10. Time Of Privacy

10

TIME OF PRIVACY

“ I ’m so glad you could come visit, Jamie. I don’t know why you couldn’t stay with us though,” his mother said two days before Christmas.

“You don’t have the room,” he said.

“Of course we do,” his mother said. “You could stay in your own room and Penelope in Deanna’s. Or isn’t it posh enough for you?”

Jamie knew his mother didn’t mean to say what she did, but she couldn’t help herself.

“It’s fine,” he said. “But Janelle is in town with us too. It was better to rent the house. She’s taking a little mini vacation.”

“I don’t know why you had to travel with your nanny,” his mother said, shaking her head. “No one has nannies. You should raise Penelope yourself.”

“And how do you think I can do that when I travel?” he asked.

“If you found a nice young woman to marry then you’d be set.”

He shook his head. In his mother’s eyes, a wife should stay home and keep house.

No one he had ever been with thought that way.

And if his mind went to Laken he knew beyond a doubt she wouldn’t be a stay-at-home wife and mom.

Not that she wouldn’t be good with kids like she was with Penelope bonding over a love for pancakes and fashion, but she had a career she wouldn’t give up. Nor should any man ask a woman to do that.

“I’m getting along just fine like this,” he said. Penelope was napping on his old twin bed. The fact his mother thought he could fit on that was a joke in itself.

“People are going to see Penelope in church with you on Christmas Day,” his mother said.

“We won’t go to church that morning,” he said.

His mother looked hurt, but he wasn’t sure what she expected him to say.

His showing up there with a kid was going to raise a lot of questions.

He’d thought it over and decided if he went, he’d go alone, and Janelle would stay back at the house he rented with Penelope.

But he didn’t want to spend any time away from his daughter on Christmas morning.

He hated that he couldn’t even have a big proper Christmas with his daughter this year knowing how much she’d enjoy it.

She was at the perfect age.

He’d been in Dallas covering the game on Sunday and flew from there to Arkansas right after to get the house ready for Janelle and Penelope to arrive this morning.

He’d gotten them a straight flight first thing in the morning and picked them up at the airport.

No one would think Penelope was his daughter. His last name was too common.

He’d secured a private jet for the flight home. He didn’t want to take a chance that anyone would recognize him. Sitting away from Penelope and Janelle wouldn’t have made a difference. His daughter would have been calling for him.

He knew he would have to come out with his daughter soon enough, but until then, he was going to treasure this time of privacy as much as he could.

“Your father is going to be upset if you aren’t there,” his mother said.

If his father was so upset or missing him as much as his mother said, he’d be here right now visiting with his only son and granddaughter whom he’d only seen twice in person.

But nope, his father was helping to get things set up for some activities for Christmas Eve Mass.

He wasn’t sure why he agreed to come here.

Maybe he was running and hiding as much as Laken seemed to be doing the past few weeks.

She’d dashed out of his house after that kiss as if she’d recovered the fumble and was racing away from the whole team on her heels wanting to bring her down.

Since then they’d had multiple emails and texts but no in-person meetings.

No phone calls either.

It was the longest two weeks of his life, but Nelson had mentioned that Laken was traveling most of last week. He hadn’t known that. He’d have no way to know from texts and emails.

“He’s been upset with me for years,” he said.

He watched his mother sigh and continue to cook in a beat-up old oven that was stained and looked as if it barely worked.

Jamie ground his teeth over this.

He could take care of it, but they wouldn’t let him.

He gave up trying to offer. In his mind, it made him look like a shitty son that wasn’t taking care of his family or at least his parents.

He wondered what West thought of that. The guy spent his adult life busting his ass for his family.

“Don’t take that tone with your father,” his mother said. “He’s busy and you know it. Just like you. We all have our callings in life that take us away from our family.”

“But we know mine wasn’t nearly as important as Dad’s,” he said drily.

“Don’t compare,” his mother said. “You know that is sinful.”

He was going to chip a tooth if he clenched his jaw any tighter.

Why the hell did he subject himself to this willingly?

His mother had reached out and gently let it drop that they hadn’t seen him in a while and missed him. That they’d like to see Penelope.

He decided to come and all they’d done was complain about the way he was going about it.

Just like everything else in his life.

“I’ve sinned a lot in my life,” he said. “I’m not sure why Dad would want me at church with Penelope anyway. Then people would know I had a child out of wedlock.”

Forget about the fact he got a stripper pregnant and didn’t even know or remember.

“God forgives,” his mother said.

