Chapter 7
I stucka post-it on the connecting door and left Lennox in the capable hands of Levi while I did my usual pre-concert checks on the venue.
Talking to every member of staff there, I provided each with two things: an explanation for what was happening and a photo of Natasha. We all wanted to be as prepared as possible. Just in case.
Lennox still wasn't awake by the time I got back to the hotel. It had just been an exhausting few days. The food he'd eaten last night, hopefully mixed with a sense of reassurance coming from the security he now had around him, was providing him with the comfort needed to catch up on his rest.
I kept myself busy in the meantime. While I knew that I probably wouldn't be hearing from Eric again for a day or so, I took the opportunity to email him and ask when he was anticipating more information.
I briefed Levi on the plan for that evening and discussed the usual routines of prepping for the venues ahead, staff lists, floor plans, and everything else that we usually did. We never went to a venue without knowing the layout and having some sort of plan about what we were doing and how.
While Levi and I were the ones next to Lennox at all times, we also had our own team of standard security below us that we took everywhere. It was safer than relying on the security people at the venues. Our guys worked with them; the venue's security focused on their usual jobs, and our guys blended in beside them, looking like they belonged there. In reality, though, their only task was to watch out for our client.
When Lennox was ready, we headed out to the venue. Levi driving, me watching everything when we arrived by the stage door.
When I gotto Lennox's dressing room, ready to walk him out to the stage, I found him pacing like a caged tiger. He was wringing his hands together, a soft sheen of perspiration covered his skin, and his pupils were dilated. If I hadn't seen him already on the verge of a panic attack, I would have sworn he had taken something.
"Lennox?" I called out to him and closed the door behind me.
He looked up at me and swallowed. "I can't do this," he answered, shaking his head. "I can't. What if she's out there? I'm supposed to be okay with being looked at, it's a concert for fuck's sake, but I can't stand the thought of her eyes on me."
Stopping him from pacing, I put a firm hand on each of his upper arms and held him in place. "Lennox, look at me." His gaze was thick with fear when his eyes met mine. "Your fears are valid, but don't let them control you. Remember. Breathe."
A slight nod answered me, and he looked at me while he mimicked my breathing. "That's it, in through your nose, hold a second or two, out through your mouth. Again."
His eyes closed, and he kept practising the deep breathing technique that I had coached him in a few times now. "Breathe in. Breathe out. You've got this."
With a small smile he opened his eyes and nodded at me again. "Thank you," he said in between deep breaths.
I smiled warmly and rubbed his arms in comfort. "It's all good. Like I said, being scared is normal, helps to keep you safe, but panicking steals your sanity, and you don't want that."
His tongue darted over his dried lips before he nibbled on them nervously. "I'm sorry. I must seem bloody neurotic."
I squeezed his arms again. "Not. At. All. You are in a hard situation, and you're holding up better than most people do. I would be more worried about you if you were taking it all in your stride. Never be ashamed of fear, Lennox, it's a natural thing. It's an internal warning system of danger that allows your body to be alert when it's needed."
He let out a sigh and sagged a little in my grip. "I just feel so stupid. Did I encourage this? Was it something I did? What if she's angry with me for not–I dunno–wanting her? It's so unnerving."
A grim smile formed on my face. I knew those feelings only too well. I'd had them when someone had died under my command for the first time. Was it something I'd done? Was it something I could have prevented? But I also understood emotions like that were born out of searching for reasons, because reasons can be justified, or argued away. It was all just a natural part of trying to make sense of the situation you were presented with.
"Lennox, you are a phoenix. You rose from the ashes of the last life that got burnt to the ground with alcohol and everything that the label did. You will rise from this as well. I refuse to accept that you'll let one silly person steal that from you. You have forged something new and good out of your life. You know she's not worth this. Don't let her steal your joy and your happiness. I will protect you from her. She's not going to win."
The tension in his muscles that I had been feeling against my hands seemed to drift away the second I stopped talking. Not thinking about it, I pulled him against me for a hug. "You've got this." I smiled over his shoulder.
His arms reached around me in reply, and I drank in the warmth of his body against mine. It really did feel good to have Lennox in my arms, especially when he leaned his body fully in against mine. A knock on the door pulled us out of our hug.
"Ready, Lennox?" came Levi's voice from the other side of the door.
"On our way," I called back to him. "Ready?" I asked Lennox in a softer tone.
He straightened, took a deep breath and nodded to me. "Thank you for this."
I smiled warmly at him. "All good. Let's get you on stage."