mom pounding on my door in the middle of the night, delivering the devastating news. My dad was dead.

Tears sprang to my eyes instantly and I blinked them furiously back. My chest suddenly ached, as if there was an anvil sitting on top of it. I gasped for air and then wondered what the point was. He couldn’t be gone. But he was. Fuck.

Beside me Luna stirred, her eyes popping open when she realized I was awake. “Drake.” Her voice was heavy and full of concern as she sidled up next to me, resting her head on my chest and reached up to stroke my cheek.

A tear escaped at her tenderness and she softly brushed it away. “Oh, Daddy.” The pain in her voice mirrored my own.

I opened my mouth to speak, but the lump in my throat wouldn’t permit words. Clamping my jaw shut, I shook my head, squeezing my eyes closed so that the tears wouldn't continue to come.

“I’m so sorry,” Luna whispered. The helplessness in her voice made me feel worse. Like a failure. And my dad wasn’t even here to impart his usual wisdom and remind me that relationships like ours were a two-way street.

“No! Oh…. No!” The piercing scream, followed by loud, heartbreakingly wrenching sobs alerted us to the fact that my mother had woken up in the living room.

“Shit,” I swore, sitting up in bed and looking around the room. I knew I needed to go to her, to provide comfort, to hold her and hug her, but my pain was too deep. I stared blindly around the room, trying to figure out how to get from A to B.

Luna was already up, pulling on clothes. She kissed me on the cheek and ran out of the room.

Ten minutes later, when I managed to pull myself together enough to pull on a t-shirt, run some water over my face and brush my teeth, Luna was sitting on the couch with her arms wrapped around my mom’s shoulders. My mother was holding a cup of tea and a fresh box of tissues sat on the coffee table in front of them.

“Drake.” My mom acknowledged my presence, but said nothing else, sighing deeply. Her voice was shaky and ragged. If I spoke, I was sure mine would be the same.

“Hi, Mom.” I was right, but I continued and turned to Luna. “Coffee?” I needed copious amounts of caffeine if I was going to get through this day.

“I made a pot. It’s waiting for you.”

Nodding, I turned from the room, and padded toward the kitchen where I found the biggest mug I could and filled it nearly to the brim. I should have gone out there and joined them, instead of leaving to Luna a job that should have been mine, but instead, I turned and leaned against the counter, sipping lazily from the mug until almost half of it was gone. Then I topped it off again, drew a fortifying breath and went out to the living room.

When I came back, my mom had stopped crying, at least audibly, and Luna was no longer holding her. Instead they were facing each other on the couch, and Luna had a legal pad on her lap, scribbling furiously.

“Drake,” my mom said when I entered and sat in the large recliner opposite the couch, “We’re making a list of things we need to do. Call the relatives, visit the mortuary, finish the plans for the funeral.” Her voice broke on the last word and I shook my head.

“Do we really need to do that now? This just happened. Can’t we wait a while?” Even as I asked the questions, I knew the answers. I just wanted to suspend time. It wasn’t that I wanted to sit here in my grief, it was more like I wanted to postpone the inevitable.

Luna’s voice was gentle. “Family should be told. Arrangements need to be made. Your mom is going to stay here for a while, so we’ll need to go to the house and get some of her things.”

“I can do that.” I didn’t really want to go to the house and see my dad not there or think about how he’d spent his final moments, but I wanted even less for my mom to have to.

Luna opened her mouth as if to argue, glanced between my mom and I, then nodded. “I’ll make you a list of things. A few changes of clothes, her meds… and we’re going to need her address book.”

“Okay. I’ll go get dressed.”

“Once we have that we can start notifying your family. Oooh, maybe we should decide when the service will be first so we don’t have to call everyone twice.”

Her comment hit me like a punch to the gut, but as usual she was right. Mom leaned forward and placed her hand on Luna’s knee. “Thank you, dear. I couldn’t get through this without you. I just appreciate you so much.” She forced a watery smile. “I’m just so glad you and Drake are together now so he has your support in this difficult time.”

Luna’s sad smile matched my mom’s. “He would have had it no matter what, and so would you, but I’m just glad to help. It feels good to do something.”

