21. Sergey

21

SERGEY

I arrive at The Snuggle Sandwich just before one o’clock. It’s a cute little place with bright-colored couches set up on either side of the tables. A plaque by the door features a news article proclaiming it “the coziest hangout for arctic fox shifters looking for a snuggle buddy.” Apparently, they have snuggle meet-up groups and cuddle competitions.

What is a cuddle competition?

Heller waves at me from a couch in the corner. He beams at me the way he did last night at the club. I’m relieved that he’s excited to see me. Something was off when we said good-bye this morning.

I head over to his table, and sit on the couch across from his.

“Really? You’re going to have lunch with me at a place called The Snuggle Sandwich, and you’re not going to snuggle with me?” Heller teases.

This is a very different side of Heller than the guy who seemed relieved that I have to go back to New Mexico tomorrow. I get up and move to his couch. He throws his arms around me with an enthusiasm that makes my heart race. I inhale his scent, and immediately I feel this sense of wholeness that makes the rest of the world fade away.

“I love hugging you,” he says.

I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that.

A white-haired waiter wearing an apron and glasses approaches our table. “Are you ready to order?”

“Oh, um, I just got here,” I say.

“He wants the grilled cheese sandwich,” Heller tells her.

“I do?”

He smiles at me and nods. “It’s my favorite sandwich in the whole world except the grilled cheese sandwich my grandma used to make me when I was little. I figured I could introduce you to my favorite foods here in Anchorage when you’re in town, and when I visit you in Albuquerque, you could show me your favorites.”

Now he’s planning to visit me in Albuquerque. That’s new.

“Okay. That sounds like fun.”

“Well, I am fun,” he reminds me.

“Right. Even when you’re stealing things.”

“Especially then.”

The server jots down something on her notepad. “Do you want tomato soup or a salad with your sandwich.”

I look at Heller expectantly. “What would you recommend?”

“Neither. Can I have a macaron with my sandwich? They have the best macarons here. Strawberry, if you have it. Or if you don’t, whatever is the most popular flavor right now.”

The server writes that down. “And for you, sir?”

“The same. But I have to ask, what is a cuddle competition?”

The woman smiles from ear to ear. “It’s just a glorified excuse to cuddle and eat good food while watching a hockey game. You change cuddle partners every five minutes, and then write down the name of the person you enjoyed cuddling with the most. The person who has the most votes wins Chicago Dragons merch.”

“You mean the Chicago Dragons, as in the hockey team?” I ask.

“Yeah. Of course,” she says, like this is obvious. “I’ll go put your order in. It should be out in a few minutes.”

I look around the room and notice there’s a bunch of hockey stuff hanging on the walls. It’s all Chicago Dragons jerseys, news articles, and that sort of thing.

“Arctic fox shifters love their hockey. Kade thinks it’s because they’re so cute and cuddly, they need a way to let out their inner aggression,” Heller says.

I hold him close and kiss the top of his head. “Is that so?”

“Who knows? But I’ve heard if you say something bad about Dimitri Cross, their favorite player, they won’t serve you here anymore.”

I laugh. “Says who?”

“I don’t know. People. How did the apartment hunting go?” he asks.

“Pretty well. Otis is a nice guy. All his properties are far away from Ivanov forge, but I’m only signing a six-month lease, so it’s just a temporary thing.”

I don’t mention that Heller’s place is a lot closer to the forge than anything Otis showed me. I’m pretty sure he’s not ready for me to move in with him yet.

He climbs onto my lap, which would be too much if we were in Albuquerque, but plenty of other couples are sitting that close in this place. “I think you should move into my apartment.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m not there every night because I like being close to Lark, but I can stay in my apartment the days you’re in Anchorage. And maybe you can come with me to my basement apartment in Max and Eli’s basement sometimes once we’re ready to tell Lark about us.”

I don’t know what to say. Why the sudden change? I’m relieved that he’s ready for us to move forward, but I’m worried he’s not really ready after the way he acted this morning.

“Is that what you want?” I ask.

He nods. “I told an old friend about you this morning. She helped me realize that a lot of the fear I have about our relationship is more about my past than it is about us.” He leans in and brushes his lips against mine. “I’m actually really excited to be with you. I’m not ready to meet your dads yet or say I love you. But that’s mostly because I want to do all the relationship milestones with you first. I want to go on dinner dates and cuddle during a movie. I want to steal your favorite hoodie and send you flirty texts when I miss you. I want to walk down the street holding your hand.”