But his father obviously didn’t.

He got up and helped himself to a glass of water. No bottled water here. That would be wasteful for his mother. And bringing things that he was used to having would only cause them to fight and his father to accuse him of being embarrassed or thinking he was better than what he came from.

He wasn’t, but his parents were sure embarrassed of him. He knew that.

They’d even said it a time or two.

“I’m going to check on Penelope,” he said and walked to his old room. The floors were squeaking under his feet, the throw rugs old and worn in several places.

It killed him to see this, but if he sent them things without asking, they returned them.

The first time that happened he’d thought it was a joke.

It wasn’t. The new furniture he’d sent, the furniture store called him confused and didn’t know what to do. At that point he’d paid for it and told them to bring it back to the church and put it in the rectory and his father could donate it if he wanted to.

He’d been hurt beyond words that his parents wouldn’t even accept something as simple as that.

The only thing he knew was that the furniture was still there at the church. A place where people could sit comfortably while having activities.

It wasn’t what he wanted for it, but if it was the best he could do then he’d take it.

He’d even made several large donations to the church each year hoping that the money could go toward something in his parents’ house.

It hadn’t that he could see.

Deanna had told him where the money went, as she was still active in the church. His sister told him that their father was thankful.

His father never once thanked him though. He got the same form letter that any other donor got, he was sure.

Nothing warm and fuzzy in it.

He pushed the door open and saw his daughter sound asleep hugging her lamb. They only brought one animal with her on this trip. Those were the rules and Penelope agreed because she didn’t want to lose one of them. At least he wasn’t home for the debate to see who made the cut this time.

Janelle had filled him in last night while they had their nightly tea and Janelle looked for things to do on her days off.

He’d offered for Janelle to spend Christmas with him and his family. He’d actually begged her.

She laughed and said he was on his own.

She knew more than most about his relationship with his parents.

Janelle was a year older than his mother. There were times he wished she were his mother.

They had a good relationship. She was a shoulder for him but never crossed over a line that many would.

Maybe he wouldn’t mind if she did.

No one seemed to ever care enough in his eyes to stick their head out for him.

He had to get this pity party out of his mind and backed out of his room for Penelope to keep napping.

“She’s getting so big,” his mother said.

“She is,” he said. “Smart too.”

“It helps to have hired help teaching her.”

He sighed. “Mom, don’t go there again. You should be thrilled she is getting the care that she needs.”

“I am,” his mother said.

“We are making headway with Penelope Plush Soap,” he said.

“That’s nice,” his mother said.

“Why won’t you let me put some shares of the company in your name?” he asked.

“I don’t need it,” his mother said. “And if you do it, your father is going to give the profits to the church.”

“No,” he said. “Why can’t it go to you? Don’t you ever get a break or get to enjoy some of the nicer things in life?”

“I don’t need those things,” his mother said. “It’s not what is important.”

“No,” he said. “Busting your ass serving other people is more important.”

“Don’t swear in my house.”

He turned and saw his father come into the back door. Earlier than he thought.

“I’m trying to get Mom to accept something from me so she’s not working so hard. Why is that a bad thing?”

“I can take care of your mother,” his father said. “I’m not sure why you think I can’t just because I don’t have a bank account as big as yours or some fancy house and cars. I’ve got more than the family I was just with.”

He’d heard this too many times in his life. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“No need to bother you with it,” his father said.

“Maybe I can help,” he said.

His father perked up after that. Always for other people.

“Lynn is a single mother with four children. She’s out of food for the month and her assistance is up too. I let her go through the pantry to get enough to hold her over and have a nice Christmas dinner.”

Jesus, this stuff made him ill.

“Is she still here?” he asked.

“She’s in the pantry with Maureen. I came over quickly to see if we had any toys in storage for her to give the kids to have under the tree.”

“Do you know where she lives?” he asked.

“Not far from here. Why?” his father asked.

“Mom, can you keep an eye on Penelope? Dad, you’re going to Walmart with me.” It was the closest place to get anything in these parts.

“You’re going to step foot in Walmart?” his father asked.

“With a baseball hat on. Unless you want to take my credit card.”

“No,” his father said. “I’m not touching it.”

“Then we are going together and getting what Lynn’s family needs for food and Christmas and anything else you think you need to give to others.”

“We don’t need your help,” his father said.

“Joseph,” his mother said sternly. “Spend time with your son and let him help the only way he knows how.”

Good way for him to get insulted for being generous.

Nothing ever changed and he wondered why he hoped that it would.