Chapter 11

Lista Playlist: Turn me on – Norah Jones

Holy. Shit.

I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever felt so in need of another human being before now. Quin just gave me the best kiss of my life before walking out. What now? I feel like some sort of romance movie character, but what I’m about to do probably wouldn’t feature in the final cut. I’m left feeling so in need of his body on mine, that I take my self to bed and spend the evening making myself feel the delicious release of sexual tension by using my handy stash of sex toys. I can’t deny that Quin is all my mind comes back to. The way his hand was splayed across my waist, sending shivers across my body. His tongue dancing with mine in a perfect, messy rhythm. My mind takes me back to standing between his legs nervously earlier as he pulled me into him before the doorbell rudely interrupted us. It’s always something isn’t it?

I imagine what could have happened had the doorbell never rang. He’d have kissed me deeply, drinking me in, before I climb on top of his lap, legs either side of his waist, straddling him. I’d kiss him harder before feeling his erection grow more and more as I move around on his lap. We’d realise what we were doing, come back to reality and then rush to begin again, as we know this is exactly what we both want and need. We’d take each other’s tops off before he flips me over onto my back, on the bed, and kisses down my neck, breasts and torso. He’d pull off my joggers and continue kissing down my body. Before I could finish this imaginary scene, I reach my limit and whimper into the silence of my bedroom, picturing Quin on top of me, kissing my whimper away, before falling into a deep sleep.

I wake up the next day, late morning. Quin has already picked up his car and posted a piece of paper through the letterbox with the cutest message.

“Thanks for a great night. I picked my car up but didn’t knock because I knew you needed to rest after this busy weekend. Message if you need me. If not, I’ll see you soon. Yes, I could’ve texted you this, but I thought you’d appreciate a shitty letter more. Quin x”

I don’t know how to feel or what to think after last night, other than the fact that there’s clearly something growing between Quin and I, and it’s becoming harder to ignore as the days go by.

I use this free day to organise my head space, comprehend what happened with Pierce, and take some time to reset before starting a new week tomorrow. That’s what Sundays are for, right?

I wonder if Quin will act any different around me on campus. I’m also questioning whether anything will even come of this. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but after last night I’m finding it difficult to forget about the way I feel when he’s with me. How can I expect anything though, when he’s told me clearly about what happened during his first year of teaching. He can’t jeopardise his job by messing around with me , a student. Despite being an adult, this situation still comes with its complications and potential repercussions. Great, self-sabotaging again. But in my minds defence, I think imposter syndrome and anxiety are just trying to protect me from having an even more damaged heart. I just need to relax and go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens. The only way to get through is to get through, after all.

It’s Monday. I’m feeling anxious but excited to see Quin after how our night ended on Saturday. We’ve agreed to have a morning meeting in his office to plan sessions and catch up after our research session. I walk onto campus and see Pierce walking in the distance, so I put my head down and speed walk past him. Sadly, I’m unlucky in my attempts to avoid him.

“Hey you. What have you been up to over the weekend. I didn’t get to see you after our little encounter at the social. You ran off and left before I could scoop you up and have a proper catch up” he says, rubbing my arm. I don’t look at his face. I just continue looking down. I’d love to grab his arm and twist it backwards. Watch him squirm. I don’t, however, carry it out as I’m rather opposed to being arrested. I settle for dismissing the idea of putting thoughts into action, and instead, allow myself to dream.

“I’m late. I have to go” I say, running off before another word can leave his disgusting mouth. The annoying thing is, he would be so handsome if his personality were less...prick-ish. That’s the charm though. He lures you into a false sense of security with his large stature, his confident stance, muscles and smile. But as soon as the motherfucker starts talking, you realise you’ve been conned. He’s toxic, degrading and makes me feel sick just being near him.

Out of breath, I get to Quins office and knock the door. I may be anxious to see him, but I’m more eager to escape the potential grasp of Pierce and avoid any triggers. So I’m happily welcoming the idea of an awkward first greeting with Quin.

“Come in…”. I hear most of it, but before he even finished his response, I busted in and shut the door behind me.

