17. Get A Secret Out

17

GET A SECRET OUT

J amie and Laken lounged by the fireplace with a plate of warmed-up snacks in front of them. No champagne yet and they were fully dressed.

“These are only crispy in a few spots,” he said. He picked up a mushroom and looked at the bottom. They were stuffed with a variety of fillings.

“I was multitasking,” she said, grinning. “Checking on too many things at once. Or more like putting too many things in at once to keep them warm all together.”

“Some didn’t need to be warmed up as much as others,” he said, popping it in his mouth. “But it all tastes fine.”

“You could say I was a bit preoccupied.”

“With what?” he asked. If anything, he was the one who was trying to figure things out in his mind. He felt he had more to air out than her and was wondering if he was going to go through with it.

“I feel as if I put pressure on you to talk about Penelope and her mother. That was wrong of me. I’ve played it back in my mind and I believe it was sexual endorphins that loosened my tongue. As much as I’d like to know, I don’t want it to be at the risk of what we might develop.”

He leaned in and kissed her. “That might have been the most perfect thing you could have said to me.”

“Because you’re thinking about if you want to go through with it?” she asked. She picked up a beef skewer and pulled the meat off with her teeth and chewed.

He wouldn’t lie. “I am thinking about it. It’s hard to get a secret out I’ve had for years.”

“And we’ve only been on a few dates,” she said. “I understand. It’s very early.”

“It is. But again, something in me let you into my house knowing that you might see my daughter. You know about her when the rest of the world doesn’t.”

“Because of work,” she said. “Without that, we wouldn’t have this.”

He wanted to debate that, but it was the truth.

In an area this size, he would have never run into her otherwise.

They didn’t frequent the same spots. Hell, he didn’t even go out much anymore.

She had admitted she didn’t like to be in the spotlight like her brother. She could handle it, but he’d seen her get in her car and shy away fairly fast after their lunch.

He wouldn’t have cared if she’d stayed by his side while he had the pictures taken, but nope, she was out of there as if she was an hour late for a ten-minute meeting.

He suspected that had more to do with not wanting her brothers to know, but in his eyes, that was easily written off as work too.

“We wouldn’t,” he agreed. “And what a sad thing that would be. So instead of saying it as a negative, maybe think of it in a positive light.”

“We could,” she said. “As long as you feel I’m not pressuring you.”

“I don’t think you are. I knew starting this business that Penelope couldn’t be a secret anymore. I came to terms with that. I’ll need to let out just enough information, but the truth is, I can’t always hide everything because when or if it comes out, people always assume the worst.”

“What is so bad about it?” she asked.

“Shame,” he said, snorting. “I’m not sure I’ve said that out loud, but it’s the truth. And sometimes the truth is worse. I don’t want Penelope to feel what I do. That she has to live with my poor decisions in life.”

“Stop,” Laken said, putting her hand up. “Don’t do that. You just told me to think positive and I’m going to say the same thing. There is no shame in having a beautiful intelligent daughter. It doesn’t matter how she came about. You could have easily adopted her after she was left on your doorstep by a strung-out teenage girl. It wouldn’t make you love her any less.”

“Shit,” he said. “I’m not sure why I never thought of that. Or my agent or lawyer if it came out. You aren’t far from the truth though.”

“You had a child with a strung-out teenager?” she asked lifting an eyebrow. “I know you had a reputation back in the day, but the minor part is getting to me more.”

“God no,” he said. “Mercedes was in her mid-twenties. I think.”

“You think?” she asked. “I don’t want to judge you. I’m not doing that. Or trying not to. Let me take a deep breath.” She inhaled and let it out, then shook her arms. “Use me as practice. Just say it all. Giving me time to ask questions is making it worse. I know it is. And if I interrupt you can tell me to zip it.”

They’d been sitting on the floor with the plate of food, but he got up and grabbed a few big pillows from the couch and tossed them at her.

She dodged them and then picked them up to set them around the two of them.

He leaned back so that he was propped up and had his feet out in front of him, his ankles crossed, the fire on his bare toes.

Laken moved under his arm exactly as he wanted without even having to ask.

By not seeing her face and expressions, he was sure he could get it out more.

Though he was positive she had a boardroom face that would never flinch regardless of what she was told if she wanted to put one on.

“You know back in the day I was partying out a lot. Drinking more than I should.”

“I’ve read that,” she said when he had a longer pause.

“It was the off season. We were letting steam out after just missing the Super Bowl. I was still riding high and thinking about how to get us there the next season. I only really allowed myself to let loose a few times a month. Otherwise, I was trying to be on this strict diet.”

Once training camp started he was all in. But outside of training camp and the season, yeah, he let himself slide with alcohol more than he should have. Drugs never came into play in his life. Ever.

“I think it’s normal to let loose a bit now and again. It’s hard to be rigid so much in life.”

He wondered if she’d been accused of that. If it had to do with her not having a lot of friends also.

“It is,” he said. “But I’d go overboard. There was this strip club I’d gone to a few times.”

More than a few, but it didn’t matter. Three times or thirty times didn’t change the facts of that night and how he didn’t remember much of it.

“Oh,” she said.

“It’s not like I went there to get laid,” he said. “I didn’t. I have a bit higher standards than that.”

She laughed, but he was sure it was forced. The fact her hand was rubbing his arm for comfort helped.

