11. Bad Dad

11

BAD DAD

“ W hy are you so quiet?” Janelle asked him on Christmas night when they were back home in New Jersey.

This morning Jamie had gone to his parents’ house with Penelope to open some gifts and have breakfast, then went straight to the airport and flew home. He’d left all his own gifts for Penelope here to open, along with the ones from Santa.

His daughter had been so excited and almost couldn’t wait to get home but did have fun opening gifts from her grandparents and aunt and uncle.

He didn’t think he went overboard on his gifts for everyone, but his father got his digs in anyway.

He bought practical stuff. Jackets, clothing, boots, toys for his sister’s kids. He got his mother a few things for her kitchen too because she did a lot of cooking and baking.

It was bad enough that his father almost shit himself over the two thousand dollars he’d spent at Walmart and donated to the church for toys and jackets and shoes.

He got a thank you, but it was almost forced out by his mother’s prodding.

“I’ve been talking most of the day,” he said. “I’m surprised your ears aren’t bleeding with Penelope’s chatter and us playing with pretty much everything she opened when we got home.”

Janelle laughed and sipped her tea. He was on his third beer.

He wasn’t sure the last time he had three beers in a night. Before Penelope was born that was for sure.

“She was excited over her playhouse. How did you manage to get that set up before we left so that it was here when we got home? She thinks Santa did it, but we left after you.”

“Randy came over and did it for me,” he said.

He figured he made enough money for his agent the least he could do was fill in in a bind. It’s not like it had to be done on Christmas Eve, but just any time after Janelle left on the twenty-third.

“It was nice of him,” Janelle said. “Just as nice as all the things you got me. You do too much as it is and this was more than enough.”

“You deserve a real vacation,” he said. “You keep talking about wanting to go somewhere warm.”

“I can’t wait. If it’s all the same to you, I’ll plan it once the season is done and you won’t be traveling or working. Are you sure about this?”

“Positive,” he said. “You haven’t had a full week off in a year.”

Janelle got a lot of days off during the week and weekends, but a full week away, nope.

He was grateful for it and wanted her to know.

“I’m excited. I’ve never been one to go on vacation alone, but the cruise sounds like a great way to do it.”

“Are you sure you want to go alone?” he asked again. He’d been asking since she opened it.

He only thought of it because she’d mentioned it in passing. There should be plenty of people her age on the cruise and she’d always been outgoing. If he knew of a friend she’d want to go with, he would have done that.

“I might see if my sister is interested. She’d love it too, but she’d have to pass it by her husband. He’s not always keen on those things.”

“I’ll pay for it,” he said. “Just tell her I already did. Seriously. That you have a trip for two and would love to spend the week with her.”

“Jamie,” Janelle said, laughing. “No. I’ve got more than enough money and don’t need you to do it.”

“Maybe I’m worried you’ll meet some single man and hook up and decide you don’t want to work for me anymore. If your married sister is with you that won’t happen, right?”

She burst out laughing. “No. She’s a prude.”

“Then it’s done. Cruise for two. Wish I thought of it before but didn’t.”

“The beer isn’t helping you think right now either. We’ll talk more about it another day.”

“I’m not drunk,” he said and snorted. “Do you know how much it takes for me to get drunk?”

“No, and I don’t want to find out,” Janelle said. “But the bigger question is why you’re drinking at all, let alone three beers. I hadn’t realized you had beer in the house.”

“I bought it before I left. I knew I was going to need it when I returned. This is better than going for the whiskey.”

Which he had in the house too. The beer had been sitting in his office and the minute he walked in the door he threw it in the fridge. He thought having to wait a few hours for it to get cold would stop the urge to reach for it.

It didn’t.

He didn’t want to turn into the guy who drank to hide his feelings of self-worth. That he’d never be able to be the man his parents wanted, even when he tried.

Nothing he did was right and they weren’t going to let him forget that he brought embarrassment to the family with his actions.

The drinking and partying in the spotlight and on the news. The fighting on the field and in the locker room.

The only thing he was thankful for was that Mercedes took her payout and ran and never opened her mouth until the day she died.

Had she lived, he wasn’t so sure that would have remained the case, but he had no worries there either, having covered his butt legally.

“You make a good point,” Janelle said. “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat,” he said.

It was just a little after eight. Penelope was out cold the minute her head hit the pillow at seven. He was thankful his daughter was such a good sleeper.

More thankful that he had company tonight and wasn’t sitting here alone.

He didn’t know if Janelle was doing it to keep an eye on him like a mother would or if she didn’t want to be alone either.

She wouldn’t go to his parents’ house with him this morning for breakfast no matter how much he begged that he needed the moral support.

She’d said she’d been alone on Christmas for years and it was just another day for her.

The loneliness didn’t seem to bother her as it did him.

Had they stayed home, she would have spent the day with him and Penelope as she pretty much had. All she had was two hours of time alone in their rental home.

Janelle got up and opened the fridge and pulled out some cheese and fruit. He went to get some crackers.

They’d had dinner earlier. Spaghetti and meatballs that Penelope had requested. Nothing that took a lot of work since Janelle had made the sauce and meatballs before they left.

When the food was spread out on the table, he went back to his beer. He’d be having it in the family room off the kitchen if Janelle weren’t here, but she didn’t like sitting with him in there. She always stayed in the kitchen area or upstairs in the loft.

He hated that she felt as if she had to separate the spaces.

“Why don’t we go in the family room?” he asked.

“Nope,” Janelle said. “I like sitting here.”

“Tell me why?” he asked. He had to know what he was missing.

She sighed. “Jamie. I’m your employee.”

“You’re more than that and you know it.”

“I probably am, but I don’t want to ever cross the line when it comes to raising your daughter.”

“You couldn’t. I listen to you and your advice.”

“You do,” Janelle said. “But you don’t always follow it and that is your choice. I honor what you want even when I don’t agree. If I felt too comfortable here I’m personally afraid I’d dishonor your wishes and don’t want that. The boundaries are for me, not you.”

Made sense. If anyone knew boundaries it was him.

“What don’t you agree with?” he asked.

“Oh no,” Janelle said. “We aren’t doing this. I tell you if I feel strongly about things. And then you and I both know I sneak things and you allow me to do it. We’ll just keep it as it is.”

His nanny sipped her coffee and smirked at him over the rim of her cup. “Cookies,” he said.

“Every child should be able to splurge,” Janelle said. “The more you tell a child no, the more they wonder why that is the answer. Especially if they see others doing it.”

“Which is why you are allowed to sneak them to her and I get to be the bad Dad.”

“I don’t know that Penelope will ever think of you as the bad Dad.”

“She will,” he said. “When she’s a teen and has a bodyguard to keep the boys away.”

Janelle and he laughed. He might not be joking though.

No reason to add that.

Two hours later, he was getting ready for bed. Janelle had left at nine when he’d finished his beer and they’d cleaned up the food they’d snacked on.

Once she was in her house off to the side, he’d shut all the lights off and set the alarms.

He was down to his underwear and crawling into bed, not the least bit tired though it felt as if he’d barely slept much in days.

He liked his own bed and always did.

He had a lot on his mind when he tried to not have that happen.

At the top of that list was Laken Carlisle.

Before he could think twice about another thing, he picked up his phone and drafted a text.