CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Ally

I stand by the riverside, my mind in a haze, transfixed by the sight of Mason's retreating figure. A mix of confusion and sadness swirls within me as I watch Mason fade into the distance. Mason has turned down my offer to help and let me in yet again. A part of me wants to scream at him for being so stubborn as he walks away. I want to shout from where I stand on our picnic blanket that he'll drive himself into the ground the more he refuses any help. Sure, he gave me some insight as to what made him this way yesterday, the expectations he has created in his mind around how his father would run the clinic if he were still alive. The pressure he has placed on himself sounds crushing and exhausting.

Still, something isn't adding up. I'm not so sure the pressure he feels from running his dad's clinic is the sole culprit. The nightmares, the subtle hinting about people getting hurt. There's more to the story he is refusing to acknowledge.And then there are the secretive phone calls. Whether it's all connected, I can't say. But there's more to the story here that Mason is willing to divulge, and I can't put my finger on it.

The longer I stand here, my bewilderment at Mason's sudden departure morphs into anger. My blood pressure rises in my veins until my heartbeat is thumping in my ears. Mason is being childish. But something else within me sags , like sails after the wind has died down, leaving me directionless. My heart fell when Mason dismissed me, and an expanse between us opened up into a cavernous void that may never come close to closing again.

Mason not only rebuffed my offer to help, but I also got the sense he closed a door on whatever part of himself had been softening towards me. The part of him that had stared into my eyes just moments before on the grass, ready to submit to the feelings growing within him. His eyes had shown it the moment before he walked away. The Mason Landry, who had just been holding me, kissing me with need and urgency, was no longer there.

I bend down to scoop up the picnic basket and gather the blanket, slinging it over my arm. Pieces of grass cling to its worn threads, but I don't stop to shake it out. This place will now forever bear the memory of Mason and me and the moment I swore he was going to tell me he loved me. His lips had parted, so close to forming the words I wanted to hear. The words I have been screaming in my heart, whether or not I was ready to admit them. The words that would forever alter the course of our relationship.

Mason has demons hidden in the back of the closet that aren't going away overnight. I may never have another opportunity to hear those words again. And worse, I doubt they will ever mean the same thing coming from anyone else.

I want to blame Winnie for interrupting, but that would be misplaced. Mason could have responded in any manner of different ways. But saying I would be a distraction when all I ever tried to be is helpful?

At least now I know what real longing feels like. The feelings I have for Mason blossomed into something I've never felt before, confirmation that Nate will never be the one to give me what I need. Even at the height of our relationship's success, I never experienced the warmth and undeniable pull towards Nate the way I do with Mason. The network had carefully curated our relationship to the point where we had been duped into thinking what we had was love. It was a staged reality to please other people, not me. Not even Nate. My feelings for Mason are messy, but they're real.

I have to face Nate now. It's time. Releasing a pronounced sigh, I give myself a moment to fold up the hurt Mason had caused, and carefully place it on the shelf at the top of my mind. I will pull it out later, unfold it and examine it from all angles, process what just happened when I have the time. Today, though, I know what I need to do. I walk back towards the festival grounds, my steps even and sure, a newfound sense of purpose and determination within me. However bittersweet it may be.

The crowd is dispersing now, heading back to their homes as the Lumberjack Games wrap up. A few contestants walk away with their trophies. There was no monetary prize, of course, but none of them had cared. The loggers had been more than willing to take part in the cause to help Mason. He doesn't allow himself to see how willing people are to help, how much they appreciate him.

A brief pain tugs in my gut and I stuff it down before it overtakes me, dragging me under the surface. I'm blinking back the tears that form on my lashes as I see a woman approaching me from across the field. She's walking with purposeful strides, standing out against the rest of the crowd who are leisurely wandering home. As she draws nearer, I recognize her as the woman from the clinic, the woman who came to speak with Mason. The woman who prompted all the secrecy from him, too. I can't place her name.

"Hi, I saw you earlier talking to Dr. Landry." She cuts to the chase. "I wanted to congratulate him on the success of the Harvest Festival, but I can't find him."

I stare back at the woman and blink, trying to make sense of who she is and what her connection is to Mason. The woman registers the confusion on my face and extends her hand.

"I'm so sorry. How rude. Simone Mitchell. We met the other day at the clinic." Simone Mitchell. At once my brain makes a million connections. Simone from the clinic. Simone who lit up Mason's phone screen. The call he had refused to take in front of me. Was it just the one, or had all the other secretive calls been from Simone as well?

"Dr. Landry should be proud of this event. It'll be tough to convince the ministry to extend their funding for the clinic, but this fundraiser may show them how important it is to the town."

"I'm sorry, extend funding?" I stammer, struggling to get the words past the lump forming in the back of my throat. If this is what Mason has been keeping from me, it's sounding so much worse than I expected. A cheater I can deal with, kick them to the curb and forget about them. But if Mason has been using me for his own gain, to keep the clinic open, knowing how deep the wound is … My head spins.

"Again, I apologize. I assumed Mason informed you when he hired you. Isn't that why he hired you?" My mind is reeling. How long had he known about this? Mason hadn't hired me. He hadn't even wanted me here. No wonder. He was about to lose the clinic. When had he decided I was useful to him? My eyes sting, threatening more tears. Winnie must have hired me as a last-ditch effort to save it, and here they both were, using me to their own ends. Simone continues when she realizes I'm not going to say anything. Words are useless.

