CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Mason

I follow Ally away from the festivities. The sound of the laughter and cheering from the crowd, the whirr of chainsaws from the log carving competition, grows distant and muted. Ally only stops to pick up a wicker basket and an old blanket she had left tucked out of sight under the table at Poppy's booth.

Poppy raises her eyebrows at us as Ally ducks under the table to look for it. The whole town got to see the show we put on after I won the log climb, so I guess the cat's out of the bag now. Judging by the adorable wink Ally gives her in return, they'll spend a lot of time discussing me over their morning coffees on Ally's way to work. If there even is a work for Ally to go to. The thought of which makes my stomach churn. We're not out of the woods yet, as successful as the fundraiser has been. There's no guarantee the Ministry of Health will be impressed by the fundraiser or the prenatal program.

The town knowing about Ally and I is the least of my concerns now. Now that my feelings for Ally are real, I say let them talk about us all they want. The rumour mill won't be spinning false stories about us, at least. This will help our case convince Nate he's no longer welcome in town. I know he was watching when I picked Ally up and swung her around after my climb. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, lurking on the outskirts of the festivities. I'd be lying if I said I didn't linger a little longer in our kiss because of him.

Ally and I head across the field and down the block of houses toward the path leading to the river. I don't question where she is taking me. No matter where Ally goes, I will follow. To the ends of the earth. She could be leading me into the fiery pits of hell, and I wouldn't question it. Her strawberry blond ponytail bounces and sways across her shoulders. I have the sudden urge to pull on it. An image of me fucking her from behind, her firm ass in full view, flashes in my mind. It doesn't matter how sweet and lovely Ally looks right now. I want to do dirty things to her.

Ally stops as we come upon a clearing in the trees right on the river's edge. It's secluded enough we can no longer see the town square. They can no longer see us either, I note.

"Here?" I ask her. Did Ally somehow know this was the very spot I used to come fishing with my dad? That this spot already means so much to me?

"Yeah, is this okay? I found it the other day while I was on my run. I sat here for a while watching the river, and it was so peaceful." She answers my question and the one I hadn't yet spoken out loud. Ally understands me on a level I can't explain. A level that needs no words. I nod back at her, a lump forming in my throat.

This place where my dad brought me as a kid has felt empty since he died. Little by little, Ally is transforming the parts of my heart I had closed off, not wanting to feel the pain of loss and grief. First the cabin, now this. It's like these places around town that held so many memories were dry and barren, and now Ally has swept in and started planting flowers in the dirt. Sitting here with Ally now, I want to fill the places I closed my heart off to with new memories. Memories of Ally and me.

Crickets chirp in the grass in the heat of the last summer evening. The low-hanging sun is turning everything a glowing shade of gold, highlighting the edges of the trees overhead and shimmering on the river. I close my eyes to feel the warmth on my face, inhaling the scent of the pines. It won't be long until winter is in full swing. Everyone in Heartwood knows to take full advantage of the summer sun when it's here.

Ally sets the basket down and spreads the old, tattered picnic blanket on the ground. She wastes no time sitting down and pats the blanket next to her, beckoning me to join her. As I sit, she hands me a wine glass, which she had pulled out of the basket, along with a bottle of bubbly rosé. Kind of a girly choice , I think. But that's just Ally, feminine and sweet, and I'm done judging her. I love that she loves rosé. I love her matching pastel scrubs, the way she hums, the way she wrinkles her nose. I love that she's soft and warm and kind. The things I once found irritating about her are the very things that make Ally beautiful and uniquely her.

More than anything, I love sharing Heartwood with her.

"You planned this?" I ask, wrapping my arm over her shoulder and bringing the wine glass to my mouth. The clear, pink-tinged liquid is refreshing in the late summer heat. And it's damn good, too. No wonder women love this stuff, I think to myself, taking another long pull. Why have I been drinking scotch for so long?

"I figured we would have something to celebrate. Although I didn't think it would be your win at the speed climb." Ally laughs as she looks up at me from where she's sitting in the crook of my arm. "Where did you learn to do that, by the way? And why have you kept ‘Lumberjack Mason' hidden from me until now?"

I shrug. Lumberjack Mason is an identity I haven't revealed to anyone for many years. It holds so many feelings from my teenage years I haven't been willing to talk about. Until now. I want to let Ally in. I want her to see all of me. The good and the bad.

