Chapter 11
My lips had tingledthe entire time that Lennox had been on stage, but by the time he came off, he was more shy, a little timid, and he even apologised about overstepping boundaries. I had wanted to tell him it was okay. I had wanted to tell him that I had wanted it too, that in fact I wanted more. Instead, I thought about my job, and let him take the lead. I nodded, told him not to worry about it, and it was left at that.
I had kicked myself all night long as it kept coming back to my mind. His lips had felt so damn good on mine. It had felt amazing to have my arms around him. I wanted to be able to act more on the thoughts that had been going through my head since the moment I met him but knew that given the nature of the job at hand it was probably the dumbest idea I'd had over the last week. So instead, I settled in for a night of second guessing, frustration, and restless sleep.
Next morning,Lennox looked like he wasn't faring any better than I was.
"Are you okay?" I asked as he rubbed his eyes and his forehead like someone who had either a bad hangover, or the start of a killer migraine.
"I swear, in all the shit that's happened recently, I've never wanted a drink more." He glanced at me after he said it and read my expression well. "Like, not actually, but God it's just been one thing after another, and it's hard."
Understanding some of the sentiment behind his comment I smiled back at him. "I might have an idea, if you're up for a day trip and something different?"
A plan popped into my head. We were going to be moving on from Sheffield today, heading for Newcastle-Upon-Tyne. Just for one day the world of gigs, Natasha, and everything else could survive without Lennox Love – if he was willing.
"What have you got in mind?" he asked, his hand already dropping from his eyes and head.
"Do you trust me?" The question had been meant playfully, but Lennox's reply of ‘yes' met me with such an intensity I was positive he wasn't just talking about today's idea.
Acknowledging the depth of his response with a smile, I nodded. "Okay. Comfy clothes, your usual baseball cap and shades, a warm coat, and let's get out of here for a while."
A little overtwo hours later, Lennox and I were standing on the water's edge, the wind blowing, and the white water chopping up the sea in front of us.
"If this doesn't clear your head for you, nothing will." I grinned as he stood on the beach with his eyes closed, drinking in the sensations of being blasted by wind and the sound of the waves.
"I can't believe you brought me to the seaside." He smiled back at me.
"A good thing, I hope?" Self doubt over my idea suddenly nipped at my heels.
"I thought you might like a change of scenery and pace for the day in the light of everything that's been going on this last week or so."
Lennox agreed. "Do you know, I've never been to Scarborough. But the beach is definitely my thing. It was one of the things I loved the most about living in Portsmouth growing up. The sea was always on hand when I wanted to clear my head. Something about it soothes my very soul."
Warmth radiated through my body when he said that. I had intended it to be a nice day away but one statement about his attachment to the sea made it all the more special that I'd picked the right place.
"Ah, see, I grew up as a landlocked brat. Scarborough is a place my mum used to take me to all the time for holidays in a caravan when I was a kid. I have a lot of fond memories of this place. In fact, Scarborough is where I first kissed a boy, Harry Yates. His family were in a neighbouring caravan. They were in Scarborough to try somewhere different, they usually went to Wales." Laughter bubbled up in me at the long-forgotten memory deciding to reappear in that moment.
Lennox was smirking. "Oh, is that so? Popped your gay cherry here huh?"
I chuckled. "Oh, I don't remember it ever getting that far. Just a snog before he went home when we were fourteen. I don't think we came back to Scarborough after that. Or anywhere else for that matter. I was at the age where I thought it wasn't cool to head out on holiday to a caravan with your mam." Shaking my head at my childhood idiocy I snorted a little.
"You clearly enjoyed it here, no matter what the teenage you said. You've gained a twinkle in your eye and a warmth to your smile that tells me you're actually very fond of being here."
How easily he could read me was something which continued to take me by surprise. To almost every other person I knew I was a closed book. I worked, I kept to myself, and with my line of work that wasn't a bad way to appear. But Lennox seemed to see right through all of that. He made me feel seen, and that was something altogether new for me. It wasn't something I had ever really had, and now that I did, I was starting to feel like I had been missing out.
Seeming to sense that I was getting a little lost in my own thoughts, Lennox hooked his arm through mine and started to walk us along the sea wall trail. An hour of walking along the coastline later, Lennox started walking with a little more purpose, pulling on my arm just that bit more.
"What are you doing?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
He nodded with his head. "Look."
Following the direction he was gesturing in, I realised where it was he was talking about. "The aquarium?"
His grin in reply was all I needed. "Okay," I agreed.
We walked into the building that housed the aquarium like a couple of kids at Christmas.
"We have seven seals in the hospital at the minute, if you're interested in having a look. They're all pups, most less than three months old," the receptionist told us as I paid the admission. She handed Lennox a guide to the exhibits, and a receipt to me. "Enjoy your visit," she said brightly.
"Thank you." Lennox smiled sincerely.
We made our way around the suggested path, and entered the first section. A huge demonstration tank filled the centre of the room, and lots of smaller tanks with observation portholes lined the walls. I watched as Lennox's face lit up, and he wandered slowly from tank to tank.
"Have you ever been here before?" He turned to ask me while he was looking at a tank full of squat lobsters.
I shook my head. "I haven't been to this one before. I visited one as a kid on a school trip, but honestly, I don't remember much of it."
Lennox smiled and led me over to the demonstration tank in the middle of the room. He pointed out all the varieties of fish and other sea life they had in the tank and explained how when the demonstration started we would circle back to here. He said the staff of the aquarium would put on a kind of show and tell, where they let visitors touch and hold the creatures in the tank. He was so animated about the types of fish and how to handle the starfish and sea urchins.