"The government is trying to restructure healthcare delivery, which means amalgamating services in rural communities and removing services that are no longer keeping up with growing demands. Funds will be funnelled into larger, central health centres."

Realization dawns on me. Mason has been so standoffish towards me, but the more the phone calls from this Simone poured in, the more eager he was to pretend to be my boyfriend, to help me, to get close to me. I have to consider that the connection we had was all part of his plan to keep me around. My heart thuds in my ears, making them ring and the edges of my vision blur.

The sting of betrayal replaces the disappointment from before, and it takes over me, morphing into a burning rage. I realize I still haven't answered Simone. By the look on the woman's face, she's understood the weight of her words, the shock she inflicted on me. Simone's expression softens from determination into one of … pity. She places a hand on my shoulder and it makes me recoil.

"Just so you know, what you did for the clinic today gives it a chance. It's a slim chance, mind you. The Ministry of Health is tough to convince, especially with funding issues. The prenatal program is just what they want to see as innovative approaches to health promotion."

"At least this wasn't for nothing," I mutter, stalking away from Simone. I know it's not her fault, but I won't stand here and continue to listen to how much of a difference I could have made. Not when the person standing in the way of lasting change for the clinic was Mason.

The clinic has a slim chance. How much longer would I even have a job in Heartwood? If the clinic goes under, there's nothing left for me here.

As I turn to leave, my gaze catches on a familiar smarmy smile that makes me want to rage even harder. In the wake of my conversation with Simone, I had forgotten all about who I had intended to speak with. All the hurt and anger is simmering just below the surface, and right now, Nate seems like the perfect target for me to let off some of the pressure before I explode.

"Do you want to get your doctor-boyfriend before you talk to me? Or have you finally grown up enough to have a conversation?" Nate smirks and I want to punch it right off his goddamned face. Enough is enough. I'm so sick and tired of being used by everyone around me. Mason was different, or so I thought. He had made me feel like I was important, like I offered something that mattered. And I did. I do . Simone said so herself. But rather than including me in the conversation, in seeing me as a partner, he saw me for the doormat I am. Mason took advantage of me like everyone else in my life.

"You need to get out of my face, Nate, and go home." I go to push past him and keep walking but he follows. He's either not getting the message because he's stupid or he doesn't care. I would put money on the latter. Nate has always had ulterior motives. He takes and takes, always the boundary pusher.

"Not until you face the music and realize this is not where you belong, Ally." I whipped around to face him.

"Since you have me all figured out, where do you think I belong, Nate?" I ask the question I already had the answer to this morning, but now I'm not so sure. This morning I was convinced that where I belong is Heartwood, working at the clinic alongside Mason. How did all of that change within such a short time?

Nate towers over me, which used to make my insides flutter, but now all I feel is his intimidating presence, and I wish I could meet his eye level when I dress him down. At this moment, I hate myself for my short stature, the way it makes me seem like a cartoon character, stomping my little feet and shaking my fists.

"With me. Back in the city. Playing the power couple from Stolen Love. You're the woman everyone envies for being with me." The universe revolves around Nate Winslow. He reaches into the breast pocket of his suit jacket and pulls out two plane tickets, waving them around."Your choice, Ally." Is it, though? It doesn't seem like it.

"He's right, Ally." Lucia strides up behind him. Great. As if confronting one self-absorbed narcissist isn't hard enough, Lucia is likely going to wield my contract as a threat. Maybe Nate should hook up with Lucia. They're two peas in a disgusting, rotten pod. "You and Nate are something special, and the world wants more of it."

"I don't care what the world wants, Lucia. I've fulfilled my obligation to you, to the show." Lucia doesn't have a leg to stand on where my contract is concerned. I looked into it in the weeks I spent planning my getaway. The contract only stipulated my obligation to complete the filming of the show. Anything beyond those ten episodes was just a perk for the network. I had agreed to the televised engagement party because I thought I was going to marry Nate. I got swept up in the hype, the attention we were getting from the audience.

"You could have so much more, Ally. Do you see what you could be? Instead of working in some rinky-dink clinic in nowheresville?" Lucia's sleek, dark ponytail swishes from side to side as she gestures around her.

That's the comment. That's what sets me off. The spark that lights the fuse. To hell with their opinion of me. I love Heartwood, and the people here.

"You may think Heartwood is a ‘rinky-dink' town, Lucia. These people treat me with kindness and welcome me with open arms." Well , except one person, I think, and a stabbing pain shoots across my chest. Heartache. That person is the reason I have to leave the town I now consider my home. "Which is far more than I can say about you two. All you care about is your bottom line, Lucia. It's all about how much money you can make for the network by exploiting people who will follow along with your schemes." People like me. I turn toward Nate and my eyes feel like they're glowing red.

"And Nate, you're no better, using everyone in your path to get ahead. You never would have paid me any attention if you didn't think I could save your injured reputation, which you deserve, by the way. It's about time people see you for who you are. Leave. Me. Alone." I don't give either of them the chance to rebuke my arguments before I snatch the plane tickets out of Nate's hand. The date on them is for today. I take the one with my name on it and tear it in two.

Shoving his ticket into his chest, I push past Nate and head back toward the cabin to pack my things. I need to leave Heartwood on my own terms before getting laid off makes the decision for me. Before Mason has to break the news to me that my job no longer exists because the clinic has closed for good. But there is no way I'm leaving with Nate. I don't look back as I walk away. I don't give two shits about Nate or Lucia.

I don't give two shits about anyone.