"Growing up in Heartwood, it was that or take up skiing. My brothers chose to ski, although only Jett has kept at it. I chose … lumberjacking. I used to chop all the wood for our house growing up. I was the only one around to do it if Dad was busy at the clinic, and if I didn't, my brothers and I would freeze at night. But also because it allowed me to release a lot of the pent-up angst and rage I felt as a teenager. I was always angry. About my mom's death, my father never being around, and the responsibility I took on looking after my brothers. All of it. When the first Lumberjack Games came to town, the summer I was about to go into grade twelve, I thought it was the coolest thing I had ever seen. So, I started practicing. I hauled some old logs out into the yard and started chopping them into somewhat recognizable carvings. I started climbing, and I was hooked. It was a distraction from all the bullshit my dad was putting us through, if anything. It gave me an outlet. Something that was all mine."

Ally is still gazing up at me with awe and wonder in her eyes, like she's meeting me for the first time. In some ways, she is meeting me for the first time. This is the most I have opened up to anyone in my adult life. It's a look I could get used to, and I wonder what else I can surprise her with to recreate the moment.

I turn my eyes off towards the mountains at what looks like the end of the river, where it veers off in a sudden turn and disappears into the surrounding trees. There is one secret I've kept from Ally that could destroy her. If the fundraiser isn't enough to keep the clinic open and funded, I'll have to break it to her that her hard work was for nothing. Worse, that she no longer has a job and I've been keeping this from her all this time. There will be nothing left keeping her here in Heartwood, not even me, once I drop that on her.

Much to my relief, Simone hung back at the festival and made herself scarce, like I asked. I spotted her once, lingering on the edge of the crowd watching the games, and was relieved to see she changed out of that dreadful pantsuit. Everyone in Heartwood would have spotted her from a mile away and known there was something out of the ordinary going on.

"I personally love Lumberjack Mason, and his butt looked phenomenal in that harness, I might add." Allysmirks at me, that damned sparkle in her eye.

I set down my wine glass and shift on the blanket so I'm facing Ally. I dip my head and graze my lips up her neck until they meet the soft pink shell of her ear.

"Just you wait until you see me in nothing but the harness." I breathe. Ally shivers, the warmth of my breath causing goosebumps to form on her arms despite the late afternoon heat.

I lay her down on the blanket and shift myself onto my forearm so I'm leaning over her, staring into her big turquoise eyes. They draw me in like so many times before, but here, reflecting the colour of the icy blue river, I just about drown. She searches my face, waiting for me to say the words sitting right on the tip of my tongue.

I love Ally. I'm in love with Ally. I know that now. There's still something inside me that isn't allowing the words to come out. I will forever belong to her once I do. Ally deserves more of me than I'm able to give. She deserves all of me, not a half-assed love. I can't give her all of me yet, not when the clinic is still in peril.

If Ally can figure out a way to trust me for now, I will find a way to let her in. Once the clinic is more settled and we're on the other side of this mess with Simone and the Ministry of Health. It just can't happen before I've secured my father's legacy.

"It means the world to me that you did all of this, Ally. The whole festival, it couldn't have turned out any better. You are remarkable," I say, leaning my forehead on hers.

"Aren't you glad you kept me around?" Ally replies, the corner of her mouth lifting into a cheeky grin.

"More than you know, Honeybee." I just hope this fundraiser allows me to keep her around for good. I press my lips against hers again, and she opens them, her tongue finding mine. I could kiss this woman forever. She breaks my trance, leaning back to look at me.

"I never met your father, but I've heard a lot, and knowing you … He would be so proud of you, Mason." The words make the lump in my throat impossible to swallow, and there's a sharp stinging behind my eyes. "You work so hard, you care so much about others. All I want is for you to extend some kindness to yourself sometimes."

Ally is right. I see it now. Unfortunately, in my line of work, having a life is easier said than done. I'm more willing to try than I was a month ago, and that's saying something.

My lips find hers again. I can't say how I'm feeling, but at the very least, I can try to show Ally how much she means to me. Ally wraps her hand around the back of my head, twining her fingers through my hair and pulling me deeper into our kiss. I trail my mouth across her cheek and nip at her earlobe, appreciating the soft moan that escapes Ally's lips. That moan spurs me on, and I kiss her neck more hungrily in response, running my hand up and underneath the T-shirt sticking to her body from the day's sweat. Ally still smells so damn good, and I inhale her coconut scent as she throws her head back to give me more access to her neck.