“We all have things in our past we wish we didn’t,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said. “It was a bachelor party. I don’t even remember whose it was. A friend of a player's, but it was an excuse to go and drink and hang out. I went home that night like I normally did. Someone brought me and life went on.”

“You don’t remember having sex with someone?” she asked.

“No,” he said. “Which means I was wasted. But even when I was drunk, I covered myself. I didn’t want someone to come back to me saying their kid was mine. But it happened.”

“When did you find out?” she asked.

“That’s the funny part. I didn’t find out until Mercedes was too far gone to do anything about it. Maybe she didn’t know she was pregnant. I have no idea. Could be that she wasn’t sure of the father.”

“Did you doubt it?” she asked.

“Of course. So I’m returning home from my second surgery. Randy, my agent, is telling me my options as I’m freaking out that reporters were waiting outside the hospital. I thought no one was going to know I needed another surgery. Which was my stupidity for not following orders and training harder than I should have to get back on the field that season.”

He’d always wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t re-injured himself. Things happened the way they did and there was no changing it.

“You were anxious to get back,” she said. “I don’t know that I’d be that great of a patient.”

“I wanted the world to know it couldn’t hold me down. I was in the last year of my contract. I knew I wasn’t going to be resigned with the Jets because of the salary cap. My age was putting me in a slot to maybe get a two- to three-year contract, if that. Now I’m hurt and can’t even finish the season to prove anything to anyone. My chances were gone at that point. But it’s neither here nor there either. Randy and I are talking about Fox Sports, who had already been calling, and he tells me I’ve got something more important to worry about.”

“In your mind that couldn’t be possible, right?”

“Exactly. I didn’t even know who Mercedes was when he threw the name at me. Then when he told me the rest I was stunned. I gave her money to shut her mouth until we knew. At this point, she was starting to get a little curve to her belly and realized what it might be.”

“Wow,” she said.

“Yeah. We had the DNA test done and it was confirmed.” He wouldn’t say how he felt during that time when they waited on the results. His world was crashing down around him on every level and it’s not like he had anyone he could talk to about it. Definitely not his parents. “I was livid. All I could think of was this couldn’t be happening and it was a joke.”

“But it wasn’t?” she asked.

“No. The minute I knew the baby was mine, we got attorneys involved. Mercedes didn’t want the kid. Those were her words. ‘This is yours and you figure it out.’”

“Probably for the best,” she said.

“It was,” he said. “I won’t bore you with getting her a nicer place to stay and making her quit her job and paying for everything and all the legal documents.”

“She obviously wasn’t going to be able to work,” she said.

“No,” he said. “But she was watched. She was an addict.”

With Laken’s torso leaning against his chest, he could feel her shoulders drop after hearing that. “And you worried about the pregnancy and Penelope.”

“Randy hired someone and never told them who he worked for. This person checked in on Mercedes daily, brought her to her appointments and other things. Almost like a hired friend to keep her straight. And Mercedes stayed clean. Thankfully. I just don’t think she was prior to finding out she was pregnant.”

Which was a burden he carried for years wondering if that was going to cause developmental issues with Penelope.

When he realized how bad Penelope’s eyes were, it was guilt on his shoulders that he brought a child into this world that might struggle.

But the doctors had said there were no signs that Penelope’s vision was going to get worse and he’d have to believe them. He’d brought her to enough specialists.

“And when Penelope was born?” she asked.

“Mercedes gave birth and walked out of the hospital. Literally discharged herself the next day. I hadn’t even known. I made sure she gave birth in a private suite with all sorts of security. She signed everything, keeping her out of Penelope’s life and making no claims in the future.”

He felt her head move over and rest on his arm some more. “That had to be a relief in some ways and sad in another.”

“More relief than you can imagine,” he said. “I didn’t want anything ugly in the news. Nothing that Penelope could go back and find when she was older. It was all about her at this point.”

The minute he found out he had a child coming, all the focus changed in his life.

“Which is why you gave up wanting to continue with your football career and went to broadcasting?” she asked.

“I didn’t know what kind of career I would have even had if she hadn’t come into my life. I told myself it was better to go out on my terms. I feel I went out on a high even if it was forced on me because of the injury. But broadcasting was still somewhat the same season. I do have to fill in and do other things and events too, but I wasn’t traveling as much. Wasn’t gone several days a week at training camp and practice. I do most of my work from home and am gone one to two days a week.”

It was the life he always knew he’d have but just not this early in his career.

And he sure the hell didn’t think he’d be a single parent on top of it.

“You never heard from Mercedes again?” she asked.

“No. There was a fire at the club where she went back to work a few months after Penelope was born. Several people died in it.”

“I remember now,” she said. “It made the news. Some electrical issues and exits were blocked.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’d heard about it too but wasn’t in town when it happened. It was days before the names of everyone were released. Mercedes was on it.”

“And now you will never have to worry about her disrupting your life,” she said. “Unless you worried she’d told people who the father of her child was.”

“I don’t think she did,” he said. “She was too hungry for the money. The person who was watching her all that time said she’d struggled to stay clean, but she did it. My guess is she got out as fast as she could to get back to her old lifestyle.”

“That’s sad,” she said. “Why not start her life over with the money and being clean?”

He shrugged. “It’s not for me to answer. All I know is I’ve got a beautiful little girl out of this that is my world and I’ll do anything to protect her.”