22. Slow Hands

CHAPTER 22

SLOW HANDS

NIALL HORAN

I’m sitting on a barstool, scrolling through Amazon while Chase cooks. It’s been almost a week, and I haven’t been home since. I’m still afraid to be there. Even here, where I’m safe, I’m still jumpy. Chase pulls down a couple of plates and gives me a wink. He’s been incredible, and he enjoys taking care of me.

“I’m here! Hold your applause, please.” Dani announces as she joins us in the kitchen and drops a small bag in front of me, bowing with a flourish. “Your medicines and tinctures, m’lady. How’s life in the castle treating you, Renny?”

“I don’t have a castle, Dani. Breakfast?” Chase asks, grabbing a third plate when she nods excitedly. Dani only stayed the first night before taking off to Xanders. Living with Devin in the same house became…trying.

“Would it be okay to keep these in the fridge?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Medication. It needs to stay refrigerated.”

I watch that crease in his forehead deepen at the word medication. He blinks a few times and shakes himself out of the spiral that his mind tried to take him down. Spending more time with Chase means seeing him at his worst and his best, and Pongo has helped me learn Chase’s anxiety tells, too.

“Can I ask, or?”

Dani cackles. “Look, Hollywood. I totally had you put these on her medical forms the other day. All good in the hood. Or the hills? Whatever, you know what I mean.”

“Devin goes by Hollywood, not me, fucker.” He hands her a plate and flips her off. I’ve also witnessed more of the way his friendships work, and realized that some of them are more family than they are friends.

“It’s a shot I have to take once a week. I’ll tell you about it later.”

He’s done nothing but dote on me since the hospital. Twenty variations of how are you in bed, a break for sex, and twenty more questions in the kitchen. I don’t mind because he’s not being weird, he’s only being…nice.

“When’s your next shot?”

“Today. I had Dani bring them over so I wouldn’t miss a dose.”

“Okay, well, I’ve finished breakfast, so how about you come over here and show me what to do?”

“Eat it?” Dani snorts a laugh as Chase flips her off again.

“With the shot, fuckface!”

“Chase!” I laugh, shaking my head. “Don’t worry, I’ve been doing this for years. Kind of a one person thing, not two.”

“Are you sure? Have you ever tried?” I’m not sure how to react to that, because I haven’t. Not since the nurse showed me how to give it to myself. “Come here, I’ll show you what I mean, and if you hate it, I’ll stop. Okay?”

“NOPE! I’m not about to be scarred mentally for life as you make her shot a sex thing.” Dani grabs another waffle off the stack and heads outside.

He watches me prep everything, asking questions as I go. He has me stop just before I’m about to poke myself in my belly. His arms wrap around me and he whispers in my ear that I’m beautiful and perfect. He’s kissing his way down my neck, jumping a little at the loud pop the injector makes, and then it’s over. But I don’t move. He shuffles around me and tilts my head back, drying the tears.

“Does it hurt?”

“N-no,” I sob. Burying my head into his shirt while I fist the fabric in my hands. “I’m sorry. I don’t…I don't normally cry when I do this.”

“Didn’t like me holding you?”

“No. I mean yes. I mean, I did like it. It’s just, there’s so much going on lately and, I…I…”

He pulls me close and rocks me, “Come on, Sunshine. Let’s go eat by the pool and figure out your schedule and mine so I can get a driver for you on days I can’t take you to work.”

I sniffle, following him out to the pool. “I can drive myself to work, Chase. We both would benefit to getting our lives back to, well, normal.”

The sun’s come up, but there’s a nip to the air and steam coming off the pool from the heaters Chase had on for his morning laps. I expect the dogs to be at our heels with the food, but we’re pretty sure Lulu slept in the pool house with Devin, and Pongo paces out in the yard chasing a bird he’ll never catch. I shiver as I sit, and Chase grabs a throw blanket off a chair and wraps it around me.

“Alright, no shoots till Thursday,” Chase announces after taking a big drink of coffee and checking his emails. “How about I stay at your place for a night or two?” I roll my eyes and he holds up a finger. “Hey, Xander did it for Dani. Also, it will make me feel a lot better knowing you’re not alone. I promise, only a night or two. You need your space.”

“You’re going to hate the bed.”

“I’m sure I’ve slept in worse. Oh, like the weekend Steve, JimJam, and I decided to go camping, and it rained, so the three of us slept in Jamie’s old as hell VW Bug!”

“JimJam?”

“Jamie. It’s a childhood thing that stuck. Kind of like him calling me Coop. Or Dipship McFuckface when I really fuck up.” We both laugh as I hug my coffee close to me, enjoying the warmth. The chime on his phone dings and he groans as he reads the message.

“Uh oh,” Dani smirks. “Wait, let me guess, the blond with the personality?”

He nods and rolls his eyes, and I’m looking between the two of them, trying to understand.

“Charity event,” he answers after swallowing a mouthful of waffle. I haven’t touched mine yet, but they smell delicious. “There’s like four interns at the office they can send out with us when we need a plus one. This chick fucking hates me for whatever reason.”