I find her pebbled nipple under her bra and roll it between my fingers. It's a move that, by now, I know Ally likes. Ally's hips shift and squirm on the old picnic blanket, and her reaction to it makes me rock hard in an instant. I have the urge to be far from the festival, away from anyone who might see us, throwing Ally back onto her bed to admire her body without the nuisance of clothing.The trees around us offer some privacy, and I'm tempted to do all the things I'm craving to Ally right here, right now. I'm not above a little public indecency. Not when it comes to Ally.

"Mason! Thank God I've found you." The sound of Winnie's voice just about makes me jump out of my skin. I'm expecting her to have a smug grin on her face, the I told you so look of someone who has been begging me to get with Ally ever since she moved here. But her face is telling a different story. There's a look of panic shadowing her face that creates a heavy pit in my gut. It's Winnie's bad news face.

"Winnie, what—" I can't even get the words out before she cuts me off mid-sentence.

"I've tried paging you multiple times. There's an emergency back at the fair, the chainsaw carving …" Winnie's words are clipped, and her breath is ragged, no doubt from running around the festival grounds trying to find me. And here I am, once again distracted by a woman, shirking my responsibilities to the town.

I fumble and jump up off the picnic blanket, patting around my jeans, feeling for my pager and finding only empty pockets. It must have fallen during the log climb. There's no time to worry about it now. My heart races and bile burns the back of my throat as the memory of the last time this happened comes crashing back. Last time, I had neglected my responsibility to the clinic for a date, and someone had died. Not just anyone, not that any death means less. But having a child die is a different trauma. No, this can't be happening again. I won't let this happen again.

I attempt to regain my composure and let out a deep breath, counting backward from five in my head. It's a trick I learned during medical school to compartmentalize my fear, let the adrenaline be helpful rather than a hindrance, and regain my focus. But my breath shakes as I force out another exhale.

"Where am I needed, Winnie?"

"The clinic," Winnie shouts over her shoulder. She's already making a beeline back toward the town square. I move so I can catch up with her stride.

Ally rises to her feet, about to follow Winnie and me.

"Tell me how I can help." Ally is close to my heel. I whirl back around, holding out my hand to stop her, and Ally just about crashes into me. I grip her by the shoulders and hold her back, away from me. Having her any closer would threaten all of my logic.

"Please stay here. Enjoy the end of the festival." This is something I need to handle myself. I've failed the clinic and the town one too many times. I will not have a repeat of the last catastrophe, and this time it's on me to take care of it. The clinic, Heartwood, is my responsibility, and I need to prove once and for all I can take care of it. My father never would have let anything come in the way of his duty to protect and serve his town. Sometimes to his own detriment, sometimes to the detriment of his family. But that's the job.

Ally has been a distraction, and the erection I'm still trying to get rid of is evidence of that. I need to have all of my wits about me right now, so Ally needs to be far away from me.

"Please let me help, Mason. You can't do everything on your own. I thought you had realized by now." Ally is pleading, but all I hear is time ticking by while someone might bleed out. A chainsaw accident. There won't be much time.

"I said no , Ally." My voice sounds like the version of me from three weeks ago, the version of me I'm no longer proud of. I call the shots. " I need to do this myself. You wouldn't understand, but it needs to be me. No distractions." I break inside at the words tumbling out of my mouth, at the hurt flashing across Ally's face. She wants to be valued, to be seen for her intelligence and skills. I do value her. Ally doesn't realize how integral she is to the clinic. To me. But this isn't the time. I know that drawing this line between us may be the end of whatever we had. It doesn't matter, not anymore.

This is a sign I need to re-prioritize. This is confirmation I don't have room in my life for anything but service to the town. People get hurt unless I'm all in.

I don't turn back to look at Ally, knowing her expression is going to break me even more. I was going to tell her I loved her. That isn't an insignificant thing. It isn't something I want to walk away from, but I have to. Other people's safety depends on me, undistracted by trivial things like a relationship with a woman. Even though deep down, I also know this is not just any relationship, and Ally is not just any woman.