“Lista. Is everything ok?” he says, standing up quickly.

He moves to the other side of his desk, closer to me, leaning against it.

“Oh… I’m” I try and get my words out, through the panting.

“I’m fine. I just didn’t want to be late. And I was just… avoiding someone in the hallway. It’s fine. I’m fine” I say.

“Avoiding someone?” he says concerned, frowning and crossing his large arms. Damn he looks good.

“Don’t worry about it Quin. I’m fine. I’m here now so, all good. Would it be ok if I locked the door?” I ask. It came out before I could even think about the question to be honest.

“Erm… Sure. Go ahead”, he says, clearly confused at my bizarre behaviour and request. He remains leaning against his desk for a while, looking… It’s best not to think about how good he looks right now. Highly inappropriate.

We discuss Saturday’s research session, leaving out the part where he pushed me against the wall, held my waist with those fucking hands, and kissed me. Or the part where I stripped him of his shirt and touched his bare skin. We put a few dates in the calendar for our future sessions and overall, the meeting is short, swift and productive. “We could have our sessions here, if need be, or we can continue in coffee shops or wherever suits us both. Where’s good for you?” he asks.

“I’d say coffee shops work well, or here. Maybe we should avoid my place” I say, laughing. Knowing I shouldn’t have brought it up. Knowing that on campus I need my professional hat on.

“I wonder why that is?” he says raising his eyebrows.

“Well, we wouldn’t want to get carried away or distracted again would we?” I say. We’re flirting now. This wasn’t supposed to happen. But damn it feels good. He flirts back with me even more and it feels dangerous. “I mean, distractions can happen anywhere Callista. Even in professional spaces” he says, gesturing to the room around us. I lose all my will to stop. “So we’re not even safe in coffee shops or… your office?” I ask, flirtatiously, smiling. “Well Callista, it seems like there could be distractions anywhere we work, so we’ll just have to try extra hard to avoid them” he says as he takes a few steps towards me, from where he was leant against his desk. He closes the space between us until we’re standing about a foot apart.

“Well Doctor Russell” I say, looking up to him and swallowing nervously “I’ll certainly try my best, but it might not be easy”. It’s then that he clasps my wrist with his less injured hand, holds my waist with the other and pulls me into him. He turns me around and pushes me against his desk. I feel a rush through my body, moving lower and lower.

How do I feel wet already when he hasn’t even touched me. “It really isn’t going to be easy Miss Harper” he says, as he lifts me onto his desk, stands in between my legs and kisses me. I kiss him back, and within seconds, our hands are all over each other. His hand is up my shirt, feeling my bare skin. Mine are in his hair, pulling it gently. We both moan, breathing heavily. I feel his erection growing as he pushes himself near me, between my legs. We align so perfectly like this. He rubs himself against my lower half as we kiss, and I feel pleasure flow through me.

“The first time I saw you on campus” he says, breathing heavily “when you were angry with me. I wanted to wipe that expression off this fucking beautiful face, stand between these gorgeous legs and do this to you” he says, placing kisses on my neck, my jaw and my puffy lips. “Fuck Lista. It’s hard to be around you” he says laughing and placing our foreheads together. His hands still wandering my body, and his groin pressed into mine. Beautiful heat mixing between both of our bodies.

A phone alarm rings, and Quin lifts his head, laughing and shaking it side to side. “This seems to happen a lot to us. We need a night with no interruptions” he says, hungrily. He leans over me towards his phone and swipes to turn the alarm off before hovering over me and kissing me. “This’ll have to wait unfortunately Lista. I have lectures to prep for” he says, rolling his eyes before kissing me again. “Let’s make sure to keep this off campus in future maybe” he says, with his hands around my waist.

“Understood” I say with another quick peck of his lips. I hop off his desk, tidy myself up and head towards the door. Before I manage to unlock it, he comes behind me, wrapping his hands around my waist again and kisses my cheek.

I feel perfectly aligned after that. My head is clear, and I feel like for once my differences aren’t dictating my life. It’s nice to know that someone genuine is hungry for me.