It felt awful to me, I thought as I turned and left the room. The truth was, I was thankful for Luna’s presence as well, but I had to wonder what would have happened if my dad had died two weeks ago, or last month or when we weren’t talking at all. Would she really have been here for me? Would I have wanted her to be?

I couldn’t imagine it. The whole thing was just so… unimaginable. Having to make decisions and calls and plan his funeral when all I wanted to do was lie in bed and cry and sleep so I could exist in a world where my dad still was.

Somehow I made it through the day. I made it through going to their house, seeing the still-unmade bed where my dad had gasped his last breaths, and where my mom’s life had changed forever. I made it through calling family members and listening to their heartbreak while still trying to manage my own. My mom liked making the calls. She said sharing her grief with others she knew loved him made it hurt less. I didn’t feel the same. Cousins, aunts and uncles on both sides, my grandparents, my dad’s friends from his college days and his years in the service. I couldn’t manage their grief, I could barely manage my own.

When all the calls were made, we had to plan the funeral and visit the mortuary. I stumbled through the private viewing, numb inside. I knew Luna stopped and picked up dinner and I knew I ate it, but I couldn’t have said what it was. Everything tasted like cardboard.

After dinner, my mom’s eyes glazed over again, and the pain she’d somehow managed to stave off came back in spades. The heartbreak on her face as night fell and she realized she was in for another lonely night in my living room was more than I could bear.

I felt like a shitty son, but I stood and stretched and said, “I need to sleep,” and left Luna to pick up the pieces.

But I didn’t sleep. I didn't even make the attempt. I sat on the edge of the bed staring blankly at the wall, too frozen in my grief to shower or undress or get ready for bed. I couldn't even have managed to pull back the covers and climb into bed fully clothed.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been sitting there when the door slowly creaked open and the soft falls of Luna’s footsteps on the carpet announced her presence.

The bed dipped when she sat beside me. She didn’t say anything, just rested her head on my shoulder and was just there.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. What was there to say? My life was forever changed. How did she fit into it? I didn’t even know how I fit into it.

After several minutes, Luna lifted her head and slid to the floor, where she slowly began to untie my shoes and slip them off, one at a time. My socks were next. She stood, bent over in front of me to unbutton the dress shirt I’d worn to the mortuary, and slipped the fabric off my shoulders and down my arms. I watched silently as she folded it and laid it on a chair on the other side of the room.

When she came back, her hand cupped my chin, forcing me to look at her, the way I would have done to her. Her soft smile was encouraging yet laced with sadness. “It’s probably not a good idea to sleep in your dress slacks.” She took my hand and helped me to my feet, then undid them and slid them off my hips. When I was standing in only my boxer-briefs, she pressed her body against mine, syncing our breathing.

I knew what she was doing, knew it was some move she’d probably learned in her psychology class. But it still felt good. It helped to focus on something other than the pain. It helped to feel the swell of her breasts rising against my chest, the curve of her smooth legs against my hairy, muscular thighs. Her head tucked perfectly beneath my chin, and I clasped our hands together, folding our fingers over, locking them.

“I’m supposed to be the one who takes care of you,” I whispered. “Thank you for everything you’ve done. I don’t know how we would have gotten through the past two days without you.”

“You never would have had to,” she promised. “And it’s okay to be the one being taken care of. It’s okay to need help, especially in times like these.” She reached up and ran her fingers through my hair. “You don’t have to be strong all the time.”

“That’s good, because I don’t know if I could.” There was a small part of me that thought I would never be strong again, but even as I had the thought the need to dominate pulsed through me. My cock hardened between her legs. An avoidance tactic? Maybe, but I didn’t care and Luna didn’t seem to either.

Turning us so that her back was the one to the bed, I gently lowered her onto the mattress and covered her body with mine.

“Drake!” she gasped. “I don’t think…”

“Shhh.” I pressed a finger to her lips, loving the way her eyes widened as understanding dawned. “Let Daddy take care of you now.”

Concern flashed across her face. It felt like a knife through my heart. But she must have seen something in my expression that made her understand, that prompted her to give in.

“Yes, Daddy,” she whispered.

With her sweet acquiescence, I smiled, kissed her once, then pulled her halfway off the bed and dropped to my knees between her legs, burying my face in her pussy.