“Uh, because you insist on posting stupid shit on her watch!” Dani reminds him.

“Whatever. She treats me like a five-year-old.”

“Because you social media like a five-year-old. Or a fifty-five-year-old.”

“I mean, unless you’ve changed your mind about the charity event?” He asks me, and my eyes go wide. “Go public and show your ex and the whole fucking world?—”

“Who I belong to?” I ask, one eyebrow raised.

Chase laughs, almost choking on his food. “Oh shit, that’s funny. I was gonna say who I belong to. You belong to no man, Ren.”

“Nice, LOTR reference, nerd. Shit, I gotta go to work. See you guys later!” Dani scoops up her plate and takes off for the kitchen. She pops her head back out before she goes, “Yo, don’t forget Mom’s birthday next week. Can you pick up a cake?”

“Sure.” I answer, but my mind lingers on what Chase said about belonging to no man. I’m not sure why, but the thought makes me smile a little, then a little more. No one has ever said that before, especially no man I’ve ever known. A few men I’ve met would choke on their machismo if they tried to even say that out loud.

“You’d have fun…att the charity thing,”

“Sure, and how do you introduce me? The teacher you're banging? The woman causing you more headaches than anything else?”

“Well,” he looks me right in the eye as he picks up a strawberry and holds it out for me. “The words you’re looking for might be your boyfriend, so I would introduce you as my girlfriend , right? Or date, if you prefer to go gender neutral.”

His phone vibrates with an alert that someone has pulled into the driveway, and he excuses himself to let them in. Pongo stays behind, staring at me with a little drool bubble on the side of his mouth. I toss him a small piece of bacon and pet his head.

Girlfriend. Boyfriend. Public. It’s a lot.

* * *

I pick off a pepperoni and feed it to Chase while he, Devin, and I watch a slasher movie from the eighties. Devin always picks horror when his turn to pick movies comes up, even though he and Chase have seen this one a hundred times, according to them.

I’m heading home tomorrow, and I even convinced Chase to not stay at the house with me. It’s not that I don’t want him there, but Mama just returned from her trip, and I need some mom and daughter without the boyfriend time. Time to explain that Chase and I are now a couple, I guess.

“Hey,” Chase whispers, nudging me. “What’s the name again? The thing you have?”

“Rheumatoid Arthritis. That’s what they assume, anyhow.”

“Arthritis? You’re, what, twenty-five?” Devin asks with a yawn.

“You’re sweet. I’m thirty-two. It’s not arthritis, but it’s kind of like it. Anyway, some days it’s hard to move, like arthritis, and that’s why I give myself shots. I’ll be on it my whole life or until it stops working. If that happens, they’ll try something else or transfusions.”

“Yeah, so don’t fuck with her meds in the fridge when she’s here.”

“Be nice, Chase,” I give him a soft smack on the arm. “It’s a shot, not a bomb.”

“Wait, you have to give yourself a shot?” He asks in shock. I nod and Chase kisses my head. “Shit, that sounds serious.”

“It’s an immune system thing and it kind of sucks, but life goes on and I deal with it. Some days are better than others. And the shot isn’t that bad. Especially now that Chase helps.”

“Of course, my queen. I put your next one on my calendar already.”

A few minutes pass, and my eyelids are getting too heavy. I’m almost asleep when Chase nudges me again.

“Do you have a lot of flare-ups?” he whispers, staring into his phone.

“What?” I ask, surprised, not expecting a question like that. “Are…are you reading about RA during the movie?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen this movie. I can quote the whole thing.”

“But, why?”

“It’s a classic? I hate the part with the dogs, but it’s still?—”

“Chase.”

“Oh, not the movie. Uhm, because…I’m not a dick?”

No one outside of my mother and my sister ever offered to help, look up, or try to understand my condition before with any sincerity. Plenty of people give me unsolicited advice, like telling me to lose weight or do yoga. Unhelpful, every one of them. To think, a week ago, I wanted to push this man out of my life. I’m glad he fought me so hard on that. He didn’t give up on me, and I’m not about to give up on him.

“Tomorrow, before you go home, I want to add anything you need for the nights you stay here to my cart and I’ll order it, okay?”

“What stuff?”

“Well, it said if you have a flare up, it can be harder to open things, so probably a couple bottle opener things, something to help you if you drop something. I can get handrails put in the shower. Those could actually be fun.”

I’m in shock as he rattles things off that he’s found online. He must notice, because he puts his phone down and hugs me close before pulling the blanket over us.

“Renate, you’re my queen in more than just the bedroom. So get used to being treated like one.”

“Okay,” I squeak out.

“Good, watch the movie and let me take care of you. Obviously, I like doing it.”

“I can take—” He cuts me off, covering my mouth with his hand.

“We established that, but you don’t have to do it alone. Never again.” He lets go of my mouth and his hand slips under the blanket, snaking its way between my legs. “Now, stop arguing and try to keep your voice down while I make you come again. And again. And again.”

“What about Devin?”

“When he’s snoring, nothing can wake his ass up. Now, spread those pretty legs for me.”