I hug him to my chest. Deep down, I was afraid that our connection wouldn’t be enough for Heller—that a relationship with me simply wasn’t compatible with the life he wanted. I was also worried that he’d put on a brave face and pretend he was happy with me, even if he wasn’t. But what he just said to me couldn’t be an act. It’s real. I can feel it in my bones.

“Unfortunately, I live in the hot desert and I’m a polar bear shifter, so I don’t have a hoodie.”

He pulls away from me. “Are you serious?”

“I’m afraid so. But if you want me to buy a hoodie and put it in my closet so you can steal it, I can do that for you.”

“Then it wouldn’t smell like you. And it won’t be soft from too many washes. You’re totally missing the point of a boyfriend hoodie,” Heller says.

“Okay. I promise to buy a hoodie to wear around Anchorage that I will wash too many times, but not right before I leave town so it will always smell like me.”

Heller does that cute smile where he scrunches his nose. “Okay. Thank you.”

“But in exchange, I want you to send me photos of you while I’m gone,” I say.

He claps exactly like Ben. “Sexy photos?”

“Yes. And regular photos. Just whatever photos you want to send. I think I’d even like a photo of you grocery shopping, if that’s when you remember to send me one.”

He kisses my cheek. “Okay. I’ll send you a photo of me grocery shopping. Is that a subtle hint that I need to buy food for the apartment?”

“No, baby. I can get my own food.”

He thinks about that for a moment. “Would it be helpful for me to buy you food, though? When I know you’re returning to Anchorage? Because I can do that. If you give me a list of foods you like to have stocked in the apartment, I can always make sure they’re there.”

That sounds like heaven. Keeping my food restocked at home is a challenge because I’m gone so much.

“Are you sure you won’t mind?” I ask.

“I love going to the grocery store. It’s my favorite chore. It gives me an excuse to buy chocolate.”

I laugh. “Thank you. That would be great.”

The server returns with two big grilled cheese sandwiches and assortment of colorful macarons on the side. It looks amazing. Heller slides off my lap and grabs for his sandwich.

“Thank you,” he says.

“Can I get you anything else?” she asks.

He shakes his head and takes a bite. It’s such a simple thing to eat a sandwich with Heller at his favorite sandwich shop, but I wouldn’t have thought of it myself. I was so worried about not pushing him too fast, I didn’t consider what kind of things I wanted to experience with him first.

“When you come to Albuquerque, I want to take you to the Chimera Circle,” I say.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a carnival, of sorts. There are buskers who will make any illusion you want if you put money in their hat. They do illusion competitions that are the most breathtaking thing you’ll ever see. They can make you feel like you’re in a forest or underwater.”

“Like virtual reality?” Heller asks.

“Kind of. But you don’t have something strapped around your eyes, so it feels a lot more real. And they sell the best lemon bread. There’s this special wooden oven they’ve been cooking the bread in for generations. It’s unlike anything else I’ve ever tasted. Don’t get me wrong. There’s definitely some sketchy stuff too. You can’t take any money you aren’t afraid to lose. But it's magical. Quite literally.”

He reaches out and squeezes my hand. “I’d love to go. Now hurry and try your grilled cheese before it gets cold.”

I pick up the thick sandwich and take a bite. I expect the cheese to be sharp and real, but it has the texture of that gooey processed cheese that comes wrapped individually in plastic.

“This is your favorite grilled cheese?” I ask. “Really?”

He wipes his lips with a napkin. “Absolutely. It tastes like the grilled cheese I had growing up, but on really good bread. Basically, my taste in cheese is similar to a five-year-old’s, but my palate for bread is a lot more mature. You need to remember this, because I don’t like expensive, stinky cheese, and I will not eat it for you or anybody else. I have standards.”

We spend far too long bantering about food, our favorite things about the cities we grew up in, and what we want to do together. It’s almost four o’clock before Heller leaves in a rush because he wants to see Lark before he’s due at the theatre. I ask him if it’s okay for me to attend his show again, and he says he’ll save a ticket for me at the box office.

It feels like the beginning of something fun and easy. Heller and I will enjoy each other’s company when we can, and miss each other when we can’t. I look forward to taking him to dinner and watching movies together. We have plenty of time to get to know each other before we add our families to the mix.

I get out my phone and look up clothing shops nearby. If I get a hoodie today, I might be able to wear it for long enough to make it smell like me before I leave tomorrow.

I plan to give Heller everything he wants and more.