I felt a warmth permeating within me, starting in my chest and radiating out to every last inch of me, reaching my fingertips and toes. The more I listened to Lennox and watched him, the more I felt it. It was starting to consume me. I had never known anyone like Lennox in my life, and at that moment in the aquarium, I wasn't sure that I ever would again.
When he led me around the next corner in the exhibition past a dark little nook, I couldn't resist the pull of the attraction between us anymore. I drew him tightly against me and kissed him slowly, tenderly and completely.
When our lips parted, he looked deep into my eyes.
"What was that for?" he asked, his eyes twinkling in the soft light.
"I just wanted to," I admitted honestly.
He grinned at me. "Okay." He nodded, licking his lips and tempting me to do it all over again. "Come on." He beckoned, pulling me back towards the displays.
We toured around the tanks, Lennox smiling when he heard kids exclaiming in delight about the fish in the tanks. I was content watching him – his childlike excitement, how he smiled at children and parents alike.
He was under my skin. I wasn't sure what that would mean for us once the job was over and everything was settled, but I didn't want to think that far ahead. For now I just wanted to enjoy how good it felt to be in his company.
True to his word, when the demonstration started at the main tank, Lennox led us all the way back to it. He told me to roll up my sleeves so I could touch the fish. A member of staff came out and talked to the crowd about the local sea life and the creatures in the tank in front of us. Lennox watched, listened, and smiled when a horn-backed ray appeared from the water and poked its nose against his fingers.
He grinned and turned to me as he ran his fingers over the fish. "See, they love the attention," he told me.
I put my own hand over the water and as Lennox had told me, the same ray nudged at my hand too. The small sharks in the tank seemed just as happy at being petted as the rays.
When the presentation was over and the other visitors started to walk away, Lennox lingered. He kept his fingers in the tank, letting the sharks and rays keep his attention for just a while longer.
"What?" He laughed without even lifting his head, knowing I was looking at him and not the fish.
I shook my head with a laugh. "Oh, nothing."
He beamed, pulled his hand from the water, and nodded his head in the direction of where we could wash our hands after contact with the fish. From there, we made our way back to the exit and the gift shop.
We walked out of the aquarium with a plushie seal and ray, and a key ring. Lennox cuddled the seal and I had the ray. He paused, looking at me.
"Thank you." He gazed at me warmly.
"You're very welcome."
As I went to walk off, Lennox grabbed me by the front of my coat and pulled me back to him. Leaning in, his lips met mine for a moment. It was soft and tender, and warmth flooded through me. A contented expression settled on Lennox's face when he pulled back.
The feelings that stirred within me made me a little nervous, so I took the chance to lighten the mood a little while I could. Holding the ray up, I made it swim around in the air in front of Lennox.
"Look, Lennox, I'm swimmin'!" I grinned, dipping and raising my ray as it ‘swam' around in the air in front of him. He burst out laughing and nudged me in the arm.
"You're such a kid. I can't take you anywhere, can I?" he scolded, trying not to laugh.
"Pfft," I replied. "You're just jealous because Larry's a great air swimmer!"
Lennox shook his head laughing, linked his arm with mine, and we started to walk back to the sea front and where we had parked the car.
About an hourlater we arrived back at the car, walking just beyond to one of the benches that faced out over the water. I started to swim Larry through the air and bumped him softly against the tip of Lennox's nose. He laughed, snatched the toy out of my hand and hid it behind his back. I gasped at the kidnapping of my beloved ray and circled my arms around him, trying to get the toy back.
Our faces were just inches apart. My rescue mission for Larry was swiftly forgotten, and I dipped my lips towards his, using the arm I had around him to pull him tight against me instead. My tongue licked along his lips and teased his. Before he knew what I was up to, I yanked Larry out of his unsuspecting hand and stepped back, waving him in front of Lennox.
"Hahaha! I got him!" I laughed, clutching the toy to my chest and stroking it. "There there, Larry, I've got you, you're safe now!" Shooting a crazed look in Lennox's direction I grinned.
A hearty laugh erupted from Lennox's throat as he watched me. "You're crazy!" He chuckled. "Are you sure that I'm actually safe with you?"
I smirked and waggled my eyebrows at him. "Well, I rescued Larry from his kidnapper successfully, didn't I?" Before Lennox could think too much about how that related to his own situation I changed the subject. "Come on," I said, getting up. "Let's find somewhere to get something to eat. Larry says he's starving." I smirked and held my hand out to him, and he accepted it. Together we strolled back to the car.
It waslate by the time we finally arrived in Newcastle. There wasn't much else to do but settle into our rooms and sleep. I stood in Lennox's room and smiled as I thought back over the day we had shared.
"Thanks for today. It was just what I needed. Sometimes I get so bogged down in the pressures of life that I forget just how much being at the beach soothes my soul."
There was a pause, neither of us knowing quite what to do next.
"All part of the service," I blurted out, trying to end the silence between us. The second the words left my mouth I realised how bad they sounded. Like everything that happened today had been just a routine part of the job. Lennox realised it too; his face fell a little, and the smile he kept on his lips, faded from his eyes.
Guilt tugged at my guts. I didn't know why I couldn't just tell him that I liked him. Instead, it seemed as though it was something I was only capable of away from the ‘job' side of the relationship between us.
"Goodnight, Tom," he said softly with a sigh.
I took the hint that I had messed that up and nodded. "Good night," I said in defeat. I turned to the door that connected our rooms, and with everything in me screaming to turn around and tell him how I really felt, I silently slipped through and closed